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You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.

Young Child Looking Sad

Dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.

I feel a need to write this post after what I witnessed at Costco yesterday. Forgive me for another post written in desperation and anger. Please read all the way to the end. I know it’s long, but this is something that needs to be said. It’s something that needs to be heard. It’s something that needs to be shared.

As Noah and I stood in line to make a return, I watched as a little boy (he couldn’t have been older than six) looked up at his dad and asked very timidly if they could buy some ice cream when they were done. The father glared him down, and through clenched teeth, growled at the boy to “leave him alone and be quiet”. The boy quickly cowered to the wall where he stood motionless and hurt for some time.

The line slowly progressed and the child eventually shuffled back to his father as he quietly hummed a childish tune, seemingly having forgotten the anger his father had just shown. The father again turned and scolded the boy for making too much noise. The boy again shrunk back and cowered against the wall, wilted.

I was agitated. I was confused. How could this man not see what I see? How could this man not see what a beautiful spirit stood in his shadow? How could this man be so quick to stub out all happiness in his own boy? How could this man not cherish the only time he’ll ever have to be everything to this boy? To be the person that matters most to this boy?

We were three from the front now, and the boy started to come towards his dad yet again. His dad immediately stepped out of the line, jammed his fingers into his son’s collar bones until he winced in pain, and threatened him. “If you so much as make a sound or come off of that wall again, I promise you’re going to get it when we get home.” The boy again cowered against the wall. This time, he didn’t move. He didn’t make a sound. His beautiful face pointed down, locked to the floor and expressionless. He had been broken. And that’s how his father wanted it. He didn’t want to deal with him, and breaking him was the easiest way.

And we wonder why so many of our kids grow up to be screwed up.

I’m going to be blunt. People see my relationship with Noah, and quite often put me up on a pedestal or sing my praises for loving him more than most dads love their own kids.

Damn it. I don’t understand that, and I’ll never understand that. Loving my son, building my son, touching my son, playing with my son, being with my son… these aren’t tasks that only super dads can perform. These are tasks that every dad should perform. Always. Without fail. There is nothing special about me. I am a dad who loves his son and would literally do anything for his well-being, safety, and health. I would gladly take a rake in the face or a jackhammer to my feet before I cut my own son down or make him feel small.

[sigh] I am far from a perfect dad. And I always will be. But I’m a damn good dad, and my son will always feel bigger than anything life can throw at him. Why? Because I get it. I get the power a dad has in a child’s life, and in a child’s level of self-belief. I get that everything I ever do and ever say to my son will be absorbed, for good or for bad. What I don’t get is how some dads don’t get it…

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13618 comments
meanmeaganjean
meanmeaganjean

I like the message you are trying to get across, but we need to remember that just as many moms are guilty of this as well. It is the responsibility of both parents to provide their children with a safe and loving upbringing. I have benough lucky enough to have a dad and mom that would move mountains for my siblings and I. We may not have had everything we wanted growing up but we always had what we needed and we were spoiled with love and affection. I have never doubted my parents love for me and to this day they never miss out on the chance to tell me they love me and I make them proud.

The love they provided me has shaped me into the woman I am today. If it wasn't for their example I would not be where I am today. I have a wonderful man still treats me like a queen even after 9 years. As much as I love him I do not think I would have ever fallen head over heels if it wasn't for him being the father he is. He has not only given me unconditional love, praise and encouragement but he gave me one of the greatest gifts of all; a step daughter. Although her mother moved her out of the state we pride ourselves on how involved we are in her everyday life even from 3000 miles away. Our situation is not ideal but we make the best of it.

satinswan
satinswan

One of my most guilt-ridden memories as a human being is along these lines: I saw a man at a store verbally berating a young boy as he made the boy rearrange every cart in the return stall. But, being seven months pregnant at the time, I didn't do anything for fear of endangering my own child, the man was that awful. I wish I'd been able to get a plate to call the police because if he was that bad in public, how bad must he be in private? I think about that kid every once in a while and hope he's ok.

courtellis
courtellis

I remember one  time my daughter and I were at the store witnessing a dad try to come up with enough change to get his son a soda, to which the son said it's okay dad.  The dad look away from his son pretending to still look for change and my daughter gave me the look.  I gave her the change and she pretended to pick it up and say: "excuse me Sir I believe you dropped this and we scrammed out unseen!

Stop child abuse
Stop child abuse

did you call the cops did you file a police report or did you talk to the dad or something because that da is oviously abusing his son What happened??

RadhaVanamali
RadhaVanamali

Dear SDL,

Profound words of wisdom. Your sharing of the magic and gift of being a father/parent are moving indeed.

It is heartbreaking to witness what you did....It is the nature of things, of life that we cannot help but give to others/loved ones what we hold within our own hearts and minds. If it is a neglected, aching and lonely inner child whose needs and being were never given the space to be expressed, to be celebrated and explored then so shall this eventual parent manifest the same. It may or may not be conscious at the time when it finally does so.

I certainly do not say the above as an excuse for the parent's lack of awareness and appreciation, for his abuse of his child. But, I would not doubt there is, within this man, a child that was made to feel and believe that he was not important, a nuisance for his needs and deserving of violence.

Our actions, words, choices, reveal our inner life. 

A heartfelt thanks for you being you...

With love & gratitude,

Marie

PS...found your post on a friend's Fbk and it hopped right into the body of your post (didn't see the header). Once I finished reading I scrolled up to see who it was speaking...There I see the photo of your precious one, a smile as bright and beautiful as the Sun while he's on your back--Ahh! Took my breath away and had me tear up...Your love shines in his eyes and his magnificent smile. Nice job, Papa, nice job. <3  


jena benson
jena benson



my name is lucy  and I recently had a breakup with my husband about 4months back. He said we are done that we should move on that he has someone else now. I could not even bear the pain and everything and just so unfortunate, I discovered I was pregnant when me and my ex we going through some big fights. I couldn’t tell him I was pregnant because I knew he would blame it on me. I suffered with the secret on my own and I could not go through an abortion on my own. The funny thing is I discovered that he had two other girlfriends I was not aware of. I know if I could turn back the hands of time I would do it again because i could not suffer everything alone, I almost drop out of varsity because of a guy. On a faithful day after i lost of thought, an old friend told me about a spell prophet with this email [email protected] who could help me restore my love and have my baby in good terms. I sacrifice everything to make sure the spell was done. and the spell was now the savior. his spell brought back my lover after 2days. My joy,is back and i am so happy now now thanks to this powerful man called [email protected]


AzraelSchleich
AzraelSchleich

When I picked my first born from the hospital after being retained a week after birth, I looked around the waiting room. My eyes got diverted to a man who was carry sort of a shoe box, only bigger, but empty. He made his way towards the NICU. A while later he walked passed again, accompanied by a staff and in hushed tones discussed what to do with the box and its content. "The mother don't want to see him. Go straight"


My eyes watered up. Here I was, anxious waiting for my boy, and I realised the content of the box, I began to sob. I looked away. I hugged my husband. He had to assure me that my son is alright. I was loss for words at that moment. 


At times, I still think about that tiny body in that box. 

Jen4
Jen4

I am reading this today because I have just returned from a store after watching a mother do this to her little girl who couldn't have been more than three.  I know what it feels like to try to shop but be exasperated by a small child however this little girl was doing nothing more than exist, wanting to examine the toys her as her mother and grandmother were doing.  The grandmother was silent as the mother hissed and scolded her daughter for essentially existing or touching anything, for being curious in a store, for wishing to see something more closely.  Ultimately the mother got down into her daughters her and threatened to "smash her".  My heart is breaking.  I saw her get into the car, into her booster seat and watched to see if she would smack her child and she didn't.  It would be easier for me if she had I could just call the child protective hotline without pausing to think about it and provide the license plate of their car.  But it didn't rise to that, only emotional abuse and overly harsh parenting.  I want to rescue the little girl but I don't believe much would come of it, when the parent probably believes they are providing the child's needs and that being "strict" is a virtue even though with a little knowledge of brain development and psychology it is clear she is breaking her child's spirit.  I feel so sad for that little girl.



Ken Jansson
Ken Jansson

My daughters and my son will always be the best thing I ever did.

ertyusfgtyh
ertyusfgtyh



I have been in bondage ever since my ex leaves ME for another man,It was really hell for me and everybody told me to forget about her but i could not because i love her so much. Things get worse until my friend introduced me to this great spell Therapist ONIHA and i contacted him through his email [email protected] i explain everything to him and he cast a spell for me immediately after four days, everything turn around and my love come to me on her knee begging for forgiveness that i am the one and only man in her life now. I was surprise i have never seen such a miracle in my life. I am so thankful to this man and i will forever publish his name Therapist Oniha of the [email protected] is the greatest.

Compassiongoesalongway
Compassiongoesalongway

Ever hear of the pancake theory..you never know what is on the other side for this man. Compassion goes a long way. Even if you could of tried to connect with this man and send a message with your eyes and a smile. He would of felt that he had been seen, and perhaps you could of helped create a shift in him. How can you describe a peach if you have never tasted it…in other words your experience of aggression is being projected on to this situation. I feel for this little boy, to be witness to heartache is difficult. I imagine that you will do something different next time..it is such a touchy place to share an insight in the heat of a situation. If you believe in chi and directing energy you can help shift a situation by sending love to some one, and you can see them soften in a blink of an eye. Love can be felt..

One last thing, in regards to your statement that if you disagree with this you will get a punch in the stomach..hmmm….seems a bit like fighting fire with fire..its okay to punch another that is in disagreement with you..kinda contradicts your whole article..so since you put it out there, I am shining a light on that sentence and sending you love..

JustMyOpinion
JustMyOpinion

I was one of those broken children. I am 62 year old woman now, but the scars from an emotionally abusive parent can shadow a lifetime. I only remember getting slapped in the mouth a few times, but I vividly remember the feeling of being constantly intimidated. I spent my entire childhood trying to be good enough to win the approval of my parent, but it never came.. at least not until I was in my 50s when I didn't need it anymore..

I also remember growing up feeling like there must be something wrong with me. I mean, when you hear over and over "Whats the matter with you!" You begin to believe that there you are a defective person and not deserving of anything good...and you numb yourself from the world with drugs and you self-sabotage every good opportunity that comes your way. And it's true that "hurt people, hurt people".

My life is great today. I consider myself a well-rounded, stable person, but it took so many years to get here! I wonder what kind of life I might have lived had I been told that I was loved, got a hug once in awhile, and had been shown just a little encouragement.

Parents, don't take this guys post lightly. You have the power to make or break your child.

Teri
Teri

I just read your blog and was so happy to see someone address this issue ...there are  a lot of parents guilty of doing just what you talked about ,unfortunately in todays society we all hesitate to speak up when we see these actions because we don't want to get involved...makes me always wonder if this father is this way in public...what is this child subjected to behind closed doors ....I was blessed to have a father who raised myself and my brother after divorcing our mother, times were tough but we always knew he would be there for us through thick and thin and there was never a shortage of love. I wish he were still here to say once again thanks for always being there for me and setting an example for me on how to raise my own children  

TAnn88
TAnn88

My son is almost 4 and he's my best pal. We don't always see eye to eye. I raise him to be respectful, polite, compassionate, strong, and deal with disappointment. When he wants 3 things he is told choose one. I feel I am raising a well rounded little person. There is a time for play and fun, and there's a time for quite. Some days I do have to slap his bottom. If I am ever out of line I hold him tight, kiss him, tell him I was wrong and what for, then say I am sorry. I do not give him my full 100% undivided attention 24/7 365. That's not normal, and that's not healthy for me. I also do not let him believe the world revolves around him. Parents are hurting their children by allowing the to be the soul focus of their world at all times. When they grow up they won't be everyone's soul focus, and they won't be instantly gratified. I also don't teach my son he has to share everything all of the time. If he has something another child wants then that kid can wait his little but and if they don't and try to take it, then my son is aloud to defend what is his...why, because that is life in the real world as an adult. If another parent (and it's happened) tries to tell me I'm wrong cut their kid wants that, then I tell them okay I want fifty bucks. Bet I don't get it...same concept. If another child has something my son wants well then my son needs to wait his little butt too.

On that note this father wouldn't have walked away without me calmly pointing out what he had just done. Did the writer leave that part out? This man stuck his finger on the child collar until the child "winced in pain" as you said. This man inflicted physical pain upon a little boy and you stood there watching and did nothing? Then good points, but I do not applaud you for the article because you didn't protect that child. I'm a woman not a wuss, and sometimes confrontation is needed. That doesn't mean aggression that doesn't mean make a fool of yourself or a scene. That doesn't mean scaring the child more. That means walk your lily behind up to that man and let him know he has done something wrong, maybe question if he needs some help if he is stressed or something. Let him knw you get it kids can be a lot. Before doing so maybe snap a. Secret picture of him, so that depending on his reaction. Of he is just stressed he will not show great aggression toward you, and you could see in his body language if he got the point or just got angry. If you see anger report his butt, and maybe help the kid out by getting dad some help. What if that kids abused. Judging by his demeanor as you described he may be.

GreysonFlax
GreysonFlax

Great article. I would say the people who treat children like this probably aren't reading your articles.

Guest
Guest

Well written article! I'm a mom and I definitely was able to take great points away from this. I type this as I nurse my baby to sleep, while my husband puts our other children to sleep. He's a wonderful dad. We each have our moments and often times I feel like such a hypocrite reminding my children how to act, but is often forget. I feel I'm breaking my 3.5 year olds spirit and it kills me. I am thankful for your article as a wake up and reminder. We only get one chance to enjoy their youth.

jaydee
jaydee

I do not condone this, however just stop for a moment to think maybe, just maybe, the moments before this were hell...did dad jsut loose his job, his wife, the house?  ...was the angelic child a terror in the car.  or does dad suffer crippling depression and was having a 'moment' in public and felt trapped by his debilitating depression and sadly took it out on the child.  It was only a snapshot of teh day and a snapshot of teh family.  Maybe Dad IS a wionderful dad, maybe he struggles to pay for teh help or ask for teh help that is needed. And yes, maybe he is a mean soal crusher taht is hurting teh kid, but maybe he is trying teh very best he can.  

Did you try just smiling at him, as that may be just enough to bring him back from HIS dark corner.

Rachel2014
Rachel2014

I just read your article and I must say it was amazing! I felt every emotion you were explaining and expressing. I am not a dad, I am actually a mom. But this article goes for every parent out there. I always try to lift up my son and inspire him and encourage him, I constantly tell him how much I love him and believe in him. He is 6 years old and he is such a wonderful boy! He believes in himself and knows he can do whatever he puts his mind too. I want too and try too raise my son as you describe in your article. I love reading articles like this one describing all the greatness children have in them. We need to stop and realize this as parents. We will always be busy and always have errands to run, house to clean, work and just busy lives, but we need to slow down and take time for our precious little ones that are growing up so quickly. Thank you for your article, I appreciate it and really enjoyed reading it!

Rachel

sassyV
sassyV

Hi, this is an incredible story. I hope my ex takes the time to read it because I feel that he's breaking our daughter. He doesn't call to say hello or check up on her. He will skip visitation, which is liberal, unless I take control of it happening. He won't even call to say that he can't meet up. He simply does nothing unless I initiate it for my daughter's sake. Yesterday I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't make plans for their visit together. Take a wild guess at what happened.... he never got a hold of me.... he did nothing. I made her day special by giving her every ounce of my attention. We played until the cows came home. She did have a fun day but she also wondered why daddy never called. It broke my heart. I explained to her, very simply since she is only 4, that daddy was ill and couldn't meet up and we'll try again next time. Because of her age, she was ok with that. It's only a matter of time until she realizes what is really going on. So, thank you for being who you are and writing about your experiences and not only opening up single dad's eyes to the issues but also opening up all of our eyes.

Single mum
Single mum

Hi.  I am not a Dad, I am not a man, but I am a single Mum.  Your article is very interesting and I got a lot out of it too.  I realise that he is a precious soul, my son that is, and I do not want him growing up without self confidence like I did.  I find it tough at times and I am by no way perfect and never will be, but I make a promise here, that I will no longer get annoyed at his 1000 questions per day.  And I will always lift him up.  Thank you for your article.

myza1177
myza1177

We all are raised entirely different than the next person. With that said we need to remember that when assuming that a situation like this unfolds before us. To stop assuming  and remember we don't know all the circumstances. Also children don't come with manuals. Perhaps this Father was doing the best he could, with all the circumstances that were before him. My Father was an AWESOME DAD!! He took us camping, we went on road trips on the weekends. My parents were Wonderful Parents. I couldn't ask for better. Yes there were times that I broke a family rule, and yes there was consequences for this. ie: not going to play with friends for a day or 2. Or something that I really enjoyed doing. By them teaching this to me and my brothers, it taught us that there are rules, and need to follow them. Just like we need to abide by the laws of the land. If we break the law than we will be held accountable for them. By paying a fine, etc. How can we assume that because this father was firm with his son out in public, that there is verbal or physical abuse are going on. You all need to  be very careful to be quick to decide that. This is someone's life that you could damage because of you being quick to decide the way he was. We need to STOP ASUMMING that people are bad simply on just one thing, that we don't necessarily  agree with another parents parenting style. We also need to REMEMBER that not everyone came from the same up bringing as you the writer on here and your followers. This Dad was doing the very best he could. The best thing that you as the writer could do is be less judgmental of others. Not assume that they were taught the same as you from your parent(s). Be Grateful that your parents taught you. How do we know his up bringing. Maybe he (the Dad) was a foster child, or adopted, see we don't know the whole situation of this man. Your putting all of your opinions of what he should have done, rather than stop and think about maybe he wasn't taught. You, me we all don't know the way he was taught. Let Us All Be Less Judgmental, and be more Compassionate. Bottom Line We Don't have all the INFORMATION. By the WAY I did get the point of this article and We need to Be More Understanding.

Leah
Leah

 I had mixed feelings about this actually. I fully appreciate the general gist of the article: encouraging parents (dads especially, for some reason, but I'm going to guess that's basically coz you're a dad) not to emotionally crush their children. And that's great. But I think you go a bit over the top in some areas. A dad not playing with his kid every day is not going to destroy her. For a couple of years when I was a kid my dad often would not get home from work til dinner time, or sometimes we would have to start without him, then not too long after dinner we'd be in bed. That phase didn't last forever, but it happened. He would talk to and engage with us when he got home but there was not time for playing, definitely not every day. But he was not rude, or abusive, or dismissive of us. That is what breaks a child. Not being able to play with him every day is not what breaks a child. 


I also think that sometimes anger is necessary. It should be controlled (rather than control you) and be righteous anger (that is, only getting angry about legitimate things, not silly trivial things). I would expect a parent to get angry at their child if he drew on the couch (at an age old enough to know better). This doesn't mean blowing up at him. You say anger is about wanting to control others while failing to control yourself. That sounds more like a temper tantrum to me. And yes, temper tantrums are done in anger, but that is not what anger is. 


I also think children should fear their parents, to a degree. This doesn't mean being scared of them like the little boy you mentioned at the beginning of your article. I mean fear in terms of respect. Kids should know that if they step out of line there will be consequences, just like there is for us as adults. Yes we should want to follow the laws because we know they are good, but I'm sure there have been times for many people when it's only the fear of being busted which has kept them in line! 


You wanted to hear about good dads... well, there's mine. The one who didn't play with his four kids every single day of our lives. The one we had some fear for because we knew there'd be trouble if we misbehaved. The one, though, who took us camping several times a year. The one who would let us skip school a week from the end of term to go on family holidays early. The one who, even though he places importance on maths and science subjects, let me do my arts and history subjects in highschool, and who supported me through a degree I suspect he probably knew I'd never use. 

GrannyNan
GrannyNan

My Dad, he adopted the 4 of us when he married our Mom, when he disciplined any of us, never did it in front of company or our friends. He always took us aside, told us what we'd done or not done, said, etc., then let us know the consequences. Once in a great while a spanking was called for, But he cried right along with us, then talked over the situation, hugged us, told us he loved us and it always ended in hiccupy, teary smiles. I miss him.

RoseLynnJames
RoseLynnJames

I am not a dad but a grandma who has temporary custody of her 4 grandsons, i taught them to have a voice and to use it, sometimes too loud but i luv that they speak out when being bullied or let me know that i am not doing what they want me to, within reason of course, they want ice-cream if i have the money i get it and what ever else they want as long as they ask me nicely and learn the words thank you, i get alot of love you's and ur the best mama in the world, but then i say u r the most spoiled grands in the world, these boys were abused and broken when i got them and now u would not know that they were, i applaud u for speaking out and if that was me seeing what u just said i would have said something or did something, yesterday in Walmart i ran into a man who was trying to be that man and calling his lady down for buying a product he thought was useless, i walked by and oh wow really now i have the same product and i use it all the time, i am sure i saw her stand up straight, a little while later this same man met me in the isle and he had a little girl with him, i commented how beautiful she was, he said u can take her home then u will know how sweet she really is, i told him put him in with my really sweet 3 year old and i would luv to keep her and they can be sweet together, she was only 2 but the hurt in her eyes told me the truth, all she wanted was to be hugged and cuddled, my arms ached to grab her and hug her and tell her u are the sweetest baby in the world and don't let anyone tell her anything different.

brettfish
brettfish

It is quite clearly NOT an easy thing to be a parent - the more helpful posts lie this we get to get parents thinking more deeply about the responsibility and opportunity the better - and sometimes people just need options - i have been collecting some helpful resources on parenting which i store over here: https://brettfish.wordpress.com/2013/10/05/parents-of-all-shapes-and-sizes


Hope you enjoy

brett fish

WesleySinclair
WesleySinclair

I think I'm a fairly good father, but I know there are moments that I haven't been the best. I grew up with an angry father and an angry step father. I never learned how to be compassionate with my kids.

This is not say I'm not, I am often patient with them, but reading this makes me want to be better and I will be a more compassionate father. The time I do get with my kids I will spend being the best father I can be. These things I promise as all of you as my witnesses!

Thanks for writing this and keep up the good work!

Wes

MelissaAnnNY
MelissaAnnNY

Never judge a parent w/o knowing the whole story. I have been guilty of this in my own mind when I see how a Mom/Dad talks to their child....It has made me sad...BUT I am guilty of it too at times....However, I am never above apologizing to my child once I had time to rethink how I acted....I am not perfect never claim to be....I am a Mom who has raised her SON on my own....My sons biological father is not in the picture physically on the phone occasionally maybe....Long story...So parenting can be stressful....Who knows how this man/father was treated as a child. Not an excuse but a clear fact of abuse in the country and many other places it is a vicious cycle. Parenting does not come with a book.....I would like to know if he saw a video later of his own actions towards his son that day what he would have thought about his own actions. Parenting is HARD....and not always joyful, some days we need to use stronger guidance then other days....My son is 16 now and a well adjusted happy young man....So even with some unacceptable yelling, a smack on the behind on occasion he is OK now.....Thriving, learning to drive, looking at colleges....is kind and compassionate.....young man and I wouldn't trade him for the world.....

Rose
Rose

My husband is amazing with our son!  He is of course not perfect, but he is in there trying every day to be a good dad.  He has stepped up to the plate & is a full-time stay-at-home dad - so he spends the most time with our son.  He has even managed to spread his positive influence by being willing to play with the neighborhood kids (some of whom don't have a positive male influence willing to spend time with them) when they are outside.  He has amazing patience, & is often found explaining things to our son, taking time to show & teach him how to do things.  He has also made a concerted effort to raise our son in our Christian faith.  

jpgray73
jpgray73

Thank you. I needed that. Your time spent typing this was not in vane. I promise.

Stop child abuse
Stop child abuse

@Jen4 you should tell the cops that the mom threatend to smash a 3 yeat old girls head and they can see if the girl is being abused or not because if she is you just saved her lif and i shes not atleast you tried and you dont loose anything sooo please tell the cops and show themthe plate number just to make sure 

Anne
Anne

@jaydee Anyone who does the things that man did is showing that they are a bad parent. that is not acceptable even for a moment, to snarl at your child and hurt them, dig into them.

jaydee
jaydee

PS - Please excuse bad typing :-)


Stop child abuse
Stop child abuse

@sassyV your poor daughter tell him he has to be a better dad and show him this article do it fro your daughter please help her

AllyW
AllyW

@Leah children should NEVER, NOT EVER, fear their parents.  NEVER.  

We are here to keep them safe, be their protectors and love them unconditionally.  I have raised five children who never feared me and love me back unconditionally.

And my Dad was a merchant seaman who was only home six weeks a year.  And I loved him fiercely, and still do, even though he passed away 25 years ago.  Oh, and I NEVER EVER feared him.  But I always respected him, just as my children respect me.



Meagan
Meagan

@MelissaAnnNY I agree with you Melissa. Perhaps the man in the article here was harsh because his son had done something really bad shortly beforehand, and the dad had enough. I have seen kids do things like ask for icecream when they have just completely acted like a total jerk. Then the dad told the kid to stand in a certain spot, and instead the kid walked over to him and asked him another question. This is disobedient, and how are we to know the whole story? I think the author here is just a little bit too self-congratulatory. I would rather see a parent attempting to instill self-control in their child out in public, than a parent who lets their child run around and bother other people in the process.

Count Meeyinn
Count Meeyinn

@MelissaAnnNY Absolutely, Melissa. This person needs to mind their own business in this sort of circumstance and stop studying other peoples' kids if there is no issue of abuse afoot. I'm sick of people who worship children and hinge on their every grimace and want to run to them with tissues. Kids need limits. They need to learn they can't have everything they want to have ON DEMAND, which this generation is so spoiled by.

Single mum
Single mum

@AllyW  I was terrified of my mother as a child/teen/young adult and no it is not good.  I vowed my children would never be scared of me.


Svetlana Nenaydykh
Svetlana Nenaydykh

You are an angry person who should not be a parent. Someone like you makes the world a worse place to live in.

Esal
Esal

@count meeyinn

Children only know what you teach them. If you are kind to your child they will be kind. Their is nothing wrong with worshipping your child. I see my child as a gift. She is amazing and well behaved for a 1 year old. Yes. She has tantrums and misbehaves here and there. It's never ok to yell at your Child. You are only teaching them to yell and be angry when someone else is upset or doing wrong.

Kids need limits ? Your child wouldn't need a limit if you knew how to respond to your child properly. At 1 my daughter has become a Picky eater. Not because Ive made her that way but because she is learning and exploring her likes and dislikes. I don't yell at her for not wanting her food or punish her. I try again after sometime or I find new ways to feed her what she doesn't like. She has a bad habit of throwing her soppy cup on the floor. I don't ask yell at her for throwing the cup 15 times I simply tell her if she doesn't want it to give it to me. The soppy cup throwing has gone done to about 3-4 times during a feeding. She on her own grabs her cup and puts it on the table. If I yell at her that doesn't solve the problem that only creates another. Setting a limit of not allowing her to eat or giving her, her sippy cup. Will only teach her to cry and nag and get angry for my reaction.

Just think of yourself. Everything takes time practice and patience. Think of yourself when you learned to drive or cook. Or maybe at your job. Just remember how you felt wheat something at work went wrong and a boss reprimand you. Yeah. It might of worked but do you remember how you felt? What if you had a bad week. You were late twice and then forgot to hand in work. If your boss gave you a limit of the 3 strikes and you're done. Can you imagine how crappy that would be for you and how that must feel? Now imagine all of that but to your child. The one person who looks up to you and loves you unconditionally. - remember they didn't ask you to be brought to this work. You wanted or decided to have a child. Kids depend on us for everything. Show them that you can be their world. Don't buy in into "kids need limits" and " punishing your kids is good". I have responded to my daughters every need since she was born and my daughter is truly amazing. She believes in herself she trusts she can do things on her own. She is extremely sweet and loving. And I know that part of that is because she sees and has learned that yelling and screaming isn't ok that's why it isn't used by mommy and daddy

Darkly
Darkly

@Count Meeyinn @MelissaAnnNY This child he was talking about was most likely getting beat at home. Humanity truly is broken as long as there are people like you around. The guy that wrote this article is observant and compassionate, unlike most people... There is a fine line between abuse and disclipline. The man in the store showed emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, and even a tad physical.. At the store alone.. No child should EVER have a reason to cowar away from a look on their parents' face. Do you even have children?? If not, then you have absolutely no place speaking out to this article what-so-ever. Becoming a parent is like tapping into the part of your soul that is beyond the non parent life. Some people don't get that. Some people aren't made to be parents because they can't love their children. The man in the Costco included.

myza1177
myza1177

@Svetlana Nenaydykh  Actually I am very happy person, and so are my children. Just because I don't given in to every want makes me a angry person. Giving in to everything a child wants creates a spoiled over indulged child. Who will go through life expecting everyone else to just give them what they demand. Perhaps your one of them.

Teaching your child or children responsibility, there is nothing wrong with that

Esal
Esal

Who was that comment for?

Count Meeyinn
Count Meeyinn

@Esal Well esal, that was quite an amazing and very kind reply to leave for someone you disagree with. Just reading what you wrote here, I know you are an amazing, caring parent. I have been working with kids, one on one in a teaching situation for many years... and you can be sure that my first goal is always to keep things positive for the child, always overlook any faults, never judge them, always be good natured, never letting any negativity in. When I used the term worship, I guess I was talking about the kind of people who would question even your loving approach without knowing the success you have dealing with your child, the kind of person who would blame YOU for your child being a picky eater, that such is a sign of you having failed your child and might see your child's habit of throwing her soppy cup on the floor as a reaction to having been beaten! There are people out there who are that obsessed with explaining a child's every action. That is the only reason, in this case, I gave the parent the benefit of the doubt, when normally, I would be first to see things from a child's point of view. Imagine this... true story. Once when I was tutoring a 10 year old girl at her home, her mom excused herself to run out to the store. The mom called to the girl, "Love you!" and the girl answered,"Love you too!" The door closes and the girl declares to me, "Bi*ch!" I'm shocked, and ask, "What?" She replies,"My damned mother!" And she began to complain to me about her mom being strict with her because the mom did not allow her to keep a black that the girl had found. Right? And the cat was let go and the girl had thrown a tantrum to no avail... yet. So as my appointments went, I saw the girl the following week. She greeted me at the door holding a black cat! Haha ok?  But wait! "At first I was happy for the girl and with her mom in the kitchen (and her mom was an awesome, kind lady who loved her daughter) I said, "So you got your mom to let you keep the cat you found! Yay! And she corrected me glowing,"Oh no! This is a different black cat! Cost my mom $300." And she told me under her breath that she had thrown a major fit and she quietly bragged, "It works ever time." I promise you, that is a true story and it is typical of what children share with a person they trust, just like they might tell a school chum. But that kind of thing, that sort of broken relationship between a parent and a child simply is not always the parent's fault, simply because different kids have different personalities and different dispositions and hang with different kinds of kids they learn from, because as you know, another child would never talk about their mom behind her back or brag about "playing" their mom like that. And guess what? When a person in my position tries to inform the parent of a child's poor behavior or habit we may notice, the parent takes the child's side every time, because kids do know how to get the cards to fall in their favor and to make a denial very believable to a parent. With that in mind, when I read of this father putting his foot down in a public place, I could not immediately give him wrong because I have seen kids work every angle to get their way, and unlike you, some parents throw in the towel and just stop trying to figure out the why's... and learn to just put a stop to a child begging them in public by being short with them. Your daughter sounds like a wonderful child, but every child is different. Some simply will not respond to the careful, loving approach you follow. And that girl I mentioned to you is one of them. Thanks again for your kind response. How lucky your daughter is.

myza1177
myza1177

@Esal 

I'm so glad that you teach your kids to be in a bubble, and yelling is not a way of communication. Go hug a few trees, I'm sure that will solve all our problems in this world. You teach your kids the way you do, and I teach my kids the way I do. I'm so glad that you have the parental agenda for all the parents in the world.

MelissaAnnNY
MelissaAnnNY

@Darkly @Count Meeyinn @MelissaAnnNY  @ darkly - Yes I have children and how dare YOU judge me for my opinion. My children are all respectful and wonderful people. If you read my answer I said ABUSE is NEVER OK......but YOU like I do not know the whole story. While I appreciate your own personal opinion I DO NOT appreciate your accusations towards me and count meyinn what so ever. You do not know either of us.....So hush yourself.

Svetlana Nenaydykh
Svetlana Nenaydykh

Do you only see everything in black and white? Yes you can't get everything in life that you want, but this father could have been much more tender towards his child. Saying no you cannot because of xyz, or even stating that his child cannot always get everything he wants is much better than the mean way his father reacted. This child is most likely abused at home or is treated worse than what it seems. You can teach something to the child before breaking him. So please don't explain to me that children should learn that they can't get everything they want. That is a no brainer. The way this is taught makes all the difference in the world. And that is the point this father was trying to make.

Count Meeyinn
Count Meeyinn

@MelissaAnnNY @Darkly @Count Meeyinn I applaud you again, Melissa AnnNY. I will tell you right now that I do not have my own children. However, as one who has been working with children for 40 years, no one on the planet cares more about the safety and welfare of children than I do, and I have a perfect right to respond to posts that regard issues like this. There is nothing I despise more than a person who hurts a child in any way. Some parents think they have a right to treat their own child any way they wish. And guess what. When I have taken the side of a child whose parent thought it was fine to even embarrass a child in front of me, I have been the one to have parents turn against ME, even questioning MY character for daring to question a parent's right to do whatever they please! So there are some parents out there who need a reality check, because it is that type of parent who make people think twice about reporting abuse. I once saved a child's life when I was in the right place at the right time, and thank God, that my last minute action did save that child! And now here comes Darkly judging me, saying that I do not even have a right to speak up to defend a parent whose actions may have been simply to keep an unruly child from continuing to act out, a child who may have been misbehaving for the previous 30 minutes. We do not know. Oh! But Darkly knows that this man is most likely BEATING his son at home! Children know how to pull their parents' chain when trying to get their way. When in public, a parent does have the right to shut that mess down, even if the poor little child backs away and sulks for not instantly getting his way. I feel sorry for Darkly's next door neighbor, whose kids are always under Darkly's scrutiny, with Darkly always ready to call 911 when he hears one of the neighbor kids cry or scream. And he says WE don't know kids? I have seen kids PLAY their parents for 30 years, trying to get their way, but despite that,  just like you Meslissa, I also stated in my first post, that it was right to interfere if abuse WAS suspected. But apparently, I don't even have the right to comment.