Carissa. She is and always will be my greatest inspiration and number one hero. She is my sister. She died a few years ago. I had the privilege of giving the eulogy at her funeral. Some of those words have been intermingled here.
Carissa had Down’s Syndrome, but she never once let that define her. In fact, the only word that could ever define her is love. Her funeral offered indisputable evidence of just how far her love for others had spread. The room in which we held her services seated 750 or so. Many had to stand along the walls or listen from the hallways because there simply weren’t enough seats for everyone. I have been to many funerals. I have never seen one with that kind of turn-out.
I remember struggling to put her life into words that could accurately express who she was and what she was about. Truth be told, Carissa’s shining life and example really couldn’t be expressed over a podium. It had to be felt, experienced, and witnessed, as so many people there in attendance knew.
You see, Carissa understood love probably more than I or most of us will ever be able. She could feel inside a person’s soul and somehow, could even feel the pains of a person’s heart. If that person’s heart was hurting more than usual, she could sense it, and she would do what she did best, which was to help start the healing. It usually started with a question of concern, then a big smile, then one of her big Carissa Bear Hugs. Then, the verbal praises would start and not let up until she sensed that your heart was at peace again, even if it took weeks or months. She would laugh, and tell you repeatedly over the course of days, “You’re my favorite.” “I love you this much.” “Hello my beautiful.” “Hello my handsome.” And other wonderful things. Then, when you would leave, she’d get out a notebook and her big bag of colorful pens, and write you a letter or two, telling you how much she loved you, how much she loved God, and how much He loved you. You see, Carissa believed in God’s love for us, and she never hesitated to share it.
Carissa was not bound by pride, ego, time, or selfishness, a few of the struggles that many of us so naturally have. She was never too busy to visit or care for the sick. She never received an assignment in her church, school, or community that she didn’t complete with 100% vigor. She never thought herself better than another human being, ever.
Think about that.
She never thought herself better than another human being.
How many of us can say that?
She never hid her talents from the world. She never withheld her praise from anyone. She never compromised her values. She never believed that there was a reason to not show her love to others, and certainly never believed there was a reason for others not to love her.
Carissa taught me a lot of things. She taught a lot of people a lot of things. Promptly forgive those who have wronged you. Sing with all of your heart, even when you can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Stop caring so much what you look like. Stop caring so much what people will think of what you say and do. Serve your neighbor and buoy those who are down. Stop worrying about what others will think! Worry about what is right, and act in such a way. Forget about your job for awhile. Forget about your sports games and time-wasting habits. Look around you and find someone who could use a “Carissa bear hug”, or maybe just a warm plate of cookies. Don’t judge others. Smile and introduce yourself to strangers. Express your love for all in all times and all places. Yes, these are lessons that Carissa taught us all. These are the lessons that Carissa taught me.
And, for some reason her time here suddenly ended. I don’t know why. I do remember holding her hand just before she died and whispering, “I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to be like you.” Her limp body remained without response, buried beneath wires and machines. “Carissa, are you okay to go? It’s okay if you need to go.” Suddenly her hand squeezed mine with the same love and strength of one of her famous hugs, and a warm comfort rushed over my entire body. Even in her final moments she made sure to comfort someone else. I know that many others had similar experiences that day.
Carissa was okay to go. She had no regrets and no reason to fear. She left this world as perfect as when she came into it. She was okay to go.
She truly was a Saturday’s Hero.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
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I was there at the funeral. I love that girl- she's so easy to love. I miss her.
TrintonGarrett
I am a photographer and I love taking pictures of beautiful souls like Carissa because their pure souls shine through. We need more people like Carissa in this world
maureen moto
What a beautiful,inspiring story...wish I had known Carissa..God bless you all xx
Ckjbrooks
Beautiful story. My son, Jacob, has Down syndrome. He is also like Carissa. He never stops teaching me something wonderful. He only knows love. Thank you for sharing your story. My prayers and a big "Jacob" hug to you.
I don't know how this could leave anyone dried eyed. My friend has an 8 month old daughter with Down's Syndrome and every time I hold her, I know I am holding someone that will grow up and love. She will always be perfect in my eyes. Thank you for sharing your sisters story! We have all needed a hug, and I am sure she didn't judge who was good enough for a hug.
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Thank you Dan for this - it is heartening to hear a sibling's thoughts. I have a 34 yr old daughter with Down Syndrome, and oh, the things I learned from her! I've learned more patience than I ever thought I'd have, I've learned to slow down and enjoy today, I've learned to shrug my shoulders and let a lot of things slide. My daughter has never met anyone she would talk badly about; the worst might be "he/she is not very nice today". Like your sister, my daughter can't carry a tune in a bucket, but she sings her heart out, very loudly, and makes me smile. She doesn't care what people think - she had the "grunge" look down pat, before grunge ever became trendy; she was years ahead of the fashion trend!!! She writes poems for everyone, and always remembers birthdays (although sometimes we all wonder how she came up with the idea for a particular present!!)
Again, thanks for a sibling's point of view!!
Please do some more Saturday Heroes!!! :D This post was wonderful... I wish I could have met your sister.
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Another mother of a child with Down syndrome here - - you did your sister beatuiful justice here I imagine! Finding out at birth about our now 4-year-old having Down syndrome was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. But everyday got better and we quickly realized what a great blessing we had been given. I can't even put into words the feelings we have now - like we won some special lottery!
And how wonderful to read something from a sibling's point of view - all those that come into contact with these wonderful souls are made better, made to know things that others without the priviledge of a special needs sibling may never know - a deep rooted, internal compassion and changed perspective of the world.
Loved this beautiful post.
My baby sister "Lala" (the eleventh kid in the family) has Down syndrome. She is three now, and the delight of our lives. Seeing this made me so happy, knowing that Lala can grow up to be like this, and very probably will.
What a beautiful soul. I wish I could have met her :)
(continued from above)
Carissa was and still is my hero. I am trying as hard as I can to model my life after her. I miss her like crazy! I miss her hugs. I miss her beautiful smile. I miss her teasing and never ending knock knock jokes that she didn't really get. I miss shopping with her where we would jostle over who got to push the cart and call each other silly names. I miss that she and her dad and I won't be the never ending threesome that I thought we would be. I miss her infectious giggle, her enthusiastic singing and dancing. I miss her comforting ways and her big Carissa bear hugs. I miss that it seemed that everywhere we went within 30 miles people knew her and would come up for their hug. I miss the comfort and happiness she brought our family.
I love her and miss her like crazy but am comforted to know that we will be together again some day.
Thanks again Dan. I love you too.
Thank you Dan for posting this tribute. It's beautiful. May I say thank you to all the kind words said by all here. I wish you could have all been priveledged to have known Carissa. I have often been amazed that Heavenly Father trusted us enough to send us an amazing spirit like Carissa. I hope we didn't let him down.
There is not one person in our family who didn't feel like Carissa had been sent here just for them. Carissa had all the same emotions, hurts, anger, frustration as we all experience. She could also be very stubborn. The big difference was that she chose NOT to hang on to them. She didn't want to be sad, angry or whatever so she chose to change how she acted.
Beautiful post. She was beautiful, and now i'm crying.
"Stop worrying about what others will think! Worry about what is right, and act in such a way."
My main goal in life...Do the right thing. The good thing. I wish I had the capacity to do the right thing always, every day, every time. Sometimes the moment passes and I realize I didn't handle something the way I should have, and it's too late. But your ideas on 'perfection' have helped me to let go of the frustrations I feel with myself over things like that.
Inspiring. I want to be like her, too.
I want to say thank you, to you and your family for being so warm and wonderful to Clarissa. She was a blessing to the world. You gave her the support and love that she so deserved. This story is so touching, that I am speechless. thank God for people like you.
thanks for sharing. you were very blessed to have her in your life. thanks for reminding me that when we are stuck, it's good to just get outside of ourselves. bless you! :)
This is so sweet. What a beautiful young woman she sounds amazing.
I have had the honor of meeting several people with Downs Syndrome, and have always bee amazed by the amount of true, honest love that is emitted thru them. What a wonderful young woman she must have been. I am sorry for your loss,but am happy that you had the pleasure of being her brother!
What a beautiful post and tribute to your sister, your hero. I have a 7 yr old daughter who has Down syndrome. She has a 2 yr old brother. I hope they develop the kind of relationship you two obviously had. I'm sorry Carissa is no longer here to give her Carissa bear hugs and to grace this world with her presence. Thank you for sharing.
Dan, you and your family were very lucky to have Carissa in your life. She sounds like a person so wonderful...too wonderful for words. She lives on through you brother...God bless you.
This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing. Your sister sounds like she impacted many people in her life. You were lucky to have her.
Dan, you and your family were truely blessed! Clarrisa sounds like a heavenly angel put on earth to watch after those she loves...what a blessing! She would lift those spirits of those around her, never asking for the return in favor, and love 200%, never showing anger or impatience, just pure love...i wish we all could be like her. I know i have heard that children with down syndrom are truely earthly angels and blessings to everyone around them...how truely special you got to hold an angel and have one in your family for the short time she was on this earth...i can tell she had a great impact on your own life and outlook on things...what a blessing...
I have to tell you of a time that I recived a Big Carissa Bear Hug from the beautiful woman herself. I was working at a place that she would come every so often. I always enjoyed seeing her at each of these times. This particular time I was having a hard time dealing with getting divorced and had been really down that day. I was walking in the hall and Carissa walked up asked how I was and gave me the warmest healing hug. I didn't know her well but she could tell I needed something and that hug really and truly helped me feel like I was going to be ok. It is a blessing to have known her even if it was just a little bit.
I can't begin to tell you how happy this made me. It truly seems ever where I look there is another young lady ( with down syndrome) and her story. Recently, here in Ohio, a young lady became the Homecoming Queen of her high school.. ( with Down Syndrome.)
One of my daughters blessed us with Down Sydrome. You see, she did NOT get the memo that she was born with an extra chromosome... anyway.. Thank you so much for sharing your sisters story.. It mean alot to me. Maybe I'll send you a photo of our young lady :)
I would love to see a picture of your daughter Renita. Carissa was the love of all our lives.
That was AWESOME!!!!
ClassicMaryMoments.blogspot.com
What an absolutely beautiful tribute to your angel sister
Thank you for sharing that. One can only hope they could do half as well. How limited most of us are in our ability to live.
I can't help it, I cried. So beautiful.
thank you for your beautiful tribute -- I definitely need to be more like Carissa. I just found your blog last night. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and life. It really has touched me.
Dawn, so good to have you here! :)
Dan, I'm very thankful (with big grateful tears in my eyes) that you wrote this.
Carissa's life here on earth was so powerful that it is changing humanity after she left us. I never met her and I can sense her hugs! I think sometimes the universe places amazing people like your sister here on earth so that we can see how we as humans SHOULD be.
You are part of that strength. She lives through you. (Make sure you take time to appreciate that about yourself. We do :)
Thank you for sharing her with us.
Sarah Corrice
Peliroo, THANK YOU. You're very kind.
"Sing with all of your heart, even when you can’t carry a tune in a bucket" made me teary. How lucky you are to have had Carissa in your life - you are truly blessed.
Yes, I was the lucky one. And she did sing. She never saw any reason not to.
And even now, even today, she is touching our hearts. Thank you for sharing your sister with us, Dan.
Erika, THANK YOU. :)
This is beautiful. I wish I could have met your sister.
Wow, thank you Shannon. It's comments like this that make me keep going. :)
Thank you for sharing! You brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. I had a very good friend like Carissa when I was younger, who also unfortunately passed away young and also had Down's Syndrome.
Dawn taught me more about being a true friend then anyone else in my life, and I have always tried to live up to what i learned from her... often falling short.
Thank you for the unexpected reminder of someone so wonderful. It sounds like you picked the perfect person to be named "hero".
Dawn sounds incredibly beautiful and amazing. Thank you for sharing.
A friend recently told me about testing they were going to do soon (she is pregnant) She told me it would simply be too hard to have a child with a disability, including Downs. I think the true disability is not trusting in God and accepting the love He hands to us. How many of us belong to a family with a child that simply showers pure and unadulterated LOVE on everyone?! Not many. Carissa sounds like a beautiful young woman. And it breaks my heart that there are still people out there not willing to take a chance. The parents I have known with a child that has Downs has always said that they were put in their lives as a ball of joy and love. Not a one has ever regretted a moment. Reading this story reminds me of those moms and dads. Thank you for sharing. You ARE doing what you told her you would be doing. You ARE sharing her.love... like her.
Heather, THANK YOU for these words. I can understand why people would think that if they've never really been involved with somebody that had disabilities. Me, I would love to adopt a child with Down's. I would love to have that love in my life every single day. And that's selfish, but it's something I hope and plan to do one day. :)
She sounds perfect. I love the photo of you together. She was beautiful.
Kel, thank you.
my hero would have to be my dad ,you see has been sick for several years and not one complaint ,you see from the time i was born my dad was my hero i wanted to be like him my dad married my mom on october 1958 they would have celebrated 52 yrs of mrried life on october 3rd, my mom and dad lived and even worked at the same job for almost 30,yrs than my dad got sick first it was his high blood pressure and his drs changing his medication, than more issues arose his high blood pressure meds wrecked havoc on his kidneys still no complaints than drs advised he go on dialysis so another set back must move on don't worry than a routinne check up found a spot and a biopsy confirmed the worst adeno carcenoma of the lung and treatmets were esablished to no avail and than on a sunny day 8 days before his 72 birthday he was born on ovember 18 1932 he passed this world so that is why i call my dad my hero
Karl, thank you for sharing. Your dad was amazing.
Dan your Hero post was very moving to me... you see I have a niece who has cerebral palsy and is severely physically and mentally challenged. However, the best part of ANY day is when Megan give you her special kind of hug which involves her whole body and lots of vigor as she puts you in what we call;"Megan's Head Hold"! she generally, is squealing with delight as she does this with a smile ear to ear... Since she only has partial vision she tends to want to HUG YOUR WHOLE HEAD/FACE since that is what she sees best we think! She does not let go anytime soon either! When Megan hugs you know you have been really hugged aka blessed by an ANGEL! :) Thank you for sharing your memories of your sister especially her legacy of loving hugs!
Cherryl
Haha, I love the sounds of Megan's Head Hold. Sounds like something we're all fond of called "Carissa's Butt Wiggle". :)
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I was in a Seminary class with Carissa my senior year of High School. She was so nice! She loved memorizing the Scripture mastery. I'm sad she's gone.
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