Another day in Danoah’s inbox

Time for another installment of “A Day in Danoah’s Inbox”. If you missed the last one, click here. All posts on this page are raw and original emails I received in the past month, copied and pasted exactly as they came to me.

My blog has really taken off, thanks to all of you awesome people, and the last week particularly we’ve had a lot of people join our ranks. I LOVE having you here, and I hope you’ll come back often, even if it means being raked across the digital coals once in awhile. It’s all in good fun.

Let’s start with a couple messages from my ”classy” followers. Here is one I got from a birthmom after my post about Adoption Etiquette.

“Dan, I just wanted to write and say thank you for your adoption article. I am a birthmom, and it makes me so happy to know that there are good dads like you who will stand up and say how things should be. Things were done a little differently when I placed my baby for adoption, and I have never seen the adoptive parents again. I wish they had a blog like yours that I could follow cause I think that they are probly really good parents, but the last 12 years I am always wondering if they really are or if my son is really happy. The way you love Noah takes a lot of that fear awya from me.”

First off, you are way classy, and I’m so glad to have you following. I love hearing from birthmoms. You are some of the most special people on earth. I’m not even going to say something sarcastic about your message. Not even about how you spelled most everything correctly.

The next one came from a follower who had just read the story about a pistachio that got stuck up Noah’s nose.

“Hey just wanted to tell you your blog is so fun to read so keep writing cause I always laugh so hard and make everybody in my whole office read it and now I think everybody I know reads it and I was thinking that I should write and tell you about the time that my daughter stuck a carrot up her nose and it got stuck there and nobody knew but a horrible smell started coming out of her nose and it made everybody want to throw up it was so bad and it lasted for probably nine days before it finally came out or something we don’t really know what happened but the smell was really bad like so bad that she probably felt bad because nobody wanted to be around her and I am a single mom so I thought that was funny and wanted to share that with you and tell you how much I love your blog and I think it is so fun to read so keep writing because I’ll definitely keep reading”

Wow. I want you to take a deep breath now. I’ll be honest with you. That was the longest run-on sentence that I’ve ever seen. No commas or periods. I’m impressed. What’s more amazing to me is that you can get 100% on your spelling but 0% on your punctuation. I think my favorite part is how good you are at paralleled writing. The first line matched the last line almost perfeclty. Excellent craftsmanship there. You are one of the classy ones for sure. Oh, and thank you for forcing everybody in your office to read my blog.

On to the more… ummm… questionable ones…

“i <3 your blog about the litle girl that she was drowneding an an angle saved her from dying. it was such a buetiful blog today and it is true that god is always there and always making shure we are safe. if you even want a story about somthing like that that happene to me, write me back cause i have a buetiful story about something verysimilar.”

Okay…where to start. I’m going to do a bulleted list to help me organize my thoughts and keep me from going totally out of control on this one.

• I have never written a post about a drowneding girl. I’m very confused.
• What kind of angle saved her? An acute angle? Was it 90 degrees? I wish I had read my own post that I didn’t know existed so that I could understand how an angle could save somebody at all. I suppose a “reflex angle” might work.
• I would like to teach you how to spell the word “beautiful”. It’s not buetiful (which you used twice), it’s b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, as I’m sure you are.
• I wrote you back and asked you for your story, but you never replied. That was three weeks ago. I wish you would, I bet it’s buetiful.
• God is always there and usually he does make shure we are safe.

I would label you as classy, maybe, but I don’t think you actually read my blog, so there’s really no point in labeling you as anything. Thanks for writing, though.

And finally, my favorite by far:

“I am a single mom and I literally don’t have any time to get on the computer let alone do stuff like you do. In fact I don’t think that you should either because you are saying you are a great dad but you spend so much time on your blog and writing and making movies that its obvious you do not spend much time with your son, so in a lot of ways I feel like your whole blog is a lie. The parents that are actual good parents are the ones like me that work two full time jobs and raise our kids and don’t spend all of our time on the computer. I am just saying, maybe you should take a look at things.”

I am laughing so hard as I read this again, and I’ve read it at least fifteen times because it is just that funny. Let me start by saying that I understand your concern. I do spend a lot of time on my blog. Now let me respond. First, you don’t actually, exist, do you? How could somebody who literally doesn’t have any time to get on the computer write me an email? Second, I am a single dad that has joint custody of my son. This means 50% of the time he’s at his mom’s house. Since I’m pretty much a loser with no social life, that leaves me a lot of time with nothing but me and a keyboard. I am impressed that you work two full-time jobs and are still such a good mom. I know that it’s tough raising a kid and providing on your own. I won’t even make a wise-crack about the math that goes into the time you’re able to spend with your kid. It’s not my place to point out that two full-time jobs is 16 hours per day plus driving time, which leaves you eight hours to sleep, be the best mom ever, and never get on the computer to know that I even have this blog, watch my ”movies”, or write me an email to tell me that I suck. It’s not my place, so I’m just going to zip my lips. By the way, any person that impugns another to make themselves feel bigger will always be labeled “not classy”. Thanks for the email.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS, we’d really love it if you followed Single Dad Laughing. We have a lot of fun around here.