Okay, they say you shouldn’t write humor blogs when you’re super frustrated with something, but I’m breaking all the rules today, baby.

And I am not a happy camper right now. Why? Because I just got in a big fight with a freakin’ doorknob and lost.

I didn’t just kind of lose. I lost like the fat pug at the Greyhound races kind of lost.

My renters are moving in tomorrow, and there was only one thing left to do. Put a new doorknob on their entrance because I had searched the house high and low and could not find the keys to the existing doorknob anywhere. No big deal, I thought, so I went to Wally World and bought the cheapest locking doorknob they had. It was like 45 cents. Cheap, but I was sure it would do the job as well as the others.

Well, I was sure. Now I am a believer that you get what you pay for. You’d think I’d have learned that lesson a few months ago when I spent fifteen bucks for a new lift kit for my truck. All I got in the mail were some wood blocks and a note that said, “drive up on these your truck and no problem you will be happy it will be higher”. That one did work, so I can’t be that mad about it, I guess.

Anyway, I start trying to switch out this doorknob. First, the door itself didn’t have the right slot carved out for the long skinny thingy that sticks in the hole. So, I pulled out a big-head screwdriver and a hammer and I start chiseling out a pathetic an awesome slot for it. Well, that took about an hour, and I finally was ready to put the long skinny thingy in the hole. As soon as it was in, I realized pretty quick that a piece on the inside was loose making it so that when you turn it, the other little doo-dad didn’t pull back inside the door. (This all makes sense in my brain, just go with it). It took me another half hour to get it functioning again, but I finally did, and I took a big sigh of relief, popped some M&Ms, and knew that I was only moments from being done.

Or so I thought. No sooner did I screw the last screws in, lock it, and close the door, then I heard the little piece I spent an hour fixing pop back off. I turned the knob. Nothing. The door didn’t budge. I yanked on the door. Nothing. That sucker was sealed shut and the screws to get the doorknob back off were on the other side. The little side doo-dad wasn’t doing it’s thing, and I didn’t know what to do.


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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!