A few weeks ago, I put together a post from your Facebook comments called, Grandmas say the darndest things. It was a lot of fun, and I’ll definitely be putting together more of them in the future. On Monday I asked a different question. “What’s the wisest piece of advice you’ve ever gotten from an old person?” More than 600 of you replied with something awesome.

Unfortunately, I can only use so many of them today. But, just like the other post, if you like this one I have plenty of content for future editions as well.

With that, enjoy the first edition of Grandparents say the wisest things, at least 3,000 years in the making.

  • “Sometimes you have to whisper in order to be heard.”
  • “Bring children up the way they are bent.”
  • About worrying: “Don’t cry over tears that haven’t even started to form.”
  • “Don’t wait until you are 50 to wear red with purple.”
  • “Never ask a question you’re not ready to hear the answer to.”
  • When arguing with your significant other: “Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?”
  • “If you’re going to fight, at least get naked first.”
    • “Take it slow, because you can never go back to the sweet thrill of simply holding hands.”
    • “The only way past this moment is through it.”
    • “Never bother to kiss the a$$ that is in the act of $hitting on you.”
    • “This too shall pass”
    • “I’ll try anything twice because I might have done it wrong the first time.”
    • “Measure twice…cut once!”
    • “Marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100.”
    • “Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional.”
    • Wedding toast: “may all your ups and downs be under the sheets!”
    • “You can tell a lot about a person’s character by how they treat the waitress.”
    • “The man is the head of the household…but the woman is the neck.”
    • “If you’re going to be a bear, be a grizzly!”
    • “It’s better to be hated for who you are then to be loved for who you are not.”
    • ‎”Don’t cook bacon in the nude.”
    • “Never skimp on your bed or your shoes, cause you spend your whole life in one or the other.”
  • ‎”You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be.”
  • “Once you say it, you can’t take it back.”
  • “Always accept a gift from a child.”
  • “You can’t really love someone unless you love yourself.”
  • “If you are a mother in law .. keep your mouth shut.”
  • Marriage advice: “Don’t start something you don’t want to do the rest of your life.” (such as ironing)
  • “If you have one leg in the past and one leg in the future, you piss all over today.”
  • “If you neglect your housework for 20 years it might take a week to make it up. But if you neglect your child for a week it might take 20 years to make it up.”
  • “Choose your friends wisely. It’s not your enemies that will get you into trouble.”
  • “You have to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”
  • “Find something you love to do, then find a way to make a living doing it.”
  • “Stop talking, start listening.”
  • “You know that white speck on the top of chicken s**t? Well, its still chicken s**t.”
  • ‎”Leave it in the wind.”
  • “Teach your children to do without you.”
  • “Consider every word and action from your significant other as a precious gift… if you don’t, someone else will.”
  • “The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”
  • “Never make someone a priority, when all you are is an option.”
I’ll admit. I had a smile pretty much the entire time I was reading the replies and working on this post. I really need to hang out with old people more often.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS, I’d love to hear your comments or your additions!


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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!