Generally, I am not one to believe in voodoo or curses. I don’t believe that if you hop up and down on one leg 16,000 times, flex your muscles in front of the mirror, and chant unga bunga repeatedly that a mysterious ghost woman will appear and tell you a secret about your future just before insisting you make out with her in order for it to come true. Well, most of that is true. I do believe in flexing in front of the mirror, so I do do that a lot.
There is, however, a very real curse that is present in my family and it passes from generation to generation. Ask anyone in my family and they’ll begin to shudder as they tell you recent and past stories of the curse. The water curse. [shudder]
In the interest of keeping my post on the shorter side, I won’t bore you with the tens of thousands of water destruction stories that have happened to the generations before me. Just know that most of my young life was spent ankle deep in water due to some sort of flooding or another. Everything from hoses in window wells to giant aquariums breaking to natural disasters.
And the curse has definitely followed me, and always will follow me (of this, death, and taxes, are the only things I can be sure of anymore) and will almost assuredly follow my children and their children after that. I have now owned three homes, and in all three of them I have experienced flooding. Two of them were brand new, and my current one only six years old when I purchased it.
In my first home we had constant problems with the toilets overflowing and us not noticing until it would begin to pour into the level below. We finally replaced all of the toilets in that house with “super toilets”. Oh how I long for the days when the water curse was that kind to us.
In my second home is when the curse really started to bare its teeth. We were out of town once when a pipe in the basement burst. We were also at that point letting three families store their junk down there which meant three family’s junk destroyed. Luckily we had house sitters and after a few days they went down and discovered that their final step was into several inches of water. That was a giant mess, a giant insurance claim, and a giant water bill. Later in that house, right about the time we put it on the market, we came home one day to find the ceiling “sagging” terribly. In the middle of the giant sag was a little hole slowly drizzling water. It became apparent that the sag was the latex paint stretching unrealistically as hundreds of gallons of water filled it up. One poke to the little hole, and the entire thing exploded, flooding the floor below. That one was also caused by a severely malfunctioning toilet. The basement in that house flooded on multiple occasions, always because of a different problem. Such as the time when the flash flood hit our yard and destroyed our grass, covered much of our yard with mud, and sent a river of water into our window wells.
On my current home it has been non-stop, always one water problem or another. First a leak in the roof dripped down a wall all three stories and flooded not one level, not two levels, but all three, and water damaged huge sections of carpet and entire walls in the process. Most recently, only a couple days after my wife split, my water heater burst where the hot pipes connect. I went down to get something out of the basement and shuddered as my sock soaked through with water (remember, shuddering is important when you’re cursed. It adds to the drama). I knew the curse had gotten me again. Two new water heaters and a carpet cleaner later… Another time, a pressure regulator in the utility closet broke and the drain couldn’t keep up. That one also flooded the entire basement.
Now if that doesn’t sound like a curse, then I don’t know what does? How many floods have you had to deal with at your house in the past eight years? I would understand one or two, sure, but that many? There is no other explanation, especially having grown up in the house I grew up in where stories like that were the norm. There is a definite water curse.
Anyway, I’ve come to grips with the curse. I know that it is part of who I am, and I’ve come to accept that. I’m just waiting for the day when Noah thinks it would be fun to put the hose into the window well and “fill ‘er up”.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing