So, lately Noah has been obsessed with being “big and tough”. I don’t know if it was brought on because the girls split, or because he’s started school, or simply because he’s getting to that age where little boys have to be tough. He loves to tell me about the times that he didn’t cry about something. I try to tell him, “it’s okay to cry, buddy. If you’re really sad you can cry.” But he always scrunches his chin to his chest, furrows his brow, and declares that only babies cry.
It’s really fun to listen to him begin to think more abstractly as he tries to cope with everyday life. He hates feeling like common mishaps happen to him just because he’s small, so his new favorite question he asks me is, “did that happen to you when you were a kid, daddy?”
When he accidentally spills his drink, he quickly looks up like I’m going to be angry or disappointed. “It’s okay, buddy. I know it was an accident,” I say. You’re not mad at me? “No, why would I be mad at you? I know you wouldn’t try to do that. Let’s just clean it up”. He then looks at me and says, Did that happen to you when you were a kid, daddy? “All the time. When I was a kid, I spilled my drink almost every day, even when I tried really hard not to. I think you are way better at it than when I was a kid.” Yeah, I’m good at not spilling my drink cause when you were a kid you spilled your drink all the time! And with that, he is perfectly happy as he takes a towel and wipes up his own mess.
This line of simple perplexity fixes his bruised “learning life” ego in many different circumstances. Another favorite is when he injures himself in some way. Dad, when you were a kid, you hit your head on the counter too? “All the time.” When you were a kid, a big dog stepped on your foot and it made you cry just like me? “Oh yeah. It hurt really bad.” When you were a kid, you got a really bad cut and it bleeded? “Yeah, you wanna see where I got cut when I was a kid?
Other times it’s when another kid says something mean and his feelings get hurt. Dad, when you were a kid, another mean kid said you were stupid? “Yeah, but it didn’t hurt my feelings because I knew I was super smart just like you are.” When you were a kid, somebody said you were little and it made you sad? “Oh yeah. But I knew I was a big kid, and so I didn’t believe them.”
I could go on forever. So I will. Other times, it’s his ability to do certain things. Dad, when you were a kid, you put your undies on backwards too? “Oh yeah. Pretty much every day. Sometimes I still do.” When you were a kid you had to wear a pull-up to bed too? “Oh yeah. It’s really, really hard to stay dry when you’re little, and that’s okay.”
Whether it’s the ability to put his shoes on the right feet, or the need to feel like it’s okay that he just spilled half the carton of milk trying to pour it onto his cereal, something about dad having been there once too fills him with much needed confidence. It’s not about whether or not any of it really happened to me when I was a kid. It’s about him feeling like his dad is awesome, he wants to be like his dad, and that it’s okay that he just accidentally knocked over the entire 40 lb bag of dog food.
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I love this. My almost-three-year-old always asks about when I was a baby and reminisces about when she was a baby (sometimes it's stories she has heard us tell about her infancy, sometimes it's just plain made up stories she came up with, but it makes her so darn happy.)
Such a great Dad :)
boy syndrome! lol! my son is still like that! he'll be 8 in june. hes like that with me and his papa and uncle. cuz papa and uncle are the big dudes in his life and he wants to be tough and cool like them!
Dan, I think that it's really important to tell kids, especially boys, about both sides of what it is to be "tough". Being able to stand up to a bully without showing weakness is a VITAL ability for Noah to have if you don't want him to end up with an educational experience like the crappy one YOU had. But if you never let it out, you end up being unable to cry at your first boyfriend's funeral and drinking the pain away 'til you lose your job. That was me in 1992. As a bullied kid myself, being tough was a matter of survival for me in the early 80's but it almost killed me in the early 90's. Noah needs to learn how to postpone his feelings, but to never forget them, suppress them or dishonor them. That way lies madness.
Your a very good Dad, Dan. On little boys being tough I have a funny story for you. My youngest, who is now six, was five at the time of this story. I was in Winco doing some shopping and there was another mom there with a boy about the same age. We kept passing each other and the boys would notice each other. Eventually we ended up in the same aisle. I'm looking at some canned goods and hear behind me little grunting sounds. "oooh"..."arrrgh" (sounded like wrestling sounds to me) and I whirled around thinking my son was fighting/wrestling the other boy. Both of us stood there as our two little guys were POSING for each other with their hands fisted and their little arms bent. I tell Tadpole to stop it and the other little boy looks at his mom and says, "wow, he's tough." It was all the other mom and I could do to not laugh in their sincere little faces. We don't even watch pro. wrestling, how do little boys automatically know about posturing for each other to show who is stronger? lol.
My viewpoint of you and Noah is that God has certainly put you two together for a reason. You are such a remarkable Dad and he is a remarkable kid. He is just so precious. I love all your posts. What a fantastic viewpoint you have of life. You must have had great parents.
YOU are the most awesome great father ever! God most definitely put you here to be a father to Noah- what a truly blessed little guy you have! And i am sure he is going to grow up to be filled with as much awesomeness as his dad- you are a great teacher! Love your blogs, they make me smile, lol and sometimes cry. Please never stop posting!
Any time my daughters spilled something at the table and looked questioningly at me, the only response I gave was a casual, "You know what to do about it." They'd clean it up, and that was that. I also tried to validate them by acknowledging my own mistakes, and admitting it when they were right and I was wrong. Just because you're a grownup doesn't mean you stop making mistakes, or that you are always right.
Great post. I think it is important that kids learn that it is okay to make mistakes, everyone does, and that the most important thing is to learn how to get up, dust yourself off and move on. I don't think that I learned that as a kid and as an adult I find myself beating myself up over mistakes I make and worrying about what other people think.
Good for you for teaching your kid that mistakes are okay.
The mantra in our house is "It's okay, accidents happen." But sometimes, I get so fed up of saying/hearing it all day long (even when my son says it so cheerfully that it makes my heart sing), I can't help ending with "But let's try to be more careful next time."
Goodness, you make me want to start my own blog (or rather, dust it off and bring it back into play) with every post I read!
this is beautiful, thank god for encouraging dads like you. i was yelled at or hit for not being fast enough, spilling things, knocking things over... reading about you parenting with love really warms my heart.
i nearly died when reading this post because it was so cute.
My partner just spilled an entire mug of coffee on my carpet and got tomato sauce on my white duvet. Hes 38. Will that make u guys feel better?
I've loved every post of yours that I've read, but this one is so sweet. You are such an amazing dad to your sweet boy, and these little bits of validation you bring him really prove it. What a lucky little guy.
You're a really good dad. That's some excellent parenting there.
My son, now seven, has been known to steal kisses in the classroom. It started in kindergarten and continues. A few weeks ago my neighbor and good friend was watching him. He stole a kiss from her nine year old daughter. They have been good friends for years, but she was NOT ready for this. She loudly objected and when attention was brought to the matter my son insisted that his flip flops were wet and caused him to slip getting out of the car forcing his lips on hers. He cried when telling us the story, but finished with "hasn't that ever happened to you, dad?". With out hesitation, his dad said, "Well, of course! Its happened more than once! It even happened with your mom!"
You're such a good daddy.
Hey Dan,
I ended up here after your last adoption post made the rounds on Facebook. I am an adoptive parent too, and appreciated your sarcasm, wit, and honesty. I started perusing your archives last night while my two-year-old insisted on getting out of bed every 20 minutes to go potty again. (which amazingly he did, over and over and over until 11:30 when he finally ran dry). It was during my perusal of your past posts I discovered that not only did we go to high school together, but we graduated the same year.(Thanks for posting all those old yearbook pictures. I got a good laugh. And was grateful my last name didn't start with P.) Small world.
Thanks for being another positive voice for adoption. I think you are a great dad. Noah is lucky to have you.
Hey Nicole? What is your last name? I was pretty much the most popular kid and knew pretty much everybody, so I'm sure I knew you. All of that was false. Maybe the last part's true. I hope it is!
At any rate, I love having you here and I hope to see you around often since I LOVE having more people in my adoptive parent network.
My kids are still at the stage where they love to hear stories of when we were kids. It's like they are finally realizing that their parents weren't always old and we went through the same stuff they are going through. Of course, it was way back when wheels were square, telephones had cords, and televisions had knobs.
Sweet post today.
Wait⦠televisions had knobs?
Whatâs a knob?
Maybe television dials? Do you remember those? cassette tapes? boomboxes? Wait...I got it. Legwarmers! You know what those are, don't you! Admit it. You've even worn them a time or two. You stole them from your sister and danced around your room in them. I can see it so vividly in my mind .....or was it my memory? Never mind. I definitely was NOT stalking you way back then! Well, you can't prove it anyway.
Hey, donât knock legwarmers. I wear those every day.
Danno, this song always reminds me of you!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSx98jbt37Y&fe...
I don't think that song has ever made me cry before. Thanks a lot. ;
I love that song. Itâs been one of my favorites for a long time now.
I think I'm far more accident prone as an adult than I was as a child. I seemed to have some modicum of balance and coordination back then. Except for the time I got dragged down the street, facedown in the gravel, by a giant wolf/st bernard mix of a monster dog. That one hurt. lol
Kids need validation. Especially in today's world where it's so easy to become the target of unwanted attention, or to simply get lost in the crowd.
Briana, I gave Noah a big cup of chocolate milk last night and he was so careful to never spill it. There was about an inch left when he was done, and I totally spilled it all over the floor when I was clearing his dishes. I spill practically as often as he does!
I love the way you put that last line. Beautiful and true.
I can occasionally come up with some intelligent sounding stuff. :)
And GO NOAH for not spilling! Rock on little man! :)
You can also tell him that I frequently spill drinks/dog food. And I am 29.
Haha, thanks for the comment. I will pass it along. If only I knew how to prounounce your name. Jmje⦠Iâll just say Jamgee spills too!
Me too...and I'm 48.
I loved the post! It reminded me of the old (before your time!) tv show called "Eddie's Father". About a dad and his little boy and the Japanese housekeeper, Mrs. Livingston. At the end of every show Eddie and his father would be walking hand in hand and talking about things. It was a pretty cool tv show and I think from what I read about you and Noah, there could be a new hit series called "Noah's Father". But of course you would have to get a Japanese housekeeper to take care of Noah and you!!!
Have a great day!!!
Hey Julie, trust me, there would be no lack of comedy for a camera to pick up around our everyday go-around!
Looks like there would be some pretty good repeats, too :p
Awesome blog.
Hey Julie, trust me, there would be no lack of comedy for a camera to pick up around our everyday go-around!