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I’m gonna kick your butt so hard

Noah and I have this game that we play, and we’ve been playing it since before he was even three years old. It’s called “I’m gonna kick your butt so hard.” The game can be played anywhere, but we like to play it while we’re driving. We have two variations of the game.

In the first version, we simply both take turns telling each other how hard we’re going to kick the other’s butt. A typical game goes back and forth like this…

Dad: I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly over that mountain.

Noah: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly over that mountain and land on a bear and get poop on your face.

Dad: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you land in the top of that tree over there.

Noah: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you land on a big church.

Dad: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you turn into a pumpkin.

Noah: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you turn into a big stinky butt.

Dad: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you can taste your own poo.

Noah: Yeah, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly over the moon and land in some poo.

In the second version, I find different ways that I’m gonna kick his butt, and he tells me why it’s not such a good idea.

Dad: I’m gonna kick your butt so hard that you fly up and land on that mountain.

Noah: No Dad, you can’t do that because then a bear will come eat me.

Dad: Okay, well I’m gonna kick your butt so hard you land on that roof.

Noah: No Dad, you can’t do that because then I could fall off and break my collar bone.

Dad: Okay, then I’m gonna kick your butt so hard you land up in that tree.

Noah: Dad, you can’t do that cause then I could get stuck and a dragon would come get me out.

Dad: Okay, then where should I kick your butt to?

Noah: How about on top of the school. Then it will be okay.

Dad: Okay, I’m gonna kick your butt so hard you land on top of the school.

Noah: Yeah.

It’s a very educational game. Full of all sorts of drama, twists and turns, and chances to say the word “poop.”
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. What crazy, absolutely pointless, and downright fun games do you make up with your kids?
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86 comments
savagegeek
savagegeek

My mom and I had two games much like that.  First was the I love you game. 

 

Mom: I love you

Me: How much do you love me?

Mom: I love you ten mice

"Well I love you ten cats!

Mom: Then I love YOU ten dogs!

 

The animals would get bigger and bigger from there until whoever got to 'blue whale' "won"

 

Then I started to learn numbers and we settled on ducks and the numbers would go higher and higher.

 

Me: I love you ten ducks.

Mom: I love you thirty ducks.

Me: Then I love you one hundred ducks.

 

The best day came when I came rushing home from first grade.

 

Me: I love you!

Mom: How much?

Me: Infinity Ducks!

 

Eventually I came up with Double Infinity Ducks and that was when the game ended, now we just tell eachother "I love you double infinity ducks."

katekiwi
katekiwi

three games come to mind (we have teens)

1. the movie lines game: someone surreptitiously drops a movie line into the convo at which the conversee grins and says the next line in the movie. it started many years ago with the best movie of all time (the princess bride) and has just evolved..

2. someone says a word... usually prefaced by "you're a... (silly monkey)" then everyone spontaneously joins in the convo by offering a word that rhymes with the last syllable of that word.. tree.. sea... bee... pee... (it's a bit like your poop game)..

3. the song lyrics game: someone unwittingly says something that reminds the conversee/s of a song lyric, which they grinningly say/sing... then someone else offers a song lyric with the same word in it... a very merry christmas, and a happy new year... mary had a little lamb... old king cole was a merry old soul... etc

totally love the spontaneous games that make each family so unique, so special.

katie in nz x

Amanda
Amanda

Dan,
Only the male of the specie can think making it's a fun game when its about kicking butts, poop and the likes! ;) Always stand amazed at the difference in our hardwiring.
Glad you're enjoying your boy child.
Amanda
My recent post Project Connect-a-Gain- I Choose Us

Jacinta
Jacinta

When my siblings were learning how to rhyme, somehow or other somebody started the "Up and over the" song. One person starts the song by choosing a word (say, moon) and singing "Up and over the moon, up and over the moon. Up and over the moon..." and then the second person gets to finish it my making a fun noise and then making up a sentence that rhymes. In the moon case, it's normally along the lines of "I think I see a Judoon" (go Doctor Who :P).

They're 8 and 9 now, and I am pretty sure the family still sings that song.

smilingbird
smilingbird

My husband brought this game into the family - the One Word Game. Everyone takes turns saying one word, which builds on previous words to form a story. For example: Once - in - Taiwan - every - duck - thought - dirty - clothes - were - clean - Then - typhoons - washed - dragons - from - mountains - into - FIRE! You all end up in giggles over the nonsense that gets created.

Kristi
Kristi

My ex-husband and son, who was a lot younger at the time, used to take turns calling each other names. All in good fun of course and they weren't allowed to use swear words or anything too vulgar. Almost every name involved the word butt and my two favorites came curteous of my son..."butt stick" and "butt scrunch"! LOL!!!

Nicole
Nicole

We play silly games like, "I bet mom can't spell ..." and then they pick random words. Some times it gets more complicated and I have to end up spelling sentences, but it keeps them entertained! We also play "the quiet game" when there might be a lot of grumblings between my two kids. I don't think either child ever wins, but it's peaceful for a few seconds. And let's not forget about "I Spy, the driving version". If you don't find what's being spied, you'll miss it!

troismommy
troismommy

LOL! We play "Who Am I?" which is like charades, but we act like certain people or characters. Great fun - and the kids are getting to be great little mimics!
My recent post It’s an LA thing

Chris
Chris

Every night, right before I tuck my special needs guy into bed, I turn out the lights and close the door and pretend to be surprised by the complete darkness: "Whoa, what happened?! Where am I?! Who's there?" Then I stub my leg on his bed and he pulls me down on the bed with him. I feel his face and say, "Who is that? Are you a '______'?" (monkey, alien, etc.) "Wait, I know how that is: it's Finn, isn't it?!" He laughs and says "yeah!" (which is about all he knows how to say with his disability). Then we sing our bedtime songs (I sing, he vocalizes). My fiancee says I shouldn't rile him up right before sleep like that, but I love my Finn time. :)

My recent post Silly Putty- Silly Bands

AnotherGoalSetter
AnotherGoalSetter

My daighter and I make up names for things based on what's in eyesight at the time. The mechanical female coach who egged us along as we did the Couch to 5K running program was named Pole-ah because we were outside near a telephone pole when she asked me her name. Click the link to my newest post to read the story because I think you'll get a kick out of it.

@naycauthen
@naycauthen

It's funny how boys of ALL ages enjoy the word "poop" so much. :)
My recent post Top 5 Things BIG Bloggers do that BUG ME!

Shivesa
Shivesa

My little siblings were just here for Easter (ages 6, 8, and 12) and they wanted to play Rock, Paper, Scissors every five seconds. They'll play so long it makes your head hurt, lol, and they never get tired of it.

The funny thing is they also have another version (I remember doing something similar as a child), called "Rock, Paper, Scissors, SHOOT." This is different only in the fact that...well,...you can make up just about anything you want. My little brother pulled out 'the bug.' I pulled out a nuclear bomb. Then he went for a mushroom, and so on. It's completely random and I'm not sure how they decide what trumps what, but it's pretty funny to watch them make up hand signs for things that the game doesn't really have!

Kim
Kim

If I had clicked "Close Message" it would have posted. Dan, if you're going to make a procedural change like that, some of us technologically challenged people need an explanation. That's seriously 45 minutes of my life I will never get back! But I can't stand it, I'll just re-type ONE, and then I really am going to go to bed. I'm tired and I shouldn't have stayed up long enough to post anyway.

I played a gross-out game when I was a nanny with the kids I lived with that involved imagining mixtures of things found in the fridge or pantry. "OK, what about ketchup...with butter...chocolate fudge topping...and BACON!" "EWWWWW!"

There. I'm really heart-broken and frustrated that I lost that awesome post after all the time I spent correcting my typing mistakes and fighting with my wonky space bar!. :( :( :( :( AAARGH!!

Rose
Rose

Hilarious! I cant wait to start fun traditions and silly games like this when I have children :)
My recent post Youre So VainYou Probably Think This Post Is About You

Kim
Kim

What the...??? I just spent forever typing up a post (I am a slow typist and it was kinda long), and I clicked "Submit Post" but it doesn't show up! It asked me if I wanted to post it on Facebook, which I didn't, or "Close the Comment," or something like that. I didn't know what it meant, so I didn't and now it's GONE! :( I can't type it all up again, so I'm going to bed. I am sad. I had good stories.

Kim
Kim

I don't have my own kids, but I've played plenty of these kinds of games, both as a kid myself and with other people's kids. On long car trips, we would also the Alphabet game with license plates and signs as someone else mentioned. But we also played "I went on a picnic and I brought something that begins with a...(fill in alphabet letter.)" Everyone had to guess what it was you were bringing on your picnic. The answer had to be something that one could conceivably bring on a picnic. If it was a stretch, you had to be able to justify what you brought. Mom also played one with us we called "Ink Pinks." You would provide a clue and the answer had to be two words that rhymed. For example, I'll never forget how my brother brought down the house with this one:

Q.) What's an Ink Pink for a stupid sister?
A.) Dim Kim!

To my amazement, I recently saw a vintage board game in a catalog and realized where Mom got it! Wish she was still alive so I could tell her. I always thought she was saying "Ink Pinks" and that's what we kids always thought it was. But here was this board game called "Hink Pink" and I couldn't believe it! I thought Mom made it up! Apparently it also gets more complex than we ever knew. Here it is for anyone interested.
http://gifts.barnesandnoble.com/Toys-games/Hink-P...

I once worked as a live-in nanny and I played a game with the kids that was all about imagining nasty mixtures of things found in the fridge. "OK, what about chocolate fudge ice cream topping...with mustard, and BACON!" "EEEWWWWWWW!!"

I spend a lot of time with a friend's two daughters, and for several years her older daughter played a game with me called "Trading Stories." We would take turns giving the other person a topic and we had to find a story from our past that went with that topic and tell it. '''OK, Kimmy, tell me a story about a school playground." So I'd tell my story and then it would be her turn. "Emily, tell me a story about a fire." It was amazing how many things we found to tell each other about, and we did a lot of laughing!

I'll also never forget one game we played that only lasted one night but had us both laughing until we cried. That one TV family that has 18 kids or so and names every kid with a "J" (the Duggars) was expecting another baby, and Emily and I entertained each other coming up with more and more outrageous things one could name a kid that started with a "J." "Jumping Jack Dugger!" "This is my kid, Jellybean Duggar!" "John Jacob Jingleheimer Duggar!" I wish I could remember the one she said that really tipped me over the edge...it was past both our bedtimes and we had a serious case of the sillies, but I know I laughed 'till I couldn't breathe!

Lastly, my Dad started a tradition that I have carried over. My little brother, Aaron, used to have a hard time going to sleep at night. He was scared of EVERYTHING. So Dad started telling him "Aaron Stories," like "Aaron Goes to the Moon" and "Aaron Flies an Airplane," featuring Aaron as the hero in every story. He LOVED it and it really helped him go to sleep easier. I never forgot how much Aaron enjoyed that and to this day he remembers that time with Dad fondly. So I "borrowed" the idea and told the kids I nannied "Mitchell and Monica" stories. We expanded it and they were allowed to each bring a friend in their story, so I would have to come up with dialogue for four imaginary kids! I have done the same thing with my friend's girls. Emily never could go to bed without Kimmy telling her an "Emily Story." She is now 12 and while she doesn't demand them any more, she remembers them better than I do! I would do them for my own nieces, but my brother never has me stay the night so I never get to tell them bedtime stories. It's all good, though. He reads to them every night instead and they love it just as much because it's time with their Daddy.

AnotherGoalSetter
AnotherGoalSetter

I tell pointless stories to my daughter after lights out. We giggle and laugh at all the inside jokes my siblings and I had made up to deal with our parents' silly behavor. The current one is "Everybody Out of The House!" which is the story of an earthquake hitting in the middle of the night when I was about 10 years old. It was a gantle one 3.0 or so, but the only one in our lifetimes. My dad thought the boiler blew up and ordered all of us out of the house - at the top of his lungs and with wild gestures. When all was said and done, we were the only people outside in the middle of the night standing on the quiet street in our PJs. She LOVES that story! And I have a million more. We both have lots of fun wth it - anytime, anywhere: me telling them and she listening to them. Then we repeat them over and over.
My recent post GOAL- Keep being who YOU are

T Tuckwell
T Tuckwell

Try: "That's you!" All you need is a National Geographic or the best is a Ripley's Believe It Or Not book or Guiness World Records book. As you turn the pages, point as fast as you can to the funniest pictures (doesn't have to be a person) and say "that's you!" :D

Natalie
Natalie

We like to do silly name calling using alliteration, and usually involving body parts and/or food. For example:

Mom: Hey there, lettuce legs!
Daughter: What's going on noodle nose?
Mom: Not too much tomato toes!
Daughter: Got your seatbelt on eggplant ears?
Mom: You bet, cheese chin!

Rinse and repeat. It's a family favorite. :)

Jamie
Jamie

My daughter and I play a game called, "I love you to...." It's similar to your but usually goes something like this
M: I love you to the moon and back
D: Well, I love you to the moon, to pluto, to the mountains, to penguins and back
M: Well, I love you to the penguins, to the starts to the candy store and back 30 times!
D: Well, I love you to the moon, to the stars, to grandmas, 30-5-2200-61-8-10..... I WIN!!!

My recent post Having fun with the Camera

Arell
Arell

I play this one with my husband! A friend of ours has a daughter, who when she was around three years old was jumping on the couch. Her dad reprimanded her for jumping on the couch and ordered her off. But she would not listen, so of course he told her, "You better listen, you bad girl!" And she replied, I WANT to be bad!" So now, when my husband and I are talking about, well about anything really, if one says something like, "You smell gross!" The other replies, I WANT to be gross! Or "You are being childish!" Then of course the answer to that is, I WANT to be childish!" Silly, but if we are bickering, it is sure to end up in laughs!

Arell
Arell

This was not exactly a game, but when my girls were very little, I would tell them things like the "Mrs. Butterworth" on the syrup bottle was alive and if you watched her very carefully, she would move. Obviously, this was done so that I could get them to be quiet once in a while ;) I still tease my oldest daughter because she would always cry out, "She moved, she moved!"
Another one, was that my girls did not like the crusts on their sandwiches, so I would cut them off. But I would toast them and tell the girls that they were French Fries. They would gobble them up. My oldest told me recently, "I knew that they weren't French Fries, but I loved the idea of them being French Fries!" I also told them that the Tooth Fairy looked a lot like Barbie.
I play this game with my dog! When he was a puppy, and we were walking around the neighborhood, he would eventually run up to other people's front doors and look at me. So each time he did that, I would say, "Hey! That's not our house, you are trying to fool me!" Then he would run to the next house and do the same thing. He seems to get the joke! He always does it on our walks, even now after eight years!

Andrea
Andrea

I've passed down this family tradition (thanks to Mom and Dad) to my kids~ whenever someone farts, we all try to yell 'beaver' first, and whoever says it last is the one who 'ate' the fart. Gross, yes, but they get a good laugh out of it!

Wendy Deal Killeen
Wendy Deal Killeen

Two games come to mind for my boys and me. The first is Sock Wars. The scene: bed, laundry basket filled with warm, fresh-out-of-the-dryer socks. You get the idea. I've been known to find socks in the curtains weeks later...
Second game? The "and then" game. I love exploring kids' imaginations at mealtime. While gathered around the table years ago when we were a family of five (x-husband and his daughter included) I made up this simple, silly and fun game. One person starts and it passes around the table with each person adding more to the story when they hear AND THEN and it's their turn. If you were sitting at our dinner table, it might have gone a little something like this:

Mom: Once upon a time, a beautiful princess found a magic ring! AND THEN
Dad: She found out the magic ring could grant any wish she wanted AND THEN
Teenage daughter: She wished for a million dollars, a Lamborghini and a new cell phone AND THEN
5-year-old son: But then she wished for forty-million-leven Legos! AND THEN
4-year-old son: And then the bad guys came!

See how quickly the beautiful princess is suddenly thrust into a world of terror? Aaaahhh!!! We had a blast and we still play it, just the three of us, me and my boys, now 9 and 10, at the dinner table. You just never know how the story will end.

Danielle Francisco
Danielle Francisco

I used to play "I'm going to beat you" as in beat you in a race around our house because all of the central rooms open into each other on the first floor, so we'd race around through them. Yeah, well that stopped when on "feelings day" he told his teacher in pre-K that it makes him sad when i BEAT him! that was awkward, but she knew me and figured there was a good explanation, lol.

Jenn
Jenn

Growing up, my dad always spoke in spoonerisms--exchanging the first letters of two words, so "puppy dog" would be "duppy pog," or "feed the chickens" would become "cheed the fickens." Now I do it all the time and am sometimes rather embarrassed... Don't try "fire truck" in public.
My recent post More Than a Little Grace- A Glimpse of My Story

Jessica
Jessica

Okay, it's not exactly a game, but I have this terrible habit of, no matter what my daughter (10) says, I repeat back the same sentence but emphasize her as the subject of it. I've been doing it for years. It's a reflex at this point and I have no control over it.

Sometimes it can be a good thing. For example: DD - "Aww, look at that monkey, he's so cuute." Me - "YOU'RE so cute".

But, more often, it goes a little more like ... DD - "Oh my goodness, that smells like poop!" Me - YOU smell like poop!"

..But at least there's still poop references. So, you know. Win.
My recent post Plank Pullin’–Green Eyed Edition

Dannie
Dannie

LOL. my kid is 21 months old....we play on the ground and her favorite thing is to climb on top of my back if I pretend to be sleeping and scream in delight and i *wake up* and eat her all up. LOL

BTW...has nothing to do with your blogpost, but I'm chowing down some m&m's .....and I'm not sharing :D
My recent post An inbetween tidbit

Leanne
Leanne

My 6yo son and I like to play the 'Gross each other out' game.
It can go like this...

John: I'll put poo on your toothbrush
Me: That's okay because I dropped your toothbrush down the toilet so I'll have to brush your teeth with MY toothbrush.

John: I'll put ear wax in your pumpkin.
Me: Really, what a shame I'll miss out because I'll accidently drop your pumpkin and replaced it with mine.

John: I'll rub your pajama's in poo
Me: That's okay because it'll all rub off when I lay in your bed to warm it up for you tonight.

Yeah disgusting I know, but we have great fun, I derive great pleasure from being the 'Master' of Gross Out

Meghan
Meghan

We play something similar. It all started when my son was being extremely whiny in the car and I was trying to keep him busy. I would name one of his friends and say "Is that Tyler?" and point to somewhere outside the car, and he goes "Noooo...that's a treee!", we do it with anything that is outside of the car at the time...billboards, grass, a lake. He's 2 1/2 and it started at about two with me just asking the question and him naming the "things". Now he initiates it and we both think that its hilarious cause of course his friend isn't a "tree" or a "patch of grass" ;) I hope my son and I remain close as he gets older and always have our little inside jokes!

Heather Reese
Heather Reese

I used to do something like this with my sister, only it mostly involved calling each other names, without duplicating a name. One time she got so desperate she called me a toaster-butt.
My recent post The final report from the ghost hunters

Stasha
Stasha

My three year old likes to pillow fight. But he calls it the hitting game. So if you don't hear from me, he must have talked about it in Preschool and I have been arrested.
My recent post The Royal Wedding

Amy
Amy

My kids and I like to play a game where we make up new names with the word "dork" in them. Usually they are based on a name of a character from whatever holiday is happening at the time. Our personal favorites, Dorcula, Dorkenstein, Frosty the Dorkman (or Dorky the Snowman), and the St. Patrick's Day Lepredork. It's super ridiculous and super fun, just like your game appears to be.

Emiloly
Emiloly

hehe very amusing story :) These sorts of interactions with my 5 year old usually end up with poop somewhere in it. Not sure if its a boy thing or kid thing? hehe
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MeganConyers
MeganConyers

With my little cousins we play a game called "Would you rather..." And it usually involves taking two rather displeasing tasks/events, and having to choose between the two...Example: "Would you rather...have cockroaches crawl all over your body or have to eat one cockroach?" They especially love to play it during breakfast...it's great because it teaches them logic and reasoning LOL.
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Rissa
Rissa

Hahaha. This makes me think of "That '70's Show" and Red always saying he's gonna kick someone's butt. Except this version is way nicer and more fun.

Corrie
Corrie

When my boys were small, we used to play tag with wet washcloths, running madly all over the house. When tagged, they would yell FANTY ANN, because they played it once with my friend "Aunty Faye Ann", and they were small enough to mess up her name, and it stuck for years.

Corie
Corie

We play "who tooted?" We usually start off that one of my twin five year olds Rory did. She absolutely insists that she doesn't toot because "tooting is melly and I do NOT do things that are melly" (she has trouble with s sounds

Chantry Rae Mraiyan
Chantry Rae Mraiyan

Cute! My son and I play "there we are", which started when he was about 4 years old (so that's 8 years ago!). When we are driving somewhere, we call out every PT Cruiser we see. He wasn't interested in anything when he was small so this was my attempt to get him to notice the world around him. I asked him to see how many of my cars he saw when we went somewhere. He would say "there we are" and I ask him in return "where are we going"...it always ended in some fun story about why we were at the grocery store or at the bank , or wherever we saw a PT Cruiser. Still do this to this day!

LacqueredLiz
LacqueredLiz

My son (who is now 22) and I would spontaneously bust out the dance moves wherever we were when some good music (or muzak) would start to play. In the mall, in a store (grocery or whatever), wherever there was music to be heard, we would bust out the moves.
I was happy to find that he'd shared this "tradition" with his friends when we recently went out shopping as a group and a good song came on in the store we were in, I started dancing and I looked for my son...much to my surprise, he and ALL of his friends were busting a move too. So FUN!

Mariel Sunday Wangsgard
Mariel Sunday Wangsgard

I like to hold my kids down, pretend I'm about to drool on them....you know how you let your drool fall, assuming you can suck it back up, but oops...it was too runny, falls in their face. Great fun, you should try it!

My recent post Past Posts- Bird Watching 101 & Baby Shower Ideas!

noindiecred
noindiecred

I recently named our game "are you serious?" and it's the best game ever. Facing each other, my son and I put on our serious face and the first one to laugh out loud is the loser. Sometimes it's difficult to even begin because our serious faces crack us up! It's okay to smile, that doesn't get you out, only laughing. It gets tricky when it looks like the other person is about to laugh- a lip quiver, eyes bulge out and suddenly you crack up at them trying to keep it together... nothing is better than laughing with your kid! We inevitably get to a point where we just laugh hysterically for a while. :D

@Zombiezman
@Zombiezman

I dont have any kids but me and my younger brothers would play water balloon artillery in the back yard. Basically, each brother pics a spot in the yard and stands there with their bucket of balloons. You can't move from that spot and the way to get other people out is to lob your balloon up into the air at the other brothers. Its much harder than it looks and when you finally got a hit you felt like a boss! :D

My recent post Guitar Hero

Danielle
Danielle

The Jeep Game. It's just like that--when you see a Jeep yell "JEEP!" and you get a point. If you call a Jeep that is not a Jeep you lose a point. Game starts when we get in the car and ends when we park. Person with the most points wins, but we don't count points so it doesn't matter. Warning: You won't stop seeing Jeeps once you start playing this with your kids!

Volante Varrato Carlson
Volante Varrato Carlson

My kids came up with a cute game. It's called Bingo! but it's not what you're thinking. Every time they see a yellow car they call out BINGO! even the 2yo plays..but he calls it on any car. LOL!

Arell
Arell

It DID post! I read it just before I read these two messages, but did not realize it was the same person writing them :/.

Arell
Arell

I hope that you come back and tell it!

Heather Reese
Heather Reese

LMAO!!! I'm dying at the part that got censored out..... HAHAHA!
My recent post The final report from the ghost hunters

Dawn Price
Dawn Price

This is an awesome story!! I don't think anything could make you feel better as a mom!! I hope to have that type of connection with my son who is currently 11 and perhaps one day with my step-sons who are currently a few weeks from 17.
My recent post My Husband is Full of Surprises -

MeganConyers
MeganConyers

Hahaha such a naughty word...LMAO!!! Oh and an update: one of the girls chose to eat a *roach, but only if she could cook it first. The other one said she prefers them crawling all over her; but only if they were soft and then she'd treat them like any other cute little animal...
My recent post The Modern-Day Patriot