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My son, Noah, is quite possibly one of the brightest little lights to ever enter this world. I often think that his birth mom must have had to layer herself in black burlap to keep him from shining through those nine months.
I have spent more than a decade pursuing the things of this life that I think will make me happy. Money. Girls. Possessions. Rare M&Ms. (Not that I was ever good at getting any of those things). Never in my most abstract thoughts would I have thought a child could and would end up being the number one on my list. And not only did he take the top spot, he did it with authority.
Noah is beautiful. His skin is beautiful. His eyes are beautiful. His face is beautiful. Everything about him is, quite honestly, beautiful. But take a step back from that.
Who Noah is, far outweighs what he looks like. Noah has a spirit that emanates light. Noah has a kind countenance. Noah has an affinity for making people feel good, for making people feel better. Noah is happy. Noah is full of energy. Noah is affectionate, altruistic, and indulgent. Noah has a tenderness about him that not many people have. Noah loves the people that love him. He believes so much in his own potential, even as a three year old. He has a laugh that would make Miss Hannigan smile. He loves to crack a joke. He loves to hug people and his hugs are always so warm and so yielding. He loves to tell people he loves them. Yes, Noah is all these things and more.
Now, picture having all that; everything I mentioned above, running at you full speed, arms swinging wildly with each step, straight into your arms. Imagine all of that, with a face better than Christmas morning because he’s so happy to see you. Imagine all of that, climbing into bed and snuggling with you on a Saturday morning. Imagine all of that, screaming and laughing hysterically at your dragon slaying bedtime stories. Imagine all of that, every little bit of that, kissing you on the mouth because nowhere else will do, and saying, “We’re the bestest buds ever, dad.”
That’s what I get every day that I have Noah. Forget any other horrible or difficult thing in this life. I get that. And that makes it so that nothing bad matters. Everything else… it’s trivial. Throw the worst day you possibly can at me. Take me to the edge of my ability to cope. Rip the rug out from under me. Just let me have that when it’s all done, and the world will be right again.
Permit me to share with you the miraculous story of how Noah came into my life. It’s a story that I could never tell well enough to prove that God loves every one of us, even those of us who probably don’t deserve it much. It’s a story I hold dear to my heart. It’s a story that I wish could bring hope of good things to parents who may be struggling with infertility, the road to adoption, or other similar struggles.
My first wife and I tried unsuccessfully to have children for many years. I’m certain that I don’t have to tell many of you just what kind of stress and heartache infertility places on a marriage. Long story short, we ended up trying to conceive in a petri dish through the process of in vitro fertilization (an entirely different and hellish post for another day that will likely never come). They were able to extract a whopping 17 eggs from my wife on our first attempt. Through a process called ICSI, they then microscopically injected one sperm into each of those eggs in order to fertilize them. On our first (and only) attempt at in vitro, we ended up with 14 embryos. This was incredible news because that meant we could freeze 12 of them for future attempts and not have to go through all of the painful injections, extractions, and doctor visits if we chose to do it again.
But over the next few days, before they were mature enough to insert them, they all started to die. That doesn’t happen. Once an embryo is formed it will amost always get healthier and stronger. Ours got sicker and weaker. On the day we were due to implant the embryos, the doctor broke the bad news that only three embryos were still alive, and barely. The chances of pregnancy were nil, even implanting all three of them. We decided to do it anyway, and a few days after that we got the news that… we were pregnant. But barely. In order to not miscarry, her HCG hormone levels had to be over 100. Hers were at a six. “Don’t expect this baby to survive” they told us. Of course we didn’t listen. And of course we were heartbroken when she miscarried days after that.
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Your last paragraph was so awesome. Kids are funny and crazy and the hilarity is sometimes beyond belief! I had fertility issues and luckily, medicines worked for me, we were blessed with boy and girl fraternal twins in 2007. The anxiousness and curiosity of what was to come was sometimes an overwhelming load on my heart strings. I was excited, freaked out, everything! But, as your post says all these wonderful things about Noah, I immediately remember me feeling them too, even before they were here. And then watching them grow all this time, it's insane. Every day is different and odd and I love it. I get inpatient with my children sometimes, then I hate myself afterward. I suppose I just really appreciate reading your words and describing Noah in a way that helps me focus on the good. Thanks. Sofia&Levi's Mom.
What a wonderful gift. That's amazing that it took so little time.
Noah is your NATURAL son. Just because he doesn't share your DNA doesn't mean anything. Your hearts chose each other. And, it's very apparent. You shouldn't HAVE to explain that he's adopted.
I did not know Noah was adopted until now. Wow, your story is very similar to ours. We tried for 4 years to get pregnant, it was heartbreaking. We finally started the adoption process and adopted a beautiful 14 month old boy. Best thing we ever did. Beautiful story.
Wow, your story is so beautiful, real, powerful. It definitely brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing just a small glimpse of the love you have for Noah.
This is touching. My wife and I went through multiple infertility treatments and heartaches, including the loss of our twins at 19 weeks. We now have our little boy, Jacob, so I can happily relate to so many of your feelings about Noah.
My oldest son was named Noah, born in December of 07... he passed away just 2 hours after birth. 5 years later, we adopted our first bring-home baby.... and it IS amazing.... no bond like that of a parent and a child when there isn't even a hint of DNA to connect you!
This is beautiful. I am going to hold my boys extra tight tomorrow! My oldest is only a few months older than Noah.
Tears are streaming down my face.. More so than the *soldiers child* post and that hits close to home.. But this... this was different and beautiful. May you and your lil guy have many more happy moments! <3
I thank you for sharing your beautiful story. You are a wonderful father.
This story was absolutely beautiful.
As a women who has struggled with infertility, and is now 10 weeks pregnant and loaded with hormones, I was a bawling mess reading this. Partly because it was so plain to see (read) your love for Noah, and partly because I realise how blessed I am to be carrying this baby.
You have a gorgeous wee man, who is so lucky to have a Daddy who loves every inch and aspect of him.
What a gift you both are for each other.
I come from a family of five girls. My parents knew (due to some very spiritual experiences) that they had a son but their bodies were done making babies. They then turned to adoption and after some tearful experiences we got my little brother. He completes our family; we would not be whole without him. Just because children may come to us through a different way does not mean they are meant to be! I loved your story (and all the others). Thank you!
Waking up from a nap discombobulated...lol...too silly, I thought I was the only person who described it that way! Love this, love it all!
Dan.
I had a baby just 4 weeks ago who I placed for adoption. His adoptive parents are just as loving and wonderful as you are and they have made all the difference in the world for me. They have really helped me to be at peace with such a difficult decision. I hope you know that as much as Noah's birthmom gave you an amazing gift, you did the same for her.
Dan,
Wow, what an amazing story - I read this and remember so much of what my wife and I went through before we got the precious gift of our daughter through adoption!
I wish I could be as eloquent as you have been in describing what our daughter means to us. My wife was concerned that she might not be able to bond with our daughter, but the first time we saw her, even premature in a NICU, we, like you with your son, knew she was our child - chosen for us by God. It's an amazing thing that you're able to have a good relationship with your son's birth mom. We would love that same thing for our daughter, but unfortunately, her birth mom left the hospital before we arrived, and though she checked to make sure Rachel was being adopted, she hasn't contacted us or our agency. I sincerely hope and pray that one day she does, as we would love to have a great relationship with her, because, like your son's birth mom, she blessed us with an absolute miracle child.
Like you, we know that parenting is never easy, and I'm sure we'll have the usual struggles along the way (and maybe a few caused by not knowing Rachel's birth mom like we'd prefer to), but when I get home from a business trip to the high-pitched screaming of my daughter running to see me to give me hugs and kisses, everything else melts away and my world is complete.
Thank you for sharing your story. I've written a little about our experience and the community that came around us when we adopted. I hope it makes you smile:
http://blog.mashedpotatotech.com/2011/11/today-november-18th-2011-is-very.html
This story was so beautiful it nearly made me tear up ;_____; There are so many unwanted children in this world, but Noah is lucky to not be one of them. His mom was very brave to give him up. That's one of the hardest decisions a mother has to make. I feel like adoption has fallen by the wayside in today's society, which is a shame. There are many potential parents out there who have so much love to give but have no child to love because of problems conceiving. But I'm so glad it worked out for both you and Noah. You are both so very lucky to have found each other :D
You are such an amazing father. I, along with one biological sister, one biological brother, a half brother and a step brother, were raised single-handedly by my father. He raised a boy who was not of his flesh and loved him as if he was. Men like you and my father give me hope that there is still good and beautiful people in this world. The strength and courage you have to keep going amazes me. When so many people tend to give up, you have come forth and given your all for the better of your son's life. Your son Noah is beautiful and you are an incredible guy. I pray for a husband who is like you someday. Someone so caring and compassionate.Blessings to you and Noah. (:
Brought tears to my eyes and love to my spirit. Thank you for such a wonderful message. Thank you for sharing Noah.
That was the most beautiful thing I have ever read!
Gotta say (and I notice others have as well) crying here - in all good ways.
Noah is awesome. (I have two boys of my own - couldn't help but remember when they were tiny after seeing that sweet picture of Noah's chubby cheeks!)
I am so glad Noah's birth Mom chose you.
M.L.
I was adopted when I was 3 weeks old and at almost 30, I feel so blessed and lucky to have the parents I do. This story was so touching and emotional for me and you are an incredible father to your little boy, just the way mine is to me! Best wishes to both of you for the many many years you will have together!
I have no words for how touching this was! (as well as all of the things you say about your son) You are such a gifted writer! While I have not been blessed with children of my own, I was blessed with four siblings...three of them have two children each! While all of them are precious and amazing and bring me joy, my niece Kaylee seems a little like your Noah, and reading this made my heart smile. Just seeing in words and realizing how lucky I am, or anyone who is lucky enough, to know that kind of deep, unending, uninterrupted, and unconditional love. Thank you for sharing this story along with little pieces of yourself with us!
I stumbled on this through pinterest and have tears rolling down my cheeks!! My husband and I are dealing with infertility...It's been the toughest 2years of our 10 year relationship. We are currently deciding on taking the plunge to do IVF....I do have an 18 year old that I love so much (had him when I was 18) but I have only a limited amount of time to have another child that my husband and I desperately want....your story is so beautiful, and your right...so is Noah. Adoption is something that we are considering also, but both options are difficult and stressful, so we'll see what happens. Thanks for sharing your stories.
i love how much you love noah!! it makes me so happy, also i loved "16 ways i destroyed my marriage"
It's three a.m., I just found your blog, and I've spent the last hour reading and crying. What a precious story!
I love this! I've never had to go through what you have been through, but I've been through my own stuff (abuse, which is why I am now single mom). Everything you said about how he is every good thing, I have felt that about my two awesome kids. When I was broken, scared, not knowing where we going to live or how we were going to pay for food; I was happy because I had them! My son is autistic and it's hard, but the sense of humor he has! I don't know what I did to deserve my babies, but I'm so glad God loves me enough to know I needed them in my life! Keep laughing Dan and Noah!
I was adopted myself and my relationship with my dad was second to none. I can't put into word how wonderful it is to hear such sweet words about your boy. Thank you for sharing this.
You rock. You just rock :)
Beautiful. As an adoptee, who is single and pondering adoption, this is so precious. He is such a lucky boy and you a blessed daddy.
i know how you feel! my son. the silly little things! momma look it i felled and hurt my (insert random apendage here). mommy kisses it! all better and off he goes! and the so excited you wonder if that was english coming out of their mouths! hahaha! yeah God i love my boy!!!!!
Such a heartwarming story! And from what i understand adopting in your country is much easier and with less bureaucracy than it is in mine. Here it might take you a good 7(!!!!!) years to adopt a child :(
Anyway getting back toy your beautiful son I was moved to tears by your words!! God bless your family!
Your son is adorable. You are so very lucky to have such a close bond with him. :) This is such a beautiful story.
Believe it or not, the story of my son's adoption is quite similar to yours. We had about 3 weeks from the time we met his birth mother until we were taking him home for the hospital. Your feelings for your son are an echo of my husband's and my feelings for ours. Adoption is a wonderful way to become a parent. Your son is lucky to have you, and you are blessed to have him.
Your story is fantastic. I'm a doula (a woman who cares for mothers while they are giving birth). I want to comment on this post in case other readers may be going into the birth of their future child. It seems important that you mentioned the fact that the nurse asked you to leave because she didn't think it was appropriate, and that maybe you regret that you were not in the room at the instant of Noah's birth. The nurse's reason of might have been off, but the fact that Noah's birth mother progressed from 3-10 centimeters in 5 minutes makes me think that it was actually necessary.
When it comes down to it, birth is a biological event and a woman may not progress if she feels nervous or threatened. Of course an adoptive father is a blessing, but a woman in the throes of labor may have an instinctual reaction to the presence of a man with whom she does not feel intimately comfortable. Please remember that a birth mother cannot be in a more vulnerable position than when she is in labor. This may be true even if she is not feeling any "pain" because she has an epidural or other medication. It may be true even if she consented to your presence earlier. And it may also apply to the adoptive mother's presence.
So, while your heart as birth parents may be in the absolute best place with your desire to be in the room at the moment of birth. You can know that if it is necessary for you to leave, you are giving your child the opportunity to have the most peaceful entrance into the world. You might have a pang of regret, but this final bond between the birth mother and child should take precedence at this time. It shows your ultimate respect for the woman who will give you the gift of your child.
(For more information on doulas: http://www.dona.org/ or http://www.cappa.net/)
The best was the Miss Hannigan line. Beautiful post. Beautiful family. God is amazing.
Dagnabbit all, Dan, you've gone and done it again! Since I found your blog a couple days ago, I find myself bawling my eyes out more times than not (they *are* good tears, however)... Your style of writing is amazing and by speaking from your heart, you speak to others' hearts. I know you've spoken to mine a TON of times in just the few blog posts of yours I've read thusfar. The abundance of love you feel for your son is wondrous to witness through your words. It seems right on par with the love I bear my daughter. I only wish she had had a father like you growing up. Just as you are lucky to have Noah in your life, he is equally lucky to have you in his.
I love the way you love your son. :-) From what I have read on your blog, its the same way I love my daughter, who happens to also have been adopted. With more than your whole heart... you love him with everything you are. Your post made me cry - in a good way. Thank you for sharing this. :-)
Noah sounds like an absolute sweetheart <3 God bless you two <3
I'm another one that was moved to tears by this. What a beautiful story!
I literally cried reading this. It is such a great story! Thank you so much for sharing :) You sound like the BEST dad and Noah is so very lucky!
This story brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful gift Noah's birth mother gave to all of you. And how incredibly courageous of her to give it. My opinion means nothing but I think she chose the right parents for him. Thank you for sharing.
What a beautiful birth story. I had a dead beat dad, I wish the world had more Dad's like you.
So beautiful. You're certainly two souls meant to be together. I love reading these posts. xoxo
You just made me cry. What you have with your son is a very beautiful thing. I can only hope that I get to experience the same kind of bond with my future children.
Well THAT made me cry...at work. lol.
@lisak_87Me too!
So beautiful.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. My husband and I hope to adopt someday, and I have been getting discouraged by reading stories of "failed adoptions". Thank you for sharing the other side of the coin and how beautiful and wonderful adoption is.
Thank you.
What an awesome and blessed story. You two were meant for each other. This child is so beautiful.
You sure have been through a lot. If these are recent pictures of you , you are a very mature young man. God bless you both.
Dan, you are one of the coolest guys on earth. I posted on your FB page ... I share your emotions, I have two sons who were also adopted and I too am a single dad. I hang on and relate to every word you write about your son... I see the same beauty, and feel the same depths when I look at either of my two boys. I never knew it was possible to love so deeply.
SDL, I love your post so much! I adopted my son with my husband 23 years ago and your post brought back memories of just how special that is. What a gift a birth mom can give!! Thank you for the memories!