It’s time to stand up and ask what we can do to be better dads. It’s time to get our priorities straight. It’s time to come home and actually be a dad.
Dads. It’s time to show our sons how to properly treat a woman. It’s time to show our daughters how a girl should expect be treated. It’s time to show forgiveness and compassion. It’s time to show our children empathy. It’s time to break social norms and teach a healthier way of life! It’s time to teach good gender roles and to ditch the unnecessary ones. Does it really matter if your son likes the color pink? Is it going to hurt anybody? Do you not see the damage it inflicts to tell a boy that there is something wrong with him because he likes a certain color? Do we not see the damage we do in labeling our girls “tom boys” or our boys “feminine” just because they have their own likes and opinions on things? Things that really don’t matter?
Dads. Speak softly to your sons. Speak calmly to your daughters. Who do you want your child to be? Do you want him to be the kid at school that sits by himself with absolutely no friends or self esteem? Or do you want him to be the kid running for class office and feeling like he deserves to win it? Do we not see that we have the power to give that to our children? Do we not see that we have the power to teach our children the tools of societal survival?
Dads. Do we not see the influence we have when we say we believe in one thing, but our children see us living something else? Do we not realize how little we encourage our children to actually decide what they believe, declare what they believe, and then live by it? Whether it’s religion, politics, sports, or societal norms. It is not our place to tell our kids what to think. It is our place to teach our kids to think correctly. If we do this, we need have no fear of what they will decide for themselves and how strongly they’ll stand behind it. A man will follow his own convictions to his death, but he’ll only follow another man’s convictions until he steps in manure.
Damn it, Dads. Every child has the innate right to ask for ice cream without being belittled and broken. Every child has the innate right to do so without being made to cower in the corner because the man who is supposed to be his hero is actually a small, small man altogether. Every child has the innate right to be happy, and giggle, and laugh, and play. Why aren’t you letting them? Every child on earth has the right to a dad who thinks before he speaks; a dad who understands the great power that has been given to him to ultimately shape another human being’s life; a dad who loves his child more than he loves his television shows or sports games; a dad who loves his child more than his material junk; a dad who loves his child more than his time. Every child deserves a superhero dad.
Maybe the truth is that a lot of dads don’t deserve their kids.
Maybe the truth is that a lot of dads aren’t really dads at all.
I apologize for the heatedness of my post. I believe a part of me feels like a coward for not saying something to the man in front of me at Costco. Consider this post to be my penance. Perhaps a part of me feels that if even one person reads this and decides to be a better dad, it was worth every second that I spent typing it. If one child has a better life because something in my words stirred their father to step up their game, then it was worth every ounce of begging and pleading with you to share this with others, of which I am inevitably going to be guilty.
Dads. Children are gifts. They are not ours for the breaking. They are ours for the making. So stand up with me and show the world that there are a lot of good dads around.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing Pleading
PS, I was seriously ornery and sad when I wrote this. Please comment below and say whatever you like, but please also tell me about a good and real dad you know, somewhere, and what makes them good. I really need to hear it right now.
FOLLOW-UP NOTE: I recently published my first book The Real Dad Rules. I would be overly grateful to all parents who invest in a copy and take the time to read it. It’s a guide from an everyday dad to everyday parents. It celebrates parenthood, it truly and poignantly empowers all parents to be better parents, and it helps both dads and moms alike feel motivated and determined in ways they never expected to be possible. Read a sample, order the book on Amazon, or visit the official Real Dad Rules website.
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ChristineDuBoisKrevalin
Despite the circumstances that lead to the writing of this poignant article, Dan's perception of a dad is exactly what it should be. If only more men AND woman would understand the power they have over their children then perhaps this article would come to life for them. Well said Dan, well said.
Michael J G
ChristineDuBoisKrevalin Thumbs up! I couldn't agree with you more. Some people have been taking the side of the Costco dad, saying he has a right to discipline his child as he sees fit. Well, if they took a moment they would see that this man didn't bother to consider what was "fit" for discipline. Discipline means teaching, it doesn't mean degrading, hurting, or breaking your child. Thanks for the thoughtful post.
I've had a similar experience...where I've seen a mother berating her young son in a Rite Aid. I was so angry, but I didn't speak up and I just felt sick over it. Good for you for realizing the value of fatherhood; I always try and remind my dad just how powerful it's been knowing I have a father who loves me. And because of that, I married a man who treats me right and who is a wonderful dad to our beautiful son. Thank you for sharing.
I once saw a woman walking around a store with her 2 year old son toddling behind. She didn't look at him or hold his hand (and we were in a Christmas store with TONS of glass around!) The mother continually bombarded this very small child with things like, 'You're just like your father and he's and idiot! You are just as worthless...etc."
I was astonished and DID say something. He assault stopped, but I'm guessing it wasn't a new thing, nor do I think my actions will stop future attacks, but she did know that at least somebody else thought her words were inappropriate. I hope my words gave her pause, but have no idea of the long-term effects they had.
*HER assult stopped...
jerseystar1821
Your post is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time!!! That poor little boy... made me tear up... i want to swoop in and take him away and sooth all his pain away and help him become someone great! Dads do play a very vital roll in their child's life (as well as mothers). I have great, awesome, loving parents and wouldn't trade them for anything. If I am half the parent they are I might be satisfied, i will strive to be better then them. My dad is fantastic. Im so fortunate and lucky!
LeeAlexander
More truer words have no been said IMHO. This is relevant for all parents and care givers.
ValerieLKaylor
First and foremost I think the message to be aware of our relationship with our children is a great one. However I take issue with alot of what was wrote aside from that fact.#1~ The author was too quick to judge the situation. You have no idea how the boy behaved prior to getting into the line. Perhaps he was very direspectful, and the father had had it. Telling your child to go stand away from the line while the transaction is occuring, and that you're not going to reward them with ice cream is hardly "breaking" your child. When your child continues to disrespect your wishes putting your finger on their collar bone and reminding them who is the parent is hardly abusive. If he truly feared for this boys safety then why didn't he do more than come home and write about it? Why didn't he intervene?#2~ The article talks about children shouldn't fear their parents. To some extent, I believe they should. They should know that there are consequences for their actions. That punishment will fit the crime. If you know you have no consequences you're going to continue to push your limits past normal range. Even God calls for you to respect and fear him. If it's good enough for the all mighty, then it should be good enough for your children.#3~ The author talks about how he would exert physical violence against anyone who disagrees with his stance on having a loving physical relationship with your child. Even if it was in jest, how can one condone violence in one situation, and slam a parent for their choice of physical discipline in another? It's way too hypocritical. #4~ There is not one size fits all approach for children. I have two children, and each of them respond differently to the same disciplinary actions. My husband and I have had to taylor consequences to their responses so they are most effective. We have an amazing relationship with our children. There is the element of fear, but there is alot of love and respect. The way I do it may not work for your child, or your family, but it works for mine. I resent the insinuations read here that I am doing my children a disservice by not following your approach.
ValerieLKaylor There is a difference between fear and respect. If you fear someone, you do not respect them in the right way. My father only rarely got angry, and if he did, he never used physical punishment. I don't think that what he's saying here is far off the mark. He is not saying to not give children consequences. He's not saying that they don't need discipline. And I think he made it pretty darn clear that the child was being docile, and the father was reacting too harshly. He wasn't really afraid for the child's physical well-being so much as his emotional well-being. Regardless of the circumstance, I believe you should maintain control as the adult and not embarrass your child, especially in public. It's not as though this child was screaming or making a scene. He was just being a kid! Of course every family and every child is different, but the overall point of this article is to be interactive with your children, and not treat them like they are less of a person than you are. Treat them with love and respect, and I believe you will get the same in return. I thought this was well-written and very poignant for this day and age.
ValerieLKaylor Of course, I do not doubt that you are a good mother, I just thought I'd give my insight to what the author may have been referring to when he told the story of the Costco dad.
ValerieLKaylor
I agree there is a difference, but they do go hand in hand. You can not respect someone without having a certain element of fear. Fear, as it relates to this situation, is the emotion that impending negative consequence is near. Respect is the condition of being honored. Far too often people brush things off as "oh that's just part of being a kid". It's no wonder our society is in such disarray. I would not tolerate the direspect of not obeying my multiple requests. If the child had proper fear of their parent they wouldn't have continued to be disobediant after being requested to stop. No futher action past " do not do that again, please stand still " would have been nessecary.
RylanG
ValerieLKaylor Amen sister!
You said it better than i ever can. If your child respects you to begin with they will usually do what they are supposed to regardless. It is really they're decision when they do not do as they are told. When they are disobedient they are really saying to you that they want to show you disrespect. So i wonder what some parents feel when there kid basicaly says 'i do not respect you'. Do they feel like they have failed to be rightful parents? I guess if you are very insecure in yourself or have such low self respect that you will take that from a mere child. I see a lot of low esteem in many many of the comments here to be honest. I try to not do it but i almost see parents who are so sorry that they are begging there kids to love them no matter what they have to do. That doesn't seem like love to me, it seems sad. Why would a parent be so low in the image they have of thereself? I guess if you have failed and you deep down know it then you would behave so. It is sad to see that because a child needs to respect a parent and know that a parent is stronger than anyone else.
I think this site is full of mixed up people. Including the guy what writs it. I read his piece about himself and he sounds very mixed up and it seems like he is actually writing on here about his little boy so that he can feel better about himself. It doesn't seem like he cares about how his little boy will feel about all the stories he is putting out here for everyone to read. Someday his boy will be older and other kids will be able to read all this about him that he never even knew was written by his dad. It seems sorta self sentered to me, but i guesss where I live we are more private people and keep to ourself about things. He seems like he has to have other people approve of him to feel like he is worth anything. I think that is to sad. I do feel sorry for him. I mean i guess he makes a lot of money off writing about his little boy instead of doing work that might build him up. There is more to life than money and feeling happy all the time life is hard and it goes up and down but he seems kinda like he needs the feel good all the time. Maybe that guy he saw in the store doesn't feel that way and it bothers him?
ValerieLKaylor
RylanG
I agree too many people are begging for the respect of their children instead of demanding it. I am not their friend, I am their parent.
Michael J G
ValerieLKaylor RylanG I don't think you're getting it Valerie. I have never once laid a hand on my daughter, nor have I spoken harshly to her, or belittled her, or any other bully type method. However, she is very well behaved, she respects what I ask of her, and she has learned to know that when I am serious she should not push the envelope. Just because she doesn't get beat up doesn't mean there are no consequences for bad behaviour. As for being her father, rather than a friend, I am first and foremost her father. I am ALSO her friend, because she needs to feel like she can approach me. If she can't approach her parents with issues, who will she approach? She is made to feel like part of our family, not like a pet to be constrained and controlled.
ValerieLKaylor
Michael J G RylanG
No, you're missing the point. I'm glad that works for you and your family. However, it doesn't work for everyone. How your daughter responds to your choices doesn't work for EVERYONE. There is no one size fits all approach to parenting, and that's my point.
ValerieLKaylor At last, a valid point from you.
Now, if you can just remove inflicting physical from your parenting choices, you'll be a better parent (with better behaved children.)
ValerieLKaylor
I've maintained that point from the get go, you just chose to overlook it and ramble about yourself and how you're a super parent. If you look at my very first comment, it's #4. So once again thanks for accusing me of things when you didn't take the time nor effort to look past your own bs.
ValerieLKaylor You have clearly been an advocate of physical discipline on this thread; I didn't miss that. Oh, and fear. Let's not forget that one can't have respect without a healthy dose of fear.
ValerieLKaylor
I've said that I've tried multiple methods on my children and found what they best respond to. I've maintained that each child responds to different methods. I am an advocate of using what works for your child whether it be physical or non physical. I do believe a child should have a healthy dose of fear to go along with their respect. I do believe they go hand in hand. I've also said that I don't actually use physical discipline on my children because it doesn't work for them. I just acknowledge that it does work for some other children and families. I'm sorry you can't comprehend what you read, or choose to over look it because you're too busy rambling about how you have to be right and that everyone else is wrong.
Michael J G
ValerieLKaylor RylanG Of course there isn't any one way to be a parent. I'm just saying that hitting your child is not a valid answer. Any educated person will tell you that children who are spanked are less well behaved. You would assume they are spanked BECAUSE they are poorly behaved, but it's the other way around. But anyway, this discussion isn't about spanking anyway. It's about what Costco dad did to his son.
ValerieLKaylor
Michael J G RylanGI've missed where ANYONE has advocated hitting. Spanking is not hitting. Putting your finger to their collarbone is not hitting. No one said beat the crap out of your kid because it's okay. Again you with your assumptions and over exaggerations.
ValerieLKaylor How is spanking NOT hitting???? It's remarkable that you can even say that! Just because you put a different word to it (spanking) doesn't mean you're not HITTING your child!
ValerieLKaylor I am sick to death of you and others like you down-playing what the Costco dad did to his child. He didn't "place" his finger on the child's collarbone, nor was it a "quick poke." He dug is finger into that child's collarbone and kept it there, with the express purpose of inflicting as much pain as he possibly could. THAT IS ABUSIVE.
People standing to defend what the Costco dad did in this story are diminishing his actions by using "softer," "kinder" verbiage, rather than calling it what it is...child abuse.
ValerieLKaylor
Im not going to apologize for calling it like I read it. You and others like you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. You're calling abuse when there wasn't any. Try telling the child who is truly mentally, physically, emotionally, ect abused that putting a finger to a collarbone ( which unless he was the child is impossible to tell just how much physical extertion it was... I can barely brush my oldest daughters hair without her wincing and she's just that tender headed ) is abusive. Im sure they would LOVE to have that form of discipline over what they get.
ValerieLKaylor And who is the judge of what an appropriate amount of pain can be inflicted on a child while remaining outside the bounds of abuse? You?
Michael J G
ValerieLKaylor So... what you're saying is... it's OK to abuse a kid if it's just a little bit? What are you saying? As long as you don't draw blood or leave bruises it's OK? If that is how the man treats his kid in public one can only imagine what he does when he's home. And what if he treats the kid like this all the time? Would that not be abuse? Can you not think of circumstances where a little love and patience and self control would be in order? What level of abuse do you condone? And besides, the article was meant to make us look at the way we behave with our kids. How do you behave with your kids?
ValerieLKaylor
Michael J G
You're jumping to conclusions just like the author did. You have no idea what goes on in their household, nor mine. I don't need to justify anything to you, just like Costco Dad need not justify anything to the author.
RylanG
ValerieLKaylor Michael J G Dammmit Valerie!! You're not GETTING it!! Can't you see, you are not the one to define abuse!
That is to be done by the cultured, exceptionally well educated and oh so well spoken experts like Micheal JG and not MMOB :p
RylanG Valerie may not be getting it, but it's so refreshing to see that you are, RylanG! Congratulations for stepping from the shadows of ignorance!
Now, if you're really serious about bettering the lives of your children, there are numerous, controlled studies that show children who are spanked are less well-behaved than children who are not. Much of the ideals of spanking are held close by the uneducated parent. Look around the 'net...you'll find plenty to support this argument.
I am going to go ahead and speculate that the uneducated group also includes those parents who refuse to explore other options because they are A) lazy, or B) have a steadfast need to be right, even if it means harm to their child. Into which category do you fall?
Michael J G
ValerieLKaylor You're right. I don't know what goes on in your household. All I know about you for sure is that you are jumping to the defence of someone who clearly was not making any attempt to show the least bit of compassion to his child. Says a lot about you.
ValerieLKaylor
Michael J G
Yes it says that I don't blindly follow the masses like a sheep and I can think for myself and not jump to conclusions over a 10 second encounter I wasn't even a first hand witness to.
Michael J G
ValerieLKaylor You're STILL missing the point of the article, which was to make us look at ourselves and consider how we treat our kids. For all intents and purposes, the Costco dad doesn't even exist, he's now just a meme on the internet for people to consider. We're being asked to review the behaviour as described above, not to judge the man's life. I see the difference. I'm judging what I read in the post, not what I think the man is or is not. When I talk about his behaviour I am referring to what was in the post. It doesn't matter what he's like any other day. The point was to show people that, as a parent, we have a responsibility to give our children self confidence, rather than strip it from them by being a bully to them. Why don't you see that?
ValerieLKaylor
Michael J G
You're still missing the point that I don't think that specific punishment outlined caused the outcome you seem to think it did.
Michael J G
ValerieLKaylor Hmm. Can you indicate for me where I said that the EXACT instance of punishment outlined in the above article lead DIRECTLY to an outcome, of any kind? Perhaps you should try to understand what is being communicated, rather than focus on specifics of words in sentences. I am - as are many others here - saying he behaved very badly. Does he behave like that all the time? I don't know. Does it matter? No. Why? Because he purposely treated his kid like a dog, and degraded him like a dog. He made him feel bad, unimportant, and belittled. Why? Because he wanted a freakin' ice cream. Just like any kid would want. Was the kid bad for asking for an ice cream? Do you call that behaviour that deserves being treated like an animal?
Mercy7
I was just reading through these comments and I have to say, I'm actually quite offended by this. As a child, I was spanked a good few times and I can tell you right here and now that my siblings and I were some of the most well behaved kids you would have ever come across because our parents chose to reprimand us when we did something wrong. Even growing up, I never touched drugs or alcohol and it was rare that I ever misbehaved in any sense. I can also tell you that I have met plenty of kids who were never spanked in their life and... let's just say they weren't too well behaved. I'm not saying that people should spank their kids(I'm not quite for it), I'm just asking you to look at the naivety and narrow-mindedness of your statement.
There is certainly a fine line between reprimanding and abuse. Would I ever beat my own kids? No. I'm not going to say something if a parent decides to give their kid a swat on the rear end for misbehaving, but I'm sure as hell going to say something should it be anything more than that. It's not fair, nor right, for a child to be physically, and often emotionally and mentally, harmed by a being who is much larger and stronger than them. I will also point out that, though my parents chose to spank us, this was sociably acceptable at the time and I will be the first person to tell you that they were, and still are, damn good parents who will do anything and everything for their children. In no way whatsoever are they "A) lazy, or B) have a steadfast need to be right, even if it means harm to their child."
Michael J G
Mercy7 Discipline is a different concept from "spanking". Discipline mean teaching your child, mostly through example, how to be a good person. There is valid argument that spanking, done properly, can have a positive effect. However, there are very effective ways to discipline that do not involve physical punishment. In the case of the children you cite as being poorly behaved, and who were never spanked, the reality is that they may not have been disciplined at all - or perhaps rarely and ineffectively.
At any rate, what the Costco dad did was not discipline or spanking. It was a direct effort to deflate his child's self esteem.
I'm not sure how the discussion became one of spanking and discipline, when the article dealt with neither.
ValerieLKaylor
Michael J G Mercy7
It came into play because several people kept saying that NO PHYSICAL discipline should be used ever. It's simply not true.
ValerieLKaylor
Michael J G Mercy7
You're wrong. He told his child no about ice cream for WHATEVER reason he had for not wanting him to have it. The child continued to misbehave, and therefore he was reprimanded in the fashion the father thought was appropriate. You have maintained that the outcome of the above punishment is deflated sense of worth. Which by the way, is you jumping to conclusions because you actually know nothing of the boy, his father, or their relationship other than the 10 seconds the author of the article talks about ( which he doesn't know jack about either ).
Mercy7
Michael J G I think you misunderstood my comment. It was directed at not MMOB's statement:
"Now, if you're really serious about bettering the lives of your children, there are numerous, controlled studies that show children who are spanked are less well-behaved than children who are not. Much of the ideals of spanking are held close by the uneducated parent. Look around the 'net...you'll find plenty to support this argument.
I am going to go ahead and speculate that the uneducated group also includes those parents who refuse to explore other options because they are A) lazy, or B) have a steadfast need to be right, even if it means harm to their child. Into which category do you fall?"
It didn't go to the right place when I hit reply. My comment was not aimed at the article, but at not MMOB's comment. The article is another thing entirely. I do believe that, assuming the author's explanation of the incident is valid, that what Costco dad did was wrong. I was simply pointing out the narrow-mindedness and naivety of not MMOB's statement.
ValerieLKaylor
Mercy7 Michael J G
I wasnt saying you were wrong, but Michael. I agree with you, other than there are too many variables to the story to know for sure what Costco Dad did was wrong, but without the authors added emotion I don't believe it to be so.
Mercy7 Just because you "turned out ok" does not mean that every child fairs as well being reared with spanking. You also mention that during your childhood, spanking was "socially acceptable at the time," but it no longer is because studies and experience have shown us a better way of raising our kids.
I find it interesting that you were raised with spanking and feel there was nothing wrong with that, but then wrote the following: "It's not fair, nor right, for a child to be physically, and often emotionally and mentally, harmed by a being who is much larger and stronger than them." So do you not think spanking is painful? Isn't that the point of spanking? To inflict a painful reminder to behave? What about the shame and humiliation that accompanies a spanking?
Methods of all types evolve with education, practice, and study (think medical practices.) So if our society marches forward, so should our methods of raising our children.
ValerieLKaylor In your world it's not true. For many of us with well-behaved children, it is in no way true.
Michael J G The conversation turned to spanking vs. not spanking because there are those in this thread who were equating what the Costco dad did to "merely spanking."
Michael J G
ValerieLKaylor Mercy7 Why don't you stop focusing on Costco dad for a moment, and think of this as an example of behaviour from a parent? Forget Costco dad, and answer the following:
Do you think it's appropriate for a parent to treat a child like that on a regular basis? That is what the article is meant to make us think about. If you were that child would you not have preferred a firm, but kind, explanation of why no ice cream now, rather than being belittled? I know when my daughter asks for ice cream I at least take a moment to decide if it's an appropriate time. If it is, then I will say, sure. If it isn't, then I will tell her that we can't do it now because of .. .X reason, whatever that reason is. Kids are not stupid. They may need a reminder now and then, but that doesn't mean they're stupid. It just means they're kids.
The boy did not deserve that kind of reaction for what he did. If the kid had picked up a shovel and bashed somebody on the leg, and continued to do so after being told to stop, maybe a more forceful approach would be needed. But... asking for ice cream? You think that deserved the reaction he got?
Michael J G
"Merely spanking". Uh, huh.
Mercy7
Did you or did you not say "Now, if you're really serious about bettering the lives of your children, there are numerous, controlled studies that show children who are spanked are less well-behaved than children who are not." I'm perfectly aware that not all children respond positively to spanking. My statement was to simply state that not all of the children who were raised with spanking as a punishment are bad or misbehaved.
As for spanking being painful and humiliating, that is determined according to the situation. There was not one instance within my childhood that I felt mentally, emotionally or physically damaged after a spank. I am aware, however, that there are instances were that is the case and there is lasting harm done to the child or the spanking escalates to the point of abuse. I agree with you on many points, just as I agree with Valerie on some points. I ask only that you step back for a moment and reread all of these comments from a different perspective so that you might see how you're presenting yourself.
Mercy7
Michael J G You keep involving me in the Costco dad business. My statements are not aimed toward that. In my opinion, while the man grabbing his son may or may not have been outwardly abusive toward his son, it certainly points in that direction and suggests that there could possibly be abuse going on at home. Don't just go on the dad's actions though, there's also his threat to his son.
Mercy7 I have been on this thread, reading from the beginning. And yes, I did make that statement as a support to my point - there are better ways to discipline that do not include spanking. I'm not sure what point you were attempting to make.
And since in your own views, not all children "respond well" to spanking, why would you risk spanking only to find that out after-the-fact? It's not like that could be determined before-hand...
Mercy7
@not MMOB Simply the point that it is not fair to claim all children who are spanked are any less well behaved and that you may not be properly portraying yourself to others in your comments. You just seem rather closed-minded, but you're not the only one.
Your point is a good one, regarding the risk of finding out whether or not a child responds well. Perhaps my wording should have been a little different. I just meant that it's something that should be dealt with properly and not without thought. By "respond well" I was trying to say that it does not work for all children.
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Oh man I got to admit at first I was on-board with you. I really was. Then as I kept reading I kept getting this perception of "holier than thou." I have to admit how you come of is preachy and at times repugnant. Mentioning kicking people in the mouth and basically the whole article where you ascertain you are a better parent than others because of how you do it.I have and still will punish my children. While young my daughter had a thing about walking in the street without looking or waiting. For this she would get spanked. A couple smacks on the butt and a what where you thinking cars can kill you. Mind you all this came after we had talked to her calmly and tried to teach her lovingly not to walk in the street without us or without looking. The spanking was not because we don't love our child. It was a warning that not being safe around the road can hurt. I would rather become the villain for just a few moments then never get to be a super hero or villain again because my child got hit by a car. Even superman reprimanded kids after he flew in and saved them. I remember very early from my youth superman sitting down and reprimanding kids he saved for being unsafe near a cliff, street, river, etc. The final thing you do not take into account the other things that will influence your child. Friends and class mates are a big one. For example lately our daughter has taken to throwing hysterical tantrums and outburst when she does not get what she wants. This is not something she has learned from me or her beautiful mother it is something she has picked up at school. However we have tried to calmly talk her through it, just made it worse. We have given time out and spanked, mixed results but not really getting better. So we have taken to ignoring it and not even lending it credence. This seems to have worked the best and in all honesty if my children want my attention screaming and tantrums is not the way to get it. So by your logic when I ignore them for acting out I am a terrible dad. When I spank them for acting out I am a terrible dad. Yet my kids will always know why they got spanked what action it was that elicited that response. I have a very open dialog with my children even though they are young I talk to them with respect and intelligence. I try not to dumb things down for my daughter. This has resulted in a child that is very well rounded well spoken and smart. All this how to raise a child controversies has gone on forever. As you publicly bash this man, can you honestly tell me the reasons why he did what he did? Can you tell me the conversation he had in the car with the kid? Can you tell me how he treated the kid when he got home? Hey maybe the little boy got some ice cream when he got home, because that was the deal and the boy was pestering instead of doing what was asked. I live my life now that I am a father to give my children all the things I didn't have. I will be my children's superman and I will do it my way. if you would have confronted me in the store. My 3yo probably would have told you that sharing unsolicited opinions to people you do not know is considered rude in our house. Or that holding someone else to your standard is tantamount to bullying. Your views may be shared by others but at the end of the day they are your views. The only time you are allowed to in my opinion step in and take a stand is when someone is being abused, bullied, or attacked. It is not your job to be the morality police. It is your job to raise your child to be a healthy and productive person. I strive to see all my children reach for their dreams no matter how big. To be tolerant and accepting people who can accomplish anything. That is all that matters to me, not how you or anyone else perceives me.
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