I won’t lie. I still have no idea what I’m doing in the blogging world. Before I started SDL, I had never read more than a handful of other blog posts. I had no idea what to expect, how fast to expect it, or where it could lead. I didn’t know if there were a thousand other bloggers or a million other bloggers. I didn’t know that there was a process one “must follow” if they are to be successful with blogging. I didn’t know that it would take me years to build up a following of a few hundred people.
All I knew was that I enjoyed writing. I knew that it might be a great way to take my mind off of the pain of what I was going through. So, away we went, never really expecting anything major to happen.
Things started moving very quickly. I was in shock. Good and unexpected things kept happening. I was really excited about that.
Some people weren’t.
My entire life, I’ve never been able to understand the concept of not being happy or excited when others were successful or had something good happen to them. It quite honestly is a concept that I cannot grasp.
I get that from my dad. I’ve watched my dad move our family from extreme poverty to extreme wealth and then everywhere in between. Never once did I see or hear him be anything but a cheerleader for the accomplishments of others. It didn’t matter if he was down or up in life, he wanted everybody around him to succeed. I’ve even watched him praise the very people that have tried to destroy him over the years and then very publicly wish them success and happiness. He taught me the enthusiasm that should always come at the success of others. He constantly taught me that when others succeed, it gives us all more opportunity to succeed. He taught me that when there is conflict, minor or major, you can almost always walk away at the end with a handshake.
And, with that zest and excitement for others comes an excitement for success in one’s own life. My dad was always excited when good things happened to him. I always loved that about him. I always loved being excited with him. I always loved to brag up my dad to my friends. I always knew that he was off somewhere bragging me and my accomplishments up to his own friends. Bragging up all ten of his kids. All the time.
My dad also taught me to never let any one failure define me. He is an inventor. I can almost guarantee you have each seen or used some of his inventions. Hundreds of products made by some of the biggest companies in the world have his patent numbers on them. And for every product that made it, there are a dozen products that failed. A notebook full of genius ideas that went nowhere. Thousands of dollars flushed down the toilet. But, I never once saw him stop long enough to care. It was always simply the question of ”what next?”
And I’m embarrassed to say it, but apparently his strong example wasn’t enough for what hit me after this blog began.
Single Dad Laughing started getting big in a hurry. I don’t know why. I certainly wasn’t expecting it. I’m still blown away by it. It seems almost impossible. But it did. That initial success, and the thousands of positive and deep comments and emails that poured in afterward gave me a sense of attachment to what was being accomplished. A thrill for the moments people were having in their lives. A gratitude for the great responsibility I had just been handed in being a strong voice. Every day the numbers climbed. Every day I got more excited. Some days I shared that excitement.
But what didn’t come through to some was what all of my excitement was aimed at. Some took it as me saying “I’m better than you”. Strangely, what some people took from it was that success here somehow meant they had failed. In what, I do not know. It’s another concept that I can’t wrap my brain around. How does one person’s level of success define another’s? The two have nothing to do with each other. My dad taught me that.
I never received hate mail until the end of September when Single Dad Laughing went big in a hurry. Suddenly, there was no shortage of it. I was attacked. I was accused of things. I was suddenly being called a bad father. A bad man. A fraud. A megalomaniac.
I was receiving at least ninety-nine incredible, positive, and life-changing comments and emails for every negative or abusive one, yet I couldn’t stop looking at the one percent. I couldn’t get them out of my mind. I let them kill my excitement. I let them destroy my love for what I was doing. I let them shut me down. I let them bully me into changing the way I did things around here.
I almost stopped. I almost gave up. I almost quit writing.
But every time I remembered my dad.
He taught me better than that.
So I forced myself to be excited again. I forced myself to see the goal and vision of why I was excited in the first place. I forced myself to start skipping over the negative replies and start diving into the loving ones.
You see, it never was about me, and never will be about me. I am humbled. I am in shock. Why did all this happen? I don’t know. But I know why I used to be excited and why I’m finally excited again. It’s because of you. It always has been. It always will be. I will never again not be excited at the number of good people coming together to do good things and find daily upliftment or laughs. I will never again not be excited at the role I get to play in that.
I’m going to start acting more like my dad. It is wrong of me not to.
From here on out, I’m going to stop letting those who are against me dictate how I should do things. I am going to do what I think is right. Always. For me. For Noah. For this blog. For my followers. For the world.
I will never again not do what feels right. If you don’t like my message, that’s fine. There are many other blogs and websites for you to follow. Find them. Support them. Build them up.
I will no longer let the fear of vicious comments or replies stop me from speaking what I believe to be right. I will also never give a message that everybody will agree with. I know that even my most faithful followers will never agree 100% with what I say. I also know that they know that and are fine with it.
I am done letting the bullies win. They won’t anymore. Not here.
You may be thinking, Dan, we’ve been reading your posts and it doesn’t seem like you have been letting them win. Trust me, I have. They have been in the back of my head with every line that I write. They have been whispering hatred in my ears with every word I type. But not anymore. I am done letting their voices in. I am done failing my father’s incredible example.
I went to lunch with my dad the other day. Being in his presence filled me with something I very much needed.
My dad has been one of my biggest supporters here at Single Dad Laughing. He doesn’t do it by leaving comments on my posts. He doesn’t have to. He’s too busy bragging me up somewhere else.
My dad encouraged me to quit my job and pursue the life that I am about to have. He got excited with me. He was the first one to tell me that I could do it. I am 30 years old, and I still find great power in my own dad telling me it’s possible.
I still find great power in my own dad telling me I can do it.
No matter what it is, he believes that it will happen.
Yesterday was my last day at work. I packed up my office, loaded up my truck, and drove away to start a new life. I screamed with excitement as I headed home. And I’m going to start off on the right foot. This is my blog. This is Noah’s blog. This is your blog. This isn’t the haters’ blog. Let’s do it the way we want. Not the way others tell us it must be done.
Everybody have an awesome weekend. For those who have found reasons to be hateful, how about we shake hands and move on? I’d rather have your friendship than your anger. I’d rather see you succeed. I’d rather see you have great things happen to you.
For the other 99% of people that have been supportive and beautiful, thank you for being supportive and beautiful. I’m excited to have you here. Every day I thank God for you. Every day I am touched by what you share. Every day I give my everything to you, and I’m thankful that you are okay with that.
A few weeks ago I said I was moving on. The voices were still there though. This time, I mean it. Moving on.
Love, Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing (and taking his blog back).
PS, I think it is important to specify that I am not at all talking about readers who don’t agree with what I write. I love the spirit of debate and openness we have here. Your comments are always welcome. Always. Thank you for being respectful and loving when you disagree. Thank you for teaching people the right way to do things.
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Your father sounds like an amazing man! We all need that kind of person in our lives, and I'm sure you will lead the same example for your son (how fortunate for him to have two men like that in his life!). I'm glad you didn't quit.
I don't think people who don't like your blog are jealous or need to tear you down in order to build up their own self-confidence. They actually like reading blog posts that aren't pandering to the masses, that aren't 45324523987 pages long for no reason, and that aren't written by a narcissistic person. Don't try to say you aren't. We all read your "about me" page, and if there is someone more narcissistic than you, I'll eat my hat.
People always try to use the "They're just jealous" excuse. When really, there are real reasons not to like you. And writing about the "naysayers" is a trick another easily hated blogger does, which is just a way to get more clicks. Try writing posts that aren't about "real issues." Don't you think it's all been said before? Please, you're writing nothing "new" or "powerful" and the fact that people say you are is just a sign of how stupid and easily lead people are nowadays.
Jealousy is a dirty nasty seed that when is allowed to blossom destroys things and branches out to alot of other really nasty stuff...
For what it is worth I love you!! (not in a creepy stalker way) I will pray for you!!! I am so happy you have such a great Dad and glad that Noah got you to be that for him!!!! He is such a lucky little boy!!!
Dan, I have to admit I liked your blog a lot better before it was so serious. It was nice reading stories about you and your life with Noah. But lately the posts have been so long and focused on "issues" that I'm beginning to lose interest. Don't get me wrong, I think that bullying and other subjects are good to talk about but maybe you could consider being less long winded and also continue telling stories of daily life.
So happy that someone with such a great outlook & attitude has had such success! Keep up the great work! And you've made your dad proud! =]
Your Dad rocks. Your whole family rocks! They all have hearts as big as Texas.
Dan, I really appreciate reading what you write. I love the way you get excited over things and the way you always look for the positive way of dealing with something. With so much negativity in the media: disasters, bad politics, crime, war, etc., it is so refreshing to find you here writing about doing good in the world. You write about everyday things. But your themes are universal and powerful - life changing. Thanks for being here, for being you, and for doing what you are doing. (I have an awesome Dad, too. I always love to hear that others think the same about their own Dads.)
You wrote:
My entire life, I've never been able to understand the concept of not being happy or excited when others were successful or had something good happen to them. It quite honestly is a concept that I cannot grasp.
I don't understand it, either--where IS the *harm* in more good in the world?
I know at least one woman, one of my college roommates, who plays one-downs-man-ship. Never understood that.
I have never been the kind of jealous that takes down others' success. I'm not them--end of story. Sure, I'd like more success, more luck at the right time towards success, but ...
So what's your dad's name, or some of his successful products? Enquiring minds want to know!
My husband is a software engineer, and *has contributed* to many patents for his employers, and loathes patent review sessions with attorneys. Not in the same league with your dad--just a different one.
You do good for the world. Keep following your heart.
There are a lot of LJ journallers I read, and many of them have been hurt a lot, some by words, some by deeds. One of my last posts to my readers said this:
Some of you reading this have been bullied, and abused in other ways, by your own families, cast aside unloved, unvalued.
I see how you struggle, in your posts. I see what you are, as much as you show that.
I value you. I will do my best not to upset you by deriding what is valuable to you, although that may not always be possible, given how diverse my readership is.
We are none of us perfect--and that would be boring if we were--but we each try our best, to the extent that we have energy spoons to do so.
*************************
They need to hear this. I need to do this, to sow the good things I may need to reap some day.
I'm new to your blog as of a few weeks ago. I love it, don't ever stop!
So I was surfing and came across this Toyota commercial. I don't own a Toyota and I never have, but his commercial was the PERFECT video response to h8rs and it reminded me of your post. Have a great day! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V9Q6cUcTEg
Wonderful post about your dad!!!!! After losing my mom almost a year ago, my dad means more to me now than ever. Thank you for the post. I hope your life takes the turns you are needing and wanting. Have a great spooky trick or treating weekend!
I say, "Hooray for you." Those detractors? Thhhhbbbbbfffffffffftttttt.
I have explored this for a long time and have learned two things. 1 - Just because something feels big doesn't mean it's the right choice. It just needs my attention. 2 - My gut virtually never leads me wrong. I just have to learn to listen to my gut in spite of the big feelings.
The thing you do here is promote being genuine, and I think people need a good dose of it. Thank you for that.
I have never come across any of your writing that didn't make me stop and think.. Reevaluate.I recommend your work to everyone. You are great.
I am sooo thankful I found this blog. It has given me the strength to fix a few undesirable parts of my life. You do what you do best, and ignore the filth. And, kudos for following your dream.
You're a sweetheart. I think it's great to have a wonderful, nurturing, supportive father. I had one too, and he, for all this faults, is still my hero at age 30. I still love my Daddy (yes, I still call him that because he's got a special place in my heart) and I'm still looking for a man as great as my father to BE that father to my future children. They seem to be in short supply these days, I can tell you that.
It's very possible to be jealous and happy at the same time! I think it's amazing that your blog got so big so fast. I've been blogging for 3 years and have 8 readers, give or take. I was really hoping, still am, that my blogging/writing would one day give me opportunities that other bloggers have. So yes, there is a small part of jealousy with me, and probably lots of other people. However, I'm so thrilled for you, and so are 99% of the people who read your blog, as you can see from all the positive comments!!
Keep up the good work!!
I am so freaking envious that you have a dad that encourages and supports you and has taught you to FEEL things, good things, bad things. I have a father who tears me down every chance he gets. it makes ignoring those hateful messages so much harder. But this is a battle I will win. I refuse to continue to live a life with no pain and no joy. I am going to feel things and I am going to feel good with whatever I am doing.
I don't want to take what you have away from you, never. I just want it, too.
Redtalk, I am so sorry that your father has never learned how to be a caring supportive father. Unfortunately only he can change his own behavior. I do not know your exact circumstances but folks who tear others down often do it to try to feel powerful about themselves. I will sometimes try to compliment those types of people whenever I see them doing something right or good. The hope is that over time, they will feel better about themselves and then treat others better. I have seen it work. My own father is highly critical of his children. Fortunately, as an adult I now know he loves me and does this to try to make us better people (yes I know this is not the way but he really was trying). But it was hard hearing the messages he gave us. One thing that you can do is vow to be better with your own children (or even just other people who rely on you for support). Educate yourself on how to be a great parent...you've already started by reading SDL. And good luck. There is good in everyone and you are on your way to becoming even more awesome!
Ummm....hi, Dan. Enjoy every minute of your new adventure. It'll be fun having you here full-time. Can't wait to see what happens next! Bring on the dorkiness. Woohoo!!
Way to go, man. From another proud father, who's father was a proud father...
I once had a fake scratch off lottery ticket. Was going to give to someone but decided that would be mean (as in...you won $20,000....NOT). So instead I took it to work and scratched it myself in front of folks, then acted all surprised that I just won all this money. The comments I heard were envious ..."You are so lucky." " How come I can't ever get lucky." etc. When they found out I really had not won, they were laughing and soooo happy. There was one exception. One young woman immediately looked sad and said, "OH, you didn't win. That's too bad. You do so much to help others. That is a shame you didn't win." It was a fascinating dynamic. So many were happy that none of us won! And one lone voice (who I now think is an angel in disguise because she really is that nice) wanting the best for another regardless of whether she got anything. The others weren't trying to be mean but they were definitely jealous of my "good" fortune.
Your posts give me a boost every day. Keep it up!
You're definitely one of the good guys, and I think the world of you. You have helped me as a blogger, and as a person, and I consider you a friend. Keep being you. There will always be people who don't get it, but there are so many more who understand your message, take it to heart, and are better people for it. Congrats on your success, and I hope for much more for you!
You've got a lot more courage than me, laying it all out on the line for all to see and read. Myself, I consider my blog nothing more than semiprivate journal where people can get to know me without really knowing me. I love readers but I fear becoming overpopular (as if that's going to happen) because I don't like THAT much attention. And even though I will mercilessly delete them, I too get bothered by negative posts. But take heart in the fact that most of the negatives I've seen here come from trolls or people that can't stand the happiness of others and hide behind their computer screen like cowards while they mindlessly snipe at people they know nothing about. They have nothing productive to add to the conversation, so they're not even worth taking seriously. I know, sometimes easier said than done, but that's how you got to look at it. And say what YOU want to say, not what others want you to say.
I think its pretty amazing what you're doing. You have established a community of people who love your message and want to be inspired and laugh all at the same time. I had an incredibly horrible day today and when I got back all I could think was 'I wonder what's on SDL'. Its safe here. I love that.
I'm glad that you are moving past the meanness. I actually have an email in my drafts that I never got around to sending you. It was along those lines of not letting all that crap get to you - because I did kind of think it was still bugging you.... I guess you don't need it anymore huh? ;) Well know that for me at least you and your blog mean a lot. I'll be one of the 99. It's a good place to be.
People who make negative comments about you on this blog are bullies. They are trying to build themselves up by tearing you down. And usually, that's a sign you're doing a good thing. Don't let them get to you. This post almost sounds like a hug to those bullies. Kudos. You have some amazing things to say, and I'm glad you're not going to let what the bullies say stop you (cause I want to keep reading).
On a different note, I think you'd make a great motivational speaker, especially to teens. If I'm ever in the position to need to arrange one, I'm callin' you.
Well, I'm glad you haven't given up. I really do enjoy reading what you have to share with us.
You said it yourself Dan. They need an arm. One of my favorite lines from any movie goes well here. From Hook, when Maggie says to Hook, "you need a mommy very, very badly." That's what I try to remember about hateful people. Somewhere they got jipped of a mommy, or a daddy, or a loving person. :-)
If I may be crass, working-class, and NEON OBVIOUS, the vast majority of the hate mail is most likely from straight guys who resent that men like you (all approximately 8 of you) pull all the chicks, straight women locked in "settled for what I could get" relationships who resent that they can't be with you, and gay men who resent that you're straight and they never had a chance. So, basically, you're probably OK with most lesbians. ;-)
Dan, don't let these people get to you! You are doing an awesome job and there is an evil spirit out there determined to put you off track and to prevent you from touching lives and making a difference in this world through your writing...you are truely blessed to have such a great father who believes in you 100%...my parents were more like the 1% who want to find ways to break you down in any way they could...to this day, i sometimes doubt my abilities because they instilled that "question" that maybe what i was doing wasn't the right thing afterall, that i somehow might not measure up....i'm so glad your father loved you and unconditionally cheered for you even in the mist of great uncertainties...he knows you are capable of accieving all you set your heart out to do...keep up the awesome writing, keep up touching others with your open heart and loving spirit....don't let anyone steal that light from your heart...thank you for sharing this with us...
You're a great day cuz you learned from a great dad. Good job dads!
I'm sorry if you're receiving hateful comments. :(
Something I've tried to teach my own kids is that when someone says something bad about you, it's a reflection of their character NOT yours.
Good Job Dan.
I'm proud of you! =)
You Rock... its as simple a statement as that!
Danoah... I'll be honest, here. I don't have a lot i common with you. I'm neither a parent, nor a guy. But that doesn't seem to matter. I LOVE the spirit of what you do. And I appreciate the scariness of putting yourself out there for the world to judge.
You see, I am an aspiring blogger. I still have a day job. I write very early, or very late after work. I usually have a typo.
But I love to write. It's what I want to do. I've made several attempts... but nothing has seemed to click... until now.
Now I am at the precipice of combining my 2 passions, writing and the mountains...
But I could use a little help. I need some facebook fans: http://www.facebook.com/HowIMountain
And blog comments: http://www.facebook.com/HowIMountain
if things work out in my favor, I too, will be able to quit my desk job and pursue my dream and my passion, just like you. And i'd be forever indebted for whatever support you could offer. I promise to pay it forward...
I admire and respect what you've done, more than you'll ever know. It keeps me motivated and hopeful.
Congratulations on your success. It's well-deserved. You've proved my matra to be true yet again: "there is magic in boldness."
xo ~Jen
I am glad that you are continuing your blog. I think you are an amazing person and father. Obviously, you have a wonderful role model. Now you are continuing his legacy with Noah. Keep up the great work.
Dan, there will always be people who resent another's happiness and success. Avoid them like the plague they are! In fact, in the spirit of the holiday: Avoid Vampires. They will suck the joy right out of your life. The spontaniety, love and joy of being alive will be poisoned. Avoid vampires at all cost. Many of us have laughed and cried at your words, and shared them with others! Remember- "You! Keep being awesome!" It makes my day:)
When I hear about someone who is able to quit his day job and write full-time on a blog, I am amazed. Good on ya! Congratulations, and best of luck in your future. I have really enjoyed stumbling onto your blog.
Love it and your blog! I started a small business last year and quit my job! I was shocked at how hateful people (even some fam & friends) could be the second I found the least bit of success. I, like you, am always surprised at people who can't be happy for someone else! Congrats to you and the next step of your journey!
People who are happy and self-confident are always happy to hear about someone else's success. Don't let the bitter, jealous ones get to you. They're not worth it. Like I used to tell my kids when they came home from school feeling sad because some kid at school said something mean to them or to a friend of theirs: "Is this kid invited to our Christmas dinner? No? Then they're not important enough to worry about."
Just wanted to say... thanks. :) Your posts have been awesome, helped me heal, and I have recommended them to others. Specifically to the staff at my child's school, where he has been a victim of bullying.
Good luck both now and in the future. We're all pulling for you over here. :)
Keep it up DAN! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Conversation from Facebook
David Nakamura
SDL used to be interesting to read, before the ego and arrogance overran it.
Carolyn Lacy
LOVE this message along with so many others u have shared! Can't wait to c what is next for u! Good luck :)
Angelia Boothe Jones
Very positive attitude! Good for you!
Yolanda Bishop
I am not sure where 'Ego and Arrogance' fit in SDL?? I see and read of a proud loving father- which is something all children should have. Noah is lucky little Man. 'Bragging up' your child is sure to bring confidence and ensures the love is passed on later in life! SDL is a great example of that!
Single Dad Laughing
Thanks Jerrie. :)
Susan Blasch
much more handsome now :-)
Jerrie Jones-havens
You sir .... are doing an amazing job ! love your stories, especially the ones about your sweet son ! Keep them coming ! ♥♥♥
Like SDL on Facebook!
What an encouragin blog, I am going through some pretty hard things in my life right now and this made me realize that I have to take the steering wheel of my life back, so much of what you said I can relate to on a daily basis. I only wish I had the means to quit my job and dive into my dream. This is encouraging tho and I hope to be as successful as you one day.
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