Monthly Archives: August 2010

Once There Was a Doorknob. And It Sucked.

I just got in a big fight with a doorknob. And I lost. I didn't just kind of lose. I lost like the fat pug at the Greyhound races kind of lost.

Hang In There Buddy… Just 30 More Seconds!

My son and I have a routine. And I have this routine down to a science. Until yesterday, that is, when it all went up in flames and we passed the "point of no return."

You *Thought* You Liked Chinese food

Ever been to China? Like, real China? I'm not talking about the one in the middle of San Fransisco, I'm talking about the place where you can get a...

Kid’s meals… what happened?!

Okay, I want answers and I want them now! What the heck happened to kid's meals?! It wasn't that long ago that you could get a kid's meal just about anywhere for $1.99 or less. And they'd bring out a nice little meal with enough for your child to fill up on. NOW… kid's meals are all twenty or thirty bucks just about anywhere you go, and each one could easily feed a starving village full of children. So what happened, and where? Is it all a big conspiracy to break parents every time they step foot in a restaurant? Do they actually think that my three year old can eat 38 lbs. of food in one sitting? Maybe they think it's what us as parents want. Not me, I'd rather order Noah a cheap and smaller meal because I know Noah is only going to take a couple of bites before enthusiastically declaring that if he eats one more...

Just Leave Some M&Ms on the Porch

So, in preparation for my basement renters moving in, I’ve had to go through and actually clean out the basement. That was as fun as slitting my wrists and doing push-ups in salt water… another blog post for another day. This post is about a “social experiment” I did thanks to the opportunities I had in all of this home-improvement mayhem. While cleaning house, there were a couple things I had to get rid of. I had three options to get rid of them. Option A: take it to the dump. This option costs me time and money. And I’d have to actually inhale the nastiness there. Option B: take it and give it to charity. This option also costs me time and money (gas is money, right?) Option C, list it for free on the internet and let somebody else spend their time and money to come pick it up. So, I went with option A. Simply because I like to inhale any...

A serious sucker for sales

I'll be the first to admit that I am a serious sucker for sales. And it doesn't matter what kind of crap is on sale, I see those big red beautiful four letter words staring me down and I always have to see what might be glorified underneath them. My biggest weakness is clothing. Nice t-shirts for $6? You bet. BOGO shoes? Absolutely. Fuzzy purple sweaters with pictures of kittens doing karate all over them? You never know when the occasion might call for it. After clothing comes my weakness for snack foods. Since my entire diet consists of four different products, I jump (and I jump hard) any time one of them goes on sale. Last time I went to the local grocery store both my favorite crackers and my favorite granola bars were on sale. And I cleaned them out. I brought home two carts worth of it, and to be honest, I'm still trying to figure out where...

Melt already!

Do you know how many days it has been since Christmas? 225. How do I know that? Because that is precisely how many times I have had to sing Frosty the freakin' Snowman to Noah at bedtime since Christmas ended. Okay, that's an exaggeration since I only have him half the time, but 112 and a half times is still a lot! I guess I should think it's awesome that Noah loves Christmas. He loves everything about it, just like his dad does. The trees, the lights, the food, the presents, the songs... especially Frosty the Snowman. Every night I ask him, Noah, what song do you want? I want Frosty! Noah, let's pick something else, we sing that every night. No dad, I love that song, I want Frosty! Come on Noah, do you want me to help you pick one? Mmmm... no. I just want Frosty, dad. Fine, Frosty it is.  And then I sing it. Every verse, every word....

Ummm… you’re too hot. Go away.

So, I finally just got my basement back into rentable shape and was able to post its availability online a few days back. It's been nice not dealing with sharing a house with basement dwellers, but let's be honest. This house is way too big for a single dad and his son, and since I'm stuck here, might as well make a few extra bucks by doing it. Within 12 hours of posting the ad online, I had four people lined up to come see it. I was feeling pretty good about things. It was going to rent fast. The first couple came, and probably all I need to tell you about them is that their son's name was Thor. That'll about sum them up. The second couple made an appointment, and rescheduled three times before they finally showed up... an hour and a half late. Never rent to people who can't even show up on time, let alone pay...

The truth about multi-level marketing.

While most of my posts take on the day to day of my current life, sometimes I have a funny memory of something that happened in the past (yeah, I know that was redundant). Like today, when I started thinking about the time I got sucked into a multi-level marketing scam. The company was called Trek Alliance. Forget the fact that it was later shut down by the feds (for the full, boring story, click here), it was an awesome company. We really had the best products. Shampoo, chap stick, water purifiers (similar to Britta, only 10 times more expensive), and a whole lot more. Get this... we could drink our cleaning products. Sure, they didn't clean, but you could drink 'em, and you can't beat that. Come to think of it, they tasted like sugarless Kool-Aid. And they stained like Kool-Aid. Was I selling $40 bottles of Kool-Aid? Hmmm... probably. One day, as a fresh college drop-out, I found myself unemployed....

The Tale of Monster Boy

I am going to tell you a tale that is not for the faint of heart or for those who get bad gas when they get scared (it’s a real phenomenon, just ask the old camp director who’s site was next to ours last week). No, this tale must only be heard by those who can appreciate weird science and freaky phenomenon. This is the story of the Monster Boy. The Monster Boy was much like any other fairy tale creature. He lived two lives with two very different personalities. In his normal, everyday life, he was the boy that parents dreamed of: cute as a button, smart as a tack, and happy as a hummingbird (whatever the crap all of those sayings mean). Nobody knew he was the Monster Boy, or at least they would quickly forget. He was helpful and cheerful, content with his life, and a joy to all those around him. He shared his things with...

Marriage is like Disneyland

My neighbor came over to commiserate with me after my wife split and said, "marriage ain't no Disneyland." But I realized he was wrong. Marriage is exactly like Disneyland.

Cartoon #1 – Single Dad Laughing

Okay, so I've always wanted to start my own comic strip. Or comic box. Cartoon? Whatever you'd call it, I've wanted to start one. And lucky you, you get to LOL at my first one. Enjoy. Haha, what do you think? Should I make more or has this ship sunk before it even left port? I think this situation, though grossly exaggerated, is all too common for many single parents who's kids are going through the tough times in life, particularly divorce. I touched on it a bit in my blog post yesterday about Noah's last straw. All we can really do sometimes is do our best to make sure our kids know they're loved and that we aren't going anywhere. That and take away the shotguns & hand grenades, and replace them with something non-violent like hugs and giggles. Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

Noah’s last straw

Noah’s been a tough little guy since the girls split. Tough in a lot of ways. Tough in the I’m mentally invincible and nothing can affect me sort of way, tough in the...

How the crap do you fold fitted sheets?

CATEGORY: HUMOR. Let’s be honest. Being a bachelor is not always without its domestic challenges. At the risk of coming off as chauvinist, I’m going to say something very chauvinistic. Some household chores are better left to women. Not because it’s a woman’s work, but because men are incapable. We are physically unable; our brains and limbs just don’t make the proper connections. We're better off pushing a lawn mower around a yard where the most thinking we have to do is trying to figure out whether it's worth running over the dog turds. Let’s start off with fitted sheets. My enemy number one. Seriously, dudes, have any of you actually attempted to properly fold a fitted sheet? It’s impossible. It’s impractical. And it’s down-right ridiculous.  And what fills this papa bear with the most frustration is that women seem to be able to fold them and have them look perfect. When I try, I get a big flubby wad...

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