As I was digging deep into Google to put together the “Real Dan Pearce” post, I found not just one, but two past blogs that I once started, wrote a few entries, and then for some reason stopped. Funny thing is, I had completely forgotten that either one of them ever existed. So, this week I thought I’d share some of those blog posts with you (some have been slightly edited).
The VortexI believe that there is a vortex of space in every home where things disappear to, and only the innocent hands of a child can reach into that space and pull them out. There is certainly no other way to explain it…
The light fixture and ceiling fan in my bedroom can be turned on and off with a remote control. The problem is, if you turn it off with the remote control, no matter how many hundred times you stand there like a dummy and flip the switch, the light won’t come back on until you use the remote control again. This is usually an annoying at worst system… until you losethe friggin’ remote control. Then, you’re just stuck in the dark until you can find it.
Once I lost the remote control while the light was off, and you better believe I turned the house upside down trying to find it on at least five occasions. I looked under and flipped over every object in the house trying to find the thing. After all, a man can only take so many stubbed toes. Alas, it was gone and I was due to have bloody stumps on the end of my feet for the rest of my life.
Six weeks later, Noah was playing on my bed as he often would, and suddenly the light turned on. I looked over and there he was, happily playing with the remote control. Where did he get it? There was only one place he could have gotten it… the vortex.
Of course, it’s not always as complicated as I’d like to think. Sometimes things go randomly missing and I find them in his diaper or down the leg of his pajamas. Maybe I just hadn’t noticed the remote control wedged somewhere while I was changing his nappy. Who knows. All I do know is that it is freaky. Very freaky.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
Originally posted on another, forgotten blog.
It's also where that missing sock goes after the wash.
Yup, my kids pull things out of the crevices of the couch where I assume they've been swallowed forever.
I can't even tell you how much I have lost to the vortex since I have 3 kids. Like the escaped snake from the last week they were at my house. Now that was fun...NOT!
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I need to borrow Noah to retrieve the phone handset I lost to the Vortex about 3 years ago. It's a family joke now. Who loses a PHONE?! My mom says it's revenge, since I WAS the Vortex when I was a toddler. I played a game I called "put & take." You put something down, pick something new up, wander with it until you find something better, put down what you're holding, and pick up the new thing . . . repeat. My father's pocket watch never did show up; my mom thinks I "put" it in the trash can one day.
Daaaaaan...you should know that Noah doesn't have a vortex. He's simply in...the Twilight Zone. *Cue music.*
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hahaha awesome. that explains so much. now, i do not have children of my own but i almost all of my friends do. i keep my house pretty darn clean (especially with the little ones coming over) but every time they find something so crazy and how they find it is a complete and utter mystery! and it is always something i haven't seen or used in like a year or two, children are amazing :)
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the vortexes are connected. We have lost many items in the vortex, only to be gifted and exchanged for items I have never seen nor purchased. This is strangely most common with my 7 yr-old girl. New hoodies, sparkly headbands, and feathery or glittery pencils top the list. Let me know, people, if you are missing these items...
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I had a really nice digital camera. Notice, I said "had".....the last picture I ever took with it was of my 2 sons that I had at the time - and it was a rare shot because they never stood still long enough to have a picture taken. I put the camera back on the bookcase, and I never saw it again. It's been about 3 years now. And I moved out of that house a few months ago and didn't come up with it, so I'm thinking that it's gone for good.
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It's nice to know that other parents experience this, too! I have three, so sometimes I think it's 3x as bad.
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Is there a similar place where those single socks go when you do a load of laundry?
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We recently missed the opportunity for a long weekend holiday abroad because my husband inexplicably LOST his passport. We were happily packing and making plans when I realized his travel document wasn't in the place it was supposed to be. We turned the house upside down all night, we looked at the most improbable places, and still we could not find it. I have no idea where our vortex is!!!! Perhaps if you and Noah would stop by for a visit....
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LOL - "bloody stumps"
I once found a hard-boiled egg that had gone missing during Easter egg coloring. I think I found it in June.
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I am also convinced that toddlers can teleport. I mean, how else to do you explain the speed with which than can completely destroy a room, get to the top of the steps when your back is turned, or completely empty and entire cabinet that ten seconds ago they were too short to reach?!
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we just blame it on the ghost. u can sit something down, turn around, and its GONE. come back a few days later and there it will be, lying neatly on the middle of the bed (ALWAYS in the middle of the master bed...nowhere else) we have found lighters, remotes, clothes, toys...and dishes this way
In a similar vein ... we bought an old pickup truck that was alleged to have a remote start, but which no one had used or figured out . One day my teen babysat two small children, one of whom played with the keys and apparently started the truck which was, of course, sitting at the curb. God only knows how long it was running before my daughter discovered it.
I lost my wallet once. I cancelled all my credit cards and got a new driver's license. About 6 months later it turned up under the couch. I had looked there multiple times. I can only conclude that it had been swallowed by the couch and it took it 6 months to go all the way through the couch's digestive system. Or maybe it was in the vortex the whole time.
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My Ipod is also missing - I had been blaming my cat (because the other day he carried the screw my husband was looking for, back to the spot it went missing and then proceeded to drop it in front of him and look up like, "what a good fur baby I am" LOL) but maybe - just maybe, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, that the Vortex took it! Either way, I think it'll be a bit before I see it =(
The vortex inevitably leads to the land of the lost left socks.
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My mom always swore there was a black hole all the pens, missing socks and eventually my dad's little pillow he put behind his head when sitting in the recliner had gone into. Yes, Dan, you are correct. It oftens takes a small child to find those lost things. My aunt, one day while searching for her hairbrush, turned to her not yet toddler and in desperation asked, "Marty, do you know where my hairbrush is?" He promptly crawled over to the refrigerator and pointed behind it and grunted at her. Sure enough, he had known all along.
I love this story; I can't tell you how many items I have 'lost' only to find the kids playing with said items. I have so many similar stories, and I attribute it to adults (myself) seriously underestimating our children's memories. They know where they put their choochie/stuffy/blanky/mom's wallet, they just don't care to tell us at the particular moment we're frantically searching for it! Now I have learned to ask them first, and more often than not, they can tell me!
I SWEAR every household item needs it's own locator device. I can't tell you how many times I've been rushing around and nearly let because I couldn't find one of my 4 car keys. Why does one person need 4 keys for the same car? HAHA!
Hahaha, all these comments are crazy! We experienced the vortex a lot at our house growing up, so my dad would offer a dollar to the kid who could find the remote (or whatever had been lost). I get it now - he understood the Vortex! Hahahaha!
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Oh yes, I've long suspected of the vortex's existence, but never have I been able to find that annoying black hole of sucktitude. This is probably the same vortex that makes sock matches disappear into the ether. I couldn't get into my kitchen or bathroom cabinets for a whole week once, because the magnet that opened them went into the vortex. My son somehow had access to the vortex and got the magnet out to play with one day or I would have been replacing cabinet doors.
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Just be glad he didn't turn if off then put the remote in the vortex for eternity!
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um the Vortex is alive and well and rampant in my house. I just make sure to keep coins and small objects out of sight/reach....as that is a full time obsession, but then that leave the vortex to come and suck up different items that aren't chokable.
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Since our son was about 5 (now 9) whenever we can't find something we always ask him if he knows where it is. 99% of the time he locates it!
I believe in that vortex. I've had things disappear and reappear even before the baby was born. I blame it on the ghosts.
Our cordless telephone falls into the vortex all the time. The thing disappears, only to be found weeks later in the hands of a child.
So true! My Daughter's hiding place is the trunk of her toy car. The first place to look for remotes, keys, missing doll legs, etc.
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huh, are you moderating comments now? Mine wouldn't post until being reviewed.
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HAHAHA!! This is so true.
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There are items I'd like to send to the vortex! maybe trade can be negotiated?
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We have a couple lightening mcqueens in that vortex. let me know if you find them.. I'm tired of replacing that toy! I know its in the vortex, because we don't let toys out of the house and we've turned the house over several times looking for each one lost. The vortex always prefers to eat treasured & necessary items... why can't it just eat the cheerios that end up all over the place??!
My parents had an overstuffed reclining chair that was the entrance of the vortex for multiple items in their home, including anything of value my children owned and were crazy enough to use while sitting in, on, or near it. Yes, we lost PS3's, MP3's, IPods, headphones, remote controls, Game Boys, cell phones, and tons of coinage into the vortex. One day, my dad finally declared the device must be dismantled, destroyed, and sent back to the depths from which it came. We found at least 20 long lost items we KNOW we looked for in that stupid chair dozens of times. I've never seen anything like it in my life.
On another note, my parents went for 10 years without an overheard light in their room because the remote for their ceiling fan/light had been lost. 10 YEARS! After about 6 years, they bought lamps they could stumble around and turn on at night. They finally replaced the lighting just over a year ago. Crazy.
Ah the vortex. What relief to see a blog mentioning it. Sometimes, for a second I think I am going crazy as everything HAS to be somewhere, right? Recently, before a move I made a list of everything we were missing that should appear as we pack and unpack. I am convinced every item is in a black space waiting to be knocked back into orbit. A remote, many dvd's, toys, electronics, even silverwear my 2 year old took out of the drawer and disapeared to never be seen again.....not a clue, they were not in that house and I doubt I will ever see any of them again.
That is the CUTEST picture EVER! Just had to get that out!
My 2 year old daughter is a blanket sucker. She uses blankets like a pacifier. I made her a small "blanket" which is better sized for a doll, because she likes to drag it around with her everywhere. She has affectionately named her pink blanket Chewy. She loses Chewy daily. Every. Single. Day. Yet, when naptime or bedtime comes, there she is chewing away. I don't know where it goes or how it gets back, but Chewy is a traveler!
Right now, ours isn't a vortex so much as a black hole. Our toddler grandchild (called Cat 4 [hurricane] by his dad), has the charming habit of picking up things and then dropping them in various and sundry places. Into the black hole they go and get spit out who knows where. "Oh. There that is," is a common phrase at our house.
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Our vortex is called the black hole, which is usually under the child's bed. Anything and everything gets sucked under there and lost forever. I was missing my social security card for over 10 years. Not that I've ever actually needed it, but one of the rules "they" tell you is to replace it if it's lost or stolen (I never did). Unfortunately I can't blame the kids for losing it. It got sucked into a folder in my rarely-used filing cabinet. Last April I finally cleaned the 10 year old paperwork out of the cabinet. Tucked randomly between some papers was my SS card and my old driver's license that expired in 1998 - the year my youngest was born. I blame it on new mother syndrome. I guess in a way I can blame my daughter.
I love it, and it is so true. My kids always seem to be pulling things out of the vortex!
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LOL.. yeah my husband's bluetooth headset and my ipod are currently in the vortex. Rest in Peace. We'll find them as soon as we buy new ones!
We lost the remote for months and months once. Turns out my little darling daughter who was maybe 1 yr old had put it into the oldest boy's backpack and since we homeschooled back then, the backpack was rarely if ever used! Kids!
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
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HAHA - we have a vortex here too, and our TV remote ended up in it for an extended period of time. It must like remotes best of all.
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No, it likes car keys most of all.
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i dunno in our house it always liked remotes when I was little. Until my dad bought one of those giant over sized remotes. The bigger the thing the harder it is to make it go missing.
Does that mean I have to wait until I have kids to recover the items in my house that have been sucked into the vortex?
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yes. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something ^_^
haa!!!! too cute.... but it is so true.... once i flipped the house over looking for my sons favorite passifier before night time came because he would never fall asleep without it..... nite time came and i was telling my husband how we were going to have a long night... a few minutes later my son was asleep with the passifier in his mouth!!!!!!!!! VORTEXXx lol