Monthly Archives: August 2010

To nuke it is to duke it

Yeah, I'm that good at graphic arts. To begin with, I'd like to happily report to all of my long time readers that I am no longer living 100% on Wheat Thins and Peanut Butter M&Ms. That's right. I have successfully transplanted my diet into the 3% real food zone. For breakfast at least once every other week I am eating a bagel with cream cheese. All other mornings... yeah. Still on the Wheat Thins. For lunches I haven't improved my diet, but for dinners (at least on the nights I have Noah), I'm actually starting to venture into the world of boxed noodles and frozen quickies. Corn dogs, chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, Top Ramen, you name it. It's amazing how much more satisfying life is when you eat actual food. And you know what? I've discovered something that has absolutely rocked my world. If you haven't heard of it, I'm about to rock yours. It's called an oven. It's this...

Fatten Up For the Family Photo!

 There is something I believe, of which I am quite certain I am the sole person to actually believe it. And that is, you should always fatten up as much as possible for family photographs. For years I've asked friends and family members why the most recent family photos hanging on their walls are several years old at best. And for years I've heard excuses from every one of those people as to why they haven't gotten around to it. There is no doubt that almost every one of them has the exact same reasoning holding them back as they publicly declare, "I want to do it. I'm definitely going to do it. Just as soon as I lose these ten extra pounds". Of course, the number of pounds each person wants to lose varies. Some want to lose a handful, some want to lose a quick hundred before stepping in front of the clicker. Me... I want to gain twenty...

Validation

video
When asked for parking validation, one parking attendant was thinking of another kind of validation altogether.

“I don’t know if I have that…”

WEEKEND SHORTIES BUT GOODIES: Ever since the girls split, I have a serious problem. I have no idea what I have left to my name anymore, and if I'm not at home to go check if she took it or left it (whatever it may be), I always have to tell people, "I don't know if I have that." One friend was coming over and we were going to bake some cookies together. "Do you have a cookie sheet?" she asked. I don't know if I have that. "Okaaaayyyy... do you have shortening or flour?" I don't know if I have that. "How could you not know?" I just don't. I have no idea if she took it or left it. And so the endless circle starts. She finally just ended up bringing all of the necessaries with her, just in case. Which was good, cause then I didn't have to pay for anything. A little while later, some married friends were...

Peanuts and bugs

Today was laundry day. Yippee skippy. Literally, this list is what I found in Noah's pockets.

Remind me never to date a girl from South Dakota

Today we'll go funny funny since yesterday was more of a lame show-off cute dad day. I won't lie to you. I'm a *bit* bothered by something. Why has nobody from South Dakota ever...

It finally happened.

Okay, this post won't be super funny haha, but I'm really excited and I just had to share. Sorry for two posts in one day. Or should I say you're welcome. Most of you probably don't know that I'm also very into photography. Like real photography. Not the crap snapshots you see on Single Dad Laughing (most of which I took with my phone), but actual good stuff. Last Halloween, I was out trick-or-treating with Noah, and as we were walking, a full moon started peaking its head over the mountain. I can't express the beauty of it. The silhouette of the scrub oak trees a mile above us, blackened against a beaming moon, was absolutely incredible. Problem was, I didn't have my camera, so a memory it would always be. Since then, I have never been able to recreate the shot. I've tried at almost every full moon, but it either comes up somewhere else, way too late at night, middle...

My first and last “attempt” to spank my kid

Me, I was a rotten kid. Super rotten teenager. Hopefully only a half rotten adult. Due to my extremely strong will and my vast expertise in the ways of naughtiness growing up, I got a lot of spankings, and for some reason I got two or three times more spankings than any of my nine siblings. In retrospect, I bet the last six kids never made it to the receiving end of a single half-solid swat... not necessarily because my parents didn't want to spank them, but because by the late eighties, they were left with nubs for hands from all of the corporal punishment that I was constantly being dished. I'm sure my parents are probably both rolling their eyes right now, knowing that they probably only ever spanked me five or six hundred times, even though my imperfect little kid memory says it was at least four or five times  daily. Noah, he's a different cat when it comes to the need for punishment. Sure, he has...

My Difficult Confession

I am about to send a letter to somebody that I betrayed in the past. It's not easy for me to do this (or to admit to it), and I was hoping that you, my readers, could read through it for me before...

Danoah’s Top 12 Facebook Pet Peeves

I present to you Single Dad Laughing's first ever video blog, Danoah's Top 12 Facebook Pet Peeves. Starring: Noah as himself, and me as the idiot babbling the rest of the time. It turned out a bit long, future ones will definitely be shorter, but besides that, let me know what you liked and didn't like for future videos! Do me a favor after watching this video. If you laugh your face off, or if you have a good chuckle, or if you even crack a smile, please share this video on Facebook, Twitter, your email, and wherever else you like to share worthless time wasters. You do that, and I'll send you 25 bucks. One dollar for every time you thought the word "idiot" while watching this video. Oh, and this video is best viewed in HD, so if you can handle such digital power, change it to 720p. Here goes nothing: Yes, the sad truth is, you just lost a section of your life that you'll...

A day in Danoah’s inbox

Comic #8 - Single Dad Laughing - Click to Enlarge. I really can't believe the reception I've had to my new blog. Every day I am getting a ton of new traffic, new followers, and more and more interaction with you all. It's growing faster than I could have hoped, and you only have yourselves to blame! Building Single Dad Laughing has been the most fun I've had in years, and as it's developed, I have become absolutely positive of one thing. 95% of my followers are seriously high class. The other 5%, trim your mullets, take a bath, learn the ABCs, and then let's readdress it. Here's a quick glimpse at a few emails I've gotten from both the classy and the non-classy. We'll keep them all anonymous. "Hi Dan :) I stumbled across your page while surfing on KSL for free stuff... We just moved here from the beach cities in California. I must admit, I am HOOKED on your blog. I've shared it with...

Ummm… let me be single… please.

I have a favor to ask of the world. Please, let me actually be single. At least for a moment. Don't get me wrong. I take it as a great compliment that you like me enough to recommend me as a fine catch to your second niece thrice removed, and I believe you that she has a very special spirit and I believe you that she gets "even cuter" once I get to know her personality, and I believe you that she is the funnest person you ever met.I don't believe you that you don't have a picture you can show me and have no way to get one. I take it as a great compliment that you like me enough to completely forget about the fact that I am carrying around the baggage of two divorces and yet you're still willing to declare me a perfect match for your co-worker who is perfect in every way but has just had so...

Mutton busted. Noah’s first rodeo.

We practiced for an entire week. Noah would climb up Dad's back while Dad hunkered down on all fours. He'd find the perfect position and latch on with all his might while dad jumped and bucked and tried to throw him off. By the end of the week, Noah was holding on like the mutton busting champion we both new he was going to be when they announced the winner that weekend. There was very little that could shake this three year old. Have you ever watched kids participate in the little Buckaroo Rodeos? They're a riot. Mutton Busting is where the kid rides unassisted on the back of a great big sheep and holds on as long as they can while the sheep freaks out and books it around the arena. Youtube it. It's not for sissies. They have other awesome events at these competitions too, such as the greased pig chase (whoever catches the greased-down piglet gets to keep it,...

Walk With Me Down Puberty Lane: A 90s Yearbook Celebration

Over the years, I have tried my best to completely avoid any situation in which I’d have to pull out my old yearbooks. Let’s be honest. Does any man really want to be reminded of...

The Ten Rules of the Divorce Club

There is a club that very few people make it into, and it's called the Divorce Club. The club is elite. It discriminates against good people. It discriminates against functional people. Worst of all, it discriminates against people who actually eat prepared meals. And I'm snobbish enough to tout that I'm a member. The numbers are daunting. Only 50% of men and women who have been married once will ever make it in. Thankfully they make it a tad easier on those who have been married again by accepting fractionally higher at 99% of second marriages and 99.5% of third marriages. If you are lucky enough to be in those small percentages, welcome to the Divorce Club. I could get in big trouble for telling you how it goes down in the Divorce Club, but I feel everyone deserves to know if they are even thinking about making themselves eligible for membership. Because, if you knew just what we have to do...

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