Dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.
I feel a need to write this post after what I witnessed at Costco yesterday. Forgive me for another post written in desperation and anger. Please read all the way to the end. I know it’s long, but this is something that needs to be said. It’s something that needs to be heard. It’s something that needs to be shared.
As Noah and I stood in line to make a return, I watched as a little boy (he couldn’t have been older than six) looked up at his dad and asked very timidly if they could buy some ice cream when they were done. The father glared him down, and through clenched teeth, growled at the boy to ”leave him alone and be quiet”. The boy quickly cowered to the wall where he stood motionless and hurt for some time.
The line slowly progressed and the child eventually shuffled back to his father as he quietly hummed a childish tune, seemingly having forgotten the anger his father had just shown. The father again turned and scolded the boy for making too much noise. The boy again shrunk back and cowered against the wall, wilted.
I was agitated. I was confused. How could this man not see what I see? How could this man not see what a beautiful spirit stood in his shadow? How could this man be so quick to stub out all happiness in his own boy? How could this man not cherish the only time he’ll ever have to be everything to this boy? To be the person that matters most to this boy?
We were three from the front now, and the boy started to come towards his dad yet again. His dad immediately stepped out of the line, jammed his fingers into his son’s collar bones until he winced in pain, and threatened him. “If you so much as make a sound or come off of that wall again, I promise you’re going to get it when we get home.” The boy again cowered against the wall. This time, he didn’t move. He didn’t make a sound. His beautiful face pointed down, locked to the floor and expressionless. He had been broken. And that’s how his father wanted it. He didn’t want to deal with him, and breaking him was the easiest way.
And we wonder why so many of our kids grow up to be screwed up.
I’m going to be blunt. People see my relationship with Noah, and quite often put me up on a pedestal or sing my praises for loving him more than most dads love their own kids.
Damn it. I don’t understand that, and I’ll never understand that. Loving my son, building my son, touching my son, playing with my son, being with my son… these aren’t tasks that only super dads can perform. These are tasks that every dad should perform. Always. Without fail. There is nothing special about me. I am a dad who loves his son and would literally do anything for his well-being, safety, and health. I would gladly take a rake in the face or a jackhammer to my feet before I cut my own son down or make him feel small.
[sigh] I am far from a perfect dad. And I always will be. But I’m a damn good dad, and my son will always feel bigger than anything life can throw at him. Why? Because I get it. I get the power a dad has in a child’s life, and in a child’s level of self-belief. I get that everything I ever do and ever say to my son will be absorbed, for good or for bad. What I don’t get is how some dads don’t get it…
my dad was a single dad who kept us in private schools for safety reasons, but was home every night to cook, eat, play and do my hair (which took hours, but I looked great). He needed to work overtime to pay for school, but only did that on weekends when we were with mom. As a kid, I couldn't ask for more. As an adult, calling my husband the best dad ever always sounds like a betrayal. What a nice problem to have! My dad is the one who empowered me to trust my voice, by always listening and validating me. I was shocked in college to find out that not everyone cared about what I had to say. lol. I'm thankful that my dad's actions were louder than other kids as I am sure that college folks weren't the first to not care. I just didn't seem to notice.
Your post really made me sad and a bit sick, too. It threw me back to a time when I was going through some intense therapy and recovery. A time where I realized that I had the full capability of breaking my children. I knew I could do it if I wanted to and the power scared me to death. It helped me recognize that the constant echoes of my father's voice in my head saying, "I'll GIVE you something to cry about" were wrong. That my inner voice that sometimes came from him was not a voice I wanted my children to have. In recent years, I've been able to stand up for my children (even to my own father on their behalf) and provide them with the security and safety that my dad never gave me. I wish someone had done that for me. I wonder if you have any regrets from that situation? Do you wish you had said something to the father? What would you have said? What was your son's reaction?
Coming from a new follower, and a mom who has lost a child. I'll never forget - the evening before my daughter died, I took her to dinner, and witness quite similar to the same thing as you, and I ALMOST said something to this dad -because he was out of line, I was sickened on how he was speaking to his kids. The next day, I lost my only daughter (at the time). I wish I could have gone back in time and told that guy what I really thought, and sometimes I do, now. I'll kind of intervene, and mention, that I know how frustrating some days can be, but I've lost a child, and even on your most frustrating day, that little child is going to something to make you smile, make you proud, or one little hug can take away all that frustration. I've buried my daughter, and if I can make some people realize how lucky they are to have their kids, then I'll do whatever I need to do.....
Great read, I grew up with those types of parents, my questions: 1) shame on you for not saying something, if 1 adult would have spoke up, maybe I would have be saved from another year of abuse. Do not be afraid to step in and protect a child. Not to be mean, but you wrote a blog article, big deal (how does that help that child?) 2) to the people in the comments making excuses for this abuser/father's behavior. There IS nothing that could be going on in your life that allows you to treat a child like that, including the child misbehaving in the store.
@LD sometimes confronting a guy who is acting out like that i public could cost that kid dearly in private. So, I'd be careful how you address the guy who acknowledges his misstep here. When people know better, they will often do better, but not everyone understands abuse the way that you do. Your encouragement to not be afraid was good enough without your criticism of his choice to be a voice in this way. after all, he can't rewind to the moment.
Did you make an attempt to bring this to the attention of a police officer? I experienced something similar several years ago and was able to get enough information about the parents to report the incident to CPT. The incident contributed to, I am sorry to say, a most lurid abuse case. Although it was a full two years later (!), the child was removed from the custody of the parents. I know this is not always possible, but consider this: if an adult feels free to act like this in public, think how the behavior is out of the public view. I would discreetly contact a police officer. Not to be judgmental, but this kind of behavior does warrant professional emergency action. My husband is a super dad! I love him more and more every day because of his dedication to our child who is now 24! She calls him Prince D. He deserves it, and she deserves such a great dad! She would not have the confidence and self-esteem without him! Such a strong young lady!
I completely agree with everything you said. I've always felt people in general should be built up not beat up. I don't have kids yet, so my opinion might not be worth much to parents. haha I know most don't like parenting opinions from those who aren't even parents, but I'm gonna share mine anyway. :D
I believe there should be a balance between physical and verbal displays of love. Kids need both from BOTH parents. While my dad has never been particularly touchy (mostly because of his generation, and how HE was raised), he's never once hesitated to tell me he loves me. That's a big deal. I was raised by two parents who had very different upbringings and parenting styles. They, like all people, have their own fair share of baggage, but between the two of them my dad has always been the calmer, gentler of the two. I can't recall a single time where my dad has raised his hand or really even his voice to me. He's always told me he loves me freely and often. He takes most things in stride, and takes time to get all the facts before reacting. He listens when you have something important to say. Granted, he might not hear you the first few times, but he listens none the less. haha He taught me what it was to be a hard worker, and to be someone others could count on.
I can't always say the same about my mom. Don't get me wrong, she's great and does her best. She was always the one who I could count on for a hug any time I needed one. She taught me that my value didn't rest in other people's hands but in my own. But I can say from first-hand experience that not telling your kid you love them freely and unconditionally really affects them later in life. Withholding and "I love you" because your kid has upset you or done something wrong is never okay.
And it's not just loving your kid that's important. Loving yourself is equally needed. Kids see the way you treat them, but they also see the way you treat yourself. Both have a major impact. Kids reflect what you DO not just what you say. If they see you tearing yourself down, they often begin tearing themselves down. Love yourself. Love your kids. And make sure they know both of those things to be true and permanent.
@Amanda I'm in awe of your response to my crankyness. This is one of the first times I've ever commented on anything online (except Facebook), I was annoyed and had a bad day. You sound like a wonderful person with great values.I appreciate your response as should others, if only we could all live that way.
GLH (aka Cranky)
Still believe children are to be seen not heard. If everyone would abide by this - they're will be no more wimpy whining children especially in stores where if the child is not taught properly how to act - the parents are looked as like their abusers.
I pity children that have parents that coddle their children till their an adult. As even though they're of age they have learned SHIT from their parents and will be cry babies for eternity.
@Cranky It drives me nuts to see parents coddle their children as well and I really consider it a disservice to them. I used to believe that children should be seen and not heard too until I had my own 2 boys and realized that their voices and innocent beliefs have so much more to teach me than I do them. There's gotta be a good balance, no?
The following is an excellent lesson on how to be a man and raise your children correctly. It echoes everything you have said.
34 Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?
35 Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—
36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.
37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.
38 Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.
39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.
40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen.
41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.
45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever. (Doctrine and Covenants, Doctrine and Covenants, Section 121)
oh wow incredible. I don't think there is anything worse than a child not feeling loved by a parent, The people who should love you unconditionally. This makes a child grow into adults who are unable to accept love from others. When people try to love you, you find ways to make them prove it because you don't trust their words or actions until you succeed in pushing them away. Just my feeling
Well put and greatly appreciated. Too many dads don't step up. I'm lucky to have a great man in my life who fills that role for my kids.
I pretty much agree with everything you said...but I simply don't think anyone should take a snapshot look at anyone else's life and think they have the big picture. What that dad did is definitely not okay, so I understand your frustration completely. My dad is awesome. He taught me how to shoot a basket and hit a baseball. He supports my education and my decisions and is always there when I need counsel. The guy I'm seeing is divorced. His wife cheated and for pregnant and when the other guy took off, he stepped I'm and took care of that little girl like she was the same as any of his other kids. He takes all the kids when it's his weekend and spend the whole weekend taking them fishing out to the park or out to eat or to the movies and keeps them as long as he can even if it means he had to wake up early to get them home before he has to go to work. I wish there were more dads like you, more dads like him and more dads like mine. ..
I sat through a lecture in college once where the instructor talked only about positive re-enforcement for children in a home. At the end of the lecture, the floor was opened to questions. I said, "I agree that positive re-enforcement is severely lacking in homes these days, but I haven't heard anything about proper disciplining techniques." If positive re-enforcement is missing in homes, proper discipline is suffering just as much, if not more; either it is too much or absent completely. The lecturer gave a short response and moved on. Didn't even address the discipline side of this discussion.
Great post. Great things to think about in the post. And there are also some good comments. What I have learned from observing my dad with me and my siblings, and from watching and hearing stories about my grandparents, and from my own short time as a father of two with another on the way is that every single kid is different and every parent is different and every single circumstance is different. While it is true that the father may have been out of line, you don't the situation or circumstances and therefore can't judge his treatment of the child fairly without knowing the details. No one can. Having said that, I personally don't feel that publicly punishing a child in such a manner is ever a good idea, but once again, I don't know the circumstances or the difficulties that may have been facing the father at that time.
The best thing any parent can do is to think before they act. What kind of reaction does the situation warrant? What does the parent need to do in order to teach their child in the most effective way possible? And what every reader and commentor to this post needs to think about is that each family is an independent unit. My method of parenting isn't a one size fits all method, and neither is anyone else's. And what I say, as it relates to how that man handled the situation with his son, holds no sway on anyone else. EVERYONE is entitled to agency, regardless of how bad they may seem. NO ONE can decide how that man raises his child...NO ONE, outside of that man, his wife (if there is one), and God.
This is an excellent perspective and hopefully many dads and moms will read it. My husband witnessed a similar incident but involving much more aggressive physical contact. He called the police. I don't have all the answers but I do believe that parents in this country are allowed to operate as monsters because we've all been taught to NOT get involved. We are all guilty of ALLOWING this behavior to exist by looking away and doing or saying nothing. We are told it will worsen the situation. Will it? Or are we ALL just cowards??
@Flowergirl17 One thought with two sides: sometimes getting involved is very necessary, but blindly leaping in can have have dire consequences. When your husband witnessed an incident that make him think a child was in danger, then he was absolutely correct to call for help. It was necessary. In my own experience, however, interference did make things worse. As far as I can tell, my own step-father had problems stemming from feeling powerless, but he took it out on us. I can only guess it helped him feel more powerful. Interference seemed to make him feel like he had to prove something, and usually made him more determined than ever.
Shared, Bought book, loved this. My husband is a great dad in training. He plays with our little girl, hugs and kisses her, snuggles her close and just loves her. He does get angry sometimes, but we aren't perfect right. He never repeatedly yells at her, and always sweetly apologizes. My greatest wish is that she knows how much we love her!
Thank you for writing this... this could go not only for dads, but for moms as well. I needed to read this today... and let me tell you about an amazing father I know. He puts his children before everything, if he is off work he has his kiddos, he is at every function cheering them on and making sure they know they are loved! He is their biggest supporter and accepts who they are no matter what. If they make mistakes, he doesnt hold it against them. He lets them know that he has made mistakes as well and that you just have to learn from them and move on. He is a Sheriff's Deputy so he could be very cold after working in this career, but he isnt that way. He doesnt take work home with him, which is NOT an easy task with the things they deal with on a daily basis. Im so proud of him, even with the fact he is not big into being all touchy feelie or overly affectionate his children know without a doubt that he loves them.
My husband is a SUPER Dad. He has 6 children with 2 wives and everyone of them will tell you how he was always there for them. He is their hero and deserves to be their hero.
You nailed it.
You are so right that children are a gift. However your post shouldn't just single out Dads... I have seen Moms do exactly the same thing... You wanted to hear about a super hero Dad.. My Children have that. Their Dad would always spend time with them.. Camping, fishing, hunting, sports, bedtime stories and so much more... He has always had the time to love and talk to our children... Now that our babies are grown, we get to sit back and see that the love and care we gave to them they are giving to their own children...
I have been that "ornery" mother in Costco, only I had 2 children to manage and their Dad hasn't been dead more than 2 years...perspective perspective people. That aside, I believe you meant well and your words reminded me of where my priorities need to lie, so thank you. But don't beat up that parent in Costco or anywhere for a getting a little frustrated with their kids. You don't know what they're going through :(
@Danni I was one of those kids that was abused every time my parents had a bad day. Usually had nothing to do with me. I was just a convenient outlet. I've spent much of my adult live with self esteem issues. Remember you are the most important person in your child's life. You can make or break them. Hang in there, Danni. Be good to you and to your kids.
@Danni Using 'what you're going through' as an excuse to physically and mentally abuse someone just doesn't cut it -- shows a lack of maturity. This kind of abuse is contagious and lifelong -- it'll just get passed on as bullying or as abuse later. Drawing a line is necessary in being able to continue moving forward towards a world where we can be at peace. I'm happy to be considered intolerant of abuse -- in myself and in others.
My husband is the best father to our two children, that has ever existed! I think through all of the opinions on parenting the only thing that stands out or makes any sense to me is that our children need to be loved with abandon. But how do parents go about loving when maybe they were never loved as well? I think there is a huge spiritual component to parenting and loving, whether we recognize that that is where our love that we have to give is coming from or not. The father at Costco most likely needs an experience of God's love. A wise person once said to me, "You can never argue someone into being more loving, you can only love them into it", so I am afraid that most will not respond to your article in the way you want. I have found that one of the hardest things in the world to be able to do, is to love the victim and also love the abuser/accused. I do not however agree though that maybe the child was acting really bad before and so we should not judge. Nothing a child could ever possibly do could or would ever ever ever warrant any other reaction but love.
I agree with Indiana Liger. It's easy to look in and judge. What we don't know is the other half of the story. We are all doing the best we can and maybe there had been awful behavior prior to this situation. Maybe the Dad just found out some terrible news. Give the guy the benefit of the doubt and maybe next time, offer to help, instead of belittling and judging. Just my opinion though.
good half story. the writer has no idea of circumstances prior or after the line incident. you dont have to belittle but constant praise can give a child too much self esteem only to be disappointed later in life when he/she has a jerk for a boss (the you are not special graduation speech inserted here). the key is to be a jerk when needed and supportive when needed, a happy balance.
by the way, i was/am a single dad raising my son since he was 3 (25 now). i am also a social worker with families with emotional/behaviorally challenged children as well. some parents in stores or in public feel they have a obligation to make a statement or action to keep the child in line. how they accomplish this will vary from ignoring the child to making a statement to the child like the man in the article. the dad was basically saying no but added words the author felt were damaging. the other people in line probably each had a different interpretation, point/counterpoint, of the exchange as well. again, it is important to have a balance and not go to either extreme.
@indiana liger yeah, for all we know that kit tortured and killed the family dog before their trip to Costco
@indiana liger kid*
"Ornery"? You said the right things. How could any dad abuse his child? If not wanting anyone to abuse a child is "ornery", then I'm ornery, too.
Some people don't know any other way to raise their children. That's what they were taught growing up and it continues with them. I know, I was and I wouldn't hesitate to say am a controlling parent. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't put my life on the line for them, because they are my world even though they are adults now. I would leave the grocery basket in the store and go home to make their dad watch them while I bought groceries. I encourage and am proud that my kids know that they can change how to raise their own children and I tell them so. Use what you like throw away what you don't. I changed most of how I was raised with my kids and they are changing what they didn't like... Way to go. So please don't stand in judgement of other's. We have no idea what this person has been through or going through.
I had the best Dad...always there when I needed him whether I was right or wrong. He always helped me no matter what was going on. Fortunately my husband is a great Dad also...he is firm in his resolutions but kind and accepting of our children and their short comings. I wish all Dads were as good as these men of which I speak.
...just wondering...have you also suggested ways to help Dads , and sons , repair the damages inflicted , once they "get it " ....
thanks for your time and efforts ..
It is never okay to treat a child like this! I don't care what the child has done or how much stress the father may have been in.. This is your child, your job is to protect him, encourage him, help him grow.. I do wish you had called the parent out, if this is how he treats his child in public, I can only imagine what goes on behind closed doors..
When I read your post I immediately thought of this article, "Tempering Our Tempers" by Douglas Brinley (teaches college courses on marriage and family) that I read years ago (and still re-read to this day, because as a mom with 4 kids I often need reminders to control my temper).
Some things you said reminded me of these lines from the article: "...it has become obvious over the years that anger, if uncontrolled, can be a great destroyer of marriage and family relationships," and “A violent temper is such a terrible, corrosive thing. And the tragedy is that it accomplishes no good; it only feeds evil with resentment and rebellion and pain."
Here is the link: http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=778b1cc1c81b7110VgnVCM100000176f620a____
It's a Christian article, but no matter what you believe there are a lot of great thoughts that echo a lot of what you said. Thought it would be uplifting to know that others are behind you in this.
And also wanted to let you know that my kids have an amazing dad who wrestles with, teases, tells stories to, spends time with, has adventures with and over-the-top LOVES his children. He isn't perfect either, but he sure is close and I am grateful every day that my kids have him as an example of how to treat others and live a good, honest life (especially when it comes to how to honor and respect women).
A great reminder to all of us to take much more care in making sure we do not "break" our children in any way...if we do, how will they be able to survive all that life is going to throw at them as they get older?
Thank you for this!!
Years ago, I was alone at Winco, and a young mother was irritated by her son, about 8 years old that was all over the place, and not settling down. She yelled "What is wrong with you today?" I told her that I understood how hard it can be, and that I have learned to try to do my shopping alone, as it is hard for both of my boys, who are autistic, to be in a grocery store at all (they are older now, and this is not such an issue, but it was then.) She was very quiet for a moment, and wide eyed, and very calmly hugged her child and said, "Thank you, I needed that perspective." -- We can never know what the other parent is carrying, we can also never know the damage we do to the little spirits we are given to protect. Walk, and talk softly.
My husband is in the military and being away he knows just how valuable our 3 girls are and every little thing they do. He is an amazing father and teaches me how to be a good mom. Its always hardest when he is gone. I am still reminded of things I can do better and, today, that is what your post has done for me. Thank you for this.
Great post. I just found this blog thanks to my mother's facebook post linking to your "16 Ways I Blew My Marriage" (most of which I am guilty of), and reading this, you seem like a great dad with incredible insight.
I cannot understand how more parents cannot see this. It is just sad to see people who completely neglect their duties as a parent beyond food\shelter\clothing. From what I can see so far, most of them would do well to come read your posts on this blog.
But, as others have pointed out, you should be careful to rush to judgement of the father in Costco. Of course what he did was wrong, but you don't know what events or circumstances lead to that. Maybe the child had already been causing problems throughout the store, had ice cream that day already, or was about to go have a meal directly after. Maybe the father was just having one of those horrible, hectic, overly stressful days and was completely on edge. He could be an amazing father 98% of the time, and you just witnessed part of the 2%.
I only say this, because I know that I could be judged the same. I'm a single father, and I think I am a pretty good one. I play with my son, teach him anything he wants to know, play with him, spend more money than I should buying him random things when we are out (like ice cream), try to be the best example I can for him, still hold him on our couch every night until he goes to sleep (even though he is 4), and constantly do all I can to reinforce his self esteem and self worth.
All of that being said, I know I have went off on him in public, been too busy to play or really pay attention to him, and made more mistakes than I can count. I'm not defending those actions, or saying they were right, because they generally are not. However, no one is perfect, and even the best parents will make mistakes.
One other note. I disagree that a child should never fear their father (or mother). They should not fear that they will be jumped on for every thing they do, but there are times that it is appropriate. For me, those times are limited to when my son does something that could be immediately dangerous (to himself or to someone else). At young ages, ideas like death and serious injury are hard to understand, but fear of a parent's reaction is easy.
When I was growing up my dad wasn't the father at Walmart, although even negative attention would have been better than the lengths he went to ignore me and my brother. When he did talk it did break us...now my brother is in prison, I married someone just like my dad and spent 21 years in a very abusive marriage until I found out that he was not only being emotionally, and mentally abusive to my daughter but physically as well. I am going to print a copy of your post and mail it to my father and my ex. Thank you!
Excellent post - well written and kudos to you for raising awareness in all of us daddies to try to be more for them and do a little better each day. I did not consider your remarks to be self-righteous at all. Unlike others, I do not believe that father in Costco should immediately be labeled "abusive" or that DCFS should be contacted. My wife and I were accused incorrectly of abusing our oldest son as a 2 yr. old, when in fact, after many tests and dr. visits, turned out to be Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. People, let's have a bit more compassion and try walking in someone's shoes for a moment before making such quick knee-jerk judgements. I agree, however, that there are MANY other techniques to keep your children "under control". In a few "not-so-proud" daddy moments, I have reacted "not-so-kindly" to a continuous request for something while in a store. I have 5 boys and many times, the non-stop pleading and begging of "dad, can i have....." or "dad can we get....." can only be tolerated for so long. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. The important thing is to reflect on them and learn from them to be better. I consider myself a good daddy and can't wait to come home each day to play with my boys. We play catch, shoot baskets, jump on the trampoline, go for scooter rides, catch bugs.......there's nothing better in the whole world. Single dad, divorced dad, happily married dad -- it doesn't matter. We are their protector, their provider, their friend, their hero. Some of us are better at it than others. Some of us need help from others that seem to have a few things figured out. Our goal should be to be a better daddy to our children than our own daddy was to us, and I firmly believe that if we do so, the next generation will turn out just fine. Good luck out there dads!!
Thanks for sharing. I agree with what you are saying and that sometimes it's easy to forget when live is going by at warp speed. We just recently had a family lose a child in our community, and it made all of appreciate the innocence of our children. God, my wife, and kids are the most important things in my life. We lose focus at times but I try to show my kids they are loved and we only want the best for them. Again, Thanks for sharing.
I hope you found a way to report this man. I don't like it when DFS sticks their noses in where they shouldn't but this father needs to be looked at as a possible child abuser.
In contrast to burningsensation's comment, I thought your delivery was spot on and I do not think you sound self-righteous. Well said! I hear you brother loud and clear!
I agree with the message behind your post, but your delivery is terrible. You sound like a self-righteous ass hat. No parent is perfect. You shouldn't expect them to be, and you need to allow a little more for the imperfections of parents.
Heart wrenching! I always speak up when I see abuse in public! I believe if we stand by and witness it as an adult, we are condoning it:/ Scary though, these days you never know what the abuser could do to ya and if it would even make a difference in someone like that! It angers me that nothing much is done when things like this happen!. Nothing at all against you! Your heartfelt article was wonderful! Loved it! I dont doubt that if you were to ever witness that again you; having experience which internalized it for you now, would say something. I had a cop go to the door of my abusive renter a few years ago and he and I could hear him abusing his kid and he didnt do a thing about it! What can be done more to stop this abuse?! It's just like the problem with our nations' debt or drugs or anything else that destroys the human race....we dont DO anything much about it but just stand there and watch it get worse:( I would also like to add the word/subject, MOMS to your article...there are many moms that do more damage than the Dads I've seen! Mom's are with the kids all day everyday for the most part. I believe it is the woman that sets the mood of the home, so I am including them in my wishes and hope for a brighter, happier future for our future leaders of the world! thanks for inspiring the Dad's of America! I pray it touches many hearts and changes them!
Wow. This is a good one. Powerful. I totally feel this way about any parent, mother or father. I hear all the time what a wonderful mom I am and how I put myself selflessly before my girls, like it's not something they see often...and I'm always amazed and a little saddened by that - because I want to ask "How could a mom or dad NOT want to be that and more, for their children...the children THEY chose to bring into this world...and be responsible for - to guide and teach and be a role model too?! How could the NOT want to be the sun that rises in their child's day, and the moon that sets with them? Who I am as a mom, and what I do for my girls, or the person I am when I'm with them...and because of them - is not even just because it's my "duty" or "responsibility" - it's my joy. It's a true honor. I am so very blessed to have my girls in my life, and I would never want to live a moment without them...no matter what. And I don't understand how any person who has a child, doesn't feel that? Would not be proud to be all they could be for their child...and with them!
For you, I have a good dad. I have a good dad who loves and takes care of me who talked to me when I needed it and laughed and joked with me. He had his flaws and he had his different way of communicating but he was amazing. I have recently just had a little boy :) He is 5 weeks old. He's amazing! The man I married is a good dad. When he first held him it was awkward and he didn't know how to react...The pregnancy was a surprise anyway...he was a honeymoon baby! And I am so happy he's here and healthy. My husband, my good dad to my child, didn't immediately take on father role, but since our families have left and it has just been me and him...I see him hold and watch his little boy with amazement in his eyes. I watch him cry when I've left for a few minutes to go grab our laundry and I come back and the baby is screaming and he can't seem to do anything. He wants so badly to be everything to this kid. He's a good dad and doesn't want to be deployed because he feels he'll miss so much (joined the military before we were married). I watch, like you, so many people beat down on their kids and yell at them. We've made a rule in our home that there is no yelling unless there is a fire. But I am so grateful to know that my husband, my amazing dad to my child, will NEVER yell at his kid. And if he ever made the mistake he would go and apologize to his kid and cry with him asking for forgiveness. Fatherhood is not dead. I now have to amazing dads in my life. My own and my husband.
hope this helps and makes you feel a little better.
-New Mommy
I wish my ex would have learned this, things might have been salvageable if he had. I was child who was broken, I wasn't about to let my kids be if I could help it. Thank you for such a beautifully written post. -Angel