Today’s post is very important and personal to me. It is a long one today. Please read all the way to the end as I believe its message is one of the most important I’ve written. At the end is something that will blow you away, but only if you are able to read this first.
Last Friday, a handful of events took place in my life, all of which seemed insignificant to me at the time. But then, as I pieced together the scattered rubble of thoughts that followed, some very profound concepts and truths began to form.
I spent that day with a close friend who had just completed an intense three-month program at a renowned residential treatment center for women with eating disorders. I found myself lost in deep and poignant conversation with her as I often do.
At one point in the discussion, she mentioned that her eating disorder was something she would have to struggle with for the rest of her life. I asked her if she really believed that. She said she did. I asked her why. She said it’s what she’d been taught by the people who know. I asked her who those people were. She said her counselors. I asked her what the counselors were basing it on. She said, “They base it on fact. Studies have shown that people who have had eating disorders struggle their entire lives with them. Once you have one you’ll always have one.”
I looked at her and had to really digest that for a moment before I could respond. It didn’t sit right with me. In fact, it seemed like absolute absurdity to me. Why? Because, I don’t struggle with anorexia. I don’t struggle with an eating disorder.
But I did.
You see, there is something that before today, I have only admitted to four people on earth. I was anorexic.
Yes, me.
A man.
It was my first semester in college, and also my first time away from home, away from the comfort of friends, and away from everything I knew. It was in Hawaii, and I remember that first week going to the beach and seeing all the skinny buff guys with girls hanging all over them. I remember watching them ride the waves. I remember how grotesquely fat I felt. I remember being desperate to be and have what they did.
So desperate, in fact, that I started exercising 3-4 hours per day, eating less than 300 calories each day, and dropping 5-10 lbs per week. When my plane first landed in Hawaii, I weighed 320 lbs. When I flew back home 14 weeks later I weighed 235 lbs. At 6’4″, I was thinner than I’d ever been, but I still felt horribly fat. I still obsessed over it. I still saw nothing beautiful or valuable in myself. As I prepared to go home and see my friends and family again, I hated myself even more because after everything I’d put myself through, I still wasn’t one of “those guys”.
That flight home marked the end of that eating disorder. The end of the anorexia. I didn’t go back to Hawaii, and for the next six years I switched to a very different eating disorder. It was called binge eating. Based in the same root emotions, anxiety, and depression that caused me to be anorexic for those few months, I stuffed my face daily and without end. It went on until the scales tipped at 350 lbs. When I finally saw that number on the scale, I could no longer pretend I didn’t have a problem. I could no longer hide behind the self-diagnoses of a “slow metabolism” or “big bones”. And, as you already know, I grew desperate and underwent gastric bypass surgery.
At the same time, I also felt a great urge to delve into the dark and secret areas of my life to try and figure out why I had struggled with eating disorders the way I had. If I was going to go to the extremes of chopping my body into pieces, I was also not going to spend the rest of my life fighting this debilitating monster.
In the five years since that surgery, I have done everything I could to fix myself, and I can very honestly say that I do not “struggle” with either of my eating disorders today. At all. I really don’t care that I’ll never be featured on the cover of Body Builder magazine. I really don’t care that I’m not one of “those guys” whom I saw at the beach every day. I am, without question, healed of it.
And so, when my friend told me that studies have shown that people who have had eating disorders will struggle their entire lives with them, it didn’t feel right to me. So I asked her, “do they base that on studies?” Yes. “And those studies show that x percent of people who have had an eating disorder will struggle their entire lives?” Yes. “And that x percent is a very high percentage?” Yes.
It was one of those conversations where I think things out as I discuss them. The kind that usually get me in trouble or leave me with a big old foot in my mouth.
“But it’s not 100%?” I asked. She paused for a moment. No. I also paused as a strong realization began to set in. “And with all of the stats and all of the data they’ve showed you over the last three months, have they ever shown you a single statistic that was 100% anything?” Another long pause.
No.
“So why can’t you be one of the ones in that small percentage?” She didn’t have an answer. Instead, she sat in silence.
And then, she began to cry…
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LindaMotes
Hi... I've read in your recent blog post that you are taking a break. I understand but I'd like you to know that this is the 21st day and I've just been told my Husband will be transferred to another hospital that will help him complete his journey home and hopefully. Hopefully around a month from now we'll be making our way home. Together.
I wanted to say thank you for writing this post and I'd like to thank the friend that sent it to me. When I was at my lowest and felt the pressure to DNR my Husband... I read this blog post. It made me realize that it was OK to live on the small side of the numbers.
So with all my heart I want to thank you. Thank you for this post. I will forever be grateful to you.
fritzie
LindaMotes
I came to this comment out of curiosity from another site--so often SDL annoys me and then I come across a situation where he's made an enormous positive impact.
Your story has touched me and I hope that your husband is doing better. Miracles do happen. Recognized research has shown that prayers and positive energy sent to the Higher Loving Power or God on behalf of an afflicted person have been known to promote healing. Studies have shown this to be true even when the sick person does no know this is happening or even believe in it. So I add my petition to the many that I assume are already going out for you. Blessings :-) Fritzie
carelessriver
For what it's worth, a year and change after you've written this, from a woman who had an eating disorder.
I've learned to think of it not in terms of recovery and illness, but to add in remission and relapse, as we permit ourselves to do with other health issues. After the first time, I went into remission for two years. Thinking I'd beaten it, naturally I missed all the signs that it was on its way back. But the second time, I got wise. I recognised that while it was going to wait in the wings for that moment when my brain chemistry decided starvation was the way to go, I didn't have to live in fear of it. I just had to live. So I lived. And while I was living, I discovered so many other pieces of the puzzle that have kept me, to this day, in remission. It'll be five years this fall. The chances that I'm going to relapse feel (pardon the phrasing) slimmer with each passing year. This year, I am learning how to love my body no matter where it settles, weight-wise. Too thin? Too fat? Too bad! It's doing what it's doing. I would like a larger appetite, and once I'm insured again, I can work on that. I have learned how to separate that from what I see in the mirror.
The truth is that there is no black or white, merely grey, when it comes to humanity. Or varying flesh tones, if you prefer. Statistics show us how a scenario has played out in the past. They can no more glimpse the future than a mystic with a crystal ball. They're just one more factor in our decisions, decisions we cannot make unless we also know who we are, and what we want.
RickyHard
Just wondering...
Did you take pictures of the crash and of yourself carrying bottled water before or after offering your jacket?
Just sayin'.
RickyHard
I really enjoy the overall message but who is to say that out of the "thousands" of people who drove by the accident, many didn't call 911. I won't assume to know how demanding your schedule is but surely it is more flexible than the strict working hours of the majority of people driving that day. From the picture it looks like there were no serious injuries and to stop would mean possibly an hour or more to one of the many drivers who can't afford to not show up to their job on time.
"Thankfully, the driver of the Sedan was without major harm, and was already standing on the side of the road. I felt a twinge of relief when I saw that a few other cars had pulled to the side of the road ahead, and the drivers had come to see if assistance was needed. Almost as quickly as I got there, they exchanged numbers, got back in their vehicles and drove away. Every single one of them."
So it seems as though the situation was being adequately handled before you made a heroic stop.
And I'm pretty sure she didn't see the chart because she was too busy seeing her life flash before her eyes. And because she was "still in shock". And because other people had already pulled over to help. And because who cares about the other cars passing by when you realize you're not dead.
It's nice that you stopped but it would be nicer if it wasn't about "who" stopped.
I was maternally advanced at the age of 39. I had an 88% chance of having a child with severe birth defects. I was one of the 12%. Small numbers...always remember there's another side of the story. Read both stories and choose the one that fits you, not the population. Thanks for sharing your story.
anniegirl
yes, I've been there with eating problems--but I don't think mine were true disorders and I was lucky I suppose and mine were temporary. The 1st was when I was about age 3 or so; I'm now 60 yo so this was in the mid 1950's and there were no means to articifically feed anyone let alone a small child. Problem was my dad was very loud and domineering at table--I hid food under the ledge of my plate; was made to sit facing cold food long after other family members had left. Finally my weight became so low that mom told me the pediatrician told her I would soon die and as a last resort to try completely silent mealtimes. That worked and I began eating---it is amazing to see childhood photographs, however, because I had stunted my growth and my sister only 16 months older is amazingly much taller. The second time I was 20 and a young man I loved and had been engaged to had broken my heart....guess I just went into a tailspin and don't know--there were other circumstances....all these years later, I trusted him again a year or so ago and he hurt me all over again....and yes the eating issue was a short term problem...have closed that particular door. I hope your friend can somehow close the door on her problems....just my small experiences, man oh man is it ever a tough road...it surely is not mind over matter as so many think--that much I will say.
Darkemoone
I'm a few years late commenting on this post, but I was routed here from your "One of These Men" post. I work in the eating disorder field, and I will say this: people can become fully recovered. Yes, there will be some people who're so sick that they will struggle with aspects of it for the rest of their lives, but one can become fully recovered. Period. Your friend can become one of those folks, and I hope she does. Cheers.
upsidedownorchid
Don't you love it when the universe really helps you make your point? It's so satisfying. That license plate says it all.
Today my husband and I were taking a walk, and we spotted a woman in long skirts with a huge packframe on her back. Not sure what her story was. We are not to far off of the highway, wondered if she might have been hitching a ride, or possibly staying at a sort of off beat B&B that wasn't too far away. We walked around the block, and decided to circle back and make sure she wasn't in need of anything, because it's cold and windy out today. But she was no where to be seen. Must've slipped into a store, or changed direction. I regret that I did not smile and say hello when I first saw her. We live in a town that is known for being friendly, some example we are. I will remember this next time I'm inclined to duck my head and keep walking.
crystalone
Thank you Dan. This is definitely thought provoking and inspiring! Makes me think of the economics professor in a college whose sole lesson for the day was a large white board with a black dot in the middle. Everyone focused on the black dot and totally missed the white board!
I strive to live in the "small numbers" as you put it, but it is great to be reminded.
BrandiLindseyHemphill
awesome post. simply amazing.
Amethyst Underwood
Last lines = Chills. Amazing. /Awed
365dayzofcrazy
Dan, I have never commented before, but I wanted to write today and thank you for so often articulating my feelings. I am my own 100%. I am a single parent raising 4 amazing kids - 3 with autism and one with type 1 diabetes - and we defy the odds every day. I am also a former victim of domestic violence, but that cycle will NOT be repeated. My favorite part about your post, though, is your emphasis on how important it is for us to not count on someone else to do the right thing. I work in an elementary school and today was working with one of my very favorite kindergarteners, when I noticed that she was in pain - rug burns on her elbows that she couldn't explain. Looking further, there were scratches on her wrists. And, to top it off, there was a bruise the size of her fingerprint on the back of her upper arm - a bruise hauntingly similar to ones on my own arms years ago. I could not possibly have been the only person to see these things, but I was the only person to do something. I am not sure what results the call to Child Welfare will produce, but I can only hope that it will make this little girl's life better, and maybe even shows her that someone is watching out for her...
PeggyJ
.... I was in a situation that i can not forget to this day, It was late in the evening and i had just got off of work and stopped to finish buying my children Christmas gifts in the city,, and was heading home, .On my way I ran out of gas along the highway, I managed to coast into a "Niagra" bank parking lot and was wondering what was I going to do... then I Noticed the bank was closing and a man was coming out and locking the door, I soon felt a sense of relief to see him , as it was getting dark , cold, wet and I was scared along the busy road ,alone! I was dressed in scrubs when i approached him and explained that I just got off work at the cardiologist office and did some shopping and I was on my way home with a car full of Christmas gifts for my children But my car ran out of gas,, ( I hoped he would offer me a ride to the gas station or at least take my money and go get me gas,) well to my shock and disappointment , he said to me " well you can leave your car here until I open in the morning but not any longer and There are gas stations three miles either way, ( as he pointed both ways up the dark highway,) I was instantly upset, I said to him , " I am over an hour from home and I have no one to call..I am afraid to walk on this highway , there is not much room on the side and its sleeting out, some one may hit me," He replied " I cant help you , I have somewhere to be, But you should be fine," and he walked away,,......I started crying,,but soon realized as he pulled out and away that I had no choice but take my chances..............so I walked in the freezing rain and snow, three miles to get gas and then three miles back to my car and although car after car passed me, NOT ONE stopped to help, By the time I got my gas it was already dark and on my walk back I could barely see in front of me except for headlights of passing cars, ..................when i got back to my car , I was frozen and tired, and started to think how this world has turned into a non-caring ,cold, place and how criminal acts have made everyone scared to stop and help others in distress ( I quietly looked up to the dark sky and said "what has become of this place,..I have no faith in anyone anymore " I felt so many negative feelings toward mankind , that i never felt before ) ,, and as I started to pour gas into my car, a vehicle pulled up,,,, it was an elderly couple and they asked me if i needed help? ....I smiled through my tears and kindly said " no thank you ,, I think I am OK now " , and they gave me a heart warming smile and left ... I got in my car and sat there waiting to warm up my soaked and frozen Body and as I was thinking I soon realized that I was no longer upset,,,,, the negative feelings faded with just one thought ...................... despite all those hundreds of cars that passed me and didn't care because it wasn't their problem and even the banker who showed no care if my life was at risk,................................,through all that........................ God showed me that despite so much ignorance, that there is still that one person who still cared despite them being afraid or despite them being in a hurry!!,,......... So although I could say that i am never helping anyone again because of those hundreds of cars who passed me that night, or because of the banker who didn't care, ........I choose to look at it in a different way because of the wonderful couple who stopped that night ,,,,So now my View is: you never know who that One person is going to be, that cares......................... so therefore you should treat everyone the way you want to be treated!
Way to be the one! I'm recovering from an eating disorder, making amazing progress and am confident that I will not always struggle with the problem. I am one and I will be 100%. I know that I struggle now, but with each step forward, each day I regain more control and it gets easier and easier. I love this process, learning how to love food, how to live and be healthy. Thank you for another amazing, and inspiring post. I pray your friends is the 100% too in regards to recovering from her eating disorder as well.
StevenCtCook
Wow. Thank you. This echoed - and greatly expanded upon - something I was discussing today. And reminded me that there are still a number of things in my life I need to step up to and take control of, rather than just letting them happen as they have been. Thank you.
As someone who is a more recent follower of your blog, I'm so happy you reposted this. Thank you. Just what I needed to read today.
I didn't read this post the first time ... but am so glad that I did today. I needed it - and I thank you.
teramia
Thank you for reposting this. It was exactly what I needed to read right now in this moment. What a great reminder of the power one person can have in any situation. Life is difficult for each of us. Having good people in the world who help others, and being a good person who is a helper, makes life just a little bit easier to get through. I appreciate your blog. Keep on keeping on. :)
ejcakes
I just read this post now and I cannot tell you how much it moved me because I was in the same situation as Barb was however no one, NO ONE stopped to help me out, the driver that rear ended me drove away and people continued on their way to work and I had to call 911 to have the ambulance come and check me out and the cops to make a police report. It was rush hour traffic, at least 30 people witnessed the accident, but not ONE soul had the courtesy to stop and make sure I was ok, not one person called in to the police to say that they had witnessed it. Dan- you are an amazing person to stop and help- I've done it many times for people because I always thought that if I did it, when something happened to me, SOMEONE, ANYONE would be there to help me. This didn't make me stop helping but sure made me realize that not everyone is like the few of us.
cmt123
Re-reading this post means so much more to me now than before. I want to be on the small side of the numbers, as I try and lose some much needed weight, but recently I began wondering if I would keep it off after I was done. Now I know I can and I will! Thanks Dan for reminding me that we all have the power to be different from the rest!
StephanieC
Beautiful. The finale of this post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for this reminder, Dan.
I really appreciated this post. I am practicing "true" listening, which is a difficult thing, no matter where i am or what I am doing. It often allows people to really go on about things when they have someone listen but I believe it makes a difference. Just the solo act of listening changes lives too. Your post was a confirmation of this fact - witnessing, listening, just being there means everything. Thanks for your words.
Wow, what a post. I follow you and yet as a busy mid life mom, I don't always get to read the whole post and yet today was called to do so. I have been struggling with major depression for two years. It got to the point last week I actually drove away from my home (and my wonderful husband and most blessed daughter) with thoughts of stopping the fight against the depression. I was tired, exhausted - the kind of exhaustion that goes to your soul. The "odds" were stacked against me, the percentage of people who overcome/manage depression after trying as many medications as I have are not that great. 60 Minutes just had a show that most anti-depressants are no better than placebo. I have been drowning in the stats of this disease. Too much reading and too much bad news. Your post has turned my whole perspective around. I did come home last week after my beautiful little girl called me and told me how much she loved me. While many people (I have lost two friends to suicide in two years) do not ever win the battle of the chemistry of their brains, I do not have to fall on that side of the line. As I write this, I am committing to do all I can to beat the odds and to not agree with the doctors that I will "always" struggle. There are concrete traumas that caused this depression and PTSD and I will continue to work hard to heal from them and move on. You are amazing, you have changed my life today. Thank you Dan!
Kelli
Kelli, I've been fighting depression for 30 years. I've had 12 years of therapy with a great counselor and that took care of a lot of it. But there were still nagging episodes ~ all the more intense for the lack of constant crap I felt after the counseling worked it's wonders. I finally found a doctor that specializes in "alternative" medicine. Short answer here has been to take bio-identical hormonal supplements during specific phases of my cycle and to increase my vitamin B-12. Things have been much more manageable the past several months for making these changes. I also have taken to reading inspirational books and such in the mornings before I start my day to give me a lift first thing. It may be something for you to look into. It may be your answer, it may not. But I'm on the small side of the statistics and I'd like some company. ;-)
Thank you so much for the note! I just started seeing a naturopathic doctor and I am doing lab work tomorrow to check for various hormones, B-12 levels etc. I do take bio-identical hormones but feel it's time to look at the doses as my cycles are changing. I am ready to join you on the small side! Enough suffering for this lifetime! (hugs)
JaNyceNeiberger
There was once someone who stood on the smaller side of the statistic for me. Two years ago I rolled my mini van completely over. The roads went from fine to an ice rink in a matter of minutes, I lost control, slid out, rolled my van and ended up in the ditch. Where I was at was not the easiest place for someone else to stop and check on me. But he did. He stopped with his teenage son. It was snowing so hard. The bank of the ditch where my car was at was slick and steep but he walked down it. Both he and his son. He called 911 for me. I couldn't move, I couldn't think. I had broke my collar bone and the pain was so intense every time I took a breath that moving was not anywhere on my mind. Anyways moving wouldn't have done any good. It was freezing, and I was in shock. Had I gotten out of the van I would have been in worse shape. He checked on me, he sent his son to look for a blanket. They didn't have one but I was OK as long as I didn't move much. Again I was in shock and couldn't feel the cold. He then went looking for my phone. I was caring about 20 old cell phones that I was taking to turn in for 911 emergency phones. They had all been thrown from the van, along with my phone and everything else that was in the back of my van. He started shifting through the snow, ice, and debris looking for my phone, he check each one he came to until he found mine, the one that worked. I think there was someone else who stopped, but he was the one I remember. He sent his son back to their vehicle but he stayed and talked to me. I wasn't alone. I don't even think I told him thank you, but I remember the sound of his voice and that of his son's. They were kind. I remember hearing him ask if I was going to be OK as they loaded me into the ambulance. Even after my father, brother-in law, and husband had showed up, he had stayed. He and his son. He stayed even after the emergency workers got there. He stayed. He didn't have to. He didn't do much, but he stayed. He stayed for a frightened woman, who couldn't think and couldn't so anything for herself. He had his own family, his own kid with him, and didn't have to, but he did. I don't know if I ever said thank you that day. I don't know your name, I don't have your number but I want to say thank you for being the small percentage. Thank you for stopping and putting yourself in danger for me. Thank you for doing what you could for me. Thank you for being someone who stops when someone is in need. I am a mother of small children and had you not stopped, who knows how long I would have sat in the cold alone. Thank you. I wasn't alone and help came because of you. I wasn't alone and I was able to tell my family what had happened because of you.
I wasn't alone....on that cold snowy day, I wasn't alone...someone cared.
Thank you.
Sarah Mickalson
It is so funny that I read this after just drafting a blog post that I will never post on weight. I am in the small percentage. Just the other week I was driving my kids to school and it was snowing. A sedan in front of me spun on the ice and got stuck on the side of the road. I pulled over and noticed a barely 16 year old girl dressed in a skirt, leggings and flats get out of the car. She must have been on her way to school, and was not dressed for the weather. I pulled over and sat in ym car for a minute waiting to see if anyone else would stop. Its a fairly busy road by a curve in the road and was worried about my kids in the car if I got out and my car happened to get hit. No one stopped. I pulled over a little more and turned on my emergency lights. I got out told the girl to get back in her car and I tried to push her car out of the snowbank. We were there for almost 5 minutes and were getting no where. I then started kicking and using my hands to remove the snow around her tires, and then once again tried to push her car out. I am not a big person....5'2" and 110 pounds....and not super strong. Finally an older man came out of his house and with both of use we managed to push her car out of the snow.
I didnt help her for praise. When I pulled over I honestly didnt even think I would be able to help her since I was not much bigger than she was. I was more in shock that many other people went right past her without even stopping. I also waited because she was a teenage girl, dressed really cute and that situation could have gone bad if the wrong person stopped.
This makes me think of the odds people get when they have cancer. They will say they have a 75% chance of dying. I think.....no you have a chance to live. It might be small but its still a chance.
Good post! Very fitting for my day....and as someone who has also struggled with eating disorders I too dont believe that you always will struggle.
JoeRay
When standing on the smaller side, He is able to use us in a way that benefits others, which can in turn benefit ourselves.
As a retail manager, I can look out of the display windows and view hundreds of people each day passing by. A woman caught my eye, and as she walked back and forth, I kinda got a "feeling". I walked out of my shop and approached her. I could not understand her when she tried to speak, so I asked her if she could write. Because she could, I retrieved a tablet for her. She was special needs and her mother had left her in the car to go and do some shopping (!). She got out to use a bathroom, and could not find her way back. She cried on my shoulder, and I told her not to worry. I took her in my store and gave her my ham sandwich because she shook her head when I asked if she were hungry. I asked the staff to stay with her, and began to walk around the parking lot, until I found a car with a TN license plate. I went back in my store and walked her to the car that she recognized as her mom's. Her mom came back from shopping at that time.
I won't describe her mom, but simply share that I was upset for weeks afterward, wondering if the girls impairments were from birth, or inflicted...
I felt good about providing comfort, and feel compelled to pray for her. I will always choose the small side, regardless of big repercussions.
Years ago, I got a flat on the Bay Area Bridge. A man pulled up next to me as I was trying to figure out where to pull over and told me to keep going. Since cars were flying past me, I did and didn't pull over until I was well off the bridge. He pulled up behind me and got out. First instinct? Fear. I was only in town for business and this was a perfect stranger... FROM CALIFORNIA! Jose didn't speak a whole lot of English, but he was able to convey that if I had pulled over on the bridge, it was a $1,000 fine no matter the reason. He then quickly changed my tire and left. INSANITY. He didn't leave his address or a phone number so I could send him a thank you card. He wouldn't accept payment. And I will never forget him.
LuKohnen
You are so awesome! I have BIG love for you, my friend... XOOXOXOXX
1goodmusiclover
amazing post! I drive a very old car, 150, 000 + miles on it & have to drive 6 hrs interstate alone to visit my only sister. Maybe 2 years ago, I had a flat tire on a stretch of very lonely interstate across southern Indiana. We have maximum AAA coverage, but I sat waiting a very long time. A semi truck driver pulled over and I had to make a decision..reach out and accept the male truck driver's offer to change my tire out of generosity and kindness or be rude, say no, imply I did not trust him, and continue to wait for AAA. So I decided to accept his help, as by looking into his eyes, I just felt he was a very nice man. He changed my tire in just 5 -10 minutes...and would not accept anything except and handshake and a thank you. And yes, I sat a very long time, he was the 2%...very low number. I know helping "strangers" can be iffy; my husband fusses at me for giving money to people who stop me on Indianapolis streets, saying they won't use the money for the reason they tell me. I feel no matter what happens, my heart is in the right place and one cannot control a gift after it's given.
This is one of the most powerful blog posts I've read - in - my - whole - life. Thank you so much.
@ TrueGabe
Conversation from Facebook
Darlene Taylor
This one is going around the block and making its mark! TY
David Penner
I had to make this, I'm sorry.
http://suxorz.com/i5/idontalway.png
Kim Phillips Higgins
Beautiful. Thank you for being so transparent.
Camille Grimshaw
Awesome!
Eric Pearce
This one's pic is one of my faves!
Rosie McCormick
i loved this one.
Kathleen Kidsgetcancertoo Henry
Hey single dad laughing, this posts touches me, not because I have ever been part of that smaller number, but because my son has. He is 5 and has Leukemia. Somewhere in the range of 90% of kids with the kind of Leukemia he has can be cured with the proper treatment...he got the meds on schedule and everything went according to plan, until August 2, 2011, when they found Leukemia cells in his spinal fluid. On that day, after 3+ years of chemotherapy, my son became part of the 10%...ours was not a good shift. But your message rings true in another aspect of our lives. You see childhood cancer is deemed "rare" by many many of the organizations that provide funding for research, even the government, despite the fact that childhood cancer is the #1 disease killer of children in the US, because there are less kids diagnosed each day than adults, the orgs say they are rare and one even said that awareness is not necessary. All because our kids fall into the smaller part of the numbers. I wish that everyone could see what you are saying, that my kid is worth saving, my kid is worth the funding necessary to find a cure, that the 46 kids diagnosed today and the 7 kids that die today are more than just statistics, they are human beings. That could go on to be the next big thing, the next president, the next scientist that discovers a cure for cancer. Instead they see our kids a small portion of the united states and they choose to turn the other way, because it is too sad, or i won't happen to them. It is sad that my kid fell into the 10% of that original prognosis, and cancer treatment sucks, but that doesn't make him any less worthy of a cure than you, me or anyone else out there! He is not just a number! thanks for your post, loved it! sharing!
H-l Rankin
The answer to the questions posed by this post is tragically simple: litigation. Doctors and counselors don't offer that little bit of hope, because patientse will seize on it, talk themselves into it, then sue if they fail. People don't stop at an accident because they don't want to be hit in turn, and/or don't want to be sued for doing something wrong and aggravating the situation, however inadvertently. Even people who do step in will often be chided by friends "are you nuts?? you could've gotten sued!" Rampant lawsuit abuse has drastically curtailed human decency in this country.
Courtney Amos McReynolds
phenomenal. in every possible way, just phenomenal. wow.
Matt Beams
=)
Matt Beams
Grateful for your posts. Might message you personally about this one.
Bettina Corter
wow, this comes to the right time. I am having gastric bypass in 2 weeks ...i refuse to be a number
Julie Draper Frost
I stumbled upon this post earlier today after reading one of your other ones. I'm glad you reposted - the end blew me away! :-)
Stephanie Bowles Allred
I remember this one! Loved it.
Tim Collier
This was the first one I read, too. In fact, I think Ivy was the one who pointed it out to me. :)
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Thank you for this post. I am sitting here in the ICU waiting room. Today is the 14th day (there was one day spent out of the unit so I guess it's really only 13 days). My husband (the love of my life... my soulmate) is on life support. I am asked every day do I want to put a DNR on him to allow him to pass. I live an hour away from this hospital so I don't leave. My husbands was allowed to fall out of bed the only time I left.
We are living day to day on the small side of the numbers. After he did not wake from sedation (they sedate you when they first place you on a vent) I was told you to consider DNR he's not waking up... it took him 4 days to open those eyes I so love and last night he nodded his head when I asked if he loved me... If I had not been the person to believe in him and us and believe in the small side of the numbers... I would never witnessed that sight and felt that love...
I'm still being told that my husband is the "sickest person in our entire hospital" and we don't know if we can stop the bleeding from all the places the cancer medication that helped him to achieve remission damaged.
I've told them I understand that but I found out my Husband was in remission for the second time after he was placed on life support... and I am going to give his body every chance to heal itself (because that is all we can hope for... they can't repair the damage in fear of causing MORE damage) because he deserves to enjoy the remission he has worked so hard for so....
We live day to day on the small side of the numbers... I just wished the DRS and nurses here in the ICU east at Redmond Hospital in Rome GA would understand that my husband isn't a % and regardless of how low the odds are... that we have the right to hope and believe that we CAN live on the small side of the numbers.
Before I close... I do want everyone to know there has been nurses that have cared for my husband and saw who he was and have worked harder than I have ever seen anyone work to keep my husband alive.. He has some DRS that hold on to the belief he can heal himself but there are other nurses and DRS that feel the need to explain DNR over and over and over to me... they just don't understand
We live on the small side of the numbers and I believe we will win... they don't know everything!
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