A couple weeks ago, I wrote a piece called Real Dads Don’t Leave. In an effort to spare you having to read an entire novel, I wrote this and the next entry as separate posts altogether.
In that post, I shared my strong feelings (admittedly written in anger) about the three kinds of dads that leave. After publishing it, I received dozens of emails from extremely angry fathers who demanded that they were good men, destroyed by the vengeance of ex-spouses, and forced against their will away from their own children. After reading some of their stories, and having seen what I’ve seen in my own lifetime, I tend to believe them.
Today I want to discuss and debate what I believe is the second part of this extremely complicated puzzle with you. I want to talk about the mother’s role in this ever-worsening pandemic. Because the truth is, sometimes she does play a big part. Sometimes, in fact, Mom pushes Daddy right out the door.
And it needs to stop.
I believe that there are far more good men in this world than are counted in the numbers. I believe there are many men who have every desire to be good husbands and fathers. I believe these men marry for love, carry their brides across the threshold, and then give it their all, only to be pushed back out, barricaded, and despised throughout the marriage and (if it gets to that point) during the divorce as well.
But see, we rarely hear about these men. The women who push them away are far too vocal in their everyday efforts to disparage, impugn, and slander them. They are too busy crying foul play and taking their star role as victim. They are too busy calling these men out as deserters and abandoners. They are too busy castrating these men and waving their manhood in the air as their trophy.
And then… these once good men disappear completely. And let’s be honest. We all hate and despise them for leaving, never recognizing that every other option was taken from them.
And I’d be willing to bet that the women who push them out often didn’t know they were doing it.
Well, it’s time for a dose of reality. I understand that this message only covers a small percentage of situations. At the same time, I hope it will make us all stop and think about a few things.
Ladies, do you remember the day you got married? Do you remember how happy you were? Do you remember how enamored you were with the man to whom you hitched yourself? Do you remember not just thinking, but knowing that he was a good man?
Do you remember the day your first child was born? Do you remember the excitement that you shared with your infant’s daddy throughout the entire journey to get there?
Do you remember being extremely paranoid and constantly checking that he had sanitized hands every time he neared the child?
Do you remember the time when you grabbed your baby from her daddy and said you would just take care of it (whatever it was) because he obviously couldn’t handle it?
Do you remember laughing? Do you remember rolling your eyes? Do you remember being utterly annoyed and taking no hesitation to show it?
Do you remember the time when your baby’s daddy was sitting on the sofa next to you while you talked and laughed with the other women in your family about how incapable men are with babies?
Do you remember the time when your baby’s daddy was playing with his child, and you stopped him from doing so, declaring that whatever he was doing was too dangerous or that he was being too careless? Do you remember the time when you told him that he was going to hurt your baby?