Monthly Archives: July 2010

Going to a concert? Read this first.

Last night I went to a concert and it inspired me to write my top 10 music concert survival tips that I think every person going to a concert for the first time should read.

A Single Dad’s Guide to Potty Training

HUMOR: So, I thought now that Noah is potty trained, I would share some of my expert advice with any of you other single or working parents. It can be a bit trickier for *us* since...

Phone Calls to Three-Year-Olds

Phone calls to three-year-olds are challenging at best, and they seem to be getting harder, not easier. When he was first talking enough to have somewhat of a conversation, I would call and he would...

Sad songs and sour moods

Life is $@#! sometimes. Does anybody disagree? If so, leave immediately and go lie to yourself somewhere else. Everybody else, read on and be sure to post your comments. Now, where was I? Oh yes. Life is $@#! sometimes. And no, you don't then die. You then turn on "that song". You know the song. The one that hits your sour mood just right and so you turn it on repeat mode and cycle through it a couple dozen... thousand... times. I don't know why it works that way. At any other normal time in my life, listening to the same song more than a few times in a row would bore me to tears (unless it's mmmbop by Hanson, I could listen to that without end). My sad songs, mad songs, and bad songs always seem to hit at the end of relationships. That's when I'm in a real sad mood, mad mood, and bad mood (duh, Dan). Here are...

Oh, real mature… dad.

Noah is three. I am thirty. Sometimes though, Noah surprises me by shutting down my "colorful exuberance" and doing so with authority. First off, I'd like to pose a question. Isn't one of the joys of having a little kid that the parent can be as stupid and immature as they want and nobody's the worse for wear? No, seriously... isn't it my privilege as a father... no... isn't it my obligation as a father, to get down to Noah's level of understanding and build on his common interests and passions with him? I say unto you yes. It is. Here are a few short interactions I've had with Noah during the past week or so... Me, "Noah, your butt stinks". Noah, "no it doesn't dad. And don't say butt. It's bad." Me, "What the freak is that?" Noah, "Dad, you can't say that word!" Me, "what, freak?" "Yes dad." Me, "Noah, wanna do something fun?" Noah, "yes". Me, "Let's go throw...

I’m BIG TOO, Dad!

Ever since the girls took off, Noah has discovered and enthusiastically demanded a new realm of independence. Some of it is awesome. Like that he wants to get his own drinks, wipe his own behind, or make...

Time to get rid of the guitars for everybody’s sake

The disclaimer:  Note to friends, if you think this blog post is about you, it probably is. First off, don't be offended! . Secondly, do get the hint! The blog post: So, I collect guitars. Or at least I used to; now I just have a sitting collection of guitars. Shoot. I used to. Now my exes have most of my guitar collection... crud. I just realized that now I only have like two guitars. And they aren't that good. Yeah, I know... I should have started out the blog post by saying, So, I have a couple lame guitars. It's 2 am. Sue me. Anyway, I don't really play my two lame guitars anymore. My guitars really have only one purpose and that's to collect impossibly large numbers of dust bunnies in the corners of my living room. I used to play a lot, but I've barely touched any of them in years. But believe me, other people sure don't mind grabbing...

When Noah’s not here

I won't lie. The half of the time that I don't get Noah, things can get pretty boring in a hurry, and I really get to missing him a lot most of the time. I love my house, but when I'm all alone, it suddenly quadruples in size. I sometimes sit in the furthest corners in the dark and holler a faint 'hello' and listen to it reverberate seemingly endlessly through my hallways as if I was in an old empty cathedral. I'm always wishing and always a little bit sad that my three-year-old's voice doesn't answer back, I'm right here dad! I often sit alone staring at the screen savers on my television or computer screen, trying to decide what to do or what to watch, but never actually doing or watching anything. Sometimes I go sit on the couch in Noah's room and wish there was a mess to clean up or a bed in need of making. Sometimes...

Yuck swapping

That's right folks, I am OCD when it comes to certain things, and a big one of those is what I like to call yuck swapping...

The water curse

Generally, I am not one to believe in voodoo or curses. I don't believe that if you hop up and down on one leg 16,000 times, flex your muscles in front of the mirror, and chant unga bunga repeatedly that a mysterious ghost woman will appear and tell you a secret about your future just before insisting you make out with her in order for it to come true. Well, most of that is true. I do believe in flexing in front of the mirror, so I do do that a lot. There is, however, a very real curse that is present in my family and it passes from generation to generation. Ask anyone in my family and they'll begin to shudder as they tell you recent and past stories of the curse. The water curse. In the interest of keeping my post on the shorter side, I won't bore you with the tens of thousands of water destruction stories...

The bedtime blues

So you don't believe in evolution? Well, I have proof that life evolves, and right now that evidence is upstairs sleeping... I think. My son used to make it really simple. When it was time for bed, he of course would try to get out of bed, but I could very easily say no to things like daddy, I wanna stay up and play, or daddy, I want another story. Problem is, after awhile he realized that even being sweet while he asked wasn't helping him. So, he did what life does best, and he evolved. Now, it's a lot trickier. He knows he'll get in big trouble for interrupting 'dad time' if he comes out with any of the old-school tactics, so he's figure out how to do it, and never get in trouble, because dad has no clue what the truth ever is. Daddy, I'm really sad and I'm having a hard time. This is his latest tactic. He knows...

Dirty Undies

How does Noah do it? Or better yet, when does he do it? I find his dirty little pairs of underpants everywhere. For example, and I can't believe this...

The mother duck tactic

Single parents everywhere, lend me your ears, for I have an inside tip that will rock your parenting world. In fact, this one's so good that even married parents can use it (just don't tell anybody where you picked up the tip. I'd hate for word to spread that I ventured into the world of thinking I know how to parent in your world). It's called the mother duck tactic. I can't take the credit for coming up with this; I learned it in a Love & Logic course. And it works. You know when you go somewhere with your child, and they tend to show off a rather large collection of stalling tactics all along the way? Noah, come on, let's go. . Noah, I said let's go, move it. . Noah, I'm going to count to three. . Thank you, let's go... NOAH! What are you doing? Let's go! ... I could keep going, but you get the general gist....

Animal [gulp] abuse

Before I make a sad attempt at a humorous post about animal abuse, let me start out by saying that I think animal abuse is wrong, those who participate should be given the death penalty (except kids of course), and I believe it really, really hurts animals' feelings. There, now PETA won't hound me. No pun intended. On to my post... Noah (age three) is at an age (and a time in his life) where he loves his dog, needs a dog, and can't live without his dog. I think having a dog is like having a friend that won't betray him, won't leave him, and won't boss him around. Even better, he can boss his dog around all he wants. With the recent divorce going on and the loss of his step-sister, the value of a good dog is worth its weight in fruit roll-ups. What I'm having a hard time with is getting him to stop abusing dogs. And I...

High pressure adventures

So, I got sick of the $30 shower head I've been using from Walmart because every time I get in the shower I have to re-tighten it, not to mention it didn't have very much water pressure. So, I went to Lowes and picked out a really nice high pressure shower head (with an extra long hose so that I can bathe my dog easily). Usually when I bathe my dog, I just let go of the shower head (while it's still running) and it just dangles until I need to grab it again, not causing any problems. This time, after I sprayed the dog down, I let go of the shower head so that I could work on shampooing him. To my surprise it took on a life of it's own, and for some reason stayed pointed directly at my face with the non-stop power of Niagra Falls! I fought it back like one would fight back a gushing...

Popular right now:

Just Another Day in My Crazy Crazy Inbox

Would you believe I got these five emails all within a two hour span? Hahaha. I would. It was just another day in the inbox of a blogger like me...

Dan's Suggested Reads:

Our Little Sky Lantern Fiasco

You know how sometimes things just get out of control in a hurry? Yeah. This moment in time brought to you by this dad's sheer stupidity...

All-Time Top SDL Posts