|Yeah, I’m that good at graphic arts.|
To begin with, I’d like to happily report to all of my long time readers that I am no longer living 100% on Wheat Thins and Peanut Butter M&Ms. That’s right. I have successfully transplanted my diet into the 3% real food zone.
For breakfast at least once every other week I am eating a bagel with cream cheese. All other mornings… yeah. Still on the Wheat Thins. For lunches I haven’t improved my diet, but for dinners (at least on the nights I have Noah), I’m actually starting to venture into the world of boxed noodles and frozen quickies. Corn dogs, chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, Top Ramen, you name it. It’s amazing how much more satisfying life is when you eat actual food.
And you know what? I’ve discovered something that has absolutely rocked my world. If you haven’t heard of it, I’m about to rock yours. It’s called an oven. It’s this crazy looking doodad underneath the fire things that I turn on when I want to cook smores or warm my hands in the kitchen. It’s been there the entire five years I’ve lived in my home, and I never knew it. Here is a diagram I put together to help you find it in your own kitchen:
You’re probably wondering what’s so special about the “oven”. I wondered the same thing when I was reading the cooking instructions on a box of corn dogs. There were two options: one minute in the microwave or 29 minutes in the oven. My inner-bachelor said, awesome, one minute to full hot dog bursting satisfaction. My inner scientist said, what is an oven, and why would I want to not eat for half an hour?
So, I Googled it and found that I had an oven right under my nose all this time. I fiddled with it until I figured out how to set a temperature, and after ten minutes, it was hot enough to start the half hour cooking process. All the meanwhile, Noah was sitting at the counter wondering why today’s meal was not already churning deep inside his belly. I kept promising it was coming and after 30 minutes, an overwhelmingly satisfying ding let me know that it was finally time to see what made this oven thing so special.
The first thing I noticed was a nice golden brown texture covering the entire corn dogs. The next thing I noticed was that they weren’t split clean open like they are coming out of the microwave. It all started to make sense. I like slow roasted ribs. I like slow cooked steak. Maybe all food was better that way. And then we tasted it.
Oh… my… goodness…. I thought microwaved food was incredible. Probably because it’s all I’ve had since the girls split. But food from the oven… 1,000 times better. No, I take that back. 1,000,000,000,000 times better. It actually has taste. It actually has flavor. Noah actually ate the whole thing and said, “That was really good, dad.”
With something so simple (and so accessible), our lives were significantly changed forever. I’m excited to try some more food in the “oven” tonight. Maybe I’ll even go home and do a test run during my lunch hour and see how much more awesome it can make Wheat Thins and Peanut Butter M&Ms.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS, please share with your Facebook friends. It will help me feel popular for the first time in my life.