On Saturday, I threw on a jacket, stuffed my wallet and keys into my pockets, turned off all the lights, and headed out to my garage as I do so many times every day. I shut the door leading to the house behind me, as I do so many times every day. I reached up and hit the automatic garage door opener, as I do so many times every day. And then…
A loud, strange, and eery sound made its way from the built-in laundry nook that my basement renters use. What the crap was that? It almost sounded like a…
Before I could finish the thought, a freaking CHICKEN flew out of nowhere, flapping its wings faster than a hummingbird, screaming like Friday’s butcher was after him.
All of this happened before the garage door was up even two feet. I screamed like a little girl, and the chicken quickly found its way out of the garage. Are you freaking kidding me? How did a chicken get in my garage? I live in a suburban neighborhood. Of course, the greater thought that kept going through my mind was, how did a chicken get trapped in my garage without anybody noticing it!?
I looked over at my brand new car (I had just traded my truck in two days before) that I had only driven twice at this point. No… no… no….
There were giant chicken turds ALL over it. I’m talking ‘bird turds from Texas’ kind of big. Oh no you did not, I thought, and I sprinted out of the garage and started chasing the chicken. It took me awhile, but I finally caught up to it, and…
Okay, that last part was a joke. The chicken was long gone the second she made it out the garage door. I only wish I could have caught and eaten that freaking chicken. Crap all over my brand new car… somebody will get you… Somebody will eat you…
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Anybody else have something this bizarre happen before? Anybody else ever have an unexpected visitor get trapped in their garage? Anybody wanna come over and go on a chicken hunt with me? I have dibs on the drumsticks.
When I was about eight years old, I was heading out of the trailer park we lived in towards the country area that butted up against it - turned a corner and came face-to-face with a large black panther (jaguar? Not sure of the specifics). It was gorgeous, beautiful, wild - and utterly terrifying! I knew enough about house cats to know that you don't turn tail and run from ANY feline, because it triggers the chase instinct. And I knew better than to look in it's eyes for too long. I backed up and once it was out of sight I ran for home.
Turned out it was an escapee from a traveling circus. Fortunately it was a rather mellow cat who played with her trainer's daughters, so coming close to a child was nothing new to that cat. Certain was a new experience for me though! I don't think I'll ever forget it.
I woke up one morning with a sparrow sitting on the TV in my bedroom, chirping at me. I have no idea how it even got into my apartment without anyone noticing, let alone all the way into my bedroom...
LOL Once as a child I surprised a cat trapped in our car - in the dark. Scared the BEJEEZUZ outta me! And the cat bounced around the inside of the car like it was fired out of a gun, yet somehow found its way out of the car, never to be seen again.
It had been raining here for about a week, and my husband opened the door to go to work, and then came back in to find his wallet. He left the door open while he searched. Then he came home that night, and we spent the weekend snuggling on the couch and watching TV. Come sunday night, I'm awoken by this hideous yowling at 3 AM. I wonder if maybe my cat is dying somewhere so I lurch out of bed and wander around the house looking for it without my glasses. I'm severely nearsighted. There was a cat in front of the door wanting out, so I let it out, and then crawled back into my bed, and snuggled with my husband...and my cat. Turns out a stray had come in while the door was open that day, moved in with us, and we never noticed cause it slept in our storage area. It now thinks it lives with us.
ROFL!!! We once went to a farm and left our windows down halfway...came back to find not one but four chickens in the car! And they pooped . There was feathers and poop everywhere! My husband was livid when saw the inside of the car. Who would have thought that an open window was a chicken invitation!
I found it really shocking that in the middle of one of the biggest cities in my country there was a horse. You know a horse. Eating the grass from the green area in the middle of a highway. A horse. I still can't get over that one.
Our one wasn't quite as unexpected as yours, Dan, but still amusing. We live in a "no pets" flat behind a row of restaurants. However there's a colony of local stray cats that call our back yard home, and even if we weren't cat lovers anyway we'd welcome them because we've seen the size of the rats they catch. One year one of the cats had her litter shortly before Christmas. So we left instructions with the neighbour to make sure he put out extra food for them and went interstate for two weeks to spend the holidays with our family.
When we got back, we found that Gari had found the perfect place to raise her kittens. It was sheltered from sun and wind and rain, and kept them more or less contained when she was off getting food. It was behind the S-bend of our (outdoor) toilet. Impossibly adorable, although we had a number of male guests who complained of the performance pressure caused by having a row of little kitten faces peering out at them while they peed.
Not sure if this will work, but photos of our Gang of Strays can hopefully be seen here: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150242836889690.337841.714489689&type=3
I went on a 10 day trip leaving my 100% indoor cat at home alone. My neighbor was to feed the cat while I was away.
Because I knew I would be getting home late and it was a long trip, I took extra time time to clean the place before I left. The cleaning including putting clean sheets on the bed.
I got home at about 1 AM. I dropped my suitcases on the living room floor, took a quick shower and climbed into bed, exhausted. Two minutes after climbing into bed I felt something biting me on my legs. I pulled the covers back to find the complete life cycle of fleas at the foot of my bed (eggs, pupae, larvae, and adults).
Come to find out, my neighbor had let his dog (and the fleas) come into the house with him while feeding my cat. That's right, for 10 days the fleas roamed free and unchecked, infesting my home and feeding on my cat. It took 7 days of fumigation to rid the place of fleas. Needless to say, my cat is now on permanent flea medication.
Let me preface this by saying that my house is very clean, and I don't typically have roaches.
I had moved my mattress to the living room floor for the night so we could cuddle and watch movies as we went to sleep. I woke up during the night and went to get a drink. I came back, lay down, and all seemed fine. Just as I was drifting off again, something woke me up. I was laying there trying to figure out what it was when I could have sworn something moved under my head.
All I could think was "OMG. It is not possible. I imagined it. It can't really be happening."
Then it moved again, and I screamed and jumped up, and continued screaming and flailing for a while.
Because a ROACH had crawled onto my pillow, and I had fallen asleep on it until it finally decided to try to wiggle out.
I killed the thing, but I still didn't sleep for two nights afterward...
LOL!!! That's just awesome. I had a similar thing when my boyfriend said he heard tiny kittens mewing when he was in the bathroom. I thought he was nuts because when I went to listen, the noise stopped. A few days later, I came out of the bathroom on a mission to find the source of the noise.... sure enough, a mama cat decided that her birthing place of choice was on top of my patio under the eve and behind the gutter..... Somewhere where no one can reach them.....It was all fine and dandy except the next night they started in at 1am and kept us up most of the night. Actually, they're still there as of Sunday. Happy as can be. I just hope she takes them away soon or they all get to a point where we can reach them.
I remember driving to work one day. All the way there I kept hearing something in the back of my car. It sounded like crying. When I got to work I checked the back, and to my suprise there were 3 little kittens under under my back seat. Our neighbors cat though our car would be a nice cozy spot for her kittens. At least they didn't jump out at me :)
I do remember being at a bar where a lady was totally unaware that a preying mantis was chilling out on her hat.
thank you! i had to laugh at your poor turd-crusted car. the humanity!
the first time i took myself solo camping (on my way to pick my kids up at camp in NC,) i hiked several miles into national parkland at mount mitchell. it was raining by the time i found a campsite in a beautiful meadow, so i swiftly set up my tent... right on a boulder. i chucked my stuff in and wandered away for a few hours. as it had been raining, my attempts at dusk to make a fire were abortive. so, terrified of the dark, i dove into my brand new tiny one person tent to read and try to sleep. it continued to rain a while, but the night cleared to reveal a full moon and a meadow full of fireflies. before falling asleep, i had to turn myself around and stick my head into the rather cramped foot space in the tent, as the boulder under my butt was impossible. i woke a few hours later to a light rain and a scuffling noise against the tent... and a horrible smell. i froze in terror. it was quiet. every time i moved, i could hear something shuffling about right near the tent. i remembered hearing that bears smell pretty iffy by midsummer and was convinced that my tiny tent and i were about to become a crunchy snack. i reached up in what i thought might be my final act of bravery to flip on my headlamp and have a look and met... my hair. my long hair had been rubbing against the tent as i slept and built up a pretty good charge. enough that it was all sticking to the end of the tent and rustling every time i moved. and the smell? it occurred to me in the same moment that, with the roof of the tent about 4 inches from my face, i was smelling my own awful morning-breath. i laughed so hard that anyone camping within a mile radius must have thought that there was a lunatic in the forest.
(in my defense, i did, however, come face to face with a black bear and her twin cubs on my hike out in the morning. )
I had just recently moved in with my boyfriend when I woke up around two in the morning to him rubbing my back. All I could think was I couldn't believe he was trying to fool around when I had to be up for work in a few hours. I turned to give him a dirty look only to see he was asleep with his back to me. I jumped out of bed, throwing the covers back. I screamed when I saw that a mouse had been running around between the sheet and blanket. No matter how loud I screamed, my boyfriend kept right on sleeping!
When I was 18, my friend and I went and got in my car to drive back to college. It was late and since I lived out in the country it was extremely dark. We got in and closed the doors and noticed a strange smell. We kept saying, "What is that??" Then... the scariest thing I have ever heard in my life... a feral scream. It came from the back of the car. I have never been more scared in my life. I had already locked the car doors, there we sat in the dark fumbling and screaming to get away from whatever psycho was in the backseat... And then... claws sunk into my shoulders. The screaming continued in my ears... I finally found the locks and literally fell out of the car... and my sweet kitten tumbled out after us... She had been trapped in the car for hours, crapped all over everything, and then attacked.
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uh yeah! I lived up a canyon growing up, and on my way out to the bus stop one morning... BAM! A turkey. Yup, a freakin' huge, live, big-ace turkey. It stood on the back porch, peering into the garage door window as I came running out the back door. I stopped about 2 feet in front of the sucker, and we just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. As any good junior highschooler would, I hollered for my mother. Surprisingly, i still made it to school on time that day.
The other family favorite is the tarantula under my car in high school. Let's just say that I hate spiders, especially large-and-in-charge hairy ones... i quickly found out that if you jump in your car, turn it on and leave it running long enough, the little monkey will fry. Thank goodness.
found an opossum inside a bag of birdseed in my garage. went out to scoop put some seed for the feeder and bent down to the bag and there was this giant furry scruffy thing! right almost in my face. i might has shrieked in an undignified manner. i backed up and poked it with a stick and i swear it showed its teeth and hissed. i later read about them and the article said something like this: possums have (inset large number here) teeth and bare them when started, causing people to report that they hiss, but they are physically incapable of making a hissing sound. we just left the garage door open for the rest of the day and at some point, it wandered away.
Trauma by chicken!!
My trauma wasn't from a chicken. We were asleep in bed, the middle of the night. A rustling noise awakened me. It sounded like a creature was in a plastic bag, but creepier. I thought it was a rat or a squirrel. I woke up my husband, since he had the flashlight. Beady eyes glowed in the light.
It was our hamster! She had escaped from her cage downstairs. She managed to climb a full flight of stairs and find our bedroom! That was one adventurous rodent--and the best news: no random poop anywhere in the house!
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We own chickens in downtown Salt Lake City. The Avenues to be exact. Right now we have 5. The chicks have been at IFA and my husband has so far brought home 6 turkeys and 25 chickens. 9 of them died due to circumstances beyond our control so he bought more. The eggs are amazing, the chickens are hilarious, and we're getting bees. I think our neighbors hate us.
When I was a teenager, my mother and I came home to a bat flying around our kitchen. She was terrified, running around, ducking when it flew towards her, and swinging a broom towards it. Eventually we got the back door open, and it flew away.
In the house where my son was born we had a very squeaky set of stairs in an echo-y stairway... I was awake early in the morning nursing the kid in the living room and heard who i thought was my brother coming down the stairs. I heard him walking around the corner, but when he reached the corner it turned out that HE WAS A SQUIRREL!! I screamed for help and stood on the couch to keep my baby away from the rabid beast, and at that point my Actual brother came down the stairs to rescue me, and chased him twice around the center wall of the house before corralling him out the door. WTF.
That sucks, but it's really really funny! :)
I think that so far where I live (we've only been here for almost 2 yrs, though), the only thing I've found in my house were lizards...
When I was still young and lived at home...our washer and dryer was down in the basement. Right behind the washer was this square cutout where it was not filled in with brick like the rest of the wall so that you could see in the room behind it. I put my laundry in the washer, minding my own business and look up and have a freaking squirrel staring back at me....these things carry diseases so i screamed my ass off and ran up the stairs praying that i would be quicker than that damn squirrel. also have had several run ins with BATS. YUCK!
i'v never laughed so hard! i'm sorry about the car, but well, it was all freaking hilarious!!!!!!!!!!
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LOL Hilarious, Weirdest Animal experience I have ever had. Few years back we lived in a small house with a small fenced in back yard. My Mother in law was staying with us and decided she wanted some tomato plants. So of course our back yard had 3 HUGE tomato plants growing . It was getting toward the end of the season for them and we started noticing tomato's lying on the ground and a few on the vines had bites taken out of them. This puzzled us as we lived IN town with the ONLY wild life around being dogs and cats. We just assume that one of the neighbors dogs must have gotten in under the fence and had been eating off the plants. No big deal since it was end of the season. Well a few days later I'm standing in my kitchen looking out the window toward the backyard and not 5 feet from the window where the plants are is a full grown Doe munching away on the plants. We sat there staring at each other for a few minutes till My son ran storming out the backdoor to go play outside. It took off like a hunter was after it and startled my son lol. To this day we STILL have no idea how a deer got so far into town without anyone noticing.
Oh, and when I was a teenager, there was a squirrel that used to come into our backyard that I had trained to come up on my lap and I would feed him nuts. One late Spring morning, about 6 a.m., my mother started screaming OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! GERRI GET DOWN HERE NOW!!!!!!!!! I flew downstairs just in time to see my squirrel sitting on our kitchen counter eating out of the basket of nuts we always kept there. He looked up at us and then charged out through the window screen where he had chewed his entrance! My mother was NOT a happy camper that morning...LOL :D
When I was 6 years old I was walking home from school with my friends (remember those days when it was safe for a child to walk a few blocks?). When I got to the front of my house, a giant snapper turtle was standing at the bottom of our front steps! Now, did I mention I grew up in a city neighborhood? So there at the base of the steps to the second rowhouse from the right was the giant turtle.....I don't think I ever screamed that loud in my life!
One time we were living in Vegas and we had a cat in our garage (it wasn't our cat... but it was there for about a day and we lost it...) The next morning my husband went to Bass Pro which was about a 15 minute drive on the freeway. When he got there the cat came out from under the car! It was terrified. He somehow caught the cat and brought it back home and we found the owner. We still laugh about what that cat must have been thinking... or screaming on the freeway!
once when i was still in high school, my sister and i were helping my mom to carry in groceries. my sister yelped and said something flew by her. my mom and i, being loving and caring, said, "yeah, right" and laughed at her. after all the groceries were in the house, we started putting them away. that's when we noticed a rustling under the table. one quick glance showed us that the 'something' was actually a very hairy BAT! i still shudder thinking about it! my sister was quick to say, "i told you so!" as my mom scrambled to catch the thing in a jar.
gotta love uninvited critters!
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When my husband and I first got married we bought a condo that needed a bit of work and that's an understatement. We were living in it while we remodeled (which I do not recommend). One day I came home to find a bird inside frantically flying around and running into the mirrors and windows like a maniac. Terrified, I ran around the house opening up all the windows and doors hoping it would find its way out. It eventually did and I forgot about the incident. Later on in the remodeling process we were investigating a water leak in a bedroom ceiling. When we cut into the ceiling we found an ENORMOUS bird's nest. I'm talking like 3 feet long and one foot wide. Once we cleared it out we saw that the dryer vent had come off the wall and there was a hole directly to the outside. There was also a hole in the wall above this ceiling so that is how the bird got into the house. At least this solved the mystery of loud chirping birds waking me up every morning!
We opened our garage one summer morning and there was a small racoon hanging by his leg from the ceiling! Poor little guy had gotten trapped in there and was tangled up in some twine that was in the rafters. We cut the twine and he walked slowly and tiredly over to the cats water outside of the garage and got a long drink. He seemed okay!
Only you Dan...only you...LOL! Thanks for the laugh!
We had a locust in the house when I was a young teen, and my dad was at work. So it was just me and mom to fight off the monster. It landed in our kitchen window, and mom sprayed it. And sprayed it. And sprayed it again. The thing just wouldn't die! But it did wind up sticking nicely to the window. I looked over at the spray can she was using and saw that she grabbed Hair Net instead of the big spray! The thing was now completely plastered to the window, and Dad had to come home and chip the thing off with a chisel....Ugh!
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I lived WAY out in the country in Oklahoma. I reached up over the washer for the detergent. On the shelf just above it was a snake coiled up and looking at me. It was smallish, so I just grabbed it, carried it outside, and threw it to the chickens. Cruel, but very funny watching the chickens chase each other trying to grab it from the current carrier.
I was 14 years old and had my hair long back then. Okay it's long ago now but in between then and now I had it chopped off. Anyway I'm lying in bed half awake ignoring the fact I was supposed to get up and get ready for school. I was lying on my left side and could feel my hair tickling my right shoulder. It was annoying but I was too comfortable and lazy to want to brush it off. Finally I opened my eyes and looked at my shoulder...there was a damn spider on my bare shoulder!! It probably wasn't very big but I HATE spiders so I FREAKED OUT. I brushed it off my shoulder while screaming and jumping out of the bed. My mom was already on her way to try to get me to get out of bed and ran in at my scream to see me tearing my bed apart. I never did find the damn thing. I was extremely paranoid about tickles and itches for a while after that!
When I was a kid, we had a cat who was an awesome hunter, but a lousy killer. One time he managed to sneak back into the house with a live chipmunk. The first we realized, was hearing a repetitive thumping sound from the kitchen. He was throwing it up in the air and letting it hit the floor, where he'd leave it while it played dead. As soon as it moved he'd pounce and toss again. Unfortunately, he eventually missed a pounce and the poor little critter ran over to the corner where there was a small gap between the skirting board of the cabinet and the wall. Poof! Just like that we had a chipmunk living in our kitchen wall.
My mom managed to lure him out with food about 3 days later and managed to catch and release him. The cat was in the doghouse a lot longer, tho!
I had a bat in my car once. I left both the garage door and my car window's open. Somehow the little guy flew in there and perched himself upside down right behind the dome light. I drove all the way to work and didn't notice him until I started to get out of the car. I ended up leaving the windows cracked because I didn't know what to do with him. All I could think of was rabies. He was gone by the end of the day. I'm so glad he didn't decide to start flying around in the car when I was driving because I would have probably seriously freaked.
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I once hit a chicken on my way to work, but didn't know it (I thought I hit something, but when I looked back there was nothing in the road). Well after my 22 MILE drive to work I got out and found a rooster stuck in the grill of my car!
Dude, you make me laugh SO hard sometimes....
I've got tears ruining my neon pink eye makeup and I'm not even mad at it! HAHAHAHA!!
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I was watching the Perseid meteor shower a few summers ago, laying on the backless bench that edges my deck and enjoying a perfect evening. A bat suddenly swooped down and flew so close that I actually felt it brush my nose. I jumped so hard I nearly fell off into the ferns below (a four foot drop), then started laughing so hard I nearly fell off all over again.
Ookaaaay -- A chicken. Don't you live in the city (more or less), Dan? You might need to interview a few folks, starting with your tenants. Where did it come from??? I kept waiting for you to say you backed the new truck into the driveway to HOSE IT OFF & ponder the Spring Chicken arrival. Umm -- you DID hose off the truck, yes?
When I was a kid we were staying at our remote cabin in Northern BC. I had decided to go trout fishing in the river behind our cabin. I got up early one morning and my sister heard me grab breaky and my fishing gear and out the door I went thumping down the hollow cabin steps onto the leaf littered ground. The room my sister and I shared was in the back of the house facing the river. She could hear me crunching through the sticks and twigs. As my steps got farther away from the cabin my steps got fainter and fainter my sister told me later. Then, they just stopped. She heard, "Shooo! Go away Bear! Shoo! Shoo!" Then the fast pitter patter of my feet bolting back to the cabin and thumping up the front steps and the slam of the front door. I ran in petrified and found my sister killing herself laughing with tears streaming down her cheeks at the whole scenario. Still to this day some 20 years later she still howls with laughter as she gleefully retells my face-to-face bear encounter. Sisters... (No harm done, the bear bolted the second it saw me as I did the same, still pretty freaky at 10 years old)
This happened to my Mom:
It's winter, so the snow banks are pretty high. There's this narrow passageway leading from the front door to the driveway. There's a lot of snow, so exiting the house through the back door, or whatever, is not really an option. Mom was getting ready to leave, and saw that there was a FLOCK of wild turkeys all clustered in the narrow passageway. (We had seen these turkeys before... they would hang out in the yard and poo all over the driveway.) They were making all kinds of noise, and bumping into each other - basically making passage out of the house impossible. She had to call in late to work.
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Crazy! I would have been freaked out too. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I love your blog. Peace!
HAHA! When I was a kid we raised chickens, and one of my chores was to collect the eggs. Well, when a hen is sitting on an egg and you reach under her, she either pecks you viciously or flies out of the nestbox right into your face. I HATED that chore! I screamed like a girl every time either would happen--of course, I was a little girl.... ;)
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That's hysterical. Let us know if figure out how it got in there! Once, when I was in high school, I found a dead armadillo in my mailbox. I was hysterical....screaming at 6:00 am as I went out to get the school bus.....poor mom, she had to get it out and do away with it.
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One night about 5 years ago, my youngest daughter came into my room waking me up telling me she had a cat in her room. I thought she was dreaming and talking about her stuffed cats and I said, "thats nice sweety, go back to sleep." And she did. A little while later she was calling for me saying the cat was hissing at her from the corner...I got up grabbed my roommate from his room and he grabbed his sword, (ya I said sword, as in samurai). Went to her room and sure enough there was a grey cat in her room. the bedrooms were on the second story and the window was closed, He got my daughter out of the room and started to swing at the cat to scare it out of the room, but he also hit the window...the cat ran downstairs and that is how we found out it got in, through the gap at the bottom of the window that the swamp cooler was sitting in.