How many times have you invited someone into your abode and used the words, “make yourself at home?”

If you’re like me, you probably say it all the time. But is that really what we want? Do we really want them feeling like it’s their home? Is there a point when a house-guest is a little too much at home?

A few months ago, I had one visitor who made me rethink the people to whom I could offer the gesture and those for whom I should probably just zip my lips.

Truth is, I barely knew the man from Adam, but I still told him to be sure and “make himself at home”, trying my best to be a good and gracious host.

I can promise you this… He heard what I said, and he took my invitation to heart.

I had just brought home a carton of 24 full-size candy bars from Costco. A box like that generally lasts Noah and me six months or more since we only sneak one here or there.

He spotted the unopened box of chocolate and asked if he could tear into it and enjoy one. Sure, I told him. Why not. Over the next few hours, he went back to that box again, and again, and again. He probably ate 23 of them, never asking again if it was okay. Permission for one was permission for all, I suppose.

But that was the least of my “too much at home” worries. Within minutes of walking in, he dropped a big fat F bomb and started laughing hysterically about it. Noah was coloring only 20 feet away. Thankful that he didn’t seem to hear it, I shot this guy a death glance that told him to watch it before he got pummeled and beaten by a certain protective papa.

Then the “gas passing” started. Not just little fluffy fluff fluffers here and there. I’m talking lift the leg, lean the body, let loose and have a gut laugh about it type of gas passing.

I found it all to be very… disturbing interesting.

After cleaning me out of fridge and pantry, suffocating us all with his noxious fumes, and making sure my son got to enjoy a nice PG-13 evening, I started dropping hints that I wanted him to leave so that I could go to bed.

Two hours later he was still there.

I dropped every subtle and major statement I could think of, but leave he did not. I finally just said, “well, it’s probably time for you to go”. His reply was quick and simple, “I am too tired to drive home tonight. I’ll probably just crash on your couch and head out in the morning”.

I just shook my head and offered him a blanket. After all, I’m the one who told him to make himself at home.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Have you ever had guests that were a little “too much at home”? Ever had guests that wouldn’t leave? Ever felt that people were a little too uninhibited a little too quickly? I’d love to hear your comments. And remember, this is a humor post, not a rip this guy to shreds and declare him the devil post.

Previous articleThis is beautiful you.
Next articleThe Parable of the First Responder
Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!