First I want to say thank you for all of the comments on my post this morning. I also want to discuss some of the more interesting comments that were left afterward.
The vast majority of you agreed with the message. Many of you cheered me on, saying if she’s a dynamo or a bombshell, go get ‘em tiger
! Others of you left less than positive remarks, which is okay too.
|Still no? Come on!
You see, there are a few things I purposefully did and didn’t do when I wrote that post.
First, I purposefully titled it How dare you be beautiful
because I wanted people to question (from the title alone) whether it was wrong for someone to be what many in the world consider beautiful. You may or may not have noticed that I never brought that up again.
Then, I very purposefully didn’t say what attracted me to this woman. I merely mentioned that I had asked her out.
And finally, I never stated that I found her to be beautiful (which I do). I merely mentioned that she was a tall blonde woman, who happened to be slender and well groomed. Last I checked, those particular requirements didn’t sum up all beauty.
What I found interesting, were the replies by people who assumed many different things after reading the post. I don’t want to criticize you, I only want to discuss the things you commented. There were some that criticized me for being attracted to her looks before anything else. Ummmm, where did I say that? Most of these comments also claimed that it was wrong of me to not focus on personality or other intrinsic characteristics first.
There were also those who talked about this woman as if she was the quintessential goddess portrayed on magazine covers everywhere. Again… where did you come up with that assumption? All I said about her was that she was a tall blonde woman, who happened to be slender and well groomed.
This woman is indeed beautiful, at least to me (and to my dad based on his comment). But, I’m personally not attracted to every woman who is tall, blond, slender, and well groomed. I find it funny that so many of you would consider that just because I mentioned those features, I was going after only the most super modelesque women.
Finally, a few of you mentioned that perhaps instead of chasing after looks, I should change my thinking and pursue after somebody who is intelligent and kind.
Wouldn’t you agree that we must watch ourselves so as not to be caught up in reverse discrimination? When it is commented that perhaps I should pursue after somebody who is intelligent and kind, isn’t the real message that anyone who is tall and blonde is also
stupid and hostile? This is also cemented into the assumption that I asked her out based on her looks alone. Why else would anybody ask out a tall blonde woman?
The purpose of the post was to discuss these very assumptions and whether or not they are fair ones. The entire point of the piece was that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, and that I really shouldn’t be worried about it because who I find attractive is not who everybody finds attractive anyway.
And while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, heaven knows that what the beholder beholds changes too. There have been many women that I found very attractive at first glance, and it took only moments of their jaws flapping for them to become physically unattractive to me. There have also been many women that I wasn’t physically attracted to at first, but after getting to know them they became very
attractive to me.
The truth is, I’ve been on dates with three women since I got divorced. All three looked completely different. I was definitely attracted to all of them. They all had different heights, builds, hair color, and personalities. I was attracted to them all because of the way they physically looked, and
because of the friendship we developed before we went out. The woman I wrote about this morning was someone I had become friends with a few weeks prior. Neither one of us was terribly attracted to the other when we first met, but over the course of a few hang-outs with joint friends, an attraction blossomed.
And that’s why I don’t really discuss my dating life here on Single Dad Laughing. I don’t think it’s fair to let these beautiful, kind, intelligent women be scrutinized and judged by thousands of people with a very limited view of the bigger picture. I have been forced to cultivate marginally thick skin, and I’d sure hate for any of the women I date to have to do the same. Why? Because I’m
attracted to sensitive and caring women.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS, what are other common examples of reverse discrimination? What are other assumptions that are constantly made, but which very easily could be wrong?
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