In case you’re wondering? Yeah, that’s a real photograph of me, standing at the back of a 300 degree room filled with Yoga experts. Just me, my camera, and a farmer’s tan brighter than all the bling in Hollywood.
I could try to explain why guys like me suck at yoga, but I think it’ll be more effective if I show you with some of the photos I took the other day.
Danoah’s Top Ten Reasons why Guys with Farmer Tans Don’t Do Yoga
Reason #1: Guaranteed guys with farmer tans will never be able to do this:
Reason #2: This… would simply be impossible. Plus, guys with farmer tans hate the smell of sweaty shins.
Reason #3: Are you freakin’ kidding me?! Did you see the picture of me up above? The only time I’ve ever been able to do this was when I dropped an M&M under the couch and there was no other way to get it.
Reason #4: Guys with farmer tans have fingertips that are too valuable for anything like this. They need them for typing and hitting the buttons on remote controls.
Reason #5: Guys with farmer tans have backs that bend to the front, the correct way.
Reason #6: Guys with farmer tans prefer to hook their feet over their shoulders from the front side, and they always will. Don’t try and change a guy with a farmer tan.
Reason #7: Guys with farmer tans don’t take joy in choking themselves with their feet.
Reason #8: Guys with farmer tans can use their hands to scratch their heads. No need to show off. The itch gets itched.
Reason #9: Guys with farmer tans think it’s vain to pat yourself on the back… with your foot, anyway.
Reason #10: Some of the things they ask you to do are so easy that guys with farmer tans would get bored and lose interest.
In fact, pretty much the only one that yours truly can do, is this one:
But, I don’t do it too often, because if I’m going to teach my son to not let people walk all over him, I better not walk all over myself.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
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