As with the Worthless Women post, I feel that some more strong words need to be said today. I’ll try to keep today’s post “less long”. I hope that by the end, the message comes together and these words will get both the men and women who read it to step back and at least think about a few things.

Because, we have a problem.

Men are lousy husbands.

Men are scatter-brained. Men are stupid. Men aren’t capable of making good choices.

Men aren’t good enough in their religions. Men aren’t good enough in their spirituality. Men aren’t strong enough in their faith.

Men are terrible cooks. Men don’t help enough around the house.

Men are careless.

Men work too much. They also don’t work enough.

Men don’t bring in large enough incomes. Men don’t properly support their families. Men don’t give their everything for their family’s well-being.

Men aren’t ambitious enough.

Men only care about sex. They have way too big or way too small of sex drives. They’re overly concerned with how big their penises are. They have too little tenderness and concern for their sexual counterparts.

Men don’t appreciate their women enough. Men don’t love their women enough. Men don’t find their women to be beautiful enough.

Men are insensitive. Men don’t cry enough. Men act too macho.

Men are also too sissy. They are too girly. They aren’t manly enough.

Men are lousy fathers.

Men don’t play with their children enough. They don’t spend enough time with their children. The time they do spend is not good enough.

At the same time, men also give too much attention to their children and not nearly enough to their lovers.

Men don’t have feelings. Men are mean. Men are nasty.

Men are bad neighbors. Men are bad in-laws.

Men aren’t smart enough to make big decisions. Men aren’t caring enough to understand.

Men are, simply put, worthless.

At least, that is what women constantly tell men. Everything on this list is something that I, or one of my male friends or family members, have heard from some woman somewhere.

Today I am typing in frustration, for that I apologize. You see, I’ve come to understand (and was just reminded over the course of a phone call) that women often have no problem declaring everything they want their men to be, and then making absolute certain that it never happens.

Ladies, go through the list above and be honest, just as you were on the Worthless Women post. How many of these things have you thought about men or said to a man that you love? Men, you be honest too. How many of these things do you believe to be true about yourselves? How many of these things have you been personally told? How many of these things have you seen weigh heavily on other men?

I’d be willing to bet it’s close to one hundred percent. It is a serious problem, for which the cause is complex. And with the media constantly dumbing down or ripping men to shreds, how could it possibly not be a problem? Flip through the television for an hour, you’ll hear at least half of those things declared about men by the entertainment industry and the media.

Why? Because it’s okay. For some damned reason it’s okay. And often, it’s okay because somebody has declared that it’s funny.

A wife can bash on her husband all she wants. She can make fun of him, ridicule him, belittle him, and make him feel like a giant turd. But, the moment the man does it back, he’s a douche bag… and all of her friends, sisters, and even her mother are going to hear about it.

A woman can hit a man. She can physically assault him. She can push him. She can slap him. If he doesn’t take it “like a man”, he’s called a… woman. A girl. A sissy. How ironic. Yet, the moment a man so much as lays a finger on a female, he’s labeled as abusive.

Many women will read this and think, I don’t do that. If that’s true, good for you. Perhaps, though, you should watch yourself for the next few days and see just how often you actually do participate, even if in minor ways.

Watch how often you make a sarcastic or snide comment about something the man in your life just did.

Watch how often you “playfully” slap him when he says something “stupid”.

Watch how often you tell him something (anything) he did wasn’t good enough.

Watch how often you roll your eyes at him because he didn’t do something exactly the way you would have done it.

Watch how often he shuts off, groans, or says something snide back to you.

You see, men react to all of these things much differently than women do. We hide behind tough-guy acts. We move on as if whatever was just said had no effect on us. We pretend that we’re above caring. We often laugh it off.

But we do internalize it. And we hate it.

I promise you, it’s not just me. Every man hates it…

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MiriamJane 11 pts

you sir are wise! both the worthless men and worthless women posts are so true. i don't understand it! why i spent ten years (on and off) working to make it with one man.  I was so in love with him. i told him all the time how much he inspired me, how much i loved everything about him, how much i cared for him, how amazing he was, but he continually left me for a the woman who belittled him and beat him and treated him like crap. why? i thought that was what men wanted so i started treating my guys like that. i wasn't outspokenly cruel, it was the little things.  and it still never worked. i was lost. the guy im dating now. we just started dating a couple weeks ago and he lives a few hrs away from me. after our first date i messeged him on facebook and told him i missed him and i missed him because he made me smile, and laugh, and i missed his hugs and kisses because they were the best! he messeged me back to tell me thank you because no one ever told him those things before.  and its so nice to be seeing someone who appreciates my worth as well.  he tells me im fun and crazy and i make him laugh. he tells me my smile brightens his world. its a GREAT feeling.

PhoebeSM 6 pts

I read this post, and immediately asked my husband if I'd ever upset him with the things I'd said. Specifically, it worried me that in your account, you were not differentiating between joking 'jabs' and actual complaints. I make jabs at my husband a lot, but he does the same to me. He told me he wouldn't expect me to read his mind in this particular way. He would let me know if something I said was upsetting him.

 

Maybe if a man is feeling that his wife is emotionally abusing him but she seems to just think it's funny or playful, he can have a frank talk with her about the fact that what she's doing is upsetting him. If she doesn't change after that, it's on her. However, as you pointed out, every relationship is different - so no woman should just read your post and assume she's doing this. Couples need to communicate, end of story.

Fortuna Veritas 5 pts

Gotta admit, when I was reading through that list I was alternating between "**** you" and "Wait, this reminds me of those annoying posts that single women put on facebook about how they need to be treated like goddesses when really they need to learn some basic mate-selection skills."

drjoyceablog 5 pts

This is a great blog post. Thank you for enlightening all who read it.

dwjones 5 pts

I want to say that what I have read has been very helpfull. I am currently having a rough marriage with young children involed.

Effie 13 pts

Dan, I'd like to offer some feedback on this post, both appreciative and constructive criticism.

 

First, you make VERY good points on how both people in a relationship need nurturing. I'm very lucky in that, after a series of physically and emotionally abusive relationships, I'm now with a man who, after years of anger management and therapy, is emotionally healthy enough to be such a nurturer. Believe me when I say that I watch him for cues on how to be a better mate! It's wonderful to be appreciative of a good man who deserves my love, and values it instead of taking it for granted.

 

Second...hoo boy, did you step in it. In this post, you have completely ignored the power differential between men and women that has existed in the last 3,000 years of patriarchal society, and how that influences interaction between men and women. You and I both had the misfortune to be raised in LDS families. Do you not remember the expectations placed on women in that culture? Our job as women is to sit down, shut up, be grateful for the "protection" of men, be the perfect homemaker and mother, be physically attractive while doing it, and woe be unto the woman who wants to be valued as a person rather than a trophy! In your post about "Worthless Women" you described rape culture to a T. Rape culture is a culture in which sexual violence against women is normalized by making women nothing more than bodies to be possessed, and in which men are entitled to those bodies regardless of the kind of person they are. IOW, patriarchal cultures.

 

That power differential, the propping up of patriarchal culture, is alive and well in the media. You said, "Flip through the television for an hour, you’ll hear at least half of those things declared about men by the entertainment industry and the media. Why? Because it’s okay. For some damned reason it’s okay. And often, it’s okay because somebody has declared that it’s funny." Have you not noticed that those men who are made out to be so stupid, slovenly, bumbling, etc ALWAYS have decent jobs, hot wives (they're inevitably straight), great kids, and a fairly privileged life (see "Home Improvement" or "Everybody Loves Raymond" as examples)? You complain about the media making men out to be stupid, but that same media makes it okay for said men to be so! They still have it all, they're still in the same positions of privilege they always were.

 

You talked about how women can hit their husbands, and never be called on it. You seem to have forgotten that only until the last few decades it was legal for men to beat their wives, because their wives weren't people. They were property. You forget that a woman punching or pushing or slapping a man is going to hurt him a lot less than he'll hurt her when he knocks her across the room or puts her through a window (as happened to me).

 

You talked about how woman can rag on men and tear them down, and not be called on it. You forget that up until the past century, men who didn't like their wives for whatever reason could not only publicly berate them, but could throw them out of their home without a court order, deny them access to their children, or have them permanently institutionalized on the men's word alone.

 

Well into the 1960s, women had no redress against the myriad kinds of abuse perpetrated by men. We are still living with the effects of the laws and culture that allowed such things to go on.

 

"Women, there is one thing us men have, and that’s serious doses of pride." Yes, we know. See, in our patriarchal culture, men are not only allowed to have pride, but are expected to have it. Men are expected to get pissed when a woman says douchey things to him. But when a man says douchey things to a woman, she's supposed to shut up and take it, and apologize for not living up to his expectations. Remember the double standards at play:

 

Men are assertive. Women are bitches.

Men are studs. Women are sluts.

Men are confident. Women are snotty.

Men are ambitious. Women are gold-diggers.

Men are sensitive. Women are hysterical and overemotional.

Men take pride in their appearance. Women are shallow.

 

Do you see what I'm getting at here?

 

"Both sides do it!" rings rather hollow when one side has had 3,000 years of recorded historical utter dominance over the other, to the point of actual legal ownership, and complete impunity to dehumanize and hurt the other party. It would be helpful to consider context and history when writing about these things, and remember that women are only just recently in a position where we can legally and socially be considered actual people.

RambaRal 6 pts

 Effie Yes, it's true that the historical context that you speak of exists, and is valuable in the psychology and sociology of the relationships (romantic and otherwise) between men and women these days. However, the fact that men have been awful to women for 3,000 years does not mean that women should be awful to men and it doesn't exonerate them for it.

 

If we are ever to move forward from the 3,000 years of dehumanization and pain that you described, it will only be because BOTH genders are willing to move on from it and think of each other as equals. The very reason this blog post is so valuable is because for the last few decades, the story you tell is the only one that people will listen to. People are so caught up in thinking of the hurt that women suffer at the hands of men that they forget women have their own substantial power to hurt men - perhaps not physically, but certainly emotionally.

 

You say that "Both sides do it!" rings hollow when one side has had 3,000 years of utter dominance over the other. I say that spending too much time and effort thinking about past wrongs will not help the average, present day married couple understand and support each other now and in the future. That's what this post is about: helping people of both genders to understand the tremendous power they have to either build their spouse up and make them kind and loving, or to tear them down and make them uncaring, bitter, and hateful.

singleDadOfThree 7 pts

 Effie Sorry, but why do people insist upon living in the past?  Why are we paying reparations for crap that happen generations ago?  I assure you I didn't live in those generations.  I did not, have not played any role in any wrongdoing, but you my dear, are justifying women's crappy attitudes based upon what happened before many of us were born. 

 

Your comment, "You talked about how women can hit their husbands, and never be called on it." really pissed me off.  What you fail to recognize, in your selfishness, is that I as a man was raised with the mindset that I do NOT raise my hand to a woman and that I suck it up and take it like a man.

 

Much like the author of this blog, I too, have been married and divorced twice.  I won't risk it again.  I won't risk my children's well-being because frankly too many women in my generation have that BS entitlement attitude.  My first marriage ended because I ended it.  I ended it because the selfish woman, for whom I would have died, asked me for an open marriage and when I refused she told me she wanted to remain married but was going to move out to "find herself".  This selfishness occurred just a year after our oldest child won her battle with cancer.  I'm sorry, but a "progressive" open marriage is NOT what a marriage is all about.  It is purely an act of selfishness.

 

In hindsight, I realize that I was much better off without her because she partook in much of what Dan wrote about above.  Nothing I did was good enough even though I was the primary breadwinner, our children's primary caregiver, I did the laundry, dishes, housework, yard work, honey-dos (including every remodel job she asked for), and everything else around the house.  Her primary role in the home during our marriage was head chef.  For you see, she was the proverbial princess whom I was to worship.  She came at me once with a pair of scissors, but luckily for her I was too quick for her.

 

Ten months after our divorce she was remarried and moving 600 miles away.  She sued me for custody of our kids (we arranged joint custody during the divorce proceedings with me having them 70%+ of the time) and she won because she promised the court she was going to be a stay at home mom.  She then snatched the kids up and left.  So, Effie, when you talk about 'poor women'; try and think about how unfairly Dads are treated in our court systems to this day based upon a bunch of archaic crap.

 

Anyway, I moved on an stupidly believed a bag of lies from wife number 2.  She pretended to be wonderful and everything #1 hadn't been.  That is, until 3 months after I'd put a ring on her finger.  It was then I learned the true meaning of what a bitch was.  Her first husband tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen to him.  This woman was lazier than her predecessor.  She was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to her kids, my kids, and mostly to me.  She was/is the poorest excuse for womanhood to ever walk the earth. 

 

I could go on for hours about the physical abuse alone, but no one cares.  Many of the actions were witnessed by our kids.  The fact is, there were times I wanted to toss her right out of the moving vehicle.  There were times when I wanted to lay her out on the floor.  But had I; my ass would have been in the slammer.  She was/is so messed up, that after 4 years, 9 months, and 7 days of hell, I had to call the cops to have her physically removed from my house.  Which was a move she dared me to try because as she said they (the cops) would never make a woman leave.  When the cops arrived I gave them 2 choices; they tell her to leave or they'd be back to arrest her for domestic violence.  I knew how little it would take the psycho to go off on me, and I had nothing left to lose but that ogre.

 

But you see, Effie, like Dan said, I didn't talk to anyone about the crap this woman put me through because I'm not a pussy.  And who the hell would have listened to me anyway? 

 

But today, my #1 asked her #2 the same thing she'd asked me and he too declined. Our 2 children live with me because their mother has never really wanted to take responsibility for them; they were always just a weapon, and my kids KNOW it.

 

My #2 is remarried and torturing yet another sucker and his children from a previous marriage.  My daughter from that mistake tells me stories that bring back a lot of memories.  She is starting to see her mom for what she is too.

 

So, now back to Dan's point.  I was the guy who actually asked both ex-in-laws for their daughter's hand in marriage.  I've become a worthless man because I had two wives who turned me from a take-home-to-Daddy man, to a man who will not let the most wonderful woman on the planet near me nor my kids.  I don't need another selfish, abusive, entitled bitch to ruin my life. 

 

singleDadOfThree 7 pts

 Effie Oh, yeah, Effie, I'm in my 40s, and have spent hours talking with my parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents about the differences in gender roles and attitudes today.  Every one of them agree women of my generation and the next are unbelievably selfish, yet they also agree the same women lack the self respect it takes to be what was once referred to as being lady-like.  Look at Ho-Clothes woman, fat and thin, wear today....I'm sorry, sexy is not a female plumber's crack with a tramp stamp all over it saying "Do me 'dis way!".

shoepixie 7 pts

 singleDadOfThree  Effie

 SingleDad - it sounds *almost* as if you think sexism and misogyny are over. They very much aren't. The reason women look to the past and point it out is because these issues are very much alive today - though we've made great strides, thank goodness.

Yes, women can be hateful and cruel to men, and men can be hateful and cruel to women. Personally, it doesn't sound like your first wife was a bad person, you two just had needs that didn't match up. I'm glad she was at least honest about what she wanted, instead of going behind your back. More people should be honest with their partners!

 

Anyhow - I agree with Effie that the power diffential is a huge thing, and it's something a woman can never get away from, ever ever ever. That being as it is, how can a man get upset when he's reminded of it? We have to be reminded every single day.

singleDadOfThree 7 pts

 shoepixie

 No, I don't think sexism is dead, on the contrary.  However, it sure as hell isn't a problem I created.  Today sexism goes both ways. 

 

You proved that with your second comment in regards to my 1st exwife.  You immediately defended her with a line of BS about different needs...seriously?  Then in your sexism, you praised her honesty and assumed she hadn't gone behind my back.  Sorry to burst your sexist bubble, but we had been married 8 years and just come out of the most stressful time in our lives as our daughter's chemotherapy ended.  This woman had different needs indeed.  She needed to get busted starting up several online relationships which she then brought into the physical plane.  She only asked for the open marriage because she got busted cheating after I'd observed for 3 months.

 

Yeah, you should defend her....in your sexism!

 

Did you read about her asking the same of her second husband?  Yeah, seven years into their marriage he busted her cheating on him.  He confronted her and she promised never to do it again.  He stayed with her another four years because she kept promising to stop.  Then when he'd had enough she asked him for an open marriage as well.  I imagine you should have seen his face when he learned the truth about my divorce.  Yes, this innocent "honest" woman with "different needs" had told him, and who knows how many others, that I was a physical and emotional abuser, so she left me.

 

Yeah, you should feel sorry for her....in your sexism!

 

I guess it's ok that women have all the power when kids are involved in a divorce too, huh?  I suppose it's the right thing to strip away a dad's rights to be a dad, huh?  Not all dads set out to be a "deadbeat" dad.  Many are actually created by the same attitudes layed out above in Dan's article.  Many dad's are alienated from their kids because of the lies of their mothers.  But that must be okay. 

 

Kids are not meant to be raised with only one parent.  Both MUST be involved equally, because neither is more important than the other.  Dads need to be told that.  They need to be shown that too.  And they need to be told by moms.

 

And you don't understand how a man can be upset when I'm reminded of your sexism.

KarlChaudhary 5 pts

Every girl I let get close to me in life has cheated on me and said all of the above.  I'm still reeling and recovering from the lashes that I took at their hands.  And a year later, I still find myself unable to work up the courage and confidence to start something new with someone because of the way those two girls made me feel and the damage they inflicted upon my confidence and self worth.However, I have not read the article you wrote about women.  And i'm going to read that now.  I'm positive that I probably degraded them in similar ways, and it breaks my heart to say that, because I really did try and give my all in the two relationships i've been in that ended in such sorrow (At least for me) disaster.Thanks for writing this.  I hope it helps out people.

DragonMommie 11 pts

Your post doesn't anger me.  I've done a lot of that and maybe even all of that but I'm too afraid to go back and check the list.  Chunk cheese.  DH will/might never get me flowers, but he gets me chunk cheese, those bite sized chunks, from the store and I see that gesture as a little love note tucked into the fridge.  The painful truth is that we ALL are guilty of not treating our mates properly.  We hurt those we love the most I think because it's so easy to.  We know their weak spots.  We know what their buttons are.  True strength is to not exploit that which we were trusted with knowing.

 

DH did something after eight years of predictable behavior.  The new mantra "Be the Change".  I'm thinking, "what the...?"  Without getting explicit, because ThAT's what it would be if I got into details, he totally changed his approach, his whole demeanor and I was thrilled.  He's always talking about the "upward strokes" and I never really took them seriously because I believed he was just too sensitive.... shoot, I never realized, though, it was exactly what he was practicing on me all along... upward strokes.  Very rarely did he ever say anything that hurt me.  On my part, however, I always said things that hurt him and he never let on until one time he blew up and all this stuff came out.  I never knew.  Women talk.  Men don't... usually.  I remember thinking, "why had he not said anything in these eight years or so?"  I remember thinking that I don't want the responsibility of being a mind reader in our relationship because there will be times I don't see... What I didn't realize is that consideration for our partner's feelings is basic.  Nobody should have to be told.  The value, the worth of it,  needs no explanation.

 

So I am working really hard to practice the upward strokes and quit the verbal abuse..... that's what it is, plain and simple.   I even have to ask him periodically if I've been critical lately because, well, he IS overly sensitive and a lot of the things i say that affect him, I don't really see what's wrong.  Messed up, right?  I've not read your post about women, so guess I'll go find that now.

AaronPaquette 5 pts

@DragonMommie I doubt he's "overly sensitive" It sounds like he's perfectly sensitive. Good on you and your husband for loving and respecting each other better now that both sides are communicating.

I needed this today.  Thank you. 

MuckleLaverty 5 pts

I tell my husband every day what a wonderful husband he is. And that he can do anything he puts his mind too. Sure he has his moments, don't we all? It took me a few marriages to get this and maybe the right man for me. We make sure we let the other know at LEAST once a day how  much we appreciate and love each other. And we're doing fine

MMALLEN 7 pts

Interestingly, when I read parts of this post, I had my 12 year old son in mind.  I never really realized how rough I was with him, even when I was meaning to be loving.  Hugs often ended with a hard back "slap", I would give him a little "loving" punch in the arm when walking by him, sometimes a love pinch.  Then one day he said, "Mom, just because I'm a boy doesn't mean that doesn't hurt".  That went straight to my heart.  I realized in that moment that I was teaching him that because he was a male, he didn't need of gentle, loving touches.  While I"m still often rough & tumble with him, I am very conscious of rubbing his back gently at bedtime, hugging him with the same gentleness I hug my daughters and even kissing him on the cheek.  He softens when I do these things and I hope that I am now showing him that he deserves sweet, gentle love from the females in his life...and that it's ok to accept it.  

CindyReamsbottom 5 pts

"Never let a problem to be solved, be more important than a person to be loved" ~Thomas S. Monson~

JenUnderwood 5 pts

This has to be the best relationship advice I have ever read, stated simply enough for everyone to understand and follow... And as a licensed counselor, I've read a lot of advice and given plenty as well.  The people who are reacting negatively are probably unable and unwilling to see that when relationships fail, it is always the fault of both parties, not just one.

DanaSeilhan 12 pts

And by the way I'm saying all this as someone who's done the full-time-employed-outside-the-home mother gig.  You go to work for 40 hours a week, come home and it's you stuck with most of the messes.  I was lucky though.  My then-husband was willing to cook and help with childcare.  That was awesome.  Lots of moms are not that lucky.  And it's not like the average boyfriend or husband spends a lot of time saying "I appreciate what you do," any more than women do.

NicholeRobillardStinson 8 pts

There's a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Interestingly enough, the book pretty much says the same thing you did! There's definitely something to it. Ever since I read that book, I've made an effort to be conscious of the way I talk to my husband and I make an effort to say something nice to him or do something nice for him on a daily basis. It really does help our relationship.

DanaSeilhan 12 pts

There will always be situations where one partner in a relationship sees nothing but the other partner's shortcomings.  But don't you *dare* act like a woman being annoyed at a man forgetting his own mother's birthday, or forgetting to put the wet clothes in the dryer, is the same thing as a man beating up a woman if she so much as looks at him at the wrong time.  I'm so tired of this.  NO, getting your feelings hurt is NOT the same thing as being beaten up!  Especially if you have gone your whole life not bothering to learn anything domestic because Mommy and Sister and Girlfriend and Wifey have always done it for you.  You yourself are a single dad.  You should understand that there is no guarantee the woman will be around forever.  Knowing how to do domestic stuff and knowing how to maintain relationships are skills EVERY person should acquire, regardless of gender.  Abuse is wrong no matter who's guilty of it.  But being a lazy so-and-so because you earn a paycheck and "that should be enough" does not fly.  You can't expect your partner to pick up fifty percent of the burden with money if you are not picking up half the burden at home.  And oftentimes there *is* a right way and a wrong way to do things.  I'm at my wit's end with people of *either* gender who are incapable of seeing dirt or disarray.  I'm no clean freak, but I know the difference.  It's not hard.  I promise.

boopooopedoo 6 pts

 DanaSeilhan So VERY glad i'm not married to such a self-focused person. 

 

professorcupcake 5 pts

 DanaSeilhan Wow.  You seem like a real gem!  

shoepixie 7 pts

 DanaSeilhanIt's nice to see someone saying this. :)

I do agree with Dan that the acceptence of violence from women and not men is a double standard....but society is WAY to permissive about violence from men already.

I don' tknow about 'right and wrong' way, but I think it's all about what bother partners need, really. All those sorts of things should be discussed - why house with someone if thier standards of house-keeping don't match up?

 DanaSeilhan 

I think you missed the reason for this post. A gentleman shared a realization he had about himself and his relationships. He did it in the hopes that people who read this will stop and take a reflective moment. He did it so maybe some of the harshness that people treat each other will be stopped. He didn't refer to 3,000 years of history or sexism. He just made an appeal as a person to everyone else that reads this. Be kinder to the ones you love. Take a moment to think about all the things you say. History and the past are great for remembering where you have been, and more importantly to see how far you have traveled. For all the posts I have read so far about personal experiences those are horrible and as another person to you I am sorry you had such experiences. But your past doesn't provide you a free card to do the same to another. So much in life right now is predicated on this happened to me so here you experience it too. Take a few moments to relax realize the cycle and move forward. Not sitting in the past, or wandering aimlessly in the now, but moving towards a better future. At the end of your life will you have a hoard of people who cared about you or a hoard of people that just want to make sure your gone.

Conversation from Facebook

Jennifer Cady Logan
Jennifer Cady Logan

This is a great post. I forwarded it to my hubby with an apology. In the past couple of months i knew things had to change for the sake of our two little boys and I have been identifying the times when these kinds of unkind words come up and trying to cut them off at the pass as well as find other outlets for my stress and anger that are not directed at anyone...working out, getting a massage, taking a long shower, going to church.

Brittany Clark
Brittany Clark

I love this and my relationship with my husband is proof that being kind and building them up does work.

Kathy Rhyner
Kathy Rhyner

Thank you for sharing!!!!!!

Chris Salvian
Chris Salvian

Wow. Amazing. I'd never read it before, but the part about being kind...I said almost the exact same thing to my ex-GF a couple weeks before she walked out. Deja vu I guess...

Jaque Mitchell
Jaque Mitchell

This was the first post I read on SDL.

Tracy Robertson Shriver
Tracy Robertson Shriver

Has it already been 500 posts since?

Christine Spencer
Christine Spencer

Valuable reminders and so true!

Christina Sommers
Christina Sommers

I love this! It is all about respect! And...for those of you Proverbs 31 women, the Lord requires us to show respect to our husband. Little things (like not nagging, picking fights, criticizing, etc) really do make the difference. I am far from perfect, and do struggle with respecting my husband's feelings, but because of my love for him....I bite my tongue and pray!

Mine Ogura
Mine Ogura

thank you. it's good to remember to be loving in words and actions.

Beckie Laux Carlson
Beckie Laux Carlson

I remember that one.....

Nemmi Moran
Nemmi Moran

Not many to my sons father, Just that he does not spend enough time with our son because he does not, it's getting better but mostly he just gets the shits at the concept of spending time with his son and I

Sue Crane Bryan
Sue Crane Bryan

I, also, have a wonderful hubby. I try every day to make sure he knows I am proud of him and love him. This post is a good reminder to appreciate each other and to remember why you got married in the first place. Thanks..

Dian E Martin
Dian E Martin

I read both of these posts yesterday and shared them. We all need to respect each other and treat each other kindly. So many people in this world wonder why they aren't happy. And it starts here. The people I now recognize as examples of real love in marriage do this. Thank you for helping me realize part of what makes it real :-)

Lenore Bavota
Lenore Bavota

Gotta strongly disagree with you on this. Maybe as I've matured I have recognized the potential and power of positive reinforsement, belief in my husband, and big hugs. And he reciprocates. We are in love and in belief with each other.

Kimberly McClune
Kimberly McClune

The roses are beautiful and so are you *Mom* I celebrate you and all my female friends today. Thank you for this post.

Meghan Phelan
Meghan Phelan

This is my favorite post you've ever put up.

Dorothy Manning
Dorothy Manning

Amen is all i'm goig to say.As I am married to my secound hubby.An love him dearly.

Jess-Robert File
Jess-Robert File

I LOVE this.

Hayley Mosteller
Hayley Mosteller

I think many times men and women are easily deceived by feelings of underappreciation. Truth is, both are underappreciated. No one wants to start re-appreciating because they do not trust that anything will come the other way. Somebody has to be first. Then things can improve.

Ellaina Moorhouse
Ellaina Moorhouse

Your timing of this post is uncanny for me. I needed to see this and today was the best day for it. Thank you!

Jennifer Serena
Jennifer Serena

I'll admit I am guilty of this behavior and this post serves as a good reminder to think before I react to certain things. Thanks for sharing this!

Ruth Elliott Klein
Ruth Elliott Klein

Most people place blame elsewhere... When we accept our personal responsibility, life becomes more simple and kind

Erin Jensen
Erin Jensen

I LOVED THIS POST. Reminding us all to be kind...