Today I thought I’d take a stab at something a bit different. Did you or your kids ever read those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books? Well, that’s what today’s post is. If you haven’t heard of it, don’t worry. It’s fairly self-explanatory. Just make sure you actually choose and follow the different options. If you read it straight through, it won’t make much sense.
Sarah Gets Dumped on Her Wedding Day
Like most little girls, Sarah dreamt about this moment all while she was growing up. As she stood next to her father, dressed from head to toe in white, she couldn’t help but crack a nervous grin as the man she would have and hold for the rest of her life took his place in front of her.
Sarah hadn’t the faintest idea that her entire future was about to take a turn for better or for worse, and that the level of happiness to follow would depend on what she did in the moments that were about to take place.
Halfway through the ceremony, she looked across at her soon-to-be-husband Todd, who stood looking at the ground. Beads of perspiration had begun to collect on his suddenly wrinkled brow. Then, he looked up at her and shook his head. Her heart disappeared within her.
“Sarah, I’m so sorry. I can’t do this.”
All moisture disappeared from Sarah’s mouth. No, not here. Not now, was all she could think. He looked at her and frowned. “I’m sorry.”
Sarah never really knew what happened directly after that. She found herself running through a sea of ever-loudening mumbles and gasps, seeking solace anywhere that would would offer cover. She held back the tears as long as she could, and when she found herself completely alone, she could keep them in no longer.
Pandemonium followed her and quickly disrupted the silence. Images of her younger sister, her best friend, her mother, and her father somehow made their way through her disrupted vision. Statements of anger, confusion, resentment, and disgust kept floating unabsorbed past her spinning mind.
The rest of the day seemed to disappear from her life altogether. She spent the next several days mourning her situation, lost in a blanket of tears, hardly consolable by even her closest of allies. Nobody faulted her for that.
But then, when her eyes had run themselves dry, and far too much ice cream had been eaten, Sarah had a choice to make.
>> If Sarah decides to let herself get lost in her anger about what happened, go to “A”.
>> If Sarah decides that Todd dumping her was a blessing in disguise, go to “B”.
A. Truth be told, Sarah was more than upset. What Todd had done to her was wrong, and she wasn’t going to simply let it slide.
The next several weeks were spent on the telephone, on Facebook, texting her friends, and going to social gatherings. Todd was the topic of almost every conversation, and it seemed that everybody wanted a piece of it. Sarah loved how much everybody suddenly hated this man, and she made it her goal to destroy him every chance that she was given.
Sometimes Sarah felt twinges of remorse for her actions, but they were quickly swallowed up in the memory she now shouldered, standing in front of the Preacher, watching Todd frown while he told her how sorry he was. Yeah right.
And, one night, when she had no one there to blanket her misery, the frustration and hurt hit her anew, perhaps harder than it ever had before.
>> If Sarah decides that she is going to get her revenge, go to “C”.
>> If Sarah decides that her negative energy is only hurting herself, go to “D”.
B. This was not going to define her. No way, no how. She was better than this. She was better than Todd. She decided she had dodged a bullet and that she would try to be thankful to Todd for that.
Sarah spent the next weeks of her life setting up as bright a future for herself as she could. She refused to let the thoughts of what happened ruin any happiness she was starting to feel.
And she somehow was starting to feel a lot of it. The more she got lost in her belief that she was happy, the more genuinely she felt it. Life was going to be good for her, and nobody could tell her otherwise.
Things really started clicking for Sarah, and with time she realized something. Even with this newfound happiness, she was still holding onto pain from what happened.
>> If Sarah combats the pain with kindness toward the man who gave it to her, go to “E”.
>> If Sarah has a hard time letting go of that pain and uses it as an excuse not to love again, go to “F”.
C. And so, she gave into the most hurting side of herself, and she decided she would have her revenge.
The first thing she did was login to his Facebook account. What an idiot, she thought. I can’t believe he hasn’t changed his password. She updated his status declaring to the world some of Todd’s darkest secrets… secrets she knew she was the only one privy to. She then went to some of Todd’s “hottest” female friends and wrote something horrible and mean on each of their Facebook walls.
Smiling, she logged out and contemplated what else she could do to exact her revenge. She grabbed her phone and sent a mass-text to all of the man’s siblings and parents, telling them some of the hurtful things Todd had said in confidence about each of them. She immediately got a text back from Todd’s brother that said, “what Todd did was wrong, but you trying to destroy him is more wrong.” She stared at it for a while, and then…
>> If Sarah gets even angrier, go to “G”.
>> If Sarah realizes that she’s gone way too far, go to “H”.
D. Yet, after sitting and thinking about it for a while, she realized something. She was only hurting herself. Deep down, she knew that no matter how angry she became, the only one that was being affected long-term by that anger was her. And so, she stood up, picked up a photograph of Todd, and spoke words to it that she knew needed to be said. “Todd, I forgive you. I know you did something that hurt, but ultimately it was the best thing for both of us.”
It felt liberating. It felt good. It felt like she suddenly controlled a lot more of herself than she believed she did.
With her sudden empowerment, Sarah quickly went through her home and put everything “Todd” into a box, taped it shut, and shoved it to the back of a closet she rarely entered. “Good bye Todd,” she declared as she shut the closet door.
The weeks that followed were magical. Sarah began to feel the warmth of the sun shining down on her skin again. She began seeing beauty where it had all but disappeared. And… she met someone.
He was tall. Yes. He was dark. Yes. And oh, was he handsome. His name was Seth, and from everything she could tell, he was a good man. Sarah’s heart leapt through her chest when his name flashed across her caller ID, only a day after they had first exchanged numbers. She picked it up, unsure of how to present herself.
The two of them babbled back and forth in nervousness for a few minutes, and Seth finally asked the question she didn’t know if she wanted to hear. “Can I take you out on Friday night?”
>> If Sarah says no because she’s too scared of being hurt, click here. (I)
>> If Sarah says yes even though she’s hesitant, click here. (J)
E. And, Sarah wasn’t okay with that. She knew that hurt and pain would ultimately get in the way of her own ability to be happy, and so she did the only thing she felt would work. She decided to show kindness to the man who had caused all of these moments of sadness and anger.
The first thing she did was pick up the phone and dial-up Todd’s number. He sounded hesitant when he picked up the phone, obviously braced for an earful. Instead, he only heard a sweet voice. “Todd, I just want you to know I am not angry and I forgive you.”
And with that, it was done. All heaviness inside of her vanished. And she knew by the sudden weight lifting off of her heart that she had been sincere when she said it. She wished him the best of luck in life and ended the call. Suddenly, her quest for happiness seemed even more real. Her belief in the future seemed even more possible. And her anxiousness for good things to take place rested solidly in the front of her mind.
It wasn’t too long after the call that opportunity presented itself in the form of a very good looking man coming into her life. His name was Seth, and they had exchanged numbers at a party. His name flashed across her caller ID much sooner than she had anticipated. She picked it up, unsure of how to present herself.
The two of them babbled back and forth in nervousness for a few minutes, and Seth finally asked the question she didn’t know if she wanted to hear. “Can I take you out on Friday night?”
>> If Sarah says no because she suddenly realizes she’s too scared of being hurt again, go to “I”.
>> If Sarah says yes even though she feels sudden hesitation, go to “J”.
F. And suddenly, Sarah found herself doubting that she could actually achieve this happiness that she was setting herself up for.
The more she looked at the pain, the more it started coming up to the surface again. She went about her life, trying to force herself not to think about it. She buried it every chance she had, and only took occasional glances at it.
She truly wasn’t angry at Todd anymore, but the longer she went, the more she realized she might not ever be able to love again, at least the way she once had. Time slowly began wrapping heavy chains around her heart, and with it, suffocated her belief that she could truly be happy.
Then, one day she met a man named Seth. He was a handsome man, a fact she couldn’t deny. Perhaps too handsome. He was charming, he was witty, and he was intelligent. They exchanged numbers at a party and Sarah was hesitantly excited when her phone rang with his name flashing across her caller ID the next day. She picked up the call, unsure of how to present herself, and unsure if she even wanted to bother.
The two of them babbled back and forth in nervousness for a few minutes, and Seth finally asked the question she had been dreading. “Can I take you out on Friday night?”
>> If Sarah says no because she suddenly realizes she’s too scared of being hurt again, go to “I”.
>> If Sarah says yes even though she feels the pains of a locked heart, go to “N”.
G. Sarah grew enraged. She looked at the phone and started typing a text back as fast as her fingers would let her. She told Todd’s brother off, and then sat with the phone in her shaking hands. The jerk never replied back. Her anger began to boil over, she lifted her phone again, and she continued her rampage with others.
The weeks that followed brought nothing but more opportunity to play her part as victim and to destroy this man that had promised to love her forever.
At one point, Todd even had the audacity to call her and ask her to stop. She told him she wouldn’t stop until he suffered as much as she had. They screamed at each other. One of them hung up on the other. She continued in her quest of destruction.
>> If Sarah remains bitter and angry, and finds herself pushing all good men aside in her effort to never be hurt again, go to “O”.
>> If Sarah gets so angry that even her closest friends don’t want to be around her anymore, go to “P”.
H. Sarah felt tears start to form. She had gone too far, and she knew it. She stared at the blaring message on her telephone. It cut her to the very core. She was a good and a happy person. This was not her. What was she doing?
She texted back. “I know. I’m sorry. You won’t hear from me again.”
She took the next hour to herself, sitting in complete silence, thinking about life and what she wanted to happen next. She didn’t like the way she had been feeling. She didn’t like what she had done.
>> If Sarah decides that her negative energy is only hurting herself, go to “D”.
>> If Sarah tries to let go of what happened, but closes herself off emotionally to others, go to “O”.
I. Sarah swallowed hard. Instantly, images of the love she shared with Todd flooded her mind, accompanied by the hurt that still lingered.
She told Seth, “listen, I’m still really hurt from another relationship I just got out of. I don’t think I can do this right now.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone for what seemed an eternity. The longer it lasted, the more sure she was that she couldn’t handle such things in her life right now. Self-preservation was the name of the game. Finally Seth spoke. “Okay. Well, I wish you the best of luck with that.” He was obviously feeling rejected. The call ended, and she sat in silence for a few minutes, angry at herself for what just happened.
>> If the opportunity disappears and she learns from it, vowing to not let it happen again, go to “S”.
>> If the opportunity disappears and she declares that she can’t do it and that all men will break her heart, go to “T”.
J. Sarah swallowed hard. She didn’t know if she was ready for this. There was still a gaping hole in her heart, and her fear was demanding that she make an excuse to get out of it.
“Count me in,” she said, hardly believing the words that had just come out of her mouth.
She hung up the phone, giddy and excited, thankful that she hadn’t listened to the voice of fear. This was going to be fun, she thought.
She went shopping during the week and picked out an outfit that made her feel sexy. She spent Friday dolling herself up, nervous and excited the entire time. Seth showed up, exactly when he said he would, and damn he looked good.
>> If the date is a smashing success, go to “U”.
>> If the date didn’t end well, go to “V”.
N. Sarah swallowed hard. She didn’t know if she was ready for this. There was an ever-growing, ever-gaping hole in her heart, and her fear was demanding that she make an excuse to get out of the invitation.
“Count me in,” she said, hardly believing the words that had just come out of her mouth.
She hung up the phone, feeling both trepidation and excitement, thankful that she hadn’t listened to the voice of fear that had truly been consuming her of late. I’m going to have fun, she tried to convince herself.
She went shopping during the week and picked out an outfit that made her feel sexy. She knew confidence would be key if it wasn’t going to be one giant disaster. She spent Friday dolling herself up, nervous the entire time. Seth showed up, exactly when he said he would, and damn he looked good.
She gave him a quick half-hearted hug, trying not to let her nerves show, and off they went.
>> If the date is a smashing success, go to “U”.
>> If the date didn’t end well, go to “V”.
O. Sarah never could quite let it go. The hurt she’d felt when she got dumped would be with her forever. After time, she ran out of people who wanted to hear it, so she just kept her anger and frustration inside of her.
In the years that followed, she carried a chip on her shoulder. She put up a barricade and closed herself off emotionally to the idea of love or romance. She was determined to never be hurt again, and she new that relationship abstinence was the only way. If she never opened her heart to love again, she would never again have to feel her heart be broken. And she rather preferred it that way.
Many men came and went from her life. Some of them were good men. In fact, some of them were really good men. And every one of them left. Every one of them gave up on her. Every one of them wanted something different or better. And every time it happened, something inside of her got more bitter and more loathing toward men.
Over time, she completely forgot what love is.
>> Go to “W”.
P. Sarah refused to let it go. She refused to drop it. She chose to bring it up in almost every discussion, every venue, and every opportunity she had. She hated that man, and the hate found such deep roots within her that it ultimately consumed her.
With time, her friends began to disappear. She never fought their departures because she knew exactly why they didn’t want to be around her anymore. She was a bitter and damaged woman. Her energy was infectious, and she spilled her baggage onto everyone with whom she came into contact.
With time, Sarah found herself truly alone. Opportunity to meet other people disappeared from her life as fast as her friends did. Even her family distanced themselves from her.
Sarah never approached happiness again, and over time, she completely forgot what it meant to feel the most special of things that humans feel.
>> Go to ”W”.
S. She never gained the courage to call Seth back, and it was enough of a loss to her that she vowed she would not let such an opportunity pass her by again.
With time, other good men found their way into her life. Every time they did, she remembered the vow she had made. Unless there was a good reason not to, she always accepted the date.
And with even more time, two things happened. First, she more or less forgot about Todd and the day he all but destroyed her life. Second, she met a man who was far better than Todd in so many ways. He loved her, and she was able to freely love him. This man got down on one knee, put a diamond ring on her finger, and then carried through with his proposal.
Sarah found her love, and she found an incredible man to be her husband. Todd became nothing but a distant memory that she often found herself laughing about, eternally thankful that he did what he did.
>> Go to ”W”.
T. She never gained the courage to call Seth back. She took the frustration that she felt within herself and declared that she would never be able to do it. She knew that letting any man in would leave her with only one option. Another broken heart. Another disaster.
With time, she somehow grew more and more anxious every time the opportunity to date a man presented itself. She somehow found herself finding and pointing out the worst things she could about men, and truthfully, all men became deserters, heart-breakers, and jerks to her.
She was in and out of failed relationships for many years to come. She never found her Prince Charming, and she never felt true love the way she had with Todd. While she felt she had let Todd go long before, she never could patch the hole he had left behind.
Sarah was never truly happy again, and over time, she completely forgot how much she used to love the concept of love. Others would say she forgot what love even is.
>> Go to ”W”.
U. Sarah would never forget that first date with Seth. She swore she wouldn’t, but she fell in love with him right away. He was a good man, genuine, and caring. He listened, and he had a sense of humor that kept her laughing all night long. It took her almost no time at all to forget everything that had happened to her, and in all reality, to forget Todd.
The date ended, and before Seth could even finish asking her out for a second date she enthusiastically agreed.
The second date came and went, and was just as incredible. So incredible, in fact, that things never slowed down again for Sarah and Seth. They fell so deeply in love with each other that eventually Seth found himself on his knee, asking for Sarah’s hand in marriage.
She didn’t have to think twice. She blurted out a triumphant “YES,” never even pausing on the fact that she’d been down this road before and that it hadn’t worked out so well the first time.
And because she never looked back, she was truly happy and content with her life. She was able to trust a good man who wanted nothing more than to be everything she needed him to be.
The two exchanged vows, nobody dumped anybody, and to this day they are together. Also to this day, Sarah is so thankful that Todd did what he did.
>> Go to ”W”.
V. The date with Seth was fun, but it didn’t lead to anything. He was a good guy, but ultimately not as good a match for her as she originally would have thought.
They hugged and departed, both saying maybe they could do it again sometime, both knowing they probably wouldn’t, and both being okay with that.
And even though it didn’t work out, Sarah was still so thankful that she agreed to go. All it took was one good date with a good guy for her to realize that her heart was still beating and that she had nothing really to be scared of anymore.
The future became bright for Sarah, and she saw it only as such. More guys came into her life. More of them didn’t work out. But one day she found the guy. The one that really could make her laugh forever, be there through the rough and the happy, and who would only leave her speechless in good ways.
She never did know what happened to Seth. All she knew was that the pain of the past seemed to leave in the car with him. And that is what let her move on in her life and come to gain everything that now made her happy.
>> Go to ”W”.
W. And that is the story of Sarah, a beautiful woman who got dumped on her wedding day.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. I’d love to hear your thoughts. I’d love to hear your experiences with what the power of thought and the expenditure of energy (good or bad) has done for you or others after bad things have happened. Chuck Swindoll said, “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” Do you believe that?
Also, I’m just curious. What was the very first story you read today? Which path did you choose to go down? Do you think that says anything, and if so, what does it say?
You’re a rockstar.
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I have to admit, I started reading this the day you posted it but things weren't going well for Sarah :( A little while later and a new outlook on some situations and wouldn't ya know it....Sarah got married!! Thanks, this was a fun few weeks in the making!!
tis is fantastic. I used to love the choose your own adventure books and this brought back alot of memories. Your blog in general makes me very happy. Great Job.
Chuck Swindoll said, "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."
I LOVE this quote and so believe it!! So much of our lives is determined by our reaction. I find that so much with my children. As a single mother of three children, life is frustrating and, as many mothers do, I react before thinking with my kids. Often if we will take just a few seconds to think before reacting the situation can and does take a much different direction then it would if we just reacted.
Sorry, but life is not always so cut and dried. I agree, our choices make a huge difference in the outcome of our happiness, but not everyone is someone with a mother, father, sister, brother who care about them. Not everyone meets another, better man or woman. And sometimes, it is sooooo important just to give yourself permission to be angry, to not forgive, to hold back. It's ok. I think it's unfortunate that you are perpetuating the myth that the glass is half full if we would just have the courage to see it that way. Life is not that black and white - it's full of beautiful and maddening shades of grey.
I believe 100% that life is not what happens to you but how you react to what happens. you can be positive and wipe out anger hurt resentment or you can live with that like an untreated disease, it's your choice...but when you wind up miserable and bitter no matter HOW you got that way, it is you that is responsible for your bitterness....
Awesome! I love choose your own adventure books. LOOOVE them! Anyway, I chose the blessing in disguise route and the healing forgiveness. Do I think that says anything about me? Yes. I'm desperately trying to follow that same path in my own life after a series of painful experiences with the man I was in love with. Sometimes I want to be very angry and vindictive, but when I stop to think about it, my pain doesn't hurt him, it hurts me, and it affects my life and the life and happiness of my kids. Choosing to forgive and move on is a difficult choice, but it's ALWAYS the right one. It's always the choice that will lead to healing and happiness.
This was a very powerful post for me. A similar thing happened though it wasn't on stage at the alter. I have made every single bad choice in this story and am currently still battling the feeling that every man is out to get me. That's not the message I want to teach my daughter through my poor reactions. I plan on discussing this with a few of my friends so I can be held accountable to destructive thoughts and overcome this in time. Thank you.
Some of those phrases are so well-written that I stopped and reread them, often more than once. Others are so good that I went back to them later. If this isn't your best post yet, it's definitely top 5. I hope to see it among the ones you link to on other pages soon.
Thanks!
Hi, some really good stuff in this article. However I would just suggest that taking a while to get over a broken heart isn't necessarily a bad thing. Feeling really angry and hurt for a while afterwards is valid — though of course taking that to destructive ends isn't. I am sick of hearing that one should be "moving on" after a week or two, from losing something that meant the world to you. If it only takes you that long to move on, it clearly didn't mean much. I am not saying you meant that, but everyone takes their own time to move on, and it can be a slow process, slow but steady. Trust can take a while to be regained.
I think life is 100% about how you create every situation you are in.
I love those books. I was so obsessed with them as a kid. Ha. Great post.
Wow, I just reread the adventure using negative choices, damn near depressed me. Enough of that. Ready to move on to a new, more positive adventure.
With the story of Sarah I kept choosing the positive path. I believe I did so because I did not want to be responsible for knowingly choosing the negative path. I am very aware of the power of positive thinking and decision-making. However, I do not always choose the positive path at first. I feel as if I have to reflect and try to understand what happened (although I believe everything happens for a reason). When I reflect I tend to over analyze people and situations. With hindsight 20/20, I often wonder why I ignored the pattern of "red flags." Other times I knowingly wear my heart on my sleeve because if I did not I would never give another person a chance to be as great as he/she can be in a relationship. When all is said and done I do not take pride in initially choosing a negative path when I knew I would have come out on the positive end much quicker had I chosen the positive path. Thanks Dan for the thought provoking post. ;-)
I loved the choose-your-own-adventure books as a kid... always trying to repeat the formulation that ot me to the end I wanted. This is very impressive, I must say. I chose all the "positive" responses, and truly believe what Swindoll says. Some things are out of our control, but our responses are not. That's what makes us individuals and why we have the intelligence to make choices. Great post, Dan. Truly enjoyable!
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Wow! That was A LOT of work! {And I enjoyed every minute of it.} I have totally been on both sides of this. {Not getting left at the altar per se, but definitely getting hurt/betrayed in relationships a lot more than I would have liked...}
And yeah, once I shifted my attitude around, blocked out people who weren't trust-worthy and FULLY gave my trust to people who deserved it, I found the perfect guy for me.
I think a positive approach to your life has EVERYTHING to do with living it to its fullest, and this was a genius way of illustrating that. { I LOVED those books btw - a total addict in grade school!}
GREAT post!
http:thelolaletters.blogspot.com
I definitely believe that your results depend on your reactions. I was married for 7 years and it ended very badly, and I was extremely hurt by it. For the first few months I reacted very badly, but then snapped out of it. I took charge of my life, and as a result I am now one month away from completing a BA in both psychology and Spanish. I am also working on research that will help me get into grad school, and looking into a job working with a boys juvenile group home. Deliberate action and positive attitude achieve positive results. And as a footnote, I've been a single dad since the divorce and have done all this as a single dad. I have no doubt that my actions and the way I live my life are also a reason that my kids are both amazing kids that receive awards, good grades and shining reviews both academically and socially from their teachers and peers alike. That's the result I'm most proud of.
I loved those books! I remember getting out of bed at night and going to the back of my closet and knocking on the wall honestly expecting it to open up to a different world, like Narnia, just like a kid in one of those books. When it didn't work- and I promise you, I tried more than once!- I thought I was just knocking in the wrong place or in the wrong closet or something! lol! When I find the secret door to Narnia, want to go on a date? ;) (like choosing your own adventure, you'll have to choose your own date for Narnia- I'll be bringing my husband. OR will you find a date on the other side of the secret door? I can't wait to find out! TBC...)
I read the most possitive and moved on to the other extreme of the most negative. This "Choose Your Own Adventure" is a real psychological test, I think. Maybe it was because I'm in a happy place that I kept with the happy story first. I moved onto the negative simply out of curriosity. I wanted to see where you went with it. I think you displayed the power of thought and energy output very well.
Love the story, and the lessons -about choices and forgiveness- some powerful stuff. Those life lessons however should only be as enjoyable to learn as your story was to read. Write on!!
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fantastic, Dan!
My recent post Random Quote Wednesday- You do ill if you praise- but worse if you censure- what you do not understandLeonardo da Vinci
Having a life filled with rotten experiences leads to rotten apples if we do nothing and sit there, withering away and turning into mush. It is choices, my choices, that has allowed me to get to where I am today. I grew up in a life of dysfunction, I choose to break that cycle starting with my family. That is my reaction. I used to love the choose your own adventure books as a kid, but was very impulsive in my choices and rarely made it very far in the books I read. The impulsivity has subsided a little and what do you know, thinngs ended up pretty well for Sarah, or as well as one can be after getting dumped at the alter.
http://brokentogether.wordpress.com/
The first thing I heard when I woke up today, was a country song. I have no clue who sings the song or the name of the song, but I remember hearing, "my ass is in the sand and a cold beer in my hand." Who knows if those are the right words, I was half alseep. And who knows why my alarm was set on country, but I ended up booking a trip to Hawaii for my daughter and I. I LOVE the path that I took today!! Smiles and laughter all day long.
SDL, your blog is awesome. Your posts are real and everyone needs a little does of real every once in awhile.
Wowza! You wrote my story. I got stood up at the alter on my wedding day. That was almost 2 years ago and I still struggle with how it changed me. I have found that no matter how many times I tell him and myself (yes, I actually told him) that I forgive him, I still have days that I feel very angry and wonder if my daughters and I will ever recover completely. I worry that my daughters now think all father-figures leave and walk away. I have a hard time allowing myself to believe that I am loveable. What I have completely accepted, though, is that I can't change what happened..... I can only try to make tomorrow better for myself and my girls. So every day becomes a journey of self improvement. Hopefully, I will one day get sarah's happy ending.
Great Post, I love this types of stories.
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In 1987, I was having problems with four men in my life: boss, neighbor, ex?boyfriend, and father. They were all poison in one way or another. I was seeing a male counselor, because I had needed to start dealing with the depression I was in concerning them, and before I left for a long-anticipated vacation to the UK, and the one female counselor's name I'd been given wouldn't return until after my vacation.
At one point, he asked me if I was giving up on men, given my experience. I said no, because I had good men as friends, giving me reason to believe that the bad apples I had did not spoil the entire gender, and that he was helping me a lot in his reactions to my problems. He was giving me very definite and positive evidence that what I was attempting to deal with were aberrant behaviors.
I married the next man I dated, and we're still married. Going through a bad patch--but we've been married 22 years. I'm trying to see if I can restart things, or whether I need to leave for both our sanities.
And yes, I'd date again, even though it might be dificult to find someone I'd find interesting enough.
PS I read the whole entry.
Yes!!!! I grew up in a pretty crappy situation...sexually abused by my dad, physically abused by my mom. It's all ended. I'm 23 now, am closer to my dad and mom then I ever have been (they're divorced), and their dysfunctional relationship has inspired me to become a sex therapist. Yeah, you read that right.
I, being a shameless optimist, chose the positive options. There are lots of things you can do with life. you can let it bring you down, or you can grow strong and come out swingin. I choose to give 'em hell :)
Thanks so much Dan! I used to love love love these books in middle school. :)
The first path I read was B, F, N, U, and W.
She went on the date with Seth & they got married and lived happily ever after. :)
But, then, like I always used to do.... I went back and re-read it with all the other possible outcomes. I'm a nerd like that. Thanks for your writing! keep it up!
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You show amazing insight into the female psyche - nicely done.
I used to read the choose your own adventure books as a kid. This was very interesting and I enjoyed it. :)
Loved this! Those were some of my favorite books growing up. I would sometimes read them several times choosing different paths. With yours, I only wanted on path and that was to happily ever after through forgiveness and moving on to what is next. I totally agree with Charles Swindoll and work to instill that in my children. People can do things to us, but how we react is all ours! Thanks, Dan!!
Simply amazing!
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Loved it and I agree....power of thought is everything. I wasn't dumped at the alter but my husband of 12 years ended up having an affair with our next door neighbor/best friend. The first month and a half after I found out was horrible. I went to a counselor and he told me that my "healing" would never happen if I couldn't let go of the hate so I let go of the hate and forgave my X for what he did. Now my life is wonderful!!! I am happier than I have ever been in my life and look at it as one of the best things that have ever happened to me. Great post!!! :o)
I read the one where she felt blessed, then got angry and finally took a flying leap and got married again. Been in a very similar situation and that was precisely how I reacted, angry for a while . . . but I ended up falling in love again totally against all my instincts and hey, here I am, 8 years later (come Feb. 26) with two beautiful little boys and a guy who drives me nuts but is always there for me. :D
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I went down the path of Forgiveness, Love and Joy! I recently went through a nasty divorce and picked the answers/letters that best reflected how I reacted to my divorce! The power of positive thinking and forgiveness can change anyone's life for the better! It sure changed mine! I'm happier and healthier then I've EVER been!!!!!
Also, thanks for the blast from the past down memory lane! I L♥VED reading the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books!!! Good times!!
Keep up the AWESOME posts! I L♥VE reading them EVERY day!
Well done Dan. What a fantastic read. It must have taken you forever. Happy to say I found myself on the optimistic path. Not one I would have taken 2 years ago, so I'm happy with myself today.
Wow, sometimes it really seems like you can read minds. I was not dumped on my wedding day, but about 2 months before we were supposed to be married. It actually happened 4 years ago this week, and for a long time I let the hurt and the betrayal wash over me and tint my view of the world. I didnt move forward, none of my "relationships" lasted more than a month, and I forgot how to trust people. I actually left my home town and moved 2000 miles away to try and get away from the pain of the memories. I stayed stewing in my anger for over 2 years, but after I finally decided moving forward was the best option, I am now in a stable relationship with a truly good man, and we have a beautiful daughter. All those years of being alone and now I am happier than I have ever been. I am more grateful than ever for my exes decision to end our relationship. I never would have lived in this wonderful city, never would have met my current boyfriend, and I wouldnt have my neautiful baby girl. Yes it took me some time to get through the pain and betrayal of that time, but I am a stronger, more independent and more centered woman than I could have been without those experiences. Thanks for another great post!
Remaining single is not always a negative thing. It is not positive to dash from relationship to relationship without taking time to determine your own role in its demise and understand what changes you need to make in your own actions and selection process. FB, that wonderful little microcosm of the world, is very revealing. So many times you see a post about a long-term relationship or marriage breaking up and then it is only a few weeks later before you see "I'm in love!" or something similar. And everyone is urging it on, instead of asking "Hey, what's your hurry?"
Having had more than my fair share of failed relationships has taught me two things. 1) It's a pretty sure bet that if I am attracted to a man, there is something wrong with him. This is MY flaw. As one of my children said, "I think your chooser is broken." 2) Children's little hearts are tender and they give them away so easily; there will be time, when my children are grown, to have a serious relationship and perhaps remarry.
i agree completely with the 10% vs 90%. in my job, i work with youth who have had a rough road, but are attempting to make changes. those who choose to let go of the past and react to new situations in a positive way are always more successful than those who hold on to hurt, resentment or anger and react to new situations with that same attitude. it's a self-fulfilling prophecy in many ways.
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My divorced friends who wear bitter britches, need to read this. And thsoe that learn with time to take them off, realize that what is done is done and that the only thing you can do is move onwards, they need to read this too.
Always choosing onwards, and hopefully upwards as my path, may god grant that to me~
"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." YES! I completely agree. AND, I loved this post. __I chose that path that took her to Seth and happiness.. and I KNOW the reason I ended up with a happy ending to the story is because I.HAVE.LEARNED.MY.LESSONS.THE.HARD.WAY! :) I'll be the first one to tell you that if you keep your head down in the dumps.. it WILL stay there. If you shove a smile on your face.. before long even YOU will believe it! Wonderful post Dan.. I will be sharing this one most def. to teach others!
I went down one road and then another ... the only thing I can think is that there is no "right" choice, there is just your choice and no matter what, life will find you wherever you are and bless you.
I went the path of her being bitter and angry at first, but then moving on. To me it seemed the most natural and realistic response and probably closer to what I would do if that had ever happened to me.. I couldnt see myself just letting something go right away (I do regrettably have a bit of a wicked and vengeful streak.) I went back and read the other options though. I would never lower myself to such pettiness, as logging into someone's FB and trying to 'ruin' them... Although I have know people who would do such a thing. This was a great story Dan, you did an awesome job with it. All the choices seemed 'possible' and believable to some extent.
Junior high was rough for me. Somewhat 'typical' girl drama occurred and I was a very unhappy 13, 14, and then 15 year old girl. From 12 to 15 I changed significantly. I had been outgoing and happy. I had been carefree and creative and confident. By 15 I was quiet and reticent. It wasn't because I was shy, it was because I withdrew myself from any engagement I could. I was too thin and gangly without the physical developments most girls had already gotten. I had big crazy curly hair with no clue as to how to tame it. I didn't really spend a lot of time disliking myself, but I definitely spent no time liking myself. Looking back, I can barely believe I was me. I was a shadow of myself.
I remember getting ready during the summer and thinking, "I wonder if I can make my curly hair not frizzy..." I talked to my older sister and got some tips. And I took control of just a small part of myself and tamed that crazy hair. I kind of liked the change. A couple of weeks later I went to a church youth camp. I met a friend in my assigned group that was the polar opposite of me (at least as I saw myself). He was very popular and cute. He was three years older than me and had just graduated from high school where he had been the captain of two sports teams and the student body president. He talked to me and paid interest in what I had to say. I decided to be myself with him and really truly talk to him. I figured if he was willing to be my friend, then I should make the effort too. After four days I realized/remembered something about myself: I was pretty cool. If nothing else, I could be a good friend and I could make people laugh. I decided then and there that I would be exactly the kind of person I wanted to be. I decided I was the girl that was friends with everyone. I was a nice person. I smiled. And I didn't hide who I was.
Wouldn't you know it? High school turned out to be exactly the experience I wanted it to be. I found friends that have lasted me 15 years. I found joy and memories and I'd like to believe I made others' lives better too. Even when I had to move to a new school again just before my senior year, I didn't let it get me down. I just started over being exactly the person I wanted to be. And again I found happiness. Crazy how that works.
I am so thankful for two things- 1) For that boy who made me believe in who I was just by being kind and offering a hand of friendship to someone that didn't expect it, and 2) That I learned this lesson so early in life, for it has served me well even as an adult.
I believe attitude is everything. You can't control life, but you can control how you handle it.
As for the path I took. She ended up living happily ever after due to knowing that him leaving may not have been an oppertune time, but was better than after the vows. She also realized that forgiving him was what she needed to move on and taking the chance was the only way to find happinesss.
What does it say about me? I think it says I am hopelessly always an optimistic that believes in hope and love.
So, you either had entirely too much time on your hands or you had a bazillion thoughts running through your head at the same time and decided to write them all. :) Either way, thank you. :D I was going to try and keep track of my path but I lost it somewhere. Suffice it to say I ended with W.
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Great post Dan!! It made me realize what I am doing to myself and that I control me and what I do. Thanks for the reminder and the kick in the pants!
Thanks, Dan. My childs father and I recently broke up (and I'm pregnant with our second). I admit I read the bitter story first, because some days, I really WANT to do exactly what Sarah did, maybe even worse. (I never would but I have thought about it.)
Your post today really helped me, it was kind of therapeutic to think that after all this darkness there is a light at the end.
Thanks again, very moving.
Perspective is a very strong tool...if you use it. People forget that they control their own perspective and changing it is easy. It takes work to get control over how you see things but once you do, it only takes an instant to feel whatever it is you want. The best part is that it reflects in every facet of who you are when you finally decide to embrace your perspective and own it.
Great examples with these stories. Love the choose your own adventure format. I read straight down because I wanted to see all the options. Nice job Dan!
Really impressive! I used to love Choose Your Own Adventure books as a kid: )
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I was never left at the alter, but I should have run when I had the chance. I was 22, pregnant, and scared to death of the man I was about to marry. We had two sons before I ran for my life - and theirs. He never forgave me, and his anger and bitterness has damaged our children terribly and interfered in my life for the past 15 years. I wish I could send him this and he'd actually read it and "get" that his decisions and actions belong to him...that I never "caused" his life to fall to ruins. It saddens me that I've spent so much of my energy with my boys combating his negative energy and lies, when they should have been allowed to be happy, healthy little boys. That's where I have the hardest time forgiving or letting it go. I have gotten fed up and angry before, but that has never served me well. When your children are in therapy for PTSD because of their father's inability to manage his emotions and addictions, it's difficult to have a forgiving heart.
I do love the lesson of the story. I read all the possibilities and understand that your choices in how you respond to a situation make all the difference. I only wish my story had been that simple, Dan...
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I started with the negative ones and then went back and ended on the positive ones. I always did like a happy ending :0)
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