Why do I hate bowling? Let me count the ways.
Wouldn’t you hate it if every time you went bowling, everybody made fun of you the entire time? Wouldn’t you hate bowling if every time you went, people couldn’t stop laughing each and every time you let go of the ball? Wouldn’t you hate bowling if the people in the lanes next to you stared you down and either smirked at you or grimaced at you?
Ugh. I don’t really hate bowling. In fact, I love bowling. I go several times each year. Noah loves it too. When it’s his turn, he always insists on lugging his 6 lb. ball over to the foul line and rolling it down the lane without Dad’s help. The offer of assistance is just plain offensive to someone who is as big a big boy as he is. After he lets go, we all sit back for 20 minutes while his ball creeps impossibly slow toward the pins. Of course, if even one pin tips, everybody jumps and whoops and hollers about how awesome he is.
There’s a lot to love about bowling. The bowling alley food is disgustingly delicious. The shoes are super sexy. The computer animations are better than watching Saturday morning cartoons.
So with all that awesomeness, why do I hate it? As I already mentioned… People laugh at me. People stare. Bowling alley workers constantly come and ask me to stop. It gets really old, really fast.
You see, I have a little problem when I bowl.
The day before Thanksgiving I went bowling with my family, and nothing was different. People were laughing. People were staring. I demanded, as I usually do, that I had no control over this problem, and that it wasn’t really that bad. As usual, everybody chimed back that it was indeed that bad. In frustration, I told my brother to take a picture of my little problem. And here it is. Go ahead, get your laughs in too.
And there you have it. I throw the bowling ball like a softball. Don’t ask me why. All I know is that I can’t not do it. Every single throw, every single time, even when I’m consciously making an effort not to do it.
Nobody believes me that I can’t control it. Nobody believes me that I’m really trying not to do it. Nobody believes me that I’m not doing it just to get laughs.
And that is why I hate bowling. As much as I love it, I hate it.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS, what quirks do you have that you can’t seem to control no matter how hard you try?