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Real Dads Don’t Leave

[sigh] Today is another Single Dad Ranting post.

I am admittedly very upset right now over a heated conversation that just took place, and I don’t know where else to release that steam. I’m sure I’ll step on some toes in the process. I usually do. Frankly, I don’t care this time. Dads need to stop leaving their kids, and I’m tired of men not being the ones to say it. I’m tired of the world tip-toeing around these guys’ feelings. I’m really tired of society acting like such behavior is now “normal” or “expected”. I’m tired of the media making light of it. I’m tired of the emails and comments from endless mothers who’ve been thrown under the bus. More than anything, I’m tired of dads not taking their responsibilities and duties seriously.

As far as I can tell, there are three kinds of dads who willingly “leave” their kids.

The first simply leaves. He packs up, he walks away, and he wants nothing to do with his child or his child’s mother.

This man is not a man at all. He is a coward. He is a lazy and an ignorant little boy who cares nothing for those whom he has been enlisted to provide for and protect. His self-centeredness and narcissism rank him among the most selfish human beings on the planet. He is a quitter, a deserter, and a weakling.

Sadly, he’ll never fully realize what he left behind. His own rationalizations and reasoning blind him to anything but a life of justification and attempts to forget his wrongful deed. He’ll never know of the hundreds of Saturday morning snuggles that could have been his. He’ll never know of the hundreds of colorful drawings his child would have handed him over the years, made with tiny loving hands just for him. He’ll never realize that he left behind so many trips to the park or the zoo. He’ll never know of the camping trips, fishing excursions and soccer games that without doubt would have filled him so much happiness. He’ll never realize that his self-absorption caused him to leave behind every bedtime story, pancake breakfast, bike ride, and tuck-in.

Even more sadly, he’ll never realize that he left behind a tiny person that would have looked at him as his hero. He’ll never know that he left a child who would have trusted him and loved him more than any other person reasonably should. And he’ll also never know that he left a child who would have done anything to be like him. To be like his daddy.

He’ll never understand or take responsibility for the giant hole in his child’s heart that will never be patched. He’ll never understand the anger and tears that his child will experience as he tries to comprehend a father that would vanish, and without sensible explanation. He’ll also never understand just how much harder his child’s life is going to be because of his absence.

No, fathers like this never realize, understand, or comprehend any of it. They can’t. A person can’t miss what they don’t know they never had.

Maybe it’s wrong of me, but I have neither room in my heart, nor in my ability to understand these types of fathers. I have no compassion for them. In my best attempts to fathom their decisions, I have only found anger.

But there is another kind of father who leaves as well. This dad leaves in disguise. He works to make it appear that he’s not leaving at all. He, like that first man, cloaks himself in rationalization and reasoning. He shows up just often enough to pull off his ruse, and he goes to bed each night feeling good about himself as the dad that he thinks himself to be. This second type is the divorced dad who by choice becomes nothing more than a weekend or a summer dad.

I cannot comprehend fathers that do this. I don’t understand how they can be okay with their choices, and I don’t understand how they can be okay offering such trace amounts of time and support to their children.

A dad like this is okay being a dad every other weekend and a couple weeks every summer. He’s okay spending such minimal and limited time with his child.  He’s okayletting his child’s mother do the vast majority of the raising, and he is often okay watching another man step into the picture and be the dominant father figure for his own children.

He doesn’t fight to constantly be with and near his child. He doesn’t fight to be a realdad to his child. He doesn’t really fight at all.Though, he probably claims that he does. He probably spends a lot of wasteful hours telling the people in his life that he did and is doing everything he can for his child. He probably has painted a picture so pretty that even he has started to believe it.

Many of these dads hide behind phone calls and text messages to their kids. They believe that a quick check-in every so often is sufficient enough to brand themselves as “there”. They lie to themselves, they lie to others, and they lie to their kids.

Many of these dads can be wrapped under the label of Disneyland Dads. They have their children so infrequently, that when they do, it’s nothing but fun and revelry. These dads really never parent at all. A dad like this convinces himself that as long as his kid is spoiled and happy when she leaves, he’s a good dad. He’s doing his duty. After all, his kid loves him…

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1901 comments
DavidEric1
DavidEric1

I am David Eric,I want to say thank to dr.trust for everything he did in my life. To everyone who doesn't believe in spell, I was one like you at first. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to do this since I've tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read so many testimonials of dr.tust how he help people to get back their ex lover. dr.tust  answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my ex girlfriend back. So my story is that I was at my office when the girl I suppose to marry  told me that she wasn't in love with me and never will it be and that she didn't want to speak or see me again, especially since she was talking to this other guy. i email dr.trust and tell him everything.he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the one that was to get her back to me and stay with me and  to marry me.As soon as he finish the spells, my girlfriend came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful to him, that is why i am sharing this testimony to those who need his help. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what dr.trust said would happen. I’m very happy for the love spell dr.trust have done for me, my ex girlfriend is now back to me and we are living so happy. if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now…no one would believe it! contact is email address ([email protected] or [email protected] tell +2348156885231) David Eric 


DerekNatasha
DerekNatasha

ime girl friend and he started dating her outside our marriage before you knew it he stoped caring and taking care of his own family it was to the extent that he was planning to get married to her and divorce me his own wife, i have cried and reported him to his family but he never listened to any one but to cut my story short i came in search for a real spell caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me and our 2 kids on my search i saw people making testimony on how their marriage where restored by Dr.Trust i pick his email and i narrated my story to him and he agreed to help me and after performing a spell on the second day both had a quarrel and he beat his girlfriend up and he came home begging for i and my little kids to forgive him that his eyes are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family again and promise to be a caring father and never cheat again.I am so so happy that i did not loose him to the girl. all appreciation goes to Dr.Trust for you are a Great spell caster and to whom this may concern if you have a cheating husband or wife or you need your ex lover back again. you can as well email him on ([email protected] or [email protected]) or you can call him +2348156885231.  

LydiaEMill1
LydiaEMill1

I'm now married to the father of my two kids who i love so much.Before all these sudden happiness took place in my life i went through hell.I dated my fiance for 8years with little breakup's between until a whore came into our life who was my best friend.When i discovered my fiance was cheating on me with her i was so mad at him that i could not even look at him anymore.As time went on i and my fiance was trying to fix things but my best friend wanted us to be apart from each other in other to have him to herself which she later achieved.Soon my fiance wasn't paying attention to me anymore.All he could think of was how he could dump me and his two beautiful kids in other to be with my best friend.I was so heart broken because i loved him so much i tried all means to get him back but it wasn't possible.After a long while of unhappiness i meant a spell caster on-line whose name is dr ogedide i explained my problem to him and he demanded for some materials to prepare a spell and i proved the materials and since then my life has been transformed from sadness to total happiness.If you have a similar problem he might be the right person to solve your problem so if you need help contact him via [email protected] all your problem will be solve.

kuvuki
kuvuki

I am Radka, i never believes in spells or magic until I experienced one not quite long and it really worked for me. I was in relationship With my boyfriend for 4 years and we were. Ready to get married until he met a lady strolled along and took my man away from me. I was really devastated so I confided in a friend of mine who now introduce me to dr kuvuki, and he told me he’s going to help me cast a spell that will bring back my man and he did he is the spell cast in word you can contact his email [email protected] I must tell you the truth dr kuvuki is a very reliable spell caster.

sunkymoritz351
sunkymoritz351

Thank to Dr for bringing back my husband after six months of breaking up when i contacted Dr odudu on o[email protected] he bring him back quickly and urgently without delay contact him now for help his the greatest man i have never since please contact the right email in my testimony because this is the only email where i found help from Dr odudu [email protected] or call +2348051913076

Lilian from wastinton

Jeannie F
Jeannie F

Thanks so much for sharing.....was just contemplating myself lately. As a single mom most of my adult life, and in the midst of "healthy detaching" from one of my children (for now). I still cannot fathom simply walking away from your child. To me, that would be akin to cutting off my arm because I was not happy with my nail polish....

DaniChante1
DaniChante1

I have been rejected by my husband after 8 years of marriage just because another woman and he left me and the kid to suffer. One day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Dr Balaya a spell caster.have helped a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his email address [email protected]  and he told me that a woman casted a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back. I believed him because of his polite approach and sincerity and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back because i am now happy with my husband. Email him on; { [email protected]
http://doctorbalayaa.webs.com/

AdamsBella
AdamsBella

Bella After being in relationship with Adams for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by reffering him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email:
[email protected] you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:dr
[email protected] CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM  .....

AdamsBella
AdamsBella

Bella After being in relationship with Adams for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by reffering him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email:
[email protected] you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:dr
[email protected] CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

TonyValerio
TonyValerio

This thread has unfortunately been taken over by someone promoting there witch craft spam. So sad. I found it informative and helpful as a place where parents could discuss matters of parental identity and children.

The administrators of this thread have failed to block this spam. I have no choice but to cancel it. Sorry.

KwaleTemple
KwaleTemple

i got my ex back through Dr Kwale spell. i am very pleased with his spell he did for me that brought my ex girlfriend of five years back to me without delay within the period of 24hours. my heart is fill with joy since my ex came back to me and since she came back to me she is so committed to me and she now show's me so much love more than ever before. and i know there are so many people looking for same help here to get back with their ex, i will advice that you contact this same man Dr Kwale via his email address [email protected] or call him via his # +2348056141089 to seek his help.


Carter Dan

shelleyguertin
shelleyguertin

This testimony came as a result of the great spell caster i ordered bring my wife back. to gain the heart of my lover who has been having affair outside our marriage Which result to many scandal in the house. Though i try the best i could to make her stop the cheating i couldn't, due to the love i have for her i could not seek for divorce either until my friend told me about dr obom of [email protected] or +2347053319835 that him could help me to make her the type of woman i want her to be, that him was the one that brought back his lover when him left her for another woman. so i seek help from dr obom and it was excellent, we are living together with two kids. Thanks to  Dr Obom for the solution he provide for me. i will never forget you, keep on the good work, for i know there are still a lot of people out there that need your help. again you can reach dr obom on [email protected] or call +2347053319835

SevdaGulea
SevdaGulea

Good day every one i am Sevda Gulea form Orlando USA. Am happy today because what Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIGBE has done for me which a friend of my introduce to me, i have never believe untill i confirm it my self that there are still men who are real spell caster. I must testify for the happiness and joy he brought to my life by bringing back my EX husband who has left me for 7years with all the property we have bought together he is back with additional property please help me to thank the great and powerful Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIGBE,  he is a God sent that is bless with wonderful powers to help people you can as well try him and see how powerful he is,  you can contact him in is email address for all kinds of helps.

Email: [email protected]

1) If you want your EX back.
(2) If you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) Herbal care
(10) If you want to win a lottery


 Claudia
Claudia

PRIEST QUANDA I LOVE YOU xxxxxxxxx YOU ARE THE BEST . This is a fantastic web site. It is the best site I have ever been in. I am not really sure how I found this website actually. Thank you for helping me to get my lovely partner back in my life. I am so blessed that you used a non forceful way of uniting and reuniting us together. Our past, presence and future seems to have all merged into one. I have to say wholeheartedly I believe that Priest Quanda is a very gifted individual and gentility his second nature. I have received the most rewarding and spiritual experience whilst conversing with him on the telephone. You have removed the extra baggage that has been affecting us and holding us back. This man is for REAL. He did whatever magic he did, and in 24 hours later, I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! and we’re doing very, very well, and his love for me keeps burning! Love and Many Blessings Back to You! here is his email address: [email protected] 

alixiara
alixiara

The father of my child wanted nothing to do with me or my child until I told him his rights were getting stripped and now he wants to control what I say who I see and how much I can see my child he was declared unfit to look after a child by social workers who passed it on to the courts

joepublicva
joepublicva

@TonyValerio annnnndddddd do something about it for the next parent who has become abused and misled by meandering litigation of the courts, political or self-serving manipulative practices of social service agencies or ppl w benign guility agendas (those kno who).  Those who fight an unjust system become targets and anyone that has been victimized by the custodial parent and their in-concert jurist kno the fight is not only personal but necessary.  Stop the shoulder crying and do something.  No one on this site (blogger or creator of site) said anything when the Kennedy family member pushed a nurse trying to interfere w/ is parental rights so y this site of winey cry babies unless u hav debilitating secrets that render u self-incompetent to fight the gud fight......grow some balls and let those w cause and fortitude and challenge a biased judicial systems that renders dads emotional drained and scarred.  Anyone that sees wrong in the justice system should voice their opposition for the next parent that wants to parent until the norm is dads become involved instead of redefining by manipulative practices parental roles.

CommentonSpell
CommentonSpell

Hello everyone i want to share a live testimony on how Priest Oduma was able to bring my husband back to me, myself and my husband were on a serious breakup, even before then we were always quarreling fighting and doing different ungodly act..
My husband packed his things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this i was looking for a way to re_unite with my husband, not until i met Priest Oduma the great spell caster who was able to bring my husband back home, Priest Oduma cast a love spell for me, and after some time i started seen results about the spell....
Today my family is back again and we are happy living fine and healthy, with Priest Oduma all my dream came through in re_uniting my marriage, friends in case you need the help of Priest Oduma kindly mail him on( [email protected] ) or call him on +2348153363047, Sir i will forever recommend you!!!http://spellofsolution.wordpress.com

Amysmith71
Amysmith71

This article shattered my heart but it is also so true. I read your other ones also. I have 6 amazing children me and their father divorced 10 years ago he is ordered to pay support but chooses not to and maybe wrong of me but never enforced as I never wanted my children to have the memory mommy put daddy in jail I repeatedly try to get him involved have even gone as far as putting my I'll feelings towards him aside and offering him a place to stay for the children but he refuses he has a woman in his life and has for 12 yrs off and on and she hates the children so he prefers not to be around them last few years he will drop money to kids or show up intoxicated at football games. One of our sons recently banned him from coming which I know shatters him. I have gone through the pain of each child wanting their father and I don't understand how you walk away from your children since when did it become a choice? It kills me that my kids have to go through this as they are truly magnificent human beings. I would do anything to take all my kids pain away.

TonyValerio
TonyValerio

Please stop. You are ruining the discussion. Very selfish to keep posting this!

Rita5432
Rita5432

Dr. Telemi is a trust worthy spell caster and he will be of great help to you. I never believed in spell casting but After 4 years of marriage my husband left me because I lost my womb, and i was unable to give birth to children. I felt like my life has come to an end, and i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time, but thanks to this spell caster called Dr. Telemi whom i met online after my friend Tracy James told me how he also helped her to bring back her husband in less than 2 days. I believed her and decided to give Dr. Telemi a try and i contacted him on his email [email protected] and explained my problems to him. He laughed and told me that In less than 2 days, my Husband will come back for me again, and that he will restore my womb and i will give birth to children. At first i thought it was a lie but i took courage and believed as Dr. Telemi has said and it did happen just as this Great spell caster said, My husband called me and was crying, apologizing for forgiveness. I forgave him and today i am so glad that all worries and problems has gone away, and we are even happier than before, another good news is that i am pregnant now, and very soon we are expecting our baby. Dr. Telemi is really a gifted and a powerful spiritual man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. I advice you all If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems just Contact Dr Telemi on his email on  [email protected] at anytime, because he will always help you to solve all your problems. Once again thank you Dr. Telemi. Thank you, thank you.

SwartHamp
SwartHamp

I thank the [email protected] for bringing my dearest boyfriend back. I was lost without my boyfriend, my life seemed hopeless but then I contacted prophet James who was able to find the exact reason he had left me, a spell had been cast on him, luckily prophet James was able to break this easily and with his help my dear boyfriend returned. He can help you too, contact him now at

prophetjamesspelltemple@hotmail[email protected]

John richmond
John richmond

IF YOU NEED A REAL SPELL CASTER PLEASE
CONTACT DR AGBOGU HE IS A GREAT MAN
He brought back my ex within 24 hrs when
others failed just using this post as a
testimony and to tell people that there are
still Real spell caster out there .
if you need his help in any way be it LOVE
SPELL ...HIV/AID,LOST WEIGHT,MAGIC
SPELL,MONEY SPELL,SPELL TO PROTECT
YOURSELVES FROM DANGERS,SAME/SEX LOVE
SPELL,HOW TO GET THE PERFECT VALENTINE’S
GIFT FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND
PROMOTION IN YOUR OFFICE,IF YOU NEED A
CHILD...SPELL REMOVAL........GOOD
LUCK......do contact him directly on
E-mail [email protected]
Thank you all.
Name:Ashley Thomas
Location: France

anniegustavo22
anniegustavo22

Gosh, how did you do it??? he just asked me to marry him!!!! so happy!!! i can barely beleive it, he was a cold guy never looked at me and ignored me for several months!!! i am the most happy woman on EARTH. Thank you! Thank you!! DR EZIZA. speak to him on [email protected] or +2348058176289 and join the happy ones

 

makejessica3
makejessica3

My name is Caroline Stewart I am sharing my testimony to everyone that has tried everything possible and had lost hope on how they can get their ex back, i want you all to know that their is one man called Dr ukpoyan that work for me and after 3days of his spell brought my ex back to me without any delay, i am really happy now that we are together again and we are living happily with so much love and respect for each other, Email now [email protected]

TonyValerio
TonyValerio

No, I think real dad's do leave their kids. The identity of dad or father has been lost. Eviscerated by ignorance, complacency and prejudice.

Moving forward, our only hope is to stop the use of gender in identifying ourselves as parents and simply call ourselves PARENTS. This way, everyone gets to be a parent. The entrenched sexism associated with mom and dad identities keeps us apart and in opposition as coparents. Lawyers and haters feed on our conflict. Who suffers?

It's time to evolve. Whether you are a mom or a dad, the most important part is that you is the parent part. We call all be parents. Gender means nothing. And when we treat each other like parents we show our children that they too someday get to be parents. And they will, regardless of gender.

We need to challenge our sexist institutions and attitudes. We need to stop blaming each other and unify... As parents.

Our children need this because while real dad's may abandon their children because it's what dad's do....

Real PARENTS stay.

And there I find hope :) .

SuperMomAng
SuperMomAng

My x sees our little boy twice a year and the x argues that he is NOT supposed to get him 2 weeks during the summer. His excuse is always that he has to work or that he doesnt have money. I guess he thinks I dont work and that I have a money tree in the back yard. He even uses the excuse that he doesnt want to have to talk to me so that is why he never calls or comes to see him. I live in NW FL and the x lives in Ga approx 5.5 hours away. He chose to move that far after the divorce because he said he had to "go where the money is" ... to hell with where his kid is.  I despise him and have many bad thoughts about him...but i do pray for peace with that. I just hate it SO much for my sweet baby boy (hes 8 and yes he will always be my baby) I just can NOT wrap my mind around the idea of not seeing my kid but twice a year for less than 48 hours at a time. It kills me when I have to be away from him over night for any reason.  

Oh well...  One day God will send a REAL man that will be a REAL daddy to my son and teach him what it is like to be a REAL father

luiscullen
luiscullen

Thanks to priestess munak, a spell witch for helping bring back my beloved wife and my 2 kids. I know I was a pain in the butt, very nervous and furious to ever had leave them. I have tried all i could to make them understand how sorry i am for leaving my family behind, now i realize my fault and am ready to make amends but my wife is already filing for a divorce... I ran out of idea until i met this spell lady on my online search, http://thespellpriestessmunak.webs.com as a reliable spell lady whom has soled problems even more critical than mine with her spell. It was then priestess munak spell that finally worked. everything happened just the way i desire my family to be together and be happy in love., Tho i was almost frustrated thinking my wife no longer needs me it made me constantly nagging until this spell lady made it happened. Thank you everyone who has talked about this spell lady, I'm glad i found a solution to my greatest worries and problems, thank you priestess, who I know helped me so much. I strongly recommend priestess munak if you need help, her spell may take some time to work and she will tell you that, like she did to me, but it will work definitely. You just need to trust and let her do her work. I couldn’t have done it without everyone who talked about this spell lady. Her email is [email protected], Thanks

mya
mya

I am dealing with dad #1. It breaks my heart that he would just leave his son. I never imagined myself a single mom. It hurts because i allowed him to come and go as he pleased and now my son is suffering. He is 4 and told me he wants to build a robot to destroy his dad. I never bad mouth about his dad because I'm embarrassed I picked such a poor soul to fall in love with. I lie in tears most nights just hoping his dad will change his mind. He did all of this over some girl. I just wish I could see the future and see that everything will be ok

TonyValerio
TonyValerio

Trueform you are spot on. The system remains sexist and destructive. Stay peaceful. Don't ever give up.

trueform
trueform

Frankly parts of this article seem glib to me.


I am a father that hates the idea of being a part time dad. But today, right today, that is becoming a reality. And the pain is unlike anything I have felt before.


I am fighting to spend as much time with my daughter as I can. I am setting up a trust fund to ensure she’s always supported financially. I want to be there for her in every way possible.


But real life isn’t so neat.


My ex is moving our daughter to a place that is, at the quickest of times, an hour and a half away from where I live. In fact it is not especially close to anyone she knows or really to her family. I tried to influence her choice of location but she would not listen. The answer may seem obvious: move closer too. But that would mean abandoning my business and my income. Apparently ‘real dads’ do that. But how is not being able to support my daughter financially being a real dad?


My ex is not good with money. I know there will be many times I have have to step in to clear up financial issues and ensure my daughter does not suffer. There is a huge conflict between the pressure to be physically close to my daughter, to be there for her emotionally and in every way possible, and the pressure to ensure she’s provided for financially. Abandoning a business I've built up over 18 years would be financially devastating.


Right now I really don’t know how I will square those issues. But I would not be so quick to judge other fathers. As I say really life is not so neat.


Beyond this there is the question of tearing my daughter away from her friends and everyone she has known for the first part of her life. Again, my arguments on this have had no effect on my ex. And she has the law on her side.


I do have joint parental responsibility for my daughter. But the law favours the mother and gives me very little say in where my ex takes my daughter to live. 


I am not alone. My position isn’t bad next to some men I know who have their kids living quite close by but get very little support from the law and are left in a delicate negotiation in which the mother has the law on her side and the kids to use as bargaining power.


Men in my position are often treading on egg shells around a woman that knows the courts will do little to address our concerns and much to promote the prime role of the mother.


Already I face tense discussions where I am told things need to happen because ‘it’s best’ for my daughter when the concept of best seems not to include much thought about her need to be with and to be influenced by me, her father.


So yes, I will fight. But the law should me much more balanced. 






Inna
Inna

My husband bullied me and our five month old baby out of our home and told me to leave the country. He manipulated and threatened me if I didn't leave. I am from the UK and was alone in the US, so decided I would agree and go. He said he would send my belongings as I was complying but it would take a while coz apparently we had no money as he controlled all of it. Later on to find out, he had tons!!

The day I left, my neighbours emailed me and said my husband had thrown out all our sons things in the trash in front of everyone. He trashed his crib, clothes, toys, rocker, play pen etc....you get the picture. It all happened on thanksgiving day. He then got rid of the family dog. I felt sick when I found this out and scared. A few weeks later I find out he has brought his mistress into our home and they moved out together a month later with my belongings. He emptied our bank accounts and. I had found out he had lied, hid financially and had affairs. I didn't know this until I started to uncover the truth. He ignored us, even though I tried so hard to fight for him and told him he should love and be with his son but I have no heard from him. I filed divorce and he asked me to give up everything for me to keep my son with me all the time as he knew I would now not return to the USA because of what he had done and how he bullied us out and destroyed our home. I was scared for a while and to be alone in usa.

It is heartbreaking that someone can behave in such a way . I know my faults in my marriage but to have someone lie cheat and steal from yor child and wife if unfathomable to me. He even said,be is changing and I won't like who he will become and he our son was a mistake and so is the marriage. I spent days weeks and months blaming myself as he placed all the blame on me.

I feel completely mentally and emotionally abused. If only you knew the depths of what I went through. This man didn't care I was left peniless with our son and seriously there was nothing I could do about it. He had it all perfectly planned. I do get child support and even before that he tried to get out of it.

Why do these men exist!!!!!!

Xfiles
Xfiles

Not a bad writeup.  As a divorced Dad, I do what I can.  Deep in debt and doing my best to be with my kids as court ordered.  It is a challenge especially when you are forced into a disney land dad situation with 4 days per month.  


The ex wife is very self serving...growing up in a silver spoon environment.  Marriage wasn't all that bad, but when she started a business that recently failed...all bets were off in the best interest of a Family.  No abuse, verbal abuse, addictions or anything unhealthy except for some financial issues due to job loss.  Since I grew up pretty poor, I understand the challenges, but for her...she freaked out a bit and jumped on the divorce bandwagon.  Financial instability and teamwork were not in her best interests.  She is an I, me, me, I type of person...similar to her Father.  Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.  She is a 45 year old daddy's girl and I am so glad I am out of the situation for it drained my manhood and I lost contact with my family for about 5 years. 


Overall, I had a ton of challenges to overcome and many more to some.  With a an ex wife that enjoys playing the victim, I have halted all communication with her.  She doesn't communicate any medical visits regarding my children, takes them to Drs and dentists that don't accept the type of coverage that she has, takes them to expensive optometrists and dentists...she is a piece of work. All to try and force their Father out of the picture by inflating medical bills and with the intent of trying to ruin my financially.  LOL!  Only problem, I am already ruined for awhile.  With her affluent Father sitting in the background driving the ship...not much you can do when he hides:)


So in relation to this article...there are times in which a GOOD FATHER cannot be there for his children, but he can make the best of it.  I know from my children for when they are picked up...they don't want to go home.  They enjoy the time that they have with their Dad.    Too bad for the kids, but I will keep on trucking along until I find success.  


AvasMom
AvasMom

Life wasn't supposed to be like this.

AvasMom
AvasMom

Dealing with this is so hard. My husband rubbed it in that his mistress is giving him a son. He is telling everyone, especially me. Another woman has my husband. Another kid is going to have my daughter's dad. And it feels like my family members are trying to steal my grief.

AvasMom
AvasMom

My husband just told that our daughter is going to have a brother. He told his mom that she will get her grandson. He tells me that he doesn't know if he loves his mistress. But he won't come home. How do I deal with this?

Loving bug
Loving bug

I stumbled upon this post, but as a child of a deserter, and mother of two children whose fathers are also deserters, I wanted to say, you are spot on. I searched for my father and found him when I was 24, he met his granddaughter, and he doesn't care anymore now than when he decided to leave forever. My oldest is 14, and she AVOIDS her father when we see him in town. I usually say there's your dad, you ca go talk to him if you want, and she turns around and goes the other way (probably because that's what he did to her almost everytime he saw her since she was 5.) My younger one is only 5 and thinks her daddy hung the moon. He gives her excuses as to why she only sees him a couple times a year, and I dread the day her heart finally breaks over him. I only hope I can help them understand the holes in their hearts is not their fault, as I struggle with the hole still eating away at mine.

wilsonmercy3
wilsonmercy3

Oh my God, I'm so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me...My name is  EMILIANO BABARAH. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby...then my husband left home for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he uthen nderstand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR ORIOMON  who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR ORIOMON cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR ORIOMON  who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is ([email protected]) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.


Thanks  EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

Swedishamerican
Swedishamerican

Is there any way to clone you? My son's dad left his son, drinking was more interesting to him. He have not seen him for 15 yrs. I dared to marry someone else 5 yrs later, this man told my son "he would always be his dad, and would never leave him". A little sister was born. 5 months later he too left, and saw his daughter and stepson 2-3 times- that was 9 yrs ago. Both my children have high functioning autism, with all the challenges that comes with it, both mentally, spiritually, and not the least, financially. My son have been abandoned twice, my daughter once (bad enough). My children are doing well and are harmonic despite all this, but of course they need a male to look up to, but I've seen many grow up with only a mother, and they have turned out to be fine adults that promised to never abandon their own offspring. I have lived single since, I really have no energy for more than raising my children with special challenges. My son will start college in august, and will study computer animation and graphics, a true artist indeed. Things are falling into place with or without "dad". I wish it was different though. 

joepublicva
joepublicva

Thx for wat? This site poorly allows me to reference bac to wat u r replying to.

Phrozt
Phrozt

@trueform What's funny is, as I was reading through this from the bottom, I almost thought it was what I originally posted year(s?) ago on this thread.  It's just sad to see how true it still rings. 

SB Dad
SB Dad

I concur and sympathise with this situation. Too often these days vows are broken by women who are empowered by 'equality' in the work place but are unhappy to accept how this affects the parenting responsibilities and are only too happy to completely forget equality post divorce.

My wife left me shortly after we had moved to her home country, having been forced to leave my long term home due to a horrible third party intervention (nothing to do with marriage). Upon arrival I struggled to acclimatise but continued with the many parenting roles I had always done, whilst learning a new language and helping to save a company which still paid me from overseas. My wife went to work and quickly disappeared into her own family, relying on her mother for all her personal support rather than me and eventually branding me worthless...yet never anything but a GREAT father (?!). Within a year we were divorced with her refusing me travel rights with my daughter until I signed papers I didn't want to. She had sole access to most of my (fairly substantial) personal savings and a year later still refuses me access to this unless I sign away rights I have legally been told to fight for ('but don't go to court it won't help!')

I have struggled, but so far succeeded to stay in the country slowly building a business to support me and my daughter in a 50/50 custody agreement. My x travels about 30% of the time so it is great for her to have me near and able to take care of our child....her business has boomed (independently wealthy) and she already belongs to a very wealthy family. I am living in a tiny apartment, washing cooking and cleaning before working until the early hours to make up lost time, whilst my x has her live in hello do everything her end.

i do however have regular e access to My daughter and that's what I care about the most. Regardless everyone tells me I should move back to a place where I can be financially successful again..my x included, who demands a extremely high cost lifestyle for our daughter and that I of course pay my share despite her deliberately hindering me from doing so. I simply cannot justify moving, but staying here mans possible personal bankruptcy due to the requirements of my x and the fact that the legal system falls over themselves to help her rather than me. If the shoe was on the other foot they would be stripping me of my assets and handing them to her on a silver platter.

Yes I have my daughter 50% of The time and we love our time together...but I am now close to broke, emotionally broken and struggling to be the father I want to be for her. I have regular offers of great jobs elsewhere that would further my career and provide for my daughter comfortably. I am however not allowed to take her and her mother refuses to move to a more forgiving place ( another of her own home countries and my daughters birthplace) so i remain stuck covering her mothers frequent absence in a very foreign environment.

it might sound like whining to many and perhaps it is, I am certainly lucky in that I get to see my child a lot, but I do agree it is time that parents were treated as equals in divorce the same way that they are in the workplace. I've changed as many nappies as my ex whilst also,providing considerable $$ yet I get no rights and she gets whatever she wants whilst telling me to leave and send her the $$$ for our daughters 'driver and nanny' (I do not jest that was her literal suggestion...she added how great it would be to get 4 weeks a year with my daughter in the summer) She still maintains what a GREAT father I am, but despite having considerable money of mine already and even more of her own plus a huge inheritance...her biggest issue...I should be earning more and should go wherever I can achieve that whilst her nanny and her mother look after our daughter.

more and more fathers have similar stories as ambitious and successful wives lose interest in the fathers that support their wives careers by staying home for the kids and putting off their own careers. The law needs to catch up...meanwhile I will remain torn on my next move. Sorry that was long!

Ps my wife's explanation for divorce to our mutual friends ' he did nothing wrong, I just got bored' ... And she gets all the rights...strange society!

Mary
Mary

Trueform, it's too bad you don't have an ex that puts your daughter first. I would never move so far away from my kids' dad even though he is dad number 2 described in the article. I encourage you to keep your language and actions consistently focused on what your daughter needs when you interact with the mother. Maybe over time your ex will realize you are truly invested in your daughter. Your ex is missing the point that kids need both parents. Also, you are the one person she can be sure would pick up your daughter in an emergency. You are the only other parent, the only other person that cares for and takes responsibility for your daughter in that way. She is distancing herself from the person most likely to help out with your daughter in a pinch. Your ex is taking out her anger for you on your kid. We could write a blog about that. It's pathetic and selfish. Hang in there.

MrEvans
MrEvans

Just do the best you can. The system cannot make the real offenders feel defeated so it crushes whoever it can because people are shitty. What is most important is how your child sees your relationship and not anyone else. Period.

Abandoned
Abandoned

My dad cheated on my mom and wants nothing to do with me and we used to be so close. I don't think it ever gets easier you just kinda get used to it. I'm sorry for what happened to you.

joepublicva
joepublicva

Hey idiot. U hav a rite to post anything u lik but to promote services for someone else, particularly on site where real family problems r conveyed by vulnerable ppl, doesnt mak u any better than the creators of this site. Ply ur wares or bs elsewhere.