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  • You wanna cry? I’ll give you something to cry about.
  • In or out, kid. In or out. We’re not trying to heat the neighborhood.
  • We don’t put our fingers in our butts.
  • Get your foot out of the peanut butter jar!
  • Would you PLEASE do something else besides read all the time!
  • We do not eat things out of the garbage. There is plenty of food in the cabinet.
  • Hey..Do NOT bite the dog!
  • Stop biting your toenails.
  • We don’t touch our pee stream ok!
  • Do you want your Woody chewed up?! (referring to a Woody doll after the dog got it)
  • Don’t ride the furniture!
  • Honey, why did you color your bottom with a sharpie?
  • Let’s clean the bugs out of your teeth!
  • No, you are not allowed to eat dinner naked.
  • My in-laws spanked their kids. My BIL once told my FIL that he was going to call social services and FIL said “Go ahead, they’ll only send you to a family that gets paid to beat you harder.
  • Wait till your father gets home!
  • How many times do I have to tell you? We don’t play with our poop!
  • Take the monkey out of your pants & go to bed! (my son had shoved his Curious George down his pants.
  • We don’t PEE on our sister’s head!
  • Your underpants are not the best place to hide a fork.
  • My son to his son: “You know you had an older brother once who did that. I’d stop if I were you.”
  • If you didn’t get a chance to answer, comment below and tell us what you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would! I may just use it in a future installment of You said WHAT to your kid?

    Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

    PS. Which were your favorites today?