I don’t tend to have a lot of regrets in my life, but there is one that I must put forth to you for the sole purpose that you must not repeat my offense. Learn from my mistakes. Let me carry this burden alone.
100 Silly Songs.
It seemed like a seriously good idea when I bought it on iTunes. 100 songs for $9.99. Now, no matter where Noah and I go, there is only one thing we get to listen to, and one thing only. Well, one hundred things. Those 100 silly songs. Those ONE HUNDRED blasted silly songs! Do YOUR ears hang low Polly Wolly Doodle? Billy Boy, you going to the Camptown Races or are you Working on the Railroad? I really don’t want you to take me out to the ballgame, figure out why there is a hole in my bucket, or hear about the people on the bus going up and down!
I can’t say that it’s ALL bad. Check out the lyrics from Noah’s favorite song “The Cat Came Back”.
THE CAT CAME BACK LYRICS
Now, Old Mister Johnson had troubles of his own
He had a yellow cat which wouldn’t leave its home;
He tried and he tried to give the cat away,
He gave it to a man goin’ far, far away.
Chorus: But the cat came back the very next day,
The cat came back, we thought he was a goner
But the cat came back; it just couldn’t stay away.
Away, away, yea, yea, yeaThe man around the corner swore he’d kill the cat on sight,
He loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite;
He waited and he waited for the cat to come around,
Ninety seven pieces of the man is all they found.CHORUS
He gave it to a little boy with a dollar note,
Told him for to take it up the river in a boat;
They tied a rope around its neck, it must have weighed a pound
Now they drag the river for a little boy that’s drowned.
He gave it to a man going up in a balloon,
He told him for to take it to the man in the moon;
The balloon came down about ninety miles away,
Where he is now, well I dare not say.
He gave it to a man going way out West,
Told him for to take it to the one he loved the best;
First the train hit the curve, then it jumped the rail,
Not a soul was left behind to tell the gruesome tale.
The cat it had some company one night out in the yard,
Someone threw a boot-jack, and they threw it mighty hard;
It caught the cat behind the ear, she thought it rather slight,
When along came a brick-bat and knocked the cat out of sight
Away across the ocean they did send the cat at last,
Vessel only out a day and making water fast;
People all began to pray, the boat began to toss,
A great big gust of wind came by and every soul was lost.
On a telegraph wire, sparrows sitting in a bunch,
The cat was feeling hungry, thought she’d like ‘em for a lunch;
Climbing softly up the pole, and when she reached the top,
Put her foot upon the electric wire, which tied her in a knot.
The cat was a possessor of a family of its own,
With seven little kittens till there came a cyclone;
Blew the houses all apart and tossed the cat around,
The air was full of kittens, and not a one was ever found.
The atom bomb fell just the other day,
The H-Bomb fell in the very same way;
Russia went, England went, and then the U.S.A.
The human race was finished without a chance to pray.
Holy crap. That’s on the 100 Silly Songs for kids CD. I think. Maybe I popped in Marilyn Manson without realizing it. Now, I confess, the version on the CD is missing the verses in orange, but still, it’s a very graphic song encompassing death, violence, and destruction. And still, after all that, the dang cat will not die. That cat’s will to live is as strong as Noah’s will to listen to all 100 silly songs once every hour.
At any rate, I would like you all to download the album (here’s a link to the left, fifty cents less than I even paid!)
Once you get through it, you’ll see just why I deserve a trophy for Father of the Year. And, when you walk past my office or pull up next to me in my truck, do me a favor and at least pretend that I’m not belting out the words to Skidamarink or The Bear Went Over the Mountain. Can you at least grant me that?
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing