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Real Dads Don’t Leave

[sigh] Today is another Single Dad Ranting post.

I am admittedly very upset right now over a heated conversation that just took place, and I don’t know where else to release that steam. I’m sure I’ll step on some toes in the process. I usually do. Frankly, I don’t care this time. Dads need to stop leaving their kids, and I’m tired of men not being the ones to say it. I’m tired of the world tip-toeing around these guys’ feelings. I’m really tired of society acting like such behavior is now “normal” or “expected”. I’m tired of the media making light of it. I’m tired of the emails and comments from endless mothers who’ve been thrown under the bus. More than anything, I’m tired of dads not taking their responsibilities and duties seriously.

As far as I can tell, there are three kinds of dads who willingly “leave” their kids.

The first simply leaves. He packs up, he walks away, and he wants nothing to do with his child or his child’s mother.

This man is not a man at all. He is a coward. He is a lazy and an ignorant little boy who cares nothing for those whom he has been enlisted to provide for and protect. His self-centeredness and narcissism rank him among the most selfish human beings on the planet. He is a quitter, a deserter, and a weakling.

Sadly, he’ll never fully realize what he left behind. His own rationalizations and reasoning blind him to anything but a life of justification and attempts to forget his wrongful deed. He’ll never know of the hundreds of Saturday morning snuggles that could have been his. He’ll never know of the hundreds of colorful drawings his child would have handed him over the years, made with tiny loving hands just for him. He’ll never realize that he left behind so many trips to the park or the zoo. He’ll never know of the camping trips, fishing excursions and soccer games that without doubt would have filled him so much happiness. He’ll never realize that his self-absorption caused him to leave behind every bedtime story, pancake breakfast, bike ride, and tuck-in.

Even more sadly, he’ll never realize that he left behind a tiny person that would have looked at him as his hero. He’ll never know that he left a child who would have trusted him and loved him more than any other person reasonably should. And he’ll also never know that he left a child who would have done anything to be like him. To be like his daddy.

He’ll never understand or take responsibility for the giant hole in his child’s heart that will never be patched. He’ll never understand the anger and tears that his child will experience as he tries to comprehend a father that would vanish, and without sensible explanation. He’ll also never understand just how much harder his child’s life is going to be because of his absence.

No, fathers like this never realize, understand, or comprehend any of it. They can’t. A person can’t miss what they don’t know they never had.

Maybe it’s wrong of me, but I have neither room in my heart, nor in my ability to understand these types of fathers. I have no compassion for them. In my best attempts to fathom their decisions, I have only found anger.

But there is another kind of father who leaves as well. This dad leaves in disguise. He works to make it appear that he’s not leaving at all. He, like that first man, cloaks himself in rationalization and reasoning. He shows up just often enough to pull off his ruse, and he goes to bed each night feeling good about himself as the dad that he thinks himself to be. This second type is the divorced dad who by choice becomes nothing more than a weekend or a summer dad.

I cannot comprehend fathers that do this. I don’t understand how they can be okay with their choices, and I don’t understand how they can be okay offering such trace amounts of time and support to their children.

A dad like this is okay being a dad every other weekend and a couple weeks every summer. He’s okay spending such minimal and limited time with his child.  He’s okayletting his child’s mother do the vast majority of the raising, and he is often okay watching another man step into the picture and be the dominant father figure for his own children.

He doesn’t fight to constantly be with and near his child. He doesn’t fight to be a realdad to his child. He doesn’t really fight at all.Though, he probably claims that he does. He probably spends a lot of wasteful hours telling the people in his life that he did and is doing everything he can for his child. He probably has painted a picture so pretty that even he has started to believe it.

Many of these dads hide behind phone calls and text messages to their kids. They believe that a quick check-in every so often is sufficient enough to brand themselves as “there”. They lie to themselves, they lie to others, and they lie to their kids.

Many of these dads can be wrapped under the label of Disneyland Dads. They have their children so infrequently, that when they do, it’s nothing but fun and revelry. These dads really never parent at all. A dad like this convinces himself that as long as his kid is spoiled and happy when she leaves, he’s a good dad. He’s doing his duty. After all, his kid loves him…

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1864 comments
luiscullen
luiscullen

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mya
mya

I am dealing with dad #1. It breaks my heart that he would just leave his son. I never imagined myself a single mom. It hurts because i allowed him to come and go as he pleased and now my son is suffering. He is 4 and told me he wants to build a robot to destroy his dad. I never bad mouth about his dad because I'm embarrassed I picked such a poor soul to fall in love with. I lie in tears most nights just hoping his dad will change his mind. He did all of this over some girl. I just wish I could see the future and see that everything will be ok

TonyValerio
TonyValerio

Trueform you are spot on. The system remains sexist and destructive. Stay peaceful. Don't ever give up.

trueform
trueform

Frankly parts of this article seem glib to me.


I am a father that hates the idea of being a part time dad. But today, right today, that is becoming a reality. And the pain is unlike anything I have felt before.


I am fighting to spend as much time with my daughter as I can. I am setting up a trust fund to ensure she’s always supported financially. I want to be there for her in every way possible.


But real life isn’t so neat.


My ex is moving our daughter to a place that is, at the quickest of times, an hour and a half away from where I live. In fact it is not especially close to anyone she knows or really to her family. I tried to influence her choice of location but she would not listen. The answer may seem obvious: move closer too. But that would mean abandoning my business and my income. Apparently ‘real dads’ do that. But how is not being able to support my daughter financially being a real dad?


My ex is not good with money. I know there will be many times I have have to step in to clear up financial issues and ensure my daughter does not suffer. There is a huge conflict between the pressure to be physically close to my daughter, to be there for her emotionally and in every way possible, and the pressure to ensure she’s provided for financially. Abandoning a business I've built up over 18 years would be financially devastating.


Right now I really don’t know how I will square those issues. But I would not be so quick to judge other fathers. As I say really life is not so neat.


Beyond this there is the question of tearing my daughter away from her friends and everyone she has known for the first part of her life. Again, my arguments on this have had no effect on my ex. And she has the law on her side.


I do have joint parental responsibility for my daughter. But the law favours the mother and gives me very little say in where my ex takes my daughter to live. 


I am not alone. My position isn’t bad next to some men I know who have their kids living quite close by but get very little support from the law and are left in a delicate negotiation in which the mother has the law on her side and the kids to use as bargaining power.


Men in my position are often treading on egg shells around a woman that knows the courts will do little to address our concerns and much to promote the prime role of the mother.


Already I face tense discussions where I am told things need to happen because ‘it’s best’ for my daughter when the concept of best seems not to include much thought about her need to be with and to be influenced by me, her father.


So yes, I will fight. But the law should me much more balanced. 






Inna
Inna

My husband bullied me and our five month old baby out of our home and told me to leave the country. He manipulated and threatened me if I didn't leave. I am from the UK and was alone in the US, so decided I would agree and go. He said he would send my belongings as I was complying but it would take a while coz apparently we had no money as he controlled all of it. Later on to find out, he had tons!!

The day I left, my neighbours emailed me and said my husband had thrown out all our sons things in the trash in front of everyone. He trashed his crib, clothes, toys, rocker, play pen etc....you get the picture. It all happened on thanksgiving day. He then got rid of the family dog. I felt sick when I found this out and scared. A few weeks later I find out he has brought his mistress into our home and they moved out together a month later with my belongings. He emptied our bank accounts and. I had found out he had lied, hid financially and had affairs. I didn't know this until I started to uncover the truth. He ignored us, even though I tried so hard to fight for him and told him he should love and be with his son but I have no heard from him. I filed divorce and he asked me to give up everything for me to keep my son with me all the time as he knew I would now not return to the USA because of what he had done and how he bullied us out and destroyed our home. I was scared for a while and to be alone in usa.

It is heartbreaking that someone can behave in such a way . I know my faults in my marriage but to have someone lie cheat and steal from yor child and wife if unfathomable to me. He even said,be is changing and I won't like who he will become and he our son was a mistake and so is the marriage. I spent days weeks and months blaming myself as he placed all the blame on me.

I feel completely mentally and emotionally abused. If only you knew the depths of what I went through. This man didn't care I was left peniless with our son and seriously there was nothing I could do about it. He had it all perfectly planned. I do get child support and even before that he tried to get out of it.

Why do these men exist!!!!!!

Xfiles
Xfiles

Not a bad writeup.  As a divorced Dad, I do what I can.  Deep in debt and doing my best to be with my kids as court ordered.  It is a challenge especially when you are forced into a disney land dad situation with 4 days per month.  


The ex wife is very self serving...growing up in a silver spoon environment.  Marriage wasn't all that bad, but when she started a business that recently failed...all bets were off in the best interest of a Family.  No abuse, verbal abuse, addictions or anything unhealthy except for some financial issues due to job loss.  Since I grew up pretty poor, I understand the challenges, but for her...she freaked out a bit and jumped on the divorce bandwagon.  Financial instability and teamwork were not in her best interests.  She is an I, me, me, I type of person...similar to her Father.  Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.  She is a 45 year old daddy's girl and I am so glad I am out of the situation for it drained my manhood and I lost contact with my family for about 5 years. 


Overall, I had a ton of challenges to overcome and many more to some.  With a an ex wife that enjoys playing the victim, I have halted all communication with her.  She doesn't communicate any medical visits regarding my children, takes them to Drs and dentists that don't accept the type of coverage that she has, takes them to expensive optometrists and dentists...she is a piece of work. All to try and force their Father out of the picture by inflating medical bills and with the intent of trying to ruin my financially.  LOL!  Only problem, I am already ruined for awhile.  With her affluent Father sitting in the background driving the ship...not much you can do when he hides:)


So in relation to this article...there are times in which a GOOD FATHER cannot be there for his children, but he can make the best of it.  I know from my children for when they are picked up...they don't want to go home.  They enjoy the time that they have with their Dad.    Too bad for the kids, but I will keep on trucking along until I find success.  


AvasMom
AvasMom

Life wasn't supposed to be like this.

AvasMom
AvasMom

Dealing with this is so hard. My husband rubbed it in that his mistress is giving him a son. He is telling everyone, especially me. Another woman has my husband. Another kid is going to have my daughter's dad. And it feels like my family members are trying to steal my grief.

AvasMom
AvasMom

My husband just told that our daughter is going to have a brother. He told his mom that she will get her grandson. He tells me that he doesn't know if he loves his mistress. But he won't come home. How do I deal with this?

Loving bug
Loving bug

I stumbled upon this post, but as a child of a deserter, and mother of two children whose fathers are also deserters, I wanted to say, you are spot on. I searched for my father and found him when I was 24, he met his granddaughter, and he doesn't care anymore now than when he decided to leave forever. My oldest is 14, and she AVOIDS her father when we see him in town. I usually say there's your dad, you ca go talk to him if you want, and she turns around and goes the other way (probably because that's what he did to her almost everytime he saw her since she was 5.) My younger one is only 5 and thinks her daddy hung the moon. He gives her excuses as to why she only sees him a couple times a year, and I dread the day her heart finally breaks over him. I only hope I can help them understand the holes in their hearts is not their fault, as I struggle with the hole still eating away at mine.

wilsonmercy3
wilsonmercy3

Oh my God, I'm so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me...My name is  EMILIANO BABARAH. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby...then my husband left home for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he uthen nderstand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR ORIOMON  who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR ORIOMON cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR ORIOMON  who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is ([email protected]) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.


Thanks  EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

Swedishamerican
Swedishamerican

Is there any way to clone you? My son's dad left his son, drinking was more interesting to him. He have not seen him for 15 yrs. I dared to marry someone else 5 yrs later, this man told my son "he would always be his dad, and would never leave him". A little sister was born. 5 months later he too left, and saw his daughter and stepson 2-3 times- that was 9 yrs ago. Both my children have high functioning autism, with all the challenges that comes with it, both mentally, spiritually, and not the least, financially. My son have been abandoned twice, my daughter once (bad enough). My children are doing well and are harmonic despite all this, but of course they need a male to look up to, but I've seen many grow up with only a mother, and they have turned out to be fine adults that promised to never abandon their own offspring. I have lived single since, I really have no energy for more than raising my children with special challenges. My son will start college in august, and will study computer animation and graphics, a true artist indeed. Things are falling into place with or without "dad". I wish it was different though. 

Sunkissedskies
Sunkissedskies

Hi, Just want to say this is a really great post! I wish more men would call other dads out on their lack of healthy and committed  involvement in their kids lives. The whole present enough to look good hits home hard. Thanks for being real.

Dana
Dana

Feel like I should add that real dads don't leave their CHILDREN. Not being with the mother of his child does not make him NOT a dad.

DirkGentlyFan
DirkGentlyFan

Hey Dan! You probably wrote this article a long, long time ago but I've just found it - so I am saying "Hello!" Very insightful and I don't quite know where I am in the picture? I am not going anywhere but my ex makes it very difficult. I shall take a look around :)


hebaodeh
hebaodeh

My dad is one of those fathers you described. He is present in my life but mentally he isnt there for me. My parents are divorced and i only see him in summer. Hes extremely verbally abusive towards me and my 8 yr old brother. Every year I dread the summer because I know I have to go live with him for 3 months. I remember I was really hot one night so I turned the air on and he yelled at me and not the yelling the fathers do when they are worried about u but he told me if I ever turned the air on again he would choke me in the middle of the night. If I don't do something to his liking he calls me stupid,worthless,idiot,retarded,etc. He tells me "I'm just like my mother" I've always wanted a real loving dad and I will never have that in my life. I know my dad wont change. he has had several children in the past and treated us all like shit. Not having a dad is terrible because you feel like you are missing something in your life. You could say I have daddy issues. I always look for security and love in other men which i really hate because I know I never had a real father in my life.

Whimsical Philosopher
Whimsical Philosopher

To all the men and women who can read this: Please... do not engage in an unsafe intercourse if you are not ready and mature enough to become parents: if you are not emotionally, mentally and financially capable to raise another life. You don't know the hell that children undergo to survive in life and that deep hole that you leave those people struggling to heal all the pain and hatred they have for being unwanted by their own parents. I define shit, as a person who destroys the dignity of his/her family by destroying themselves through addiction, engaging in bull crap scams and totally neglecting their responsibilities as parents. You have no right to call yourself a father when you can leave your kids just like that. You can never repay the lingering damage that you left people. You do not deserve respect.

I was moved by the article "Real Dads Don't Leave." The author is a man (at last there's a man who has the balls to talk about this topic). He defined 3 types of Dads who leave. If you are a father, this article is thought provoking. It is worth the time to read especially if you want to make things right. Dan Pearce wrote, "Why is this not the number one topic being discussed in this world? Good fathers, and by that I mean real fathers who are there, have the ability to change almost every social problem we now find ourselves facing. I’d be assumptive enough to say that there isn’t a single type of crime or a single problem so big that couldn’t be fixed or wiped out if fathers would just step up."

He also mentioned a powerful message for mothers that I want to highlight, "If you are a mom who has watched your child’s father leave, my heart goes out to you. I also pray that you had no part in it. I pray that you didn’t make it impossible for him while he was there. I pray that you didn’t try and force him to live up to impossible expectations. And, I pray that if he is a good man and he wants to be there in his child’s life that you love your child enough to let him. Even if that seems impossible to you."

http://www.danoah.com/2010/12/real-dads-dont-leave.html

Posted in multiple social media

AvasMom
AvasMom

My daughter is two and a half. I am not divorced yet, but my husband was the absent father that played xbox and talked to women on the Internet and left our daughter in a wet diaper while I was at work. He felt too pressured to work. He will see our baby on Saturdays for a few hours. The rest of the time he is with an older woman who buys him toys. He says I make the visits too tense to continue. I receive no money, nothing for our girl. He left me on Mother's Day. Just Saturday he asked what he was getting for Father's Day. And I still can't submit divorce papers.  

LaurenWalker
LaurenWalker

My oldest daughter is 8, her father and I were together for SEVEN years, I got pregnant and he KICKED ME OUT :/ he saw his daughter ONCE, she was 6 days old. Hes never paid child support, ever. Not for my lack of trying to get him to pay though. I was very, very luck. I met a WONDERFUL man when she was a year old, and he IS her father ♡ we have 3 kids now, and he is such a great dad, and Im thankful that my oldest daughter never had to know the heartache of not having a father in her life. Im a grown woman that had an absent father, and it broke my heart. My children will NEVER know that heartache, thank god!

miavelarde98
miavelarde98

You forgot  the fourth kind of deserter dad, the one that stays long enough to know about the Sunday cuddles, and pictures, but can still leave one day and have NO  contact at ALL, and doesn't EVER pay child support or well....sometimes he calls once a year around tax time in a attempt to get the mother to let him claim the kids on his tax refunds 

tara
tara

This is excellent. My husband or whatever you want to call him. He left 3 weeks ago....He abandoned his children and I for years before he decided to leave. I sent him this to read with hopes he does.

Karen Whitaker
Karen Whitaker

According to the U.S. Census Bureau Out of 12.2 million single parent families in 2012, more than 80% were headed by single mothers.

Sophia Ava
Sophia Ava

hello Dearest I'm Sophia new to this Facebook Stuff and want the best out of it. I am 28years old ,single and never been married.looking for long time relationship that can lead to marriage...you can add me up

Mindful Dad
Mindful Dad

I'm the dad in the picture, with the makeup all over my face, and I run a blog called Mindful Dad, where I write about how to be present for our children today, to make memories to last a lifetime. Stop on by and check it out!

Brooke Abernethy Schwartz
Brooke Abernethy Schwartz

Thank you for this. And, sadly, mothers do it too (more often than I dreamed possible). So let's think of it as "Real Dads and Moms Don't Leave" and leave it at that. Other than that, it's beautifully written and thank you for being the kind of dad that every child deserves.

KD MacDonald
KD MacDonald

That's why I can't be friend with my bio-dad. For a quarter of a century, I chased after him, trying to get any sign that he could ever learn to love me (and my brothers and my mom). So I gave up on him and went on with my life. When I first became a mom, he suddenly decided that he wanted to be part of my life -- and was surprised when i told him that I didn't consider him my "REAL DAD", and that a far better man than himself (namely, my grandfather) had stepped in on the day I was born, to fill that spot that my bio-dad had walked away from. My grandfather had always wanted to raise a daughter but had never been blessed with that opportunity until his son threw away that opportunity.

joepublicva
joepublicva

Momof5greatkids ur situation is probably rare. Wats not rare is no one stands up for the under served parent that want involvement in their children's lives. Ie when the Kennedy was simply taking his baby from a hospital....where were those pro-parent movements. I hav distain for the meaningless pomp of those espousing one virtue and secretly pushing a hidden agenda......MANIPULATIVE HYPOCRITES and their secret lives.

momof5greatkids
momof5greatkids

My sons father is the first one , once he found i was pregnant he hit the high road , and now my son is 16 and has never met his father and he paid $14 a month in support for 13 years and now i am finally getting more that i fought in courts for 2 years , jumping forward my first marriage that man walked out on my 2 daughters when they were 2 and 4 and now they are 12 and 14 and I get zero support and he is useless , being single for 6 years I met my husband we have been together for almost 10 years and he is the last one , he is incredible he loves my kids more then anything and will do anything for them ,we have twin girls together and he cant stand being away from any of them longer then a day , he lives and breathes these kids and I am so happy to have him in my life , he is in my opinion the best father in the world :)

Julie Tran
Julie Tran

My ex-husband is a 'Disneyland dad'. He fights for extra time when it's convenient for him and spends that time visiting McDonalds, buying toys, and playing. He's fun dad and I've accepted the role as possible 'mean' mom because I want her to learn and grow. I can't give her everything she wants, but I can give her everything she needs. For her sake, I hope he grows into your version of a real dad someday.

MrEvans
MrEvans

Just do the best you can. The system cannot make the real offenders feel defeated so it crushes whoever it can because people are shitty. What is most important is how your child sees your relationship and not anyone else. Period.

Abandoned
Abandoned

My dad cheated on my mom and wants nothing to do with me and we used to be so close. I don't think it ever gets easier you just kinda get used to it. I'm sorry for what happened to you.

joepublicva
joepublicva

Hey idiot. U hav a rite to post anything u lik but to promote services for someone else, particularly on site where real family problems r conveyed by vulnerable ppl, doesnt mak u any better than the creators of this site. Ply ur wares or bs elsewhere.

TonyValerio
TonyValerio

I found your response sexist and counter productive. I wish more PARENTS would call others PARENTS out on their lack of healthy and committed involvement in their kids lives. Kids need healthy cooperative coparent... Not archaic ideas of mom and dad. Wake up! Gender divides us. Move forward and unify. Don't be sexist. It only serves the ego and hurts children. We are all parents. It's time we thought and acted like parents and not enemies. Peace.

Phrozt
Phrozt

@Sunkissedskies I wish more people would realize that there are a lot of dads that DO want a healthier commitment with their children but can't because of the system, and because society thinks that dads all fall under the categories that the author listed here.  I can't comment enough on how hurtful this article is to good dads... because it was posted by someone who's supposedly a "good dad." 

It's as if an abused woman had a blog up and made a post that basically said, "yeah, but you know... sometimes we deserve it, because sometimes we *do* talk too much!"

BethanyCopley
BethanyCopley

@miavelarde98  I have four kids with two different dads. My older three children have a Disneyland Dad....my littlest? She has the guy you mentioned....and he has the nerve to get mad at me and his 8 year old daughter for daring to forget HIS BIRTHDAY.

Dana
Dana

That's probably because unless the mom is deemed unfit, she automatically gets more custody.

rilbrianne
rilbrianne

@joepublicva It's not rare. It happens every day. Men who want to be involved and deserve to be involved are the rarity. (IE: not alcoholic, abusive, or trying to play good dad so their new girlfriend won't know how much of a piece of crap they really are.)  If you are going to marry her and have children with her, at least put some effort into the relationship or leave before you damage her and your children. 

momof5greatkids
momof5greatkids

Listen I never put my info up to be attacked all I was posting my situation at certain points in my life and how I met a wonderful man that adopted and accepts my kids because if the type of men their real fathers were ,I made no personal attacks on anyone except the 2 men involved so please don't assume I am catagorizing all men !

rilbrianne
rilbrianne

@momof5greatkids I hear you.  My 2 daughters (just under 2 and 4 at the time) were awarded $66/month total.  That would have paid for their diapers and preschool snacks.  And we get labeled as being pathetic because we are single mothers. Infuriating.

joepublicva
joepublicva

U R SO VERY SMART. IVE BEEN SAYING SO HERE. THE CREATOR OF THIS SITE HAS ONE HAND ON THE HOT-BUTTON ISSUE AND THE OTHER HAND DOING SOMETHING ELSE.

****** ONLY FEW READERS NOTICED *******

HE HAS NO SHAME IN MANIPULATING PPL WHOSE LIVES HAVE BEEN WRONGLY AFFECTED. HE CANT HIDE BEHIND JOURNALISTIC ETHICS WHEN HE HAS A BIAS AND A BENIGN AGENDA.....THAT OF A SELF-DECLARED SOCIAL MANIPULATOR.

****** SICK NOTIONS AND EVEN SICKER TO PRACTICE IT *******

Sunkissedskies
Sunkissedskies

@Phrozt @Sunkissedskies 

I understand what you are getting at here however; the post clearly qualifies the types of poor fathering the author was criticizing. While I understand how this post can be seen as a perpetuation of the myth that all fathers not with their children full-time are not doing their job, I think  the fact that so many female-headed households are at or below the poverty level (proven time and again) supports the points the author makes. 

Many people do realize that there are many fathers who want a healthier commitment with their children but there are still so many cases in which children are simply left behind (physically or emotionally) these days. I did not see the post as taking aim at good dads although the system certainly needs improving in order to facilitate the relationship between good dads (this must certainly be defined) and their children.

joepublicva
joepublicva

@rilbrianne @joepublicva  I noted this " or trying to play good dad so their new girlfriend won't know how much of a piece of crap they really are". Its sounds like shame and guilt on the part this absent parent.  All kinds of emotions become exaggerated in these moments which is y i commend any parent (custodial or not) that make fair-minded decisions. 


My ex 20 yrs ago said and did horrible things and as a result my relationship w my child has been destroyed.  Noted too is the family court in Queens NY were parties to this sham.  Outing the bad parent is as important as outing the bad judge.


Re my earlier post.....I was on a subway train yrs ago and a dad turned toward two passengers who was sitting next to his child and lambasted them for the type of degrading language being used while the child listened.  The two conversationalist were not backing down until I, sitting across from them, yelled w a stern voice that he (the dad) was correct in defending his childs and y would u continue using that language.  I didnt kno either party and it may have been none of my business, but my feeling is wrong-doers continue doin wrong if society never challenges them on their conduct.....they will cease, find another avenue, or resist. WHO, IN ALL OF THESE POSTINGS, WOULD STAND UP FOR PARENTS W/O HAVING AN ANGLE OF THEIR OWN TO PROMOTE?


joepublicva
joepublicva

@rilbrianne @joepublicva  I noted this " or trying to play good dad so their new girlfriend won't know how much of a piece of crap they really are". Its sounds like shame and guilt on the part this absent parent.  All kinds of emotions become exaggerated in these moments which is y i commend any parent (custodial or not) that make fair-minded decisions. 


My ex 20 yrs ago said and did horrible things and as a result my relationship w my child has been destroyed.  Noted too is the family court in Queens NY were parties to this sham.  Outing the bad parent is as important as outing the bad judge.

joepublicva
joepublicva

@momof5greatkids The attack was not on u.  I've seen many pro-parent movements and none were jolted into action during the many high profile parental issues. Keep reading the past nuances of the publisher of this site and the supporters of his narrow perspective and his tangent issue.  Its a ploy and he is selling ad space $$$.  Despicable....and i hope he reads this post.  He's promoting him not a cause for non-custodial parents.  Read on to ur own dismay at irresponsible pseudo journalism or undefined advocacy.


There r parents on both sides of the parental custodial issue that make the best choice their situation allows....they should be commended.  Where r the supporters, the advocates, the just pissed off that run to the aid of those fair-mind parents?  This site, as w many others, fail.

Mark Neil
Mark Neil

@Sunkissedskies @Phrozt  "I think  the fact that so many female-headed households are at or below the poverty level (proven time and again) supports the points the author makes....

... 
but there are still so many cases in which children are simply left behind (physically or emotionally) these days"


I think a BIG part of the problem is the same thing you're doing right here. You are blaming men because women can't seem to handle the consequences of the choices they, and ONLY they have to make. Nobody is asking why this girls are having babies they can't afford to care for without someone else's support. Over 40% of children are born out of wedlock, most to single mothers. Meanwhile the small handful of single fathers rarely fall into poverty, and they more often than not DON'T get support from the mothers. Why can men hack it and women can't? Why do men get blamed when women can't hack it? And why are men being forced into fatherhood, and when they can't hack it, all men get blamed and shamed? When are people going to start looking at women and asking WTF is wrong with you? Why you forcing men who don't want kids into fatherhood? Are you really surprised he isn't turning out to be a good dad? And is that really his fault?

How about we start giving men the option to opt out, remove that extra incentive of a monthly paycheck, start putting the responsibility where it belongs, the people making the choice to have a baby. Lets see how many willing fathers end up bailing then?