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  • You wanna cry? I’ll give you something to cry about.
  • In or out, kid. In or out. We’re not trying to heat the neighborhood.
  • We don’t put our fingers in our butts.
  • Get your foot out of the peanut butter jar!
  • Would you PLEASE do something else besides read all the time!
  • We do not eat things out of the garbage. There is plenty of food in the cabinet.
  • Hey..Do NOT bite the dog!
  • Stop biting your toenails.
  • We don’t touch our pee stream ok!
  • Do you want your Woody chewed up?! (referring to a Woody doll after the dog got it)
  • Don’t ride the furniture!
  • Honey, why did you color your bottom with a sharpie?
  • Let’s clean the bugs out of your teeth!
  • No, you are not allowed to eat dinner naked.
  • My in-laws spanked their kids. My BIL once told my FIL that he was going to call social services and FIL said “Go ahead, they’ll only send you to a family that gets paid to beat you harder.
  • Wait till your father gets home!
  • How many times do I have to tell you? We don’t play with our poop!
  • Take the monkey out of your pants & go to bed! (my son had shoved his Curious George down his pants.
  • We don’t PEE on our sister’s head!
  • Your underpants are not the best place to hide a fork.
  • My son to his son: “You know you had an older brother once who did that. I’d stop if I were you.”
  • If you didn’t get a chance to answer, comment below and tell us what you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would! I may just use it in a future installment of You said WHAT to your kid?

    Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

    PS. Which were your favorites today?

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    Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!