Okay, they say you shouldn’t write humor blogs when you’re super frustrated with something, but I’m breaking all the rules today, baby.
And I am not a happy camper right now. Why? Because I just got in a big fight with a freakin’ doorknob and lost.
I didn’t just kind of lose. I lost like the fat pug at the Greyhound races kind of lost.
My renters are moving in tomorrow, and there was only one thing left to do. Put a new doorknob on their entrance because I had searched the house high and low and could not find the keys to the existing doorknob anywhere. No big deal, I thought, so I went to Wally World and bought the cheapest locking doorknob they had. It was like 45 cents. Cheap, but I was sure it would do the job as well as the others.
Well, I was sure. Now I am a believer that you get what you pay for. You’d think I’d have learned that lesson a few months ago when I spent fifteen bucks for a new lift kit for my truck. All I got in the mail were some wood blocks and a note that said, “drive up on these your truck and no problem you will be happy it will be higher”. That one did work, so I can’t be that mad about it, I guess.
Anyway, I start trying to switch out this doorknob. First, the door itself didn’t have the right slot carved out for the long skinny thingy that sticks in the hole. So, I pulled out a big-head screwdriver and a hammer and I start chiseling out a pathetic an awesome slot for it. Well, that took about an hour, and I finally was ready to put the long skinny thingy in the hole. As soon as it was in, I realized pretty quick that a piece on the inside was loose making it so that when you turn it, the other little doo-dad didn’t pull back inside the door. (This all makes sense in my brain, just go with it). It took me another half hour to get it functioning again, but I finally did, and I took a big sigh of relief, popped some M&Ms, and knew that I was only moments from being done.
Or so I thought. No sooner did I screw the last screws in, lock it, and close the door, then I heard the little piece I spent an hour fixing pop back off. I turned the knob. Nothing. The door didn’t budge. I yanked on the door. Nothing. That sucker was sealed shut and the screws to get the doorknob back off were on the other side. The little side doo-dad wasn’t doing it’s thing, and I didn’t know what to do.
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