Monthly Archives: January 2011

Old people say the wisest things #2

Time for some more advice from the people who have been around long enough that we should all probably listen. The following quotes were taken from your replies on Facebook when I asked "What's the wisest piece of advice you've ever gotten from an old person?" If you missed the first post in this series, click here to read it. "Well, that makes just about as much sense as two pennies lookin' for change." "Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must." "There's never been a grudge that made any sense at all when staring at your own coffin." "You can spend your life chasin' money, or you can spend your life chasin' your wife around the living room. In the end, would you rather remember feeling like you never had enough or would you rather remember feeling like you had everything in the world?" "Forgive, but don't you dare forget." "The best friends you could ever have, you can count on one hand... unfortunately,...

This is beautiful you

Finally, my favorite post of the week! Every Sunday I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Facebook wall, and I post them here. I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everybody else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the followers here at SDL. More than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each can be. Anyway, thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It's my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you. Which photos made you the happiest today? If you'd like to send in photos to be considered for Sunday's "This is beautiful you" and other future blog posts, please post them on the Facebook wall (we need lots more!). Sorry, emailed photos will not be considered. Only upload photos...

My little computer noob

Noah has taken up a recent fascination with the computer, so I asked him if he'd like to learn how to use it. After all, at age three he can semi-legibly write his own name and almost color completely within the lines, so why would he not be able to grasp a complex electronic device such as a computer.The first thing we did was talk about the mouse. I helped him see how moving the mouse also moves the pointer on the screen. I let him try, and with even the subtlest of movements as he did so, the mouse would shoot clear to the opposite side of the screen. So, I went into the mouse settings and slowed it waaaayyyy down (I always wondered why they had those slow settings. I guess now I know). Within a few minutes, he was able to move it to different buttons with ease.Next, we learned how to click on things. The concept...

When my child is sick

I think that one of my least favorite times as a parent, and ironically one of my favorite times as a parent, are those times when Noah gets sick.Obviously it ranks among my least favorite for a lot of reasons. What parent wants their child to suffer? It's heartbreaking to see him become lethargic and lose all energy. I suffer alongside him, knowing that his little brain can't quite comprehend what sickness even is. I get frustrated as he gets frustrated with it. If he's throwing up (which has only happened a couple times), I wince as he's doing it and then I melt when he looks at me with his big wet eyes as if to ask what the heck is going on with his little body.I worry, too. I think all parents worry when their children get sick, especially when they start running high fevers or when they can't hold their food down. What if it's the...

Accidental Bachelor Art #1 – “Reaching Out”

Today I'm going to teach you two really cool methods of making art. This is art that I invented, purely serendipitously while doing nothing more than living the bachelor life. I call it "Bachelor Art." The art in this first post only takes about four minutes to create when all is said and done. Total cost of materials is about $0.50. First, what do you see when you look at this photograph? Is it some strange sea creature? Perhaps a microscopic organism? Okay, I tricked you. This is actually part of the finished work of art. I call it "Reaching Out". Making art like this is simple. First, get an individual pack of Easy Mac. Next, dump it in a bowl. Then, add 2/3 cup of water. Finally, nuke it in the microwave for three minutes and forty seconds. When it's done, it comes out as a beautiful work of art: Don't ask me how it works. Don's ask me why when you pull it out of the microwave all...

Accidental Bachelor Art #2 – “Ice Sculptures”

Today I'm going to teach you two really cool methods of making art. This is art that I invented, purely serendipitously while doing nothing more than living the bachelor life. I call it "Bachelor Art." The art in this second post takes about an hour to create when all is said and done. Fifty-nine minutes and 30 seconds of that time is spent doing absolutely nothing but waiting. Total cost of materials is about $12.00. First, what do you see when you look at this photograph? I took this photo in my backyard earlier today. I call today's art "Ice Sculptures." But look closer? Are they ice sculptures? Or are they something else? Follow these simple directions, and you too will be able to enjoy fine art like this. First, go buy a pack of Snapware canisters. Next, assume that they're dishwasher safe. Isn't everything dishwasher safe in this day and age? This also means you have to ignore the fancy "hand-wash only" molded across the bottom. Enhanced...

Memoirs from Noah’s Mommy

Last week I shared some of Noah's more memorable quotes. While putting it together, I had asked his mom if she had any good ones, and she sent me so many fun little memoirs and quotes from the past couple years that I thought it would make a great second post. These are not in any sort of chronological order. Enjoy! Last night when we put Noah in bed, he kept getting up and when we shut his door, he pounded on it and yelled over and over "CHAPPY POO!!! CHAPPY POOP!!! CHAPPY... I NEED HELP!!!" He also heard us laughing and said "It's not funny!!!" (Chappy/Jeff is Noah's step-dad) The day after Halloween, Noah and I were driving to see Chappy. A box of Noah's Halloween candy was in the cup holder by me up front. I ate a piece and noah said "Mommy... what you doing?" Uh oh.. I had been caught. "Um... eating candy"... Then Noah asked for some and...

“I Want it Fast and I Want it Now” Syndrome

I think it’s time we take a look at a seriously pervasive problem. I am guilty, way more than I’d like to admit. Chances are that you are guilty, too. In fact, few there are that don’t find themselves trapped in this ever spreading “I want it fast, and I want it now” syndrome. The great technology boom we are now living through has done something to the people on this planet. It has taken away our patience for the things that throughout history have never before mattered. It has caused us to expect and want more of just about everything. It has caused us to find any possible avenue not to have to work for things. It has caused us to curse and mumble at inconsequential and infinitesimal things. A couple months ago, I had just about the worst day ever. The horrible events started as I sat stationed at a red light staring angrily at my smartphone. Come on already, was all I...

A big lug

All I have to say is, holy crud. When did Noah get to be such a big lug? I've been holding him or carrying him around since he was minutes old. And then.... BOOM. Suddenly he's a big kid. He turns four next month. I can hardly believe it. As fast as you scrolled through those pictures is as fast as those four years seem to have gone by for me. And I've been carrying or holding him a good percentage of that time. Just lately though, he's passed this point where he's officially starting to weigh my arm down while I carry him. I'm finding myself asking him to walk more and more places. Of course, he's resistent to it most of the time. He doesn't understand what his size has to do with anything, and to be honest... being able to carry him around is something I'm really going to miss. I guess every parent has to go through this stage at some point,...

This is beautiful you

Finally, my favorite post of the week! Every Sunday I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Facebook wall, and I post them here. I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everybody else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the followers here at SDL. More than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each can be. Anyway, thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It's my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you. Which photos made you the happiest today? If you'd like to send in photos to be considered for Sunday's "This is beautiful you" and other future blog posts, please post them on the Facebook wall (we need lots more!). Sorry, emailed photos will not be considered. Only upload photos...

Tomayto Tomotto

You say tomayto, I say tomotto. Okay, I know that you'd spell them both the same and correctly, but how do you spell "tomato tomato" and have people think tomayto tomatto?Anyway... that has nothing to do with today's post.Today I really wanted to pose a deep and extremely random question. Does a tomato to you taste the same as a tomato to me?Sometimes I wish I could trade mouths with someone for a day, just so that I could see what foods tasted like to them.Take chocolate, for example. I love it. In fact, I'm addicted to it. But my dad, he hates the stuff. He can't stand it. You make a chocolate cake and he pushes his plate away. You make chocolate chip cookies and he quickly loses his appetite. Obviously, he is not tasting the same thing I'm tasting when the sweet final state of the cocoa bean passes his lips.He says chocolate tastes like crap. Well,...

Muffin Man’s Magic Weight-Loss Muffin Mix

A few months ago I was at an eating disorder clinic sitting through a demonstration and they mentioned something I'd never really thought of before. They claimed that every magazine and television ad you see or watch is designed with one common purpose in mind. To make you feel as fat and ugly as possible. The more I've thought about it since then, the more true I believe that statement to be. So, I thought I'd bring you my own advertisement done Single Dad Laughing style. The video ad below was filmed just moments after climbing out of bed on the day of filming. No showers, no clean clothes, no super chiseled body, no anything but real... honest... SDL. And hopefully some good laughs to go with it. So, what do you think? Do you have a sudden unexplained urge to go buy Muffin Man's Magic Weight-Loss Blueberry Muffin Mix? Or are you suddenly okay just being you for the moment? Come on... be...

Who the heck is Justin Bieber?

The other night I was at Barnes & Noble with Tweni doing some research for my book. We passed by the biography section and I saw (very prominently displayed) the autobiography for a young man I'd never before heard of. His name was Justin Bieber. I grabbed the book and started laughing. "Who the heck is Justin Bieber," I asked, "and why would I want to read his autobiography?" Tweni looked at me with eyes squinted. "Shut up. I know you're kidding." Problem was... I wasn't. I had honestly never heard of Justin Bieber. It took several minutes of foot-down negotiation for her to finally believe me and tell me who he was. I was a little shocked to hear that he was the most famous teen dream boat in the world right now. "So, he's kinda like Billy Ray's kid then?" I asked. "Something like that." Well, whatever that moment was, it was no less than Pandora's Box for me. Ever since I bothered...

Noah’s quotable quotes

So, for the past month or so, I've been jotting down some of Noah's more memorable quotes. Here they are for your enjoyment. "Dad look, that gorilla has boobs." In reference to the dog: "Now we have to roll him up like a taco burrito." Dad: "Noah, do you think you'll ever kiss a girl?" Noah: "No way!" Dad: "Never? Really?" Noah: "Well, I do want to kiss one girl at Nana's house." Dad: "Who's that?" Noah: "Nana!" "Dad, you take this side of the sghetti, and I take this side of the sghetti, and we suck it in until we kiss." "My dad peed in the shower!" - In reference to... ummmm... In reference to the ratchet straps in my truck: "Dad I can't get my hookers to stay put." "This dooby-doo won't dooby-da!" In reference to my new computer: "Dad, that's a pretty fancy TV." While looking at the picture on the Lincoln Logs box: "Daddy, it's not making like the instructions say to make it!" Noah: "Dad, I want B.B. to...

Grandmas Say the Darndest Things!

Time for another installment of "Grandmas Say the Darndest Things!" Back in November I asked my Facebook followers to share the funniest thing they'd ever heard an old person say. These posts are a compilation of those responses. As a word of warning, I've tried to keep this post as clean as possible, but there are a lot of things said by "old" people that might be a little "off-color." Like I said last time, if that will offend you, come back tomorrow! As for me, there aren't a lot of things I find funnier. If you missed the first one, you can read it here. It was filled with all sorts of awesomeness. "He could screw up a two car parade." My grandfather was known to order movie tickets with the phrase "one adult and one adulteress" My grandmother-in-law once told her doctor she is allergic to cocaine. Turns out she meant codeine. My grandma used to put the car on cruise control going 85 on the freeway...

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