Noah and I have this game that we play, and we’ve been playing it since before he was even three years old. It’s called “I’m gonna kick your butt so hard.” The game can be played anywhere, but we like to play it while we’re driving. We have two variations of the game.

In the first version, we simply both take turns telling each other how hard we’re going to kick the other’s butt. A typical game goes back and forth like this…

Dad: I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly over that mountain.

Noah: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly over that mountain and land on a bear and get poop on your face.

Dad: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you land in the top of that tree over there.

Noah: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you land on a big church.

Dad: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you turn into a pumpkin.

Noah: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you turn into a big stinky butt.

Dad: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you can taste your own poo.

Noah: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly over the moon and land in some poo.

In the second version, I find different ways that I’m gonna kick his butt, and he tells me why it’s not such a good idea.

Dad: I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly up and land on that mountain.

Noah: No Dad, you can’t do that because then a bear will come eat me.

Dad: Okay, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard you land on that roof.

Noah: No Dad, you can’t do that because then I could fall off and break my collar bone.

Dad: Okay, then I’m gonna kick your butt so hard you land up in that tree.

Noah: Dad, you can’t do that cause then I could get stuck and a dragon would come get me out.

Dad: Okay, then where should I kick your butt to?

Noah: How about on top of the school. Then it will be okay.

Dad: Okay, I’m gonna kick your butt so hard you land on top of the school.

Noah: Yeah.

It’s a very educational game. Full of all sorts of drama, twists and turns, and chances to say the word “poop.”
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. What crazy, absolutely pointless, and downright fun games do you make up with your kids?
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!