How do I put into words a concept that after weeks of pondering, and multiple attempts at writing, I can still only try to wrap my brain around? A concept that I feel, but struggle to put into proper and coherent thought. A concept in which I believe, yet it’s difficult to surmise the fact that I actually believe it.
I honestly don’t know. But I am going to try. For my own benefit, if for no other reason. This is at least my eighth attempt at putting this together, and I’m still unsure if I have properly articulated what I feel needs to be said today.
Strong words do need to be said, though. Please hear me through to the end. I cannot promise you will agree, but I can promise that you will be compelled to ponder some important things. Things that some of you may think impossible, Utopian, or unnatural. Things that may make some angry. But please. Read through to the end. I believe most of you will agree with what I have to say. Most of you will see the vision of this message. And that vision will spark conversation. That conversation will spark desire. And that desire will spark the beginning of change.
That is my sincere hope, anyway.
Because we have a problem.
Women are ugly.
Women are fat.
Women are bad mothers. Women are bad wives. Women are bad daughters.
Women are lousy cooks. Women don’t keep their houses clean enough.
Women have too much cellulite in their thighs. Their abdomens are too flabby. Their under-arms are too Jell-oesque.
Women are terrible singers. They are terrible dancers. They are terrible public speakers.
Women are stupid. Women are scatter-brained.
Women are weak. They are powerless. They are defenseless.
Women don’t dress well enough. They don’t have clear enough complexions. They have too many freckles.
Women don’t have full enough lips. They don’t have skin that is soft enough.
Women are too dominant. Women are too passive.
Women are too mean. Women are too nice. Women are nothing but doormats.
Women aren’t good enough. Women will never be good enough.
Women are, simply put, worthless.
Yes, they are all these things. If, that is, I am to believe the very words that are constantly being spoken by women themselves (which I don’t). These are their words. And I’ve heard them declared again. And again. And again. To me, to other men, to other women, and for all I know to their pets and their plants.
Worthless. What a concept. To hold no value. To be less desirable than a can of dirt. Are you freaking kidding me? Every single statement on this list, including the worthless comment, was a declaration that at least one woman has made to me, for whatever reason. I bet there isn’t a statement above that we all haven’t heard at least once; most likely hundreds or thousands of times. Why would any of these horrible, degrading beliefs spill across the lips of any woman?
What hurts me the most is that most of these things have been said to me by more women than I would care to count.
Get real for a moment, ladies. How many of these statements have you yourself said or thought? Be honest. Go through the list, one by one, and admit to the number. I’m genuinely curious. I’m genuinely sick about it. How many of them have you said or thought just since you got out of bed this morning?
[sigh] I am upset, but I’m not really angry at you. Just frustrated. Just sad. I understand the reason you constantly let slip these damaging statements. I understand the reason why you actually believe these things. I understand the real reason you feel this way. And the real reason breaks my heart.
Because of that, my message today is not directed at you. It is written to the men of this world.
Guys… It is our fault. The blame lies with us.
And, frankly, I think a man is the one who needs to point a finger and begin a conversation that could actually fix this problem.
I pray to God that every person who reads this forwards it to every man that they know, and that even a sliver of those men take a moment to read what I am about to say, because it’s time that the men of this world make a change. It’s time we make a bold declaration against everything we’ve ever been taught. It’s time we go against the grain for the sake of our precious and incredible counterparts.
I ask you seriously, men. Do we not realize what we have done to the women of this world? Do we not recognize the atrocities we have committed?
We have destroyed the very beauty that women are…
Dear Dan,
For 8 months I have been deliriously happily married to a man with whom I share the kind of relationship and friendship that has made all of our observers stop and rethink their own. It's been nothing short of a once-in-a-lifetime lottery.
But a few days ago, he dropped a giant bomb on me: he's no longer happy feeling "restricted" from other women; he's no longer happy having to intentionally turn down an opportunity to look through a Playboy or Maxim magazine; he's no longer happy having to intentionally turn his head away when a scandily-clad beauty passes us on the street.
Of course, he says, he does not "need" anyone other than me and he does not "want" anything other than me and he doesn't "want" to walk back through the doors of strip clubs......but he is unhappy knowing that, if he should change his mind, he is "restricted" from doing so.
It's been 3 days since either of us have worn our wedding rings - the ones designed and hand-made especially for us by an amazing artist friend who looks at our relationship as pure inspiration.
Yesterday, I forwarded this blog to him. I asked him to read it. I don't know if he has. I don't know if he will. And I don't know what will come of us in the near future.
But I thank you, from the most sincerest place within me, for giving me the vocabulary to express what I knew I was feeling when, one year ago, I asked him to choose between marriage to me and his collection of naked paper women. I asked him to decide, right then, if I was enough for him....if a lifetime free pass to my heart (and my body) was worth the trade. He said I was.....until 3 days ago.
Whatever happens.....I still thank you, Dan. Thank you for taking the time. Thank you for stopping stopping. Thank you for stopping looking. Thank you for letting me know that it's okay to demand that I be enough for the man I agree to give my life to. Thank you for starting this movement. Thank you for being you.
Sincerely,
Angela
I have to say I really agree with this. I currently live in West Africa and the exposure to media versions of 'beauty' are not as readily available as they are in my home, the UK. Her women and men do not seem to have half the body issues that people express in the UK. Men around me still obviously express their appreciation when they see a beautiful woman, men after all are always men, but I see that it is more expression of beauty in the timeless, classic sense that you talk about. A woman with a beautiful face, with a healthy figure etc. However beauty is not something that dominates life at all and it seems to me to make for a healthier society in that sense, in terms of women feeling very at ease with their own selves. For myself I defiantly am a lot less critical of myself in this environment, in fact I hardly worry about it, I find myself here that I rarely contemplate that at all and only actually worry about things that are important. Anyway I think that we have to realise that we all live in a captilist society and the target of the way we are living is for people to make profits. Most of the images we see are advertising and that's their only aim to get us to spend money, not to nourish society. And yes I think they are altering men and womens perspectives in an abnormal way. I agree with some of the posts here that women can take control of how they feel, but even for myself with a very strong mind I do know that this things infiltrate my mind and have a negative effect even though I am totally aware of the fakeness of most of these images. Anyway well done I like you blog and your post. You are writing from the heart and it shows.
Personally, this post was wonderful. I went through a rough point when I had very low self esteem...it was horrible. Then I found a man who made me feel wonderful and beautiful and amazing no matter how bad I felt about myself. I still have doubts every now and then, but he is always there to push those away. It's because of him that I'm finally content with myself. I don't think guys realize how much they affect women, even with the simple things they do. Thank you for posting this. Hopefully it helps open some people's eyes, both men and women.
I was with you until you started telling women that they need to "cover up a little more." If I am to feel beautiful I should be able to dress in as much or as little as I want. If I need to cover myself for you to gain self control, then your self-control is worthless. This is the start of the slippery slope that ends in women wearing burqas.
For the longest time I really had insecurities about being thin, or looking pretty, or not wearing the right clothes etc etc etc. I even have had my dad say to always wear makeup when leaving the house. But you know, in the end I'm the one I have to please. And while I understand that men need to be more careful when it comes to how they treat and view women, I honestly feel that we as women have the power. Not the other way around. With all that we do why would we blame ourselves or demean other women? WE bore children, WE raise them, WE have come a long way when it comes to being successful in the workforce. So why is it that we let how the media and men dictate how we look, and act and feel about ourselves? There are ALL types of women out there just like there are ALL types of men as well. I won't be attractive to every man that sees me but then again the opposite is true. I'm still young only 23, and I'm working hard to lose weight not because of some guy, but because I want to be healthy. I go to work without makeup but that's because I'm not trying to please people, I'm here to work. I have no problem voicing my opinion but that's because I would rather have a few close friends who respect me for who I am than to be with people who I have to watch myself around.
We as women need to demand respect from the men in our lives, and that's REALLY REALLY HARD! Because we don't wanna maybe rock the boat, or come off as a witch with a B ;) But you know what? It starts from the home, raising our men to be respectful to women, and raising women to expect respect. Thank you for this post Dan, and I appreciate the apology. We are only human and we will always have those doubts no matter how "perfect" we seem to the world. Which we all are in God's eyes. :)
You know, I really get this. When I first met my husband, I felt like a rock star - I was independent, hot, energetic, optimistic, fearless. Then after a while, and after a baby, I just felt like I was never good enough - the house wasn't clean enough, I didn't do enough today, I was too fat, I didn't eat right, didn't parent right, nothing I said mattered, I was a controlling bitch, and eventually, we separated. Guess what? ROCK STAR AGAIN!! I lost the weight, I bought my own house, I was good at my job and got promoted, I felt good enough. Actually, I felt like a superstar all of the time. 2 years later, we reconciled. And now? 50lbs overweight, house not clean enough, I need too much sleep, I need too much downtime, not enough sex, I'm unlucky, I'm forgetful, I should be this, I should be that. And really, I don't believe he does it on purpose, or that he has any idea that he is doing it. Outwardly, he is pretty awesome, but a lot of the time, I wish he would just go away. When he goes away on business trips a couple of times a year, everything is so calm and pleasant, with nothing hanging over my head. I looked back on some email conversations that I had with a friend around the time we reconciled, and I realized how drastically my tone had changed - from funny and happy to bitter and cynical. So men, if you really want sexy, happy women, you need to train your mind to accept them as they are. As soon as you start believing she could be better, she will start showing you that she could be worse...lol!
What is a "real woman?" All women are real. We all got issues and insecurities, and maybe some women feel the need to have cosmetic surgeries, but those women are real too. Even women who are going through things, and not loving themselves enough, are "real women," a quoted term used reduntantly in this article.
But you probably accomplished what you set out to do by writing this- score some brownie points with some/or certain women.
Also Dan, I'd like to see your thoughts on what women have come to expect of men... our 'fantasies' have taken a toll on them too :) keep up the good work!!
Dan, this is beautiful. I'm not quite sure i lay blame with 'men' period... but so many women (myself included) have majorly damaged self images and esteemes. Reading this hit me hard... and at first i tried to deny my damaged and dysfunctional 'love' for myself... but then i went to my bathroom and looked at my cabinets FULL of beauty products, special washes, make up, exfoliators, and the thousands and thousands of other things I use every single day to try to make myself 'beautiful' and at the end of the day, i still hate everything about myself. and it breaks my heart because, without thinking about it i have been teaching my daughter that she has to have all these things to be beautiful too... sad thing is, my daughter is the essence of beauty. sweet innocent perfection.
You can lay blame all day but we all participate. Some people, men and women, get it, some absolutely do not.
I am weeping with tears of joy that at least one man gets it! I recently wrote an entire research paper on something very similar to this and surprisingly my biggest fans of the project were men, but the worst critics were also men...the other men, the men that make women with a brain and an opinion and natural femininity like me feel stupid because of their own insecurities. I love what you have to say, thank you for saying it.
I am no feminist but I can't help being offended by the way in which you have you have pitied tender, sweet women. You say that men have created women's insecurity by putting ridiculous expectations on, 'real women'. Insecurity is not women's issues but it is a shared burden of humanity. Many times when I have been in male dominated company it is a constant competition to crack the funniest joke; when I go to the gym, I see men pushing themselves beyond their limits to achieve a body that is 'ripped' to mirror what they see in magazines. Men like women together have spent their lifetime building an ego in the shadows of which all their issues and insecurities can hide. We are all fragmented messes. We are the debris resulting from a cataclysmic explosion, The Fall. Insecurities are HUGE. They are bigger than all of us. They were caused by a force greater than the media. I believe insecurities go to the core of who we are. The are the result of the brokenness that we can't fix. All we can do is look to the One who is Whole and ask why? How? Help?
I just stumbled upon your blog site and must say I am addicted. You have some very profound and well said topics and this one.. Well it just brought tears to my eyes. I have for the last few years been trying to explain to my husband how he constant viewing of porn and the like makes me feel. Inadequate, unloved, not wanted, not pretty, and in general not enough. I will say this. Women need to stand up and take responsibility as well. Women tend to be their own worst critics it is true but they also tend to cut each other down and belittle each other. We as women need to have more respect for ourselves and for our gender. Porns aren't made with robot women. They are made with actually living and breathing women, even if the majority have had some sort of work down to make themselves "more marketable". We as women need to take responsibility for that. We are just as much part of the problem as men are. We allow this behavior to continue by exposing ourselves. Yes, we do that because that is what we know guys want but we also have the right to say NO! No guy is forcing you to wear those hoochie shorts and low cut top. No guy is forcing you to dance around that stripper pole. I do realize I might for lack of a better word piss people off by saying this but I have come to a point in my life where I just state the truth and facts and let the chips fall where they may. Bravo to you. I commend you for tackling hard subjects and controversial ones. You are heard and well I have shared this on facebook as well. I hope this reaches everyone and I have the same wish and prayer you do.
Sorry for typos. Typed this one handed while holding and feeding my baby on my phone. lol Multitasking can be some what hazardous to ones punctuation, grammar and spelling. :)
I am a student of the Quran, and this post truly touched my heart, it goes hand in hand with Chapter 24 verse: 30 "Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah(God) is Acquainted with what they do." which is followed up with the next verse which tells women to also lower their gaze and to cover (what is necessary) of themselves.
Something that is very important to me, is men are being told to lower their gaze first and then women are being told to to also lower their gaze and to cover themselves and that's something that you've touched on as well.
God bless you
Your article is spot on and made me really look into my own insecurities and their roots. It also made me appreciate even more that the man I am marrying this summer has (unknowingly) taken a stand with you and does not comment on or look at (at least not obviously) the "perfect" women in today's media. I am confident that he truly does believe that I am beautiful and because of him and people like you, I am starting to really believe that too.
Thank you. So many times all of the blame is put on women, making those of us who refuse to fall in with the media's attitude even more prone to that kind of thinking. It's extremely comforting to see a man take a stand for the women - because really? THAT will help boost our self-confidence more than any number of "self-help" books or magazines.
Awesome article! Thank you thank you thank you! I will definitely pass this on!
I can't go see movies with my guy friends without having a panic attack when they talk about the actresses in the movies.
This article really resonated with me. My ex husband had a HUGE box of Asian porn, and I am not small, flat chested or narrow in the hips. I knew from the beginning that I wasn't his 'type', though he claimed to love me for who I was. I always felt really insecure and not good enough, though.
@modernmom23 If you were a skinny flat chested Asian he would have had porn that looked just like you. Woman need to stop making themselves miserable by taking their loved ones love of porn personally. I am sure he was being honest when he said he loved you for who you were! You were making yourself feel insecure and not good enough.
I love you for this post. It really resonated with me that every time my man looked at women and pictures and porn, it gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I never thought about it before and thought it was silly to say - hey, ignore your male instincts, but now that I think about it, I don't feel a huge need to ogle other men or pictures of other men. I even have to force myself to look directly at hot men because I'm shy about it - it's a bit like looking into the blazing sun for me. And hey, I'm feeling a little lonely here because you are off somewhere else. Anyway, thanks. And p.s. I'm a single mom, divorced twice, too. Kudos.
Fascinating read. I give you tremendous credit for not only being so brutally honest and forthcoming but also recognizing such a unique and buried perspective. Well done.
I can't stop crying. Thank you so much for putting into words what I can't. I know this is an issue that can go both ways, too. It shouldn't be about looks, it should be about being healthy. Beauty is subjective and I love that you put all this in perspective. You are passionate about it, as well as honest. Thank you for seeing the value of a real woman. And thank you for championing us. I am grateful for this rant today :)
Why as a man should I have to settle for an ugly, overweight woman? This is idiotic. Women don't tolerate poor or weak men, so why should I tolerate an undesirable woman?
@Sanity You completely missed the point of the message...
Women: take care of yourselves, be healthy, and take pride in yourself. But be real and appreciate everything about yourself. your goal is not to be 'perfect'.
Men: don't look at a woman and compare her to a fantasy because not every single woman was born with the 'perfect body'. appreciate them for who they are.
@Sanity no worries, @Sanity - i don't believe you won't have many who want the job of being 'your woman'
@Sanity I have seen lots of women 'settle' for a man that isn't perfect, physically. But what they often get in return is a genuine, honest, respectful man who loves them exactly as they are. So if looks more important to you than what's inside, you might just be settling in different way. To each his own though....
@Sanityof course you don't have to settle for anything. all you have to do is win the loyalty of a woman who you find desirable.
Thank you, thank you thank you! This was such a beautiful post! Brought tears to my eyes. I am definitely sharing this!
Reading these complex filled comments makes me mad. Are other women really so crazy to believe this stuff? If I get comments from others "thou shalt do this and that because you're a woman" I tell them straight in face to shut the f@#$ up. And they do. I've not had kids but I am afraid that when I do have I might get arrested. If someone tells me like I read in a comment below "your stretch marks are ugly and I don't like looking at them so don't swim here" they better get ready for a confrontation, for possibly collecting their name and address and a lawsuit. Period.
If a man I am dating can't accept the fact that I might not like I do now in 25 years and constantly has to check out other women, he's getting dumped, no negotiation. Everyone has weaknesses, but not everyone checks out women while with their gf. Everyone who does is almost always a cheater. This stuff has to be addressed before getting married. Seriously. Men need to know that if they're gonna be checking out women that the consequence will be very unpleasant. No woman should waste their time even going for a dinner with someone who's not worth it. See a red flag, address it and in most cases you'll have to dump them because of that anyways as most of the time they'll not be willing to deal with it or will think this is not a big deal.
I think you'd find Naomi Wolf's "The Beauty Myth" an interesting read.
I just had my second child, and am nursing... This made me cry. I have felt everything you posted, and no matter what my husband says, it's so hard to not compare and constantly find myself lacking. I was recently(today) told that nursing my daughter is gross and wrong, and my body wasn't made for giving and nourishing life, but to be a plaything for men...and while this made me so angry I could spit... There is still the little voice niggling in the back of my head wondering "is this true?" Thank you, from a new mom who is struggling with a body she isn't happy with.
Two women working on a book on Authenticity and just stumbled on your article. Wow - what a breath of fresh air. We thank you and are now following your blog. You wrote and delivered every word with respect and dignity. Keep the words coming and we support your message unconditionally!
Here's a thought...
What if we all spent more time on character and less time on caricature?
Dan I've just stumbled upon your blog and it's actually uncanny how similarly we think. I've been in therapy for this exact thing, feeling worthless despite having "loving, attentive" boyfriends. I have never actually met anyone who has agreed with this point of view and I've been called naive, demanding and unrealistic for wanting to be the most captivating person in the world to someone. Captivating enough for them not to want or need to ogle anyone else. At some point, I tried to convince myself that everyone else was right (I can't be the only one who sees the truth... right?) and literally fail every time. It's something that my intuition just doesn't allow me to get over.
When you said that by women noticing men ogling, or by hearing "jokes" etc, that they subconsciously feel as if they can never be that, and therefore negates them as the object of their lover's affection - you literally repeated the last 10 years of my relationship failures. It is exactly that - if I don't measure up to what is "objectified" (and let's be honest, even if I did) it doesn't make any sense to me to feel as if I am worthy. That's just the way my mind works. And until now, until you spoke the words I've been speaking, I honestly thought I would never find peace.
This post has honestly made me feel sane, so thank you!
@TJG Men have their visual porn and woman have their emotional porn. This post is a good example of emotional porn. You read stuff like this and think, "why can't my boyfriend/husband be more like Dan". You watch The Notebook and have hot fantasies about Ryan Gossling. "Why can't my boyfriend/husband be more of a feminist like Ryan Gossling?" You have "loving, attentive" boyfriends... so....? Woman need to stop putting the blame on men and realize that they objectify themselves by comparing themselves to other woman. Stop being so jealous and competitive and you'll start having better relationships in the future.
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@Radchick more evidence that religion, of any 'flavor' is misogynist and evil
Thank you, Dan. Your post actually made me tear up. This was refreshing to read, and I only hope that more people can truly understand your points and work to give real women a "fighting chance."
I am a woman and yes I have heard exactly those things and have said...woman are weak and woman are mean as a group of all. But I have said that some woman are users and takers and couldn't live unless they had a man.
Thank you. From a formerly broken woman, I want to say a very real, very sincere, thank you. That just one man feels this way makes me hope that there are more like you. Keep being completely awesome.
This is the first time I have ever commented on a blog, but I have to say that pretty much you are the most perceptive man that I have ever known of. Or perhaps the most honest... I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to finally hear a guy acknowledge this issue. I have to stop myself here or I will go on forever, but I want to say thank you. Sincerely.
People of all genders should read this! I couldn't agree more on all aspects. Especially the media part. Which is why I don't think it will ever change here in America. Bums me out, really. You have conviction, Dan. You have a message and have put your voice to excellent use. Koodos to you. You inspire me on so many levels.
So uh... You preach the noble message that women have their own beauty and should not feel worthless? That it is not 'our' fault? But then we must cover ourselves? How does that not put the responsibility back on us? I want to be free to wear whatever I want whenever I want--if people do not like it, they have that right--but MY right is never contingent on the opinions of others. I will show cleavage because it makes me feel sexy. I will wear shorts of it is hot as hell and even tuck my shirt into my bra if I feel the necessity, showing my stretchmarks from previous pregnancy and all. And I will feel a little sad on the inside that I know many people are looking at me as if I should cover up to comfort their own selfish opinions. It is MY body. The human body is no secret to anyone and to be told to cover it simply perpetuates that the body itself could have a problem in determining what is beautiful versus not. I applaud your message. But I cannot in good faith agree that it is the whole solution.
Until people stop adopting such entitlement that their own opinions should have some kind of authority over what other people--people who they don't even know--should wear, we will ALWAYS have a society of judgment about personal appearance. I for one will continue to wear what I please to show women they should NEVER feel ashamed--not because of how they look, but because it has nothing to DO with how you look. It has to do with the fact that you are FREE and belong to no one.
I love this. One of my news years resolutions is to take a picture, this summer in my 2 piece, with my husband at the lake, like we used to do. Before kids. I don't think I've been swimming since I was pregnant with my son because so many people complain about how ugly stretch marks are. And I agree, they aren't attractive but I want to feel like I am a tiger that earned her stripes. and I am. I spent almost 20 months of my life growing two beautiful miracles in my belly. It wasn't easy, I threw up, a lot. I couldn't do things my friends were doing. I felt like crap, and most days you could tell. But it was completely worth it, both times. And I would do it again, in a heart beat (if I wanted more kids, but I'm good with 1 of each). I am proud of my babies so why can't I be proud of my stretch marks?
When I was younger (I mean pre-17, which was my high-school era) I may have said a few of these things... then of course the epiphanies of life come along to straighten me out. While watching tv my attitude is no longer, "wow that contestant has no talent, they're worthless" - has become, "Well she doesn't sing well, but she has the courage to give it a try." Obviously she can sing - the action is happening. Is it pleasing? The notes in tune? Probably not, but the courage it took for her to go on a show and sing on tv is probably more than I could muster.My point is people always focus on the flaws instead of the strengths. We all (regardless of gender) pick at flaws of ourselves and others. We pick so hard until something breaks.
As far as the toxic attitude of women - it stems from the imagery we are bombarded with starting as children. Barbie and her perfect dream - her dream guy, dream house, dream car, dream yacht, dream clothes, dream body. The perfection. Then we get into our teens and see ads and magazines from everything to clothes and make-up, skin products and hair products. Trying to make us perfect. We then pick up that our status as a prime female comes from the perfection these things promise. Don't even get me started on how we are basically taught that a man's approval is everything - that we aught to bend, shape, and mold ourselves to try to get the man we want. Another status marker, if you ask me. So for us to keep our status or assert it, we then put down those we feel have flaws, even if it's ourselves. Men do it in their own way, too - you guys are NOT immune. I just feel that (most) women cut straight to the core and don't dilly-dally with being tasteful about it.
How I reached a new level of thinking compared to what was taught to me (and not by my parents by any means) I'll never know. But more women AND men should really get there.
there are so many mean women nowadays that have a very serious attitude problem, and that makes it very difficult for us good straight men that are seriously looking to meet a good woman and have a good relationship too.
More blaming someone else for your unhappiness. If you want to blame someone for you needing the constant approval of a man blame your parents. You probably learned it from your mother. I hear women putting down other women and saying way nastier things, way more often than I ever hear men say them. But I guess that's somehow a mans fault too. Take responsibility for your own happiness or unhappiness. If you wait for other people to make you happy your gonna have a pretty miserable life.
@Fishfood
See I'm on the fence about this topic. A lot of women have insecurities so deep-seeded that they can't even enjoy a relationship. Going off the example used in this article with the man drooling over the perfect-legged woman until she leaves, ignoring the woman he's with -- I'll start here.See the blame is being placed on the man, but it is the WOMAN with the issue. The man is appreciating something about another person. I'm positively sure that this man adores something of the woman he's with, or he wouldn't be with her - and he wouldn't stay with her after the woman leaves the picture. However, the average woman reacts to this situation that she must be like that woman, to keep the attention of her man all the time. They get *jealous* and *insecure* that somehow she's been threatened. Threatened. By a woman - a perfect stranger - just walking by. How preposterous. Women need to adopt an attitude of appreciation. And what I mean by that... is while her man is appreciating this woman's pair of legs... she too should appreciate them. The man will see her confidence in the sheer fact she can go outside herself to appreciate what another woman has. Women fail to realize that it's this ability that (in my experience) keeps a man interested. Every man I've been with has appreciated that I can get where he's coming from and not go on a rampage of jealousy.While most men don't exactly help the problem by stopping or soothing it... the core problem is still the woman's attitude. We, as a gender, need to wake the f*ck up! Instead of looking at others and thinking we have to have what they have - her nose, her eyes, her talent, her hair, her skin - we need to focus what WE have, what we can do to improve ourselves as a whole and not just the physical. Sure that woman may be gorgeous, but she may not have the same interests, or the same outlooks or beliefs in life. Looks will fade. It's inevitable. If we base relationships solely on that, we'll never find companionship - and companionship helps abolish insecurity in women. At least, usually.
@jdinkel @Fishfood i like looking at lamborghinis and maseratis, but i would never even consider owning one ... the insurance is too high, i'd always be afraid someone would 'hurt' the car or worse, steal it. and when it comes down to it, those fast, sexy cars aren't very practical or dependable.
i like to look at good looking, hell, beautiful men, but i would never want one in my life for the same reasons.
Hi, I'm new here and I'm loving this blog. I really like that you see the part of guilt that men have in women's lack of self confidence, but I hope you understand that it's not just the men. I think there is something wrong with our society's sense of beauty, and it's a shared fault. Blaming it all on the men, I don't know, I feel like it's assuming that you guys have more power and are more evil than you really are. Love. C