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Thought I’d start out with a funny since this post is probably going to make it onto my “softer side” page.
Noah’s been a tough little guy since the girls split. Tough in a lot of ways. Tough in the I’m mentally invincibleand nothing can affect me sort of way, tough in the that didn’t hurt, sort of way, and tough in the I’m not going to admit to anybody that it’s hurting me right now sort of way. I think the truth is, he has no idea how to deal with the huge range of emotions going through him right now, so he’s doing what we pretty much all do best, which is to sweep it under the rug and pretend nothing life-changing has happened to him.
He finds ways to communicate though, and at my house, it’s usually through the dog. Dad, I think the dog is really sad. Why is that? Cause he misses Carrie and Taya. Yeah, I bet he’s really sad, are you sad too? Yeah. What makes you sad? Cause I miss them. I do too. It’s sometimes hard, huh. Yeah.
Another common way that he lets me know that he is struggling emotionally is to yell out to other random people in a comical sort of way…. Hey Noah, wanna go play with your friend? I want to play with Taya! Taya is my best friend! I love Taya! And then he looks around to see if he’s going to get in trouble for it, but all he does get is a room full of puppy dog eyes and hearts breaking with his.
I tell him constantly, it’s okay to be sad, Noah. Dad’s sad sometimes and if you’re sad, you can come talk to me about it, and I’ll help you feel happy again, okay? But, he still likes to act like a tough little boy that is impenetrable to anything. And tough he is.
Since all this happened, he’s had two big break-downs, both when his little emotions were just too much that they couldn’t be contained, and both revolved around losing his two favorite things in the world. The first was his trampoline. It got taken with all the other stuff the night the girls moved out. When Noah went into the backyard the next day and saw that it was gone, he had a complete break-down. Not a single bit of it was tantrum (believe me, any parent knows the difference). It was straight-up heartbreak, and he just kept saying over and over, I told Carrie a thousand times don’t take the trampoline. Don’t take the trampoline. Noah’s and my favorite thing to do together was go jump on the trampoline and play dinosaur or bucking bronco, and after the girls split, it became the number one place we’d go where we could just forget about things. There wasn’t much I could do except hug him and promise him we’d get another one when we had more money.
And then came Noah’s last straw.
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its nice that you try to reassure him that everything would be ok. Noah is lucky to have a dad like you!
awww, poor noah, good job daddy
do really have to always make me cry! but thanks for sharing! you guys are tough! and shedding tears and sharing only makes you tougher!
Noah is an incredible little human being!!!
It's funny how you can feel so badly for someone you never met. To a child, those things taken away are huge. Poor little man :(
I would have rather poked myself in the eye with a pencil than have to watch Noah in so much pain. I wish their was a immunization for a broken heart! hugs little man a big hug!
Bless his little heart, and you. Even as adults, sometimes it's the little things that do us in. I don't think, in the end, it's the physical object, it's the memories that object brings up in him, and just has to know that he will be able to make new memories. I send a big hug to your little man. <3
My heart goes out to Noah. The little guy has kept it together pretty good.
I know how hard this can be watching your child go through the things life can dish out and not knowing how to help them through and understand it not the end of the world, its just what is going on right now.
Last year my Uncle, my sons great uncle, with whom he was very close to dies unexpectedly. Then four months later his biological father, who he has no memories of, died. Then his papaw (a self adopted grandpa) was diagnosed with lung cancer, and while he didn't know that he did know papaw was dangerously sick (he is thankfully in remisson now). Then my dad that has always played the loving part of the father roll to my son went in for surgery and didn't wake up for two months. Which was horrible in itself. But my mom who he saw every day before that point, never left the hospital, and I wouldn't let my son go to see grandpa because should he die I wouldn't want that to e his last memories of him. Plus I was always at the hospital from sun up to sun down to be with my parents which left him to be babysat by my then 16 year old nephew for most of the day for two months straight. Then in the middle of this I left my SO of six years because I couldnt take his crap anymore, and he was the only "dad" my son knew.
Emotionally I was hanging on by a fingernail. My Dr even put me off of work for two weeks because I was so stressed I couldn't handle everything. This all happened in less than six months.
My son didn't have a "last straw" moment. He'd have momentary breakdowns that didn't seem to have specific triggers. I'd hold him for hours on end, letting him cry and letting him know its good to cry.
He held it together better than I did. Kids are amazing and they rebound from these things with a speed that amazes me. Especially when they know they are loved, and shown emotions are healthy.
Thank you for sharing your and Noah's story. And keep being an awesome daddy.
Give Noah a hug for me!
Thanks for this. My son is in the same position of trying to be tough. I'm waiting for his fishing pole moment.
My ex told our 7 year old that once he had opened his birthday presents, daddy would have to take them back to his house and that our son couldn't bring them home with him. Poor boy didn't say a thing about it until we got home (with his presents, as daddy had to leave the birthday party early). I told him they are his presents and he can keep them wherever he wants. Honestly, I don't understand the possession/control thing at all. Poor Noah.
My ex is doing the exact same thing w/my boys, over toys, over clothes. I just don't understand. It's not their fault he didn't want to be married to me anymore. I wish he'd just man up and quit being pissed at me. I didn't do anything except move on.
For a kid, he handled that better than most adults. Even I, at 23 years old, handle things like that, and it's not a bad thing. It's healing, and I'm lucky I have a husband who helps me. Noah has a great Dad. I don't think Noah expects you to have the answers, but as long as he knows he can go to you and say "Dad, I don't understand this... It's so upsetting... " Then he will learn to handle these things and recover from them like better than new.
What kind of woman does that?! Seriously? Where's her heart. Kids are used to hurt each other so many times and it is so unfair!!
i cant believe there are no comments here, this is a really sad post! did he get a trampoline0and a fishing rod in the end? couldnt you have asked your ex-wife for the fishing rod back? :( poor noah xx