I’m just going to say it. We have a teenie tiny problem going on right now. Our waist lines are expanding, and our activity levels are dropping. Our arteries are filling with gunk, and our Big & Tall stores are becoming the place to hang out. Yes, as a whole, we are getting fatter. I’m sure nobody will dispute that. What you may not know, is that we’re not the ones to blame. We’ve been set up. We’ve been manipulated. That’s right. I’ve decided there is a serious conspiracy to make us and keep us all fat. And I’m going to expose it here today.

Look into my eyes. Yes… that’s it. You will now do everything I say…

Let’s be straight with ourselves, and at the same time let’s have a good laugh. While I may put a humorous spin on some of this, you should know that I am as serious as the heart attack we’re all about to have if we don’t get this thing figured out. It’s time we join forces to do something “real” about this growing weight problem.

As for me, I have battled the bulge since I was ten years old. I know what it’s like to be fat. I’ve been through the ups. I’ve seen the downs. Even as I write this, I’ve got a nice comfortable muffin top pushing over the elastic waistline of my workout pants. Funny thing is, I’m wearing these pants because they’re comfortable. Not because I’m actually going to go exercise or some other horrible thing like that.

So why are we, as a population, getting so much heavier and so dang quickly? Many believe it’s Al Gore’s fault. After all, he invented the Internet. Perhaps we are all getting fatter because instead of living life, we spend our lives on the computer, lost in digital mayhem until all hours of the night. I can see why that theory would make sense. But, then I think about the fact that before computers there were televisions, and people were glued to those too.

So, we move into the theories of it being caused by a huge societal shift from manual labor jobs to sedentary jobs. Sorry, I’m not buying that bull either. There are very few jobs that have ever existed in which their daily physical demands burnt more calories than what we are now consuming.

Another theory is that we have placed fast food restaurants on every corner, which offers us no choice but continual fattening. Call me crazy, but these restaurants are not the cause of us getting fatter, they are a symptom of us getting fatter. So, nope, that one doesn’t fly.

Lastly, many will shout foul play at the restaurants themselves for serving larger, gargantuan platters that would be too much for even the great Paul Bunyan to put down. Sounds good. Let’s blame the restaurateurs for making us fat. Also a very nice theory, but… nope. Not even close. Again, it’s a symptom, not the cause.

No, it is none of those things. I have figured out what and who the culprit is, and you’ll never believe me when I tell you, but hear me out, because this could literally and drastically improve your life. This information could be pivotal in changing everything. This could quite possibly reverse the fat problem worldwide. And I’m being very serious when I say that.

Telling you what I’m about to tell you will probably paint a big x on my back. I’m guessing there are a lot of people who don’t want us to figure this out. Oh well. We’re about being “real” at Single Dad laughing. So let’s do it.

Stand up, right now, and walk into your bathroom. Look down at the ground. Do you see one of these?

Yes, you’ve done it. You’ve found the culprit. You’ve found the very root of the problem. It wasn’t the invention of the Internet, the larger portion sizes, or the fast food on every corner. No… It was the sudden “need” to have a bathroom scale in each of our homes.

Think about it. And if you consider weight-loss to be a “battle”, as I have, chances are you’re chained to your scale, and you didn’t even know it.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!