Today is the three-year anniversary of my little sister’s death. Her name was Carissa, and she was the most beautiful woman I’ve known. In honor of my sister, I think it’s appropriate to repost the Saturday’s Heroes post I wrote about her.
Carissa is and always will be my greatest inspiration and number one hero. I had the privilege of giving the eulogy at her funeral. Some of those words have been intermingled here.
Carissa had Down’s Syndrome, but she never once let that define her. In fact, the only word that could ever define her is love. Her funeral offered indisputable evidence of just how far her love for others had spread.The room in which we held her services seated 750 or so. Many had to stand along the walls or listen from the hallways because there simply weren’t enough seats for everyone.
I have been to many funerals. I have never seen one with that kind of turn-out.
I remember struggling to put her life into words that could accurately express who she was and what she was about. Truth be told, Carissa’s shining life and example really couldn’t be expressed over a podium. It had to be felt, experienced, and witnessed, as so many people there in attendance knew.
You see, Carissa understood love probably more than I or most of us will ever be able. She could feel inside a person’s soul and somehow, could even feel the pains of a person’s heart. If that person’s heart was hurting more than usual, she could sense it, and she would do what she did best, which was to help start the healing. It usually started with a question of concern, then a big smile, then one of her big Carissa Bear Hugs.
Then, the verbal praises would start and not let up until she sensed that your heart was at peace again, even if it took weeks or months. She would laugh, and tell you repeatedly over the course of days, “You’re my favorite.” “I love you this much.” “Hello my beautiful.” “Hello my handsome.” And other wonderful things. Then, when you would leave, she’d get out a notebook and her big bag of colorful pens, and write you a letter or two, telling you how much she loved you, how much she loved God, and how much He loved you.
You see, Carissa believed in God’s love for us, and she never hesitated to share it.
Carissa was not bound by pride, ego, time, or selfishness, a few of the struggles that many of us so naturally have. She was never too busy to visit or care for the sick. She never received an assignment in her church, school, or community that she didn’t complete with 100% vigor. She never thought herself better than another human being, ever.
She never thought herself better than another human being.
How many of us can say that?She never hid her talents from the world.
She never withheld her praise from anyone. She never compromised her values. She never believed that there was a reason to not show her love to others, and certainly never believed there was a reason for others not to love her.
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What a beautiful person she was , just like her sister YOU! This made me happy, sad ,cry, and totally humble. Thank you for sharing this and putting my life back into perspection! We all need to be like Carissa and I could feel her "Carissa bear hug" just from your description.
What a beautiful person!
This post gave me chills. It also made me cry. There are so many people in this world that dedicate their lives to being better than everyone else, that to find someone who never even tried, that is truly beautiful. That is the kind of person that deserves to be recognized.
Thank you for sharing about your sister. I don't know if you've heard of Reece's Rainbow, but I wonder if you would consider sponsoring one of these children with Down Syndrome who are facing transfer to institutions. http://reecesrainbow.org/sponsorship/555-warrior-...
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I have a brother with Down Syndrome, and unfortunately..he's been broken. All of us children have. He used to be the sweetest person on earth, but after the abuse he suffered from my family (my mom, stepdad, real dad, sister, brother and even me sometimes) he's no longer that loving person anymore. When my mom's house was built, he had his own efficiency added on to the side so he could have his own living space. Unfortunately, for most of the 10 years he lived there, he was banished to that place to be by himself. He was not included in family dinners such as Christmas or Thanksgiving Dinner, or family movie night. My stepfather often yelled at him, berated him for some of his simple behavior, even yelled at him for behavior that was ingrained in him from school. Many of us kids mainly ignored him for the most part, although we would stand up for him if our stepfather got going to bad on him. Mom also pretty much ignored him. I'm so sorry that as a family we broke this wonderful loving person, and I'm grateful that he is now living with someone who will give him the love and respect he deserves. My only excuse that I can give for my behavior toward him is that I too, am broken :(
Thank you for sharing this glimpse into Carissa's heart. So many of us never get to experience a living embodiment of unconditional love. I also have to tell you how it struck me that you told her it was ok to go. I'm a nurse and so often families just can not say those words when the person suffering just needs to know it is ok. I can't imagine how hard that must have been.
Thank you.
Thanks for inspiring me to be a better person, Dan. If only we could all have a little more Carissa in our souls! :)
My little sister has down syndrome too. She is one of the most special people. She knows just the right thing to make you smile and when she's down it takes on quick little thing to boost her up. I love her so much and know how you would feel if I lost her. Just like you. Your post makes me think about how much she is. I'm going to go give her the biggest hug. Thanks for the post.
I have been blessed with one of those special angels :) I have had the pleasure of knowing him for a total of 7 months now, but absolutely without a doubt have become a better person myself. I'm not convinced that HE is the one with the disability...... I look forward to many precious years with him!
What a wonderful post! My 2nd daughter, Brilyn (br-eye-lynn) was born with a different Syndrome/Trisomy... Trisomy 18 (aka Edwards Syndrome). She only was with us for 7 days, 6 hours and 8 hours, but she was a beautiful soul. Although she was so young, we were blessed that she graced us with her presence (most don't make it to birth), and that she was so smart as to establish eye contact with us and even smile.
Carissa is an inspiration
<3 I loved this post. You sister sounds amazing. I have a very good friend with Down Syndrome. She is amazing and fantastic with my children (she nannies for me once a week). And now I am having a good cry x My recent post NZ Work at Home Parents Showcase – Logo
I have a daughter with special needs. She is so beautiful and she has made me a better person. I love her so very much and she shows a beautiful love to every one she meets. I thank God for her and I am blessed
for the gift and honor to have her in my life. Thank you for this beautiful share. I wish my daughter and I could have known her.
The sibling bond is unbreakable. Love is stronger than death.
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My younger brother has Down Syndrome. This post so reminds me of him. I love him so much but reading things like this remind me to love him even more. :)
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I read this for a second time today, and it brought tears to my eyes. ::hugs:: to you, Dan.
What a beautiful post! How lucky that you were able to be so close to such a loving person. I can tell some of that love rubbed off on you :)
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Thank you so much for posting this, it really made me open my eyes and see the "other" picture. Life is too short to be worrying, it should be used to love one another!
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Thanks for your remembrances of your sister Carissa . When a parent contemplates the birth of a child one of the things they are "taught" to fear the most is the birth of a child with disabilities such as Down Syndrome .When that diagnosis is given how many parents are counselled to get "rid" of the "problem" . And when they choose that path they have no idea of how their lives could have blessed and enriched so much by that which they feared the most . We know - our son is now 30 and he goes about blessing people with hugs and genuinely felt comments such as "you're the best" , "you're cute" . Sure some days he drives us nuts but what child doesn't have moments like that . In the long run he will touch more
lives than we ever will . I'm glad you got to be Carissa's brother !^_^
I am so sorry for your loss and I can only imagine your pain, but always remember the fond memories and she will never be gone. Thank you very much for sharing this, and I will share this and pass it on so others read as well.... God bless your sister and god bless you for being able to be a part of her life and share the story to keep her alive.
Thank you for sharing Carissa's Bear Hugs and Story with us, through your words. She sounds like a truly amazing woman, I think we should all strive to be more like her.
I am sorry for your loss, as I know even as time passes, the pain and love is still there.
Your sister was beautiful inside and out. There is no love like the love of a person with Down Syndrome. My 24yr. old son died in August while our family was on vacation. Matthew just loved life and he loved everyone he knew. Unfortunately he developed a seizurecondition about 6 wks. before he died. He took one in his sleep and went with God. There's not a minute of the day that I don't think of him. He was our world.
I am deeply saddened to hear this. I was a recipient of many of Carissa's bear hugs, and can attest that everything you've written here was also true of my experiences with her.
This brought tears to my eyes. I have a 9year old son with Down Syndrome. He is very close to his 7 year old sister. Sorry for your loss.
I shared it, as you requested. I have known other amazing human beings like your sister, having worked in special education for more that 20 years and I have a son with autism. I wish many days I could be more like him. Thanks for bringing Carissa's remarkable example to the world.
Thanks for sharing your story, and your incredible talent with words - We can all learn from your sister - and what better way to honor her than to try tobe like her every day.
Thank you for posting this again! Her unconditional love is incredibly inspiring and, truthfully, I wouldn't mind if you re-posted this every single year. What a beautiful role model you have.
that is such a beautiful way to remember such a loving soul..bear hugs to you, it hurts to miss someone that much.
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Thank you for sharing. I lost my little sister, she was also Downs, 1 year ago. I was blessed to have her in my life for 34 years. Carissa was a beautiful person and Krysta was alot like her. For those of us that have been given the gift of such a special person in our lives-we will never be the same. Our lives are enriched in a way that can't be explained. I am grateful to God for choosing me to be Krysta's sister. I hope Carissa and Krysta have hooked up in heaven and are having a blast!!! God bless you.
beautiful. what more can I say?
Beautiful tribute. I can't imagine losing my daughter with Down syndrome. (she's almost 25)--she's the light of my life (and my middle daughter).
What a beautiful woman your sister was to have such a beautiful heart. I wish more people would know how people with Down syndrome could truly touch their lives. --too many people discount them. Choose to not bring them into their lives--choose to not include them.
Thank you for sharing---you touched my heart today. Peggy from California
Growing up, I knew that if God gave me a child with Down's Syndrome it would be a blessing. I have never met a single person with it that wasn't filled with love and beauty to the point in which they could not help but to exude it. It's as if God held their innocence in tact! Thanks for sharing her, Dan!
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What a beautiful sister you have in Carissa. I wish I could have known her in this life. I'm looking forward to meeting her in the next.
There are no words to express the beauty in your sister. It was August 19, 2010 while on our family vacation in Avalon, NJ, my wonderful brother Matthew died of a seizure in his sleep. He was 24 years old and had Down Syndrome. He truly loved life and shared a love like your Carissa. Such a gift! Thank you for sharing her beautiful story!
What a lovely tribute to true beauty! I have a 41/2 year old son with that magical extra chromosome. He changed my life forever--thank God!
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As an auntie of a 18month old with down syndrome I am especially moved by the kindness of this amazing woman, so thank you Single Dad for sharing your sister with us, with me. She is indeed someone who we all should strive to be like.
People with Down Syndrome, generally indeed good people, good hearted and good spirited. That are God blessing in return for their shortcomings. Yes, beautiful and awesome Carissa.
Dan, I enjoyed this post very much. Carissa's example reminded me very much of a story I posted on my blog in honor of Autism Awareness Day. There is a beautiful metaphor of planning a trip to Italy only to suddenly find yourself in Holland and learning to love what Holland has to offer. I drew a picture of blue tulips to honor the day. As I read about Carissa I couldn't help but think about the beautiful, radiant tulip that would represent her. Thanks for sharing her joy and love.
Beautiful. My son has Down's. I know exactly what Carissa must have been like. Austin is a ray of sunshine. I had to laugh when I read the "Hello my beautiful" and "Hello my handsome"!! Austin has said those very things!! Like Carissa, he seems to know exactly when someone needs comforting and is the first one to offer support or a hug when someone is sad. God blesses us with these children. It is so wonderful that Carissa was able to touch yours and so many lives. Thank you for sharing!
-A sweet and precious post.. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so very much for sharing this story about Carissa.I have a precious great grand daughter that has Downs she is almost 16 months old.We all love her so very much!We all believe she will be a very special that God sent to us!
I cried when I read your story and I thank you so much for writing it!
What a beautiful tribute. My 11-year-old son has Down syndrome, so I know how special people like that are. I have no doubt you will meet your sister again someday. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. I have to say that my desk has three piles of paperwork on it that needs to be complete before I can leave for the day to spend an extended weekend with my sisters, and I must have pulled up your story 10 times to read over. My heart breaks for you for losing someone so precious, and at the same time... I am so happy for you that you had her in your life. I wish I could have known her!! Your stroy and the love you two have for each other is one of the most beautiful things that anyone can have.
If only everyone who is told that their unborn child has Down Syndrome could read this before making "the decision". It breaks my heart that so many angels are denied the opportunity to bless us because of medical fears and ignorance. My son is 17 with DS and is love incarnate. People who decide to have their child aborted are depriving themselves and so many others an incredible opportunity to learn about pure love. How can we teach them all the reasons why they should not choose abortion?
My condolences, Dan. Carissa's passion for life & her love should be an inspiration to all of us. I've shared her story on my Facebook.
beautiful....
I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out right now.. thanks... I mean, in a good way. Reminds me a lot of my brother and the things shared at his funeral. He was just.. full of unconditional love.
gonna go cry into my coffee now....
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I have a beautiful 5 yr old little girl named Emily Grace that has Down syndrome I wanted to tell you that it is evident the love and respect that you have for your sister and it sounds like she was a truely amazing person. But I wanted to give you a shout out as well because as far as I can tell she had an amazing loving brother too :) My Emily already is alot like you described your sister, if she senses that anyone is upset or stressed she will say what's the matter? you got oowweee's? instantly giving hugs and kisses and you can just see that she can feel your pain!!! She will say you are my favorite in whole world
Love this story. I always wanted to work with people with Down Syndrome because they are ALWAYS SO HAPPY! I am thankful that you shared your story with all of us and please continue to share where you can. When I was about 10 years old my Grandparents friend's child was born with Down Syndrome and he was such a joy to be around, I think of him often. Thanks again Dan for sharing.
That is beautiful beautiful beatuiful! Thanks for sharing and thanks for letting us peak into Carissa's heart, into your heart. The love of God is shining in that...I love it...I love God! He is so so good! Bless you in your journey. I appreciate how "real" you are with us. It helps me in my journey. Appreciation over here....
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Such an awesome, beautiful, wonderful tribute to your sister. How much our world needs to read and embrace your thoughts and your eloquent depiction of Carissa's life on earth. I hope you always carry her unwavering love and hugs within your heart. Thank you ever so much for sharing this. ♥
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