Monthly Archives: April 2011

I’m gonna kick your butt so hard

Noah and I have this game that we play, and we've been playing it since before he was even three years old. It's called "I'm gonna kick your butt so hard." The game can be played anywhere, but we like to play it while we're driving. We have two variations of the game. In the first version, we simply both take turns telling each other how hard we're going to kick the other's butt. A typical game goes back and forth like this... Dad: I'm gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly over that mountain. Noah: Yeah, well I'm gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly over that mountain and land on a bear and get poop on your face. Dad: Yeah, well I'm gonna kick your butt so hard that you land in the top of that tree over there. Noah: Yeah, well I'm gonna kick your butt so hard that you land on a big church. Dad: Yeah, well...

Don’t look a fool in front of the Queen’s Palace!

In light of the Royal Wedding which took place this morning at 4 am (my time, and assuming nobody in the wedding party booked it out of there while I was slumbering), I thought I'd share my own story of the closest I ever got to being British royalty. Sure, I ain't no Kate Middleton, nor am I even 1/10th as sexy, but I once stood just outside of Buckingham Palace while thousands of others took photos of me. The funny thing is, the spectators and tourists didn't know who I was. Not one of them had any clue. Yet so many of them stood with their cameras pointed in my direction, taking photos of some guy who "obviously must be important." Why else would he be inside the gates while they all stood without? Want proof that this actually happened? Well, okay. Just know that this photo was taken from my hip, and was very much against the rules. So, if...

Facebook, till death do we part.

The internet certainly is a funny thing sometimes. On the positive side, it gives us buckets o' information at the snap of a finger. On the negative side, it gives us buckets o' information at the snap of a finger. And what platform does it all better or worse than Facebook? The Nosy Nelly side of me loves that I can almost always know what's happening in the lives of my friends. It loves the chance I have to be a fly on the wall in the lives of both the people that I know well, and people I may have never have talked to or seen again were it not for such social networking. It's the chance to get a piece of the lives of many without putting in much effort at all. There is the good information that Facebook gives me. I can know when friends are in new relationships. I can know when they're getting married. I can know when...

Chappy wouldn’t make me!

I knew this day was coming. I've been hoping it would be some time from now (or a lot of time) before it did. And I was never exactly sure how I would handle it when I actually had to. Yep... Noah pulled the old "Chappy wouldn't make me" trick. The little stinker. Chappy is Noah's step-dad (as you'll remember from the This Dad That Dad post. Noah was in watching Lion King, his favorite movie of the moment. I was in cleaning the kitchen and he came trotting over. "Dad, can I have some chocolate milk?" "Sure," I said. "But you have to drink it here in the kitchen. He instantly went into his life as I know it is about to end routine, squinting his eyes, whining, and shifting his weight back and forth. "I want to drink it in there while I watch a movie!" "You bet. When you're ten years old." His eyes squinted tighter. His whining increased. His shifting accelerated. Then, one big,...

A Letter to the Extremists

Dear Extremists, You know who you are. Actually, come to think of it, maybe you don't. I had a cute and humorous post written for today, but yesterday you ticked me off one too many times. So instead, I just want to write you a quick letter in response and say a few things. I had really wanted to keep things light for at least a few days around here. Oh well. Yesterday I received some overly threatening emails from animal "lovers," who felt a need to reprimand me, chastise me, bully me, inform me that I'm one of the worst people on Earth, and then use their perfect omniscience in regards to my life and my situation to banish me to the most obscure corners of hell. How dare you look for another dog? How dare you make getting another dog seem acceptable? Do you have any idea what a bad example you are? How dare you teach people that dogs...

Introducing Buddha

Well, after searching high and low, Noah and I have finally found the perfect dog to become "one of the boys." But how to introduce him? How to sell you on having him as part of the permanent SDL clan? How to make you fall in love with this 55 lb. tank of a dog?I could take the cheesy route and post some ridiculously sappy photos of me with him. Isn't that what avid pet owners do? (click any image to enlarge)But... that's not really my style. So... I put on my marketing hat and thought... yes... a pretty girl. A pretty girl will sell anything, even an ugly ol' Bulldog with a serious gas problem.And as cute as my friend Lolita is, could it ever be as effective as the world's cutest kid selling you on him?But in the end, I realized that maybe the only one who needed to sell you on Buddha was... Buddha.Yeah, I think he...

This is Beautiful You

Finally, my favorite post of the week! Every Sunday I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Facebook wall, and I post them here. I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everybody else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the followers here at SDL. More than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each can be. Anyway, thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It's my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you. Which photos made you the happiest today? If you'd like to send in photos to be considered for Sunday's "This is beautiful you" and other future blog posts, please post them on the Facebook wall (we need lots more!). Sorry, emailed photos will not be considered. Only upload photos...

Caught Red-Handed

So, the "Caught-Red Handed" photo contest ended, and I have to say... I really loved the photos that came pouring in over the course of the contest! I thought for today's post, I'd share some of my favorites with you! Enjoy! There's a reason why they have the term "soft as a baby's bottom." Babies work hard at it! Somebody better clean that up before Mom comes home and questions Dad about why there's lipstick on the bed. I'm kind of wishing I left the baby powder down where Noah could reach it. I feel like I missed out on some pretty great photo opps! Call me crazy, but that doesn't look like washable marker. Nothin' funner than a baby dipped in Elmer's Glue! What? You think it was me who drank your smoothie? Every parent wants their kid to keep their nose clean. "I thought everything through except for the excessive crunching." Vandalism will take it out of anyone. Didn't quite think that one through, did ya? Go ahead, pull the handle... At...

Kids Uncensored #2

A little while back, I asked you on Twitter and Facebook "what is the funniest thing you've ever heard a kid say?" Here are your responses, uncensored and unedited, all just as innocent as the children who said them! More than 900 responses came in. Plenty to last us for at least a "few" yearsposts here on Single Dad Laughing. Daughter - Mama were you alive with the dinosaurs? Me - Nope Daughter - Then I guess Daddy was since he's older than you right? Me - Yup My best friend's niece asked her mom if she could have a bra, "only not the BIG kind like you have, cuz I'm just little." My daughter was making a mess of herself at the dinner table and when i said 'look at your face' she squinted and rolled her eyes around then looks at me and says "but I can't see my face!" "Mom, your butt is soft and squishy just like a pillow." My husband trained...

When is it time to evolve in our thinking?

On Tuesday I published a post called Worthless Teenagers and the Parents Who Make Them. I've had some pretty debated posts in the past, but that one was by far the most polarized of them. A lot of people loved it. Some were very offended by it. I had expected that. What I hadn't expected was a lot of readers becoming overly angry, telling me that I have no right to write about parenting teenagers, that I have no concept of what it's like to parent teenagers, and that I have no right to judge parents who treat their children the way that girl's parents treated her. Others insisted that the girl who wrote the letter was being dramatic, lying, and "typical" of all whiney, angry,  teens. Others demanded that they had done everything right, given their teenager every possible advantage, and that even after doing so, their teenager still went off the deep end. Others adamantly foretold of an unalterable future, letting...

You scratch my back…

Lately I've been thinking about how Single Dad Laughing got to where it did in the last nine months. It's easy to think about everything I did to make it happen. It's far too easy to want to toot my own horn and to credit my own shizniquittiness. But the truth is, back before any and all success here at SDL, there were a few bloggers that hooked me up, without me ever asking them to. They sent over many of the first non-friend and family visitors to Single Dad Laughing. They started the snowball rolling. They scratched my back big time.So, today I just wanted to scratch their backs in return and say thank you for what you did for me way back when. If you'll check them out, it'd just make me so danged happy.1) Rants from Mommyland - These ladies are storming the parental blogging world, and for a reason. They're funny, they rock, and they're awesome to...

The time I blew it on the Price is Right

Being that today is April twentieth, one of the biggest "party days" for colleges across America, I thought I'd share again a blog post that I posted before the vast majority of you had ever heard of Single Dad Laughing. Enjoy this repeat... You'll see after watching the video why I needed to repost this today of all days. Also, after the volatile responses that came in after yesterday's post, I could use a good laugh over my own teenage years. This is an actual frame taken from the video you're about to watch. You know how they say everybody will have their fifteen minutes of fame? Well, mine were spent at the feet of the great Bob Barker. Yeah, I was actually called down as a contestant on The Price is Right, and I definitely ROCKED it on camera the entire show. It was a chubbier (and oh so good-looking) time of my life. The awesome gothic hoop earrings definitely added to the... ummm......

Worthless Teenagers and the Parents who Make Them

Today I hope that I can speak at least a few words that will make these parents who continue breaking their teenagers stop and think for a damned minute. Because, we have a problem.

Deflated and Four

The other day, we pulled into the driveway, got out of the car, and I asked Noah if he wanted to come check the mail with me. He eagerly said he did, so we made the trek across the driveway, over to the mailbox. I opened the box and reached for the mail, and at the same time heard a tiny grunt. I looked over and was surprised to see Noah looking frustrated and defeated. "What's the matter?" I asked him."I said that I wanted to get the mail out!" He was on the verge of tears. My first inclination was to tell him that I didn't hear him and that it wasn't a big deal, but as I rewound and replayed the memory of our walk to the mailbox, he hadn't just said it. He had said it anxiously and excitedly. I just hadn't listened. My mind was somewhere else, lost in some other place where I couldn't possibly...

This is Beautiful You

Finally, my favorite post of the week! Every Sunday I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Facebook wall, and I post them here. I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everybody else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the followers here at SDL. More than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each can be. Anyway, thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It's my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you. . Which photos made you the happiest today? If you'd like to send in photos to be considered for Sunday's "This is beautiful you" and other future blog posts, please post them on the Facebook wall (we need lots more!). Sorry, emailed photos will not be considered. Only upload photos...

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