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On SDL’s Facebook page, I posted a simple question on Monday. “What is something you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would? The answers that came in have had me rolling on the floor ever since. Here are a few of them for your uninhibited laughing pleasure.

  • Because I said so.
  • Please don’t lick your sister!
  • If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?
  • No No! We don’t eat poop!
  • Please stop licking the TV!
  • Please take your hand out of your bum.
  • Me: “Because isn’t an answer.” My daughter: “Why?” Me: “Because.”
  • Don’t use your brother as a stepping stool.
  • Stop playing with your brother’s penis!
  • Stop eating your spinach and eat the rest of your dinner!
  • Don’t pee on the dog!
  • No, I’ll pick my own nose, thanks.
  • We don’t brush our teeth with toilet water!
  • No sitting on the table without pants!
  • Exactly how did you manage to bite your tongue in half… lengthwise?
  • I hope when you grow up you have a child that acts just like you.
  • Pee in the toilet not the trash can.
  • Please don’t wash your daddy’s belt in the dog dish!
  • Take your underwear out of your mouth and put it on.
  • Cat litter is not the same thing as bath salts.
  • You’re such a good pooper!
  • That’s not chocolate!
  • No, just because girls get their period does not mean boys get an exclamation point.
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Previous articleS.A.H.D.
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!