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If You Give a Child a Cookie…

No joke and no exaggerations, the following is the exact conversation that Noah and I just had on the way home from preschool. It had me bustin’ stitches.

single-dad-laughing-cookies2

Noah: Dad, I’m hungry.

Dad: What should we eat for lunch?

Noah: A hot dog.

Dad: A corn dog? (usually he means a corn dog when he says he wants a hot dog)

Noah: Dad, say what I say. HOT…

Dad: HOT…

Noah: DOG…

Dad: DOG… Hot. Dog. You want a hot dog?

Noah:Yeah.

Dad: Okay, we’ll have hot dogs.

Noah: Actually, I want to get some toast, cook some cheese on it, cook some ham on it. Then put mustard and ketchup on it.

Dad: We can do that. You know what else we need to do?

Noah: What?

Dad: We need to give the dog a bath.

Noah: Can I help you?

Dad: Sure. Why don’t we give the dog a bath and then have lunch.

Noah: Can I have a cookie too?

Dad: We don’t have any cookies. We could make some cookies.

Noah: Yeah, I want to make some cookies.

Dad: Okay, let’s make some cookies. First we’ll give B.B. a bath, and while the cookies cook, we’ll make your toast with cheese on it.

Noah: How about first we make cookies and then we give B.B. a bath, and then we have lunch?

Dad: That’s fine.

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

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243 comments
Kimberlie Cash
Kimberlie Cash

Conversation between my father and my 6 year old. Alex: I need a bag.. Grandpa: why? .. Alex : the puppy pooped. Grandpa: I will get some TP and clean it up for you.. Alex: : NOoooOOOOOOOO I am cleaning it up!! I saw it first!!

Sharon Marie
Sharon Marie

I got dizzy trying to keep up with the flow on all Noah's changed ideas :)

Jess696
Jess696

My sister, from my mother's 2nd marriage is a LOT younger than me. One day when I was about 25 and she was 11 we were watching tv and a Viagra commercial came on. 


Lauren: Well that's a funny commercial!

Me: Why's that? 

Lauren: Jess, whats reptile dysfunction?

Me: Uhhh........ Well.... eeeee.... 

Lauren: Is that for when your lizard doesn't work right? 

Me: Pretty much! 

Lauren: Haha!! Viagra, for broken lizards! 


:)

AlistairP
AlistairP

At the time... last Christmas... Kayla had turned 4 and Jessica was 2 and a bit... I bought a outside pool from Santa and put it up full of water in the garden... This was the conversation....

Dad: What's that girls?
Kayla: Father Christmas left it OUTSIDE for us, dad!
Jessica: 'Cos dad's a silly billy!
Dad: Why am I a silly billy?
Jessica: 'Cos the chimney is to tiny and little, to fit a BIG present.
Kayla: so we need a new house with BIG chimney for next time my dad!
Jessica: yes, bigger than the roof!

Here is the photo.... https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151440753023465&set=a.10151212355063465.512690.586393464&type=1&theatre

I love the wonderful minds...

cserack
cserack

My 7 year old asked me a great question this morning as we were cuddling in bed.  She said 'Mom, if I wasn't your child, but was either a zombie or an alien, which one would you want me to be?"

I laughed and said without a doubt an alien as they are intelligent and alive whereas zombies are dead and dumb.  But also that I actually prefer her exactly as she is!

A couple of months ago, my 4 year old was picking between two books and said "Eenie Meenie Miney mo, catch a starfish by his eyeball.  If he hollers swing him around and around and around and around and around and around until he throws up."  That one had me snorting with laughter.

cserack
cserack

My 7 year old asked me a great question this morning as we were cuddling in bed.  She said 'Mom, if I wasn't your child, but was either a zombie or an alien, which one would you want me to be?"

I laughed and said without a doubt an alien as they are intelligent and alive whereas zombies are dead and dumb.  But also that I actually prefer her exactly as she is!

John Tressler
John Tressler

My 4 year old daughter at the time saw a tractor trailer hauling 8 or 9 cars. She asks me, "Daddy, why are those cars going for a ride on that truck?" Before I could even explain it to her she reached her own conclusion: "I know" she says. "Those cars are just to tired to drive themselves down the road."

Stephanie L. Ramos
Stephanie L. Ramos

My now 3 year old daughter keeps trying to convince me that she will be 5 on Friday not 4... She doesn't want to be 4 because 4 year olds don't go to kindergarten. She's real subtle about it too. When she talks about her birthday party she'll just casually say 5 instead of 4 as if there was no doubt about it.

ssdonley
ssdonley

When my son was about 3 years old he slept in a bed in my room. I woke up because I heard him whimpering:

Me: "Whats wrong bebe..."

Him: "There's a monster." 

Me: "Well... what is it doing?"

Him: "Ummm... he's thinking about broccoli..."

Me: "Oh, well he must be hungry for some broccoli then."

Him: "Huh. Yeah. I guess so. Just some broccoli..."

He went from scared about a "monster" to more or less talking himself out of it being scary at all :) 

Marie Ens
Marie Ens

Na, can't be true :-) No way you could remember all that!

ChristinaLRobinson
ChristinaLRobinson

while picking up my kid sister at camp she said "sissy, my arm pits smell like hot dogs. i need to wear ODerant.  I ate hot dogs 3 days ago!"  

my personal favorite....during the start of our mother funeral, she hops on my lap.  age 6.  its chilly.  she leans in, puts her arms around me, whispers in my ear......sissy, can I fart on you, just this once?? 

Peggy McCarthy Lang
Peggy McCarthy Lang

I love this conversation!! I had many with my two grown sons when they were young - most of which I tried to write down so that I'd remember them. Now I get a big kick out of re-reading them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JoeErickson
JoeErickson

LOL oh man that kid is a clever one. Love those conversations with kids. It truly helps us realize just how smart these little ones are. Life moments ftw

Bex
Bex

The funniest conversation I had with one of my children was after getting a McDonalds:

Son: What toy did you get with your dinner mummy?

Me: Adults don't get toys with their meals baby.

Son: Why not?

Me: Because adults don't tend to play with toys as much as children babes.

Son: But what about your toy mummy?

Me: What toy?

Son: The purple one that buzzes.

Lets just say I rethought my hiding place after that!!!

AshleyWhite
AshleyWhite

Wow! I love the way you write. It keeps me engrossed and I get annoyed that I have to go to another page but hate when I'm on the last. Seemed like you both were playing the light up game called Simon Says... you repeat what it does and it adds an extra move after every portion is done. Bravo! Noah won!

smadd18
smadd18

There are always moments like this every day with my 6 year old. The most recent: he spilled a couple drops of rootbeer in the back seat of my car. He told me about it and then he asked if I was mad at him. 'yes I am upset with you because you knew better.' 'Dad, I  am hiding from you right now for 2 reasons then. First, I don't like to be around when you are upset with me. Second, I really don't want you to tickle me right now and so I am going to hide'

soldiermomof3
soldiermomof3

My 3 1/2 year old grandson and I have awesome conversations. Maybe it's because I talk to him as if he can understand abstract ideas, that he really DOES understand a lot of them. 

examples: "G.G. if you aren't very smart, will zombies STILL try to eat  your brains?"

"Cemeteries are where you put the people when their bodies die. You dig a hole, put their body that isn't their self-ses any more and cover it up with dirt. Then you put that head rock on it and put their name on it so you won't forget who's in there."

Bean: "I love dinosaurs. I like T-Rex the best. I wish I had a pet T-rex"

G.G. "where would he live?

Bean " oh probly outside in our yard."
G.G. "well he's pretty big. Are you sure he'd fit?

Bean" I'll tell him to smoosh himself down low so he won't scare anyone. He can drink out of our pool and stand in my sandbox if the ground gets too hot. Then I can show peoples his feets prints. He can help us too."

G.G. "oh really? how can he help us?"

Bean " he can stomp on the spiders"

G.G. " I like this idea"

Bean " I know. so can we get a T-Rex? oh and some Jelly Bellies?"

Lisa Donald Orr
Lisa Donald Orr

I'm so glad to know other parents have these types of hilarious conversations with their kids! The things we hear ourselves say sometimes are hilarious!

JamieEmerson
JamieEmerson

Well...it was a few years ago and I can't forget.  It was my great-niece actually and she was 4 or 5 and I went for a visit.  Her and I were the only two sitting out on the patio and she said to me...."So, let's talk."  Well, I was kind of taken back and chuckled a bit that this statement was coming out of this little person, and I said well, what do you want to talk about?  and she said..."Hmmm, tell me about you."  I said (while laughing) I really don't know what to say..and she said, "That's ok, I'll start."

jodi
jodi

Breakfast a few days ago:

2.5 yr old: i need to put ice cream on my bagel

me: you mean cream cheese?

2.5 yr old: yeah that

Linda Susan Corbett
Linda Susan Corbett

My oldest daughter had a friend named Myumi. When my youngest daughter would answer the phone, she would say "It's for you, it's Yourumi." When I tried to explain Myumi was her name, she burst into tears saying "She's MY Umi too." I gave up.

StormyzMom
StormyzMom

So cute!  My granddaughter is 2 and isn't talking much yet but understand so much.  She love to dress in polka dots but she calls them "duka dots"  Last week when I was with her she noticed a boo-boo on my leg.  It is perfectly round (got a mole removed).  She touched the spot and I said, 'Boo-boo, Gramma has a boo-boo".  She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and said 'Duka Dots" and laughed like crazy.  The idea that Gramma's body has polka dots was so funny to here.  I really didn't expect her sense of humor to be so well developed at 2 years old.

JimKopycinski
JimKopycinski

I have 4 children (25/25/21/12 - yes twins.  After the fourth, my now ex-wife, insisted that I take care of things to ensure we don't have any more children.  The evening of the procedure I was squirming in my chair uncomfortably.  My wife looked at me and said, "What's the matter.  Need a bag of frozen peas?!"  My 13 y/o daughter Megan said, "What??  Huh??"  My 10 year old daughter Lauren said, "Megan!  Dad got FIXED!!"

Lycia Mariee
Lycia Mariee

hello dear how are you doing hope all is well and fine with you i am here to meet my soul mate and someone i can be with for the rest of my life.someone i can call my wife each day and if you dont mind you can come on my yah mine is lyciamariee at yah dot com.....would be looking forward hearing back from the lucky guy.

Erin Scot
Erin Scot

This is one of my favorites. It's up there with the "I'm gonna kick your butt so hard" conversation.

JaimeO
JaimeO

My 11 year old son had ADHD which makes most conversations pretty interesting!  One morning after we dropped his big sister off at high school and were heading the 7.5 miles to his school the convo was a great one.  First he started telling me about a show he watched on the history channel about war planes and bombs and continued to list all of the airplanes and bombs that he knew.  I had no idea about any of that so I shook my head in agreement, and the conversation continued... He then started talking about Man vs. wild and all the things that Bear Grylls goes through and so on... still not having a chance to comment I just shook my head in agreement. Then it was on to asexual reproduction of the star fish!!!!!  SMH..... Still nodding and agreeing and yet to have said a word, we pull into school.  My son then says "Mom, I love having conversations with you, I learn so much"   I laughed about that all morning!  Some kids just need someone to talk to, and not have them say a single word.

Janie Rosman
Janie Rosman

I LOVE your blog posts! "who's on first," kid-style. cute :)

Sheila Roberts
Sheila Roberts

My little grandson, whom I affectionately called "Poopy Butt" when he was small, accidentally smashed his finger playing with a car jack that his Dad had just told him to stay away from. I was doing the typical fussy Grandmother bit by washing and doctoring his boo boo and was really pouring on the sugar. I said "You are my tough little sweetie sweet and I love you so much." Through his tears, he said, "I am not your tough little sweetie sweet, I am your Poopy Butt!" It was a moment with Bubba Brexton Roberts I will never forget.

JenMichel
JenMichel

I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3.5 year old niece decided she wanted a sprinkled donut hole instead of dinner. So her dad (my boyfriend's brother) sang her to "Only if you sing everything you saaaayyy." And she sang back "Oookaaaaayyyy." Then she sang "Now I get a donut 'cause I'm siiingiiiing everything I saaaaayyy." Her dad followed with (still singing) "Donuts are only for people named Saaaammmm." And she sang back, "Then my name is Saaaammmmm." This went back and forth for a while, and she met every challenge he gave her, singing every one back to him. Finally she got her donut, and I think she ended up taking one bite before we later found it neglected on the kitchen table.

Stacy80
Stacy80

My daughter and I were visiting Stillwater MN and happened upon a store where you could sit down and make a necklace. The lady behind the counter told her to pick out a center charm to build her necklace around. It went a few rounds of "how about this? This one is pretty." Then she would say, "No I dont like that one." Finally I think my daughter had enough of my suggestions and said "Mom, those are all nice, but I want something that represents me, and who I am as a person." ... Shes 7, goin gon 17

Jerry Everette
Jerry Everette

Oh and sorry about not posting it on your blog where it might be easier to read. I forgot my password and it's taking the site a while to email me the link to change it.

Jerry Everette
Jerry Everette

I have two convos with my 2 1/2 year old daughter that I just had last week (my daughter's name is Maggie. CONVO ONE Driving in car. *I get hit with a stuffed animal* Me: Maggie, are you being silly? (she likes to be called silly) Maggie: *scratches her head* I don't know, Daddy. Tell me, what is "silly"? Me: ... What? Maggie: Aunt Katie and Cameron (Aunt's BF) are silly ... they punch me sometimes ... RIGHT IN THE FACE. Me: WHAT?? Maggie: Grammy wants a doughnut. Me: Grammy wants one? Maggie: Yeah, she does. I do too. Get grammy one, she will share with me. Me: Grammy isn't here, so no. Maggie: Then take me to Megan's house (babysitter), Ken (her husband) will buy me one and then I will hide from him. At that point I was laughing so hard I couldn't continue the conversation CONVO TWO Maggie and I watched The Emperor's New Groove a few nights ago ... I guess one of the lines stuck with her. This afternoon, we were at a grocery store and I was looking for someone to help us in produce. Maggie: Daddy, what are you doing? Me: I'm looking for the produce lady. I can't find her. Maggie: I will help you look ... Is she hideous beyond all reason?

TriStellaTops
TriStellaTops

Loved this! 

I was watching my friend's two year old and he asked to have me go outside with him in the dark and we could "explore" with his flashlight.  So I carried him out to the yard in the pitch black and he says "Let's go see those bears over there!  But be quiet.. they are sleeping."  So we went to see the bears.  We got closer to the absolute dark and he goes "Nope, not gonna see the bears, they will eat us, look! The moon!  I was an astronaut once!"  Me: "Oh yeah?  You're an astronaut?"  Him: "Was an astronaut, I'm retired now.  Let's go back in and play."  i laughed so hard.

Michelle Cash Runge
Michelle Cash Runge

Lol...sounds a lot like a conversation with my youngest son. In the end all the plans generally are abandoned as soon as we pull in the drive-way and he sees his friends in the yard out back. So, I wash the dog, bake the cookies, make the lunch, and serve it to him in the yard where he is playing with his friends!!! It's all good as I get the pleasure of eat hung him play through the kitchen window and still get my snuggle/cuddle time at night!

Lori Lemke
Lori Lemke

Argh! still learning on our new computer! Sorry!

Erin Duncan
Erin Duncan

When discussing why her biological father wasn't around, I told my daughter (then about 4) that he loves her very much but he just wasn't ready to be a daddy. She said to me, very seriously, "If he wasn't ready to be a daddy, he shouldn't have had sex."

ljlarl
ljlarl

My five-year-old daughter in the car...

Me: "Oh my gosh, look at that gorgeous husky!" (out the window)
Addison: "Ooooh yeah...that's pretty. ....But I go for wieners!"

Ashley Johnson
Ashley Johnson

To even be able to put all that together and keep it in some sort of order is impressive.

Linda Towne
Linda Towne

You have an amazing relationship with him, Bravo dad, Bravo!

JulieThompson
JulieThompson

@Linda Susan Corbett My mom tells me that when I was little, that when we talked about my Grandma and where she lived. I would always say that Grandma lived in her "ami" instead of Miami.