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You said WHAT to your kid? #1

  • You wanna cry? I’ll give you something to cry about.
  • In or out, kid. In or out. We’re not trying to heat the neighborhood.
  • We don’t put our fingers in our butts.
  • Get your foot out of the peanut butter jar!
  • Would you PLEASE do something else besides read all the time!
  • We do not eat things out of the garbage. There is plenty of food in the cabinet.
  • Hey..Do NOT bite the dog!
  • Stop biting your toenails.
  • We don’t touch our pee stream ok!
  • Do you want your Woody chewed up?! (referring to a Woody doll after the dog got it)
  • Don’t ride the furniture!
  • Honey, why did you color your bottom with a sharpie?
  • Let’s clean the bugs out of your teeth!
  • No, you are not allowed to eat dinner naked.
  • My in-laws spanked their kids. My BIL once told my FIL that he was going to call social services and FIL said “Go ahead, they’ll only send you to a family that gets paid to beat you harder.
  • Wait till your father gets home!
  • How many times do I have to tell you? We don’t play with our poop!
  • Take the monkey out of your pants & go to bed! (my son had shoved his Curious George down his pants.
  • We don’t PEE on our sister’s head!
  • Your underpants are not the best place to hide a fork.
  • My son to his son: “You know you had an older brother once who did that. I’d stop if I were you.”
  • If you didn’t get a chance to answer, comment below and tell us what you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would! I may just use it in a future installment of You said WHAT to your kid?


    Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

    PS. Which were your favorites today?

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    14 comments
    Lrf123
    Lrf123



    " I think it's time that you stop wearing your Spiderman costume under your clothes everyday" (Halloween was 4 months ago)

    Lrf123
    Lrf123

    "No, Whiskers (our cat) does not need his whiskers trimmed" ( too late)

     "Please,please,please, let your little brother win (the race from the car to backdoor) so he won't have a tantrum"


    " Please try to tell mommy when you need to get out of the bathtub and go poopy (before its too late)"


    a middle school phase:  " Would you please use another word besides the word; gay,  to describe everything!!!!"  (brother is ... homework is..  dinner is....)

    'You can't get married till you are at least 30 years old...it's a law in our State".  (and they believed me for the longest time)





    Jessi
    Jessi

    No Sweetie, Mommy doesn't know why you wake up in the morning with Air in your wee wee.... No, you don't need to google it. I will google it and we can talk about it tonight. He was six wanting to know why he would wake up with an erection. 

    RS
    RS

    "Please stop putting things in your nose."

    This was said after the second trip to the emergency room in one month to retrieve an object out of my son's nostril.


    LauraVolin
    LauraVolin

    My son, at about age 4, threw a huge tantrum in a dep't store over a toy he wanted and was refused. I told him he could scream until he lost his voice and to wipe that puss off of his face... I walked away from him and he followed me out of the store, still crying, but contrite. When we got to the car, he said, "I'm sorry, I promise I won't make that pussy face anymore." Needless to say my (ex) husband and I had a hard time not laughing in front of him. I still get a vivid picture in my mind when I think about it. :)

    MissGuest
    MissGuest

    My brother and I are in our twenties, and we were in the car with our mother the other day. My handbag fell over and the contents fell out, he called me a dumb*ss for it, so I picked up the closest thing and threw it at him, which happened to be a "ladies product". He screamed and moaned to which my mother said "David, stop calling your sister a dumb*ss, Michelle, stop throwing tampons at your brother" - I guess we never really grow up

    guest19678
    guest19678

    From now on only bring home items that your teacher gives permission to! As my son proudly show me his great find from the trip to the washroom that day. (A urinal puck - yuck!)

    SonyaMareeWolf
    SonyaMareeWolf

    NO! We do NOT SPIT at killer whales! I don't CARE if she started it! 

    I took my 4 year old daughter to Sea World over spring break.  I decided to splurge and we had "Lunch with Shamu" where you eat right next to the pool and the trainers have the whales come up and visit and do tricks.  There are glass partitions between us and the whale pool, but there are gaps between the partitions and the whale has figured out where the gaps are... 

    Long story short, the whale comes up out of the water, shoots water through her teeth (like they do) and soaks my daughter through the gap that she's seated next to.  Without skipping a beat, my daughter looks at the whale, yells 

    "Hey! I'm TRYING to eat!" and spits back at the whale.  My jaw drops, along with my fork and without even thinking, I yell, 

    "NO!" to which she instantly replies,

    "But she spit at me first!"  at which point I say (in that calm, low mommy voice that makes Navy SEALS cringe),

    "We do NOT SPIT at killer whales!  I don't CARE if she started it!"

    Not something I ever thought would ever come out of my mouth in a MILLION years.

    mcardin81
    mcardin81

    "No, sweetie. Putting on clean underpants will not make you sparkle."

    SarahStonebergHumpherys
    SarahStonebergHumpherys

    "Get that out of your vagina!"...I say that ALL the time. Who knew daughters would be so explorative. Lol

    modernmom23
    modernmom23

    I have said don't play with your brothers penis to my 5 year old girl (he's 8 and they were in the tub together for the LAST time).

    I did have to tell my son not to poop in the yard.  Potty training, at least pooping was a challenge for him.

    DreamaR50plus
    DreamaR50plus

    My kids are adults now, so I'm laughing so hard tears are running down my leg at all these lines!!!!!!

    CP
    CP

    My mom always told me "If anyone ever hurts you as bad as you hurt yourself, I'll kill them!" (I'm super clumsy!)

    I never thought I'd have to tell my son "Quit smacking my butt and saying 'oh yeah yeah babe!' everytime I change my pants" That's going to embarrass him when he's older!

    JustineAlb
    JustineAlb

    "No barking!!!"   As my 5 year old ran around the beach barking at the top of his lungs to the birds waiting to steal our lunch.

    Annalise S
    Annalise S

    Please stop spanking your butt and putting yourself in time out

    tkbarrett
    tkbarrett

    If I could get through the day without seeing or talking about a penis, I'd be happy!