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The disclaimer: 
Note to friends, if you think this blog post is about you, it probably is. First off, don’t be offended! [wink wink]. Secondly, do get the hint! [wink wink again]

The blog post:
So, I collect guitars. Or at least I used to; now I just have a sitting collection of guitars. Shoot. I used to. Now my exes have most of my guitar collection… crud. I just realized that now I only have like two guitars. And they aren’t that good. Yeah, I know… I should have started out the blog post by saying, So, I have a couple lame guitars. It’s 2 am. Sue me.

Anyway, I don’t really play my two lame guitars anymore. My guitars really have only one purpose and that’s to collect impossibly large numbers of dust bunnies in the corners of my living room. I used to play a lot, but I’ve barely touched any of them in years.

But believe me, other people sure don’t mind grabbing them and plunking out a tune here and there, and I really don’t mind (so long as they can at least play three chords without too much pain). At least most of the time I don’t mind.There are the times, and it happens quite often, that we’re having an awesome social gathering: playing games, eating good food, laughing, joking, enjoying each other as friends, and… WHAM! It comes out of nowhere.

Somebody who thinks pretty highly of their musical self spots one of my guitars in the living room and grabs it before I notice and can thwart them in their path. They grab a guitar and bring it into the main gathering and start playing a song. I just grunt within myself, and of course, some newbie to the group always blurts out, you have a good voice, sing us something. And then it’s all over. For the next hour or six, everybody in the room has to sit and listen to song after song after song after song after song after song after song. After song. And then another few songs just to make sure everybody knows they could have and should have won American Idol.

Don’t get me wrong, some of these rock stars are actually pretty good, and it is fun to hear a song or two. No, let me rephrase that. It’s fun to listen to a song. But that’s it. We don’t want to spend our entire night listening to a solo singer concert while we feel guilty about crunching into a tortilla chip or walking in the other room to socialize.

And believe me, I’m not daft enough to think that I didn’t use to do the exact same thing. Yeah, I was pretty amazing and I knew it. And I wanted the crowd all to myself at get-togethers too.  Frankly, I don’t know how or why I have any friends left.

So, for my sanity and everybody else’s sanity, I think maybe it’s time to get rid of the guitars. Or at least hide them. Nope, I just gotta get rid of them. Guitar players can sniff out a hidden guitar like a hound on a tick. They’ll hunt you down in order to hunt your guitar down and if it’s in the house, they will find it.

So, ummm… all you awesome social gathering performers, my guitars are in the… ummm… repair shop. Yeah. And, you can’t bring any other guitars in this house cause… ummm… I’m allergic… yeah. That’s it.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
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Previous articleWhen Noah’s not here
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!