Thankful for a lot of things

What is Frog Eye Salad? 

I absolutely just LOVE how much you love your child.  I feel the same way.  I long for a few hours to myself, but when I actually get them, I long even more to be with my children.  

:( aww, you make me think of my own little man. I wanna wrap him up in a hug right now. Happy (belated) Thanksgiving Dan.

Although my boys' dad & I have been divorced for over a year and separated for 4 total, I have not had to spend a holiday without them yet. ((Thankfully)) However; I got a wake up call yesterday when discussing holiday plans with the ex & he dropped on me that he was "taking the boys to FL from 12/22 - 12/26", I was stunned and speechless. I got off the phone quickly & as it processed I started to cry, at work. I've been a mom for over 11 years and never have I missed a birthday or holiday. Their dad; however, being a career soldier has missed many. He's about to move across the country for his last 3 years of service and may not see them for the next few holidays, certainly not the next Christmas as he'll most likely be overseas. Once I calmed down, I called him back to figure it out. He's always so wish-washy and this time was no different. He's really not sure what he'll do. At one point he said he'd go to FL & then drive them home ON Christmas Day! I told him absolutley not - there is no way I'll allow him to make the boys spend 9 hours in a car on Christmas!

I have my son all the time, but he goes to daycare for most of the day. It hurts to make him stay there for that long and the fact I only get to see him for maybe 2 hours of the day. But I look forward to the weekend where I get plenty of Oliver time. But during the weekday I carry pictures of him, I have recordings of him, people are always talking about him (he's one adorable boy and my co-workers and classmates talk more about him then I do, oddly enough). I often times tear up (i'm still hormonal plus I'm already a cry baby. . . bad combination) but I look forward to the few times I do see him. And know that the fact I'm away from him so much is to make a better life for us. That's the only way I can make it through the day.

My sister has 4 kids and they were all with her ex-husbands family. So she celebrated Thanksgiving the weekend before with all of them and spent Thanksgiving at our parents. And my Mom has Thanksgiving Thursday AND Friday so that those of us who can't make it for Thanksgiving (because we are at our in-laws), can come the next day. The date you celebrate isn't important.

Love the pictures, especially the first one.

I just have to post a comment and I hope...I really hope it comes across not as being cynical or bitter but as one that has a great understanding of these things - as I have lived it for over 13 years. My husband basically kicked me and our daughters out when they were 3 years old and 4 months old. The divorce followed. A few years went by until regular visitation came. The very first Christmas without my children I spent in the fetal position. Now, almost 14 years later things have changed as I hope they do for you. Overcoming things takes a big heart and a bigger understanding. We must see this through our children's eyes.....and hearts. They are not the reason for divorce, they didn't ask to be here. So why should I loathe the man who helped make them? It took a long time for that to sink in. He loves them as I do....in a different way and shows it differently, but he loves them. So why should I take them away from him....if only to hurt him the way he hurt me. Is that right? No, not at all. Children are very smart, and in the end...no matter how long it takes .....they will see us for who we are. And your children will grow up wiser, smarter, and more understanding and appreciative when both parents really try to get along. Bravery has nothing to do with it. Not on our parts. But on the children's parts...how brave it must be to love two people who couldn't love each other. It will be better. And being selfish does no good. All these things, I have learned....and much more through divorce and visitation nightmares. When we hurt because they're gone...that reads as guilt trips to our children. That' s not good for them at all.

Last year was my first 'single parent' year, the first Thanksgiving without my two beautiful girls. I knew in October that it was going to be tough and heartbreaking not having them with me. I sent out a plea to my friends to help me 'get out of dodge', I didn't think I would survive that weekend alone. As luck would have it my best friend worked out with her mom to get me to the Boston area for the holiday. I ended up being gone for almost a week. It was good, it was bad, it was life saving. I still mourned the loss of my girls being with me on such a big day but I had distraction. As it turns out my ex was only expecting to have them for the afternoon on Thanksgiving and was angry at me for 'bailing'. He didn't even appreciate the gift he had and we all went through a small piece of hell because we can't talk to each other. What will happen next year I do not pretend to know. I know I loved having them with me this year, I know I have better friends where I am now who will save me from myself next year. Hopefully this process will be over and it will be in writing what each holiday will bring for my girls as well as for me. I am just thankful that I have them the majority of the time (99.8%) and even when they make me want to pull my hair out or theirs I love them more than life itself.

Absolutely gorgeous photos, Dan! Please tell your brother I admire his work... although, with such amazingly beautiful subjects, I must admit I don't know how he could've gone wrong!

I'm so sorry you've had to have these days without your son. It's hard to not be able to be with your kids at the best of times, but holidays always seem so much harder. I know it's late (I've been away), and I know that what I say may not apply, but I thought I'd offer a bit anyway, just in case.

The reason I say what I say may not apply is that I lost both of my children during pregnancy, so I miss all days with them; feeling those losses most keenly on special days. I know it's not the same, and I don't pretend to know how it feels to be in your shoes, but I can empathise somewhat - both due to those losses as well as in terms of having been a child of divorced parents; and feeling (on what is, I'm sure, a much smaller scale) a similar sense of loss with both my ex's sister's children and my brother's children due to divorces.

One of the things I find really helpful to do on the holidays when our family plans aren't feasible with my brother's kids, is to spend some time thinking about what I'm going to do with the kids when I'm with them.

With my own, what I've found helpful is to dedicate a small portion of the day to them. It's been five years and I'm only just starting to get the hang of it now, but I'm finding that if I do a couple of little things as though they were with me, it does help me feel better. I'm really not sure this would work for you, but I thought I'd mention it in case.

Something my mum used to do is to visit the animal shelter. I'm not sure if I'd recommend this, though, because she says sometimes she would come home upset that she couldn't bring them all home with her... and one year, she actually *did* bring a dog back!

I am glad they are safe from his physical presence and that I don't have the complication of sharing every holiday and summer. But I'd give that privilege up for them to have a dad who loved them the way he should and wanted to see them enough to do something about it. As much as I can give them unconditional love and support as their mother, they will never be whole, wondering why they weren't worth their dad's time and energy. Nothing I (or anyone else who cares about them) say about how amazing they are will EVER fix the hole their father has left in them. Your love for Noah is your greatest gift to him. Even if you two have to spend time apart, he knows you will be there waiting with a giant hug and the love only a daddy can give. No one will ever give him that feeling, but you, Dan.

First, let me say, your "Victory!" picture makes me so happy, it counterbalances the sadness of your post. Look at that incredible joy you two shared!! When my 2 boys were little, I was forced to share every holiday with their dad. (He is and was an abusive, hateful person.) It was so painful to let them go, even if I knew they would be back the next day. I was fortunate to have an amazing family who planned holiday celebrations around the kids, instead of worrying about the date. Thanksgiving and Christmas happened when we were all there, period. Nine years ago, their dad moved out of state. The court decided he would have them for 6 weeks each summer. It was the torment of my existence to hear them cry over the phone 1,500 miles away, begging me to come and get them. Three years ago, those solitary 6 weeks became too much for their dad to plan his life around. His involvement in their life has been reduced to nothing more than a text here or there or a 30 second phone call.

Something similar almost happened this Thanksgiving. My mom and stepfather separated a while ago, and my youngest brother was going to spend Thanksgiving with his father. The night before, he ended up coming home because he missed his mom (and, strangely enough, his big sister). Mom and I were so happy he was going to be here.

The pictures you posted made me all weepy =| That first one is just like the one of me and my little brother.

Those are some really amazing pictures! You guys are adorable together.

I have an answer and it isn't an easy one. My kids were taken away from me around Christmas Time a few years back. They were 1 hour away from me and my car had broken down. I couldn't see them either. However, I just kept myself busy. I prayed and I prayed alot that day to help me get through the feeling of loneliness. I was living with a lady at the time because I had lost my apartment and she was on vacation in Hawaii at the time. So, I was at the house alone.

So to really answer your question, just know this: as much as you are thinking of them, they are thinking of you too. The same exact way. And missing you the same exact way. But kids teach us alot about ourselves. And our children teach to appreciate what we have in our hands for the little time that we do have them because sooner or later; they grow up and they are gone. Then what? And here we are as adults (some of us) confessing how we can't wait for them to turn 18 and move out. Then I realized just a few weeks ago how lonely I really am without my kids. I miss their close company and when they do come around, I try very hard to drop what I am doing and just listen. And if you really listen close enough, you can still see that little child inside them and it truly makes you smile. But one thing is for sure; just because they move out, they are never just gone. When they need something, they will be back. You have been their backbone for how many years? Okay then, now lift up your head and appreciate that even though there is distance between you, your spirits are ever so close and God has His hand upon each of you. He knows loneliness. But He also knows comfort. He knows depression, but He also knows Joy. He knows sickness, but He also knows healing. He knows about short time, but He also knows appreciation. So to all you out there that may be reading this: Pray for your child/ren tonight and ask God to keep them and you safe in His arms. When you don't know what else to do, falling to your knees to pray always works. Crying out to God the pain that you might feel just so that you can feel free. Letting go and letting God. Allow God to bring you both back together and in the end, God will fulfill your deepest heartfelt desires. God Bless Everyone.

Thank you Sylken. I needed to hear this too. Well written, profound words.

Give yourself a break.After all these years of feeling everything you are going through now and things you've yet to experience, My suggestions to you are:
1. Use that time alone to get to know yourself, cry, laugh, dance, sleep, whatever makes you happy, but just learn to relax and don't reflect on what you might be missing out on, but look forward to what you're going to do.
2. Spend some time with your family, you never know, they may be feeling the same way about you as you are feeling for your son.
3. It's a good time to spend some time with friends.
4. Start preparing a plan for the up coming holidays, shopping, creating, decorating, parades, etc. and don't get yourself bogged down on the time you will miss with him during those holidays either. I've always found it's not How much time you spend with your kids or any kid, but the quality of time you spend with them.
5. And if the thought of "Am I a Good Parent" creeps in because you are alone, forget about it. You know in your heart that you are.
You will get through this, God is on your side.

At 56 yrs old, divorced for 25 yrs and the mother of one child (33 yrs), two beautiful granddaughters ( 5&3), I'm still fighting to have time with the kids during the Holidays. I've just decided not to stress myself out over the whole thing, the kids feel these emotions from us and we tend to over compensate (as if it becomes a competition between families, and I don't know how or when that morphs) but, this will be the time the kids learn to play one against another. to be cont.

I know it's hard for you, being without Noah for what feels like forever.

My parents divorced in 1965--the process took three years, with no real assets to speak of. She chose to keep her inlaws, because they weren't the problem.

My controlling non-custodial sperm donor insisted that we spend part of each Thanksgiving and Christmas days with him. It was awkward for the two of us kids, and drove our mom nuts, which is why he did it. We really hated the situation, and it put a real damper on our enjoyment of the day.

But you're not doing this to Noah, and you suffer the consequences of that decision. I'm sorry they're so onerous, but it's showing how unselfish you are.

If they had included you in TDay festivities, would that have made the day easier to bear?

It IS sad that you didn't have him with you for Thanksgiving. My husband has been working overseas as an expatriate for the past two years. Your post just reminded me of how thankful I need to be for my husband. He's making this huge sacrifice for the good of his family. What a great daddy/husband we have!

Being in Spain during Thanksgiving was really difficult. Not only am I missing great homecooking and time with my parents and sister, but it was also my dad's birthday. I can't call home because of the expense, so I have to use FB. To top it all off I have a horrible cold. Needless to say, this time in Spain has made me appreciate my family SO much more. This year, I am thankful for the opportunity to study here, but also the loving family and friends I have to go home to.

Dan,
I have spent my daughter's almost 10 years here trying with all that I have to put her mother in a situation to succeed in being the mother she needs. I KNOW that I will do my part. I KNOW that I will always be here for her. I KNOW that she loves me and that she knows what she means to me. In my view, the best thing for her would be that her Mom is able to play an important and productive role in her life. That is what keeps me going. The ultimate sacrifice, right?
I have been able to gain custody of my daughter, place her in an educational environment that I am passionate about and is unlike most other schools and do the day-to-day things that often times go without reward. I try to interpret the loneliness of giving her up as a reward in itself. She needs to go, she needs to connect. I will be here without question, whenever she needs me. That is something she has understood since she was very small. I am sure that in all that you have done, you have taught your little guy that same thing. By missing him and being without, you are being the best Dad in the world!

This year is my first year in my daughters 10 years of life that I haven't spent the holiday with her. It's awful. I hate it. But I'm letting her do what she wanted to do. Go to her fathers, who hasn't been around but to be what we call the "fun uncle", yab know the guy who comes around once or twice a year, buys her gifts than leaves again. I don't know how he does it, I have talked to her twice a day since she left and I miss her! He chooses to miss out on what is the best thing in my life and could be in his. How does one choose to not have that? Anyways, I don't know how most parents handle it, I am new to it, and so far not handling it well at all.

Sorry you're missing half your heart today. There's a quote about becoming a parent and having to come to terms with living with your heart outside of your body... I think this is true.
I'm facing a similar issue - where my grown kids are not going to be home for Christmas, and only one of the three came home for Thanksgiving. I'm trying to focus on the good things. I look for small joys, daily. It gets me through. In the meantime, you have wonderful photos. (and a lot of kindred spirits here). Happy Thanksgiving Dan.

i'm about to face a whole month without mine, for the first time in our life together. i have NEVER been away from them for more than one day. i'm not coping well at all, and they haven't even left yet. :(

Very good pics. You have such a cute boy. I'm sorry you didn't get to spend the day with him. But i do hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

Awesome pictures! He's so cute!

I think missing them is a good thing, because it makes the coming back together so much richer! Sometimes my oldest drives me insane with her smart mouth and constant chatter. BUT it's when she's away that I realize how much she lights up my life and how much I look forward to having her back again!

Thanks for putting this out there. I'm tired of reading all about everyone's fun with friends and family. I've been missing my parents today and feeling pretty left out of the fun since it is just my husband, myself and our boys. I am joyful that I am with them, though, but sometimes the multitudes that are having fun look past those of us who are longing to be with the ones we can't be with...

The pics are adorable. It's hard not to be depressed when your kids aren't around when you want them there.

I know what you mean! My kids are in NY with their dad and his family for the second year in a row. I did get a dozen texts from my 7 y/o daughter last night telling me how she misses and loves me and one this morning from my Noah (9) saying, "I love you so much!" Made my day!

Its hard I usualy shut off from everthing, too hard being w/ friends and the kids friends without them.Though its not often dad has them which is good for me but breaks my heart for there pain. Keep busy and know that as he grows to be a man he will be a kind and considerate one because of the love you show him when hes w/ you and your strength to let him be w/ his other part of family w/ no guilt. My monkeys struggle w/ wanting to be w/ me cause dad uses guilt so hang in and only 3 more sleeps to go.

I hate spending time away from my kids, but as my parents have custody I get to see them pretty often, but it's always hard on christmas and the 1/2 the holidays that my ex-husband has them is hard on me. I get them Christmas eve and he gets them Christmas day but it's still a sad day for me. As soon as I can figure out how to deal with not getting them all holidays I will tell you

Life's an ass kicker sometimes. I never get a break from my kids... no babysitters, husband always out of town, family unwilling to give me a break and they are 18 months apart. I'm not wishing that they were gone for holidays, or ever really, but perhaps you can find some solace in the fact that when you are reunited, you will do so with renewed vigor an excitment, thus your patience level is better, just making you an all-around better parent. Perhaps the breaks you're getting are far too long, but some breaks, however short or long in length have some value. Like I said, I would never want to miss out on a holiday; however, the next holiday that is yours will be valued and appreciated and not wasted unzipping your pants and drinking beer on the sofa all day like a good number of dads in America. Make your next holiday double awesome!

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time this Thanksgiving. *offers hugs* I just got off the phone with my kids. My parents have custody while I work multiple jobs and go to school in an effort to someday be able to provide for the kids myself. They live 9 hours away, and I haven't seen them since last Christmas.

How to get through it.....you focus on the positive. Try to keep busy. Give back to others. Work. I don't know....when I find the perfect solution, I'll be sure to share it. Hang in there.....this, too, shall pass.

Love the pic of you holding him, his head on your shoulder, you looking over his other shoulder with a quirky smile on your face. Been there...

It's brutally hard, but as long as I know she's safe and happy, that's all that matters.

My son is with his mom's family today too Dan. I know exactly what you're going through. Last year on Thanksgiving I let myself get depressed. This year I've decided not to have that attitude but to use the time for some much needed mental recharging...and much needed laundry and house cleaning that needs to be done! I've got my Christmas tree set up today (which my little man will be tickled about when he gets back home), and done some online Christmas shopping. Do the things that you don't have time for when Noah is home. Whenever I'm feeling crappy getting things on my personal to-do list always makes me feel better. Think of the positives this weekend. You have him the majority of the time just as I do with my son. We're both extremely lucky guys. Don't forget that. Happy Thanksgiving.

Great photos. You two are absolutely amazing together. Cheer up, though. He will be back soon and the emotion that flows through him when he runs back into your arms, will be completely worth it.

Happy Thanksgiving. :-)

My son is 15 and I have alternated holidays since he was a year old. :( He is with his dad all the way in Upper Michigan this year, while I am all the way down here in VA. I'd like to say it gets easier...in some ways, it does. When he was younger I had to rely on his very inconsiderate father to have him call me or make sure I knew what time would be good for me to call him to wish him a happy thanksgiving or a merry christmas...there were several holidays when I didn't even get to talk to him on the phone. :( Now, he calls me on his own and texts me every single night that he is gone to say 'goodnight mom. I love you'. :) That's what really helps when we are apart...that and staying busy while he is gone and looking forward to when he will be back home. I get him for Christmas this year so I just focus on that. I am sure Noah misses you, too. The pictures are amazing

Dan,
What a beautiful boy you have to be thankful for! Holidays can be hard, you are in my thoughts and prayers today--keep finding the beautiful around you--you give great joy and hope to others. Thanks for sharing your life, the ups and the downs with all of us.
Blessings....

It looks like you guys had a wonderful time bowling! Noah looks like such a happy little guy, and he's so blessed to have a dad who loves him SO MUCH. It's hard being away from him on Thanksgiving, but you'll get to see him again on Sunday and you're gonna be greeted by his beautiful smiling face and a big hug for you. Hopefully you can have your own little version of Thanksgiving together Sunday evening.

As for me... I'm lucky in that I don't have to share my Monkey with her father over the holidays. He walked away when he found out I was pregnant. That's his loss, because my daughter is sweet, funny, and a joy to be around. But the more I find out about his life after us, the more I'm grateful he walked away (too much drama to share on Thanksgiving).

I don't know what it feels like to not have my kids with me... I was a single mom but I never gave that time up to the loser who is my son's biological dad... he was too drunk to care anyway.... now that i am married and a stay at home mom... i am never without my littles... (tiring sometimes) I feel for you though because I am spending this holiday season without my husband AGAIN... :( it is tough!!

Oh, just wait until he goes off to college! I am sorry to inform you that whenever he is somewhere this feeling comes back. It stays with you through out your whole life. You can never get enough of them no matter how old they get. Then comes the grand kids and it starts all over again......BUT I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. I am thankful for my children and my grandchildren.

I, too, struggled being a single mom....IT WAS DEFINATELY WORTH IT!

Chin up Dan. I am lucky enough to have my daughter for Thanksgiving, but it's hard not to remember that this means I wont have her for Christmas. I think the biggest thing that makes me thankful is knowing how precious life really is with her in it. Sharing a child is never easy, but just remember how important it is for him to spend time with his mom too. Sometimes it's so good knowing that we are not alone in our feelings.

What great pics! Your brother really is talented, though any picture of that kind of love and of such an adorable kiddo will be precious. :)

This is my first Thanksgiving away from friends and family (we moved 1000+ miles away last month). It's hard. :( But there's still a lot to be thankful for, even if the day is way too quiet with just the 5 of us, compared to the normal 20+ people around.

*Huggy* Thanksgiving to you, Dan! ((hugs))

Amazing pictures! So sorry you have this time without your little man. He's adorable and clearly loves you just as much (if not more) than you love him. I wish for you lots of phone calls through the weekend, just to hear that little voice on the other end. The separation is temporary, which makes the reunion that much sweeter. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Thank you for such an honest and sweet post, Dan.