All right, time for a confession session. This year is seriously turning into a lazy man’s Christmas for me.
In years past, I’ve counted down the days to when I could start decorating for the holidays. I’ve anxiously built music playlists, waiting for the blessed day when I could crank out the Christmas tunes. Last year I had my house lights and lawn ornaments put up on November first. I put up two Christmas trees in my home and had them both decked out from here to heaven. By this time last year, my counter tops were covered with seasonal goodies, and my shopping was nearly finished. I even had our Christmas card created and sent.
So far this year, I haven’t done any of it. Zip, zero, nada. My trees are still in boxes, as are all of my Christmas lights and lawn ornaments. My counters are bare. My radio is still playing Tim McGraw and George Strait.
Every day I look around and think, I really need to put up some Christmas stuff. Every night I go to bed and think about doing it the next day, though I know I won’t.
I won’t lie. There’s something sad lingering inside of me this year. Perhaps it’s the loss of the girls. Perhaps it’s just a funk.
Whatever it is, I’m having a hard time finding the holiday mood, which annoys me because it’s definitely my favorite time of year.
I do have Noah for Christmas this year. I’ve already told him that we’ll be sleeping at Nana and Bapa’s house and that Santa will be unloading our presents there. He’s excited about that. I’m just glad because it takes the stress off of me to set things up for him to have a proper Yuletide experience.
As I sit and type this, I’m growing increasingly sad. I realize more and more that the only thing causing it is a heavy feeling of loneliness. It’s the first Christmas I’ve had in a decade that I don’t have a lover and companion to share it with.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize what makes most of it fun every year is having a partner to do it with. Shopping for the kids just isn’t the same without somebody to whom I can rant about how expensive things are getting. Hanging up lights just isn’t the same without somebody down below warning me to be careful. Putting up the tree just isn’t the same when there isn’t somebody I’m in love with standing beside me telling me where to hang things. And, truth be told it’s sad that I don’t get to plan out and buy that big perfect gift for the perfect somebody in my life. It’s also sad that nobody will be doing that for me.
Noah, he at least deserves a Christmas tree. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow when I get him back from his mom’s house.
What I really need to do is go get all the shopping done for Noah. Christmas will still be more than magical with him by my side, and I need to be thinking about him right now, not myself. I need to take him to see Santa Claus and to go look at the lights. I need to let him pick out a Christmas stocking and help me hang decorations on the tree. I’m sure doing all that will get me out of this little funk. Yes, I’m going to do it.
I’ve heard that people get lonely around the holidays. I get it now.
Ugh. Come back tomorrow. It’ll be much more cheery around here.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS, anybody else ever experience this? If you do have someone in your life, what is your favorite thing to do with them during the holidays? And what gets all of you more in the holiday mood than anything else?