The image still very much haunts me. It happened in early July of last year.
I stood holding my three-year-old son, watching the taillights of a Honda Odyssey fade into the distance. Through its tinted windows, we could make out the silhouettes of my wife and stepdaughter. The sound of rubber rolling across loose grit slowly faded, replaced by the screams of eerie silence. Divorce papers were served days later.
It was the second time we’d been left standing alone on that driveway, unexpectedly pushed into bachelordom. Only two years earlier, my first wife, and the woman with whom I adopted Noah, climbed into a different minivan and also made an exit. I looked at my son and bit my lip to keep from bursting into tears.
You see, Noah knew the women in both vans as “Mommy.”
And while he was still too young to understand that the girls in the van were leaving for good, or to have any idea why they were leaving at all, he knew very well that something was very wrong that day.
He spoke no words. He didn’t need to. In that moment, his giant, tear-filled eyes said everything for him as he clamped his tiny arms around my neck and refused to let go. In that moment, I felt completely worthless. I felt that I was nothing but a colossal failure. To my son, to the world, to myself.
I wanted to run. I wanted to load Noah into my truck and leave. It didn’t matter where. Anywhere but there. Anywhere but to the inevitable moments that were about to follow.
But running away with Noah wasn’t an option. He had a good mom who was still very much a part of his life. We walked back inside the house. We quietly hung our heads together, and we sat holding each other for what must have been hours.
Over the next day or so, I found myself wading deeper and deeper into my own despair. Every tick of the clock brought more hopelessness to me, and if any motivation existed within me to continue being a good man, I was having a hard time finding it. But what was far worse than that, was the motivation I felt disappearing to continue in my quest to be a good father.
The blanket of dark and consuming thought was thick and suffocating. I thought I had given it my all. But I failed. I thought I was a good husband. I obviously wasn’t. I thought I was a great dad. I clearly wasn’t good enough. I hadn’t lost just one wife now, but two. The daughter I looked at as my own was taken from me, as if she was never anything but the whisper of a person I once loved.
My belief in my value as a person all but evaporated; my belief in my abilities as a father, even more so. I found myself fantasizing horrible and extreme thoughts. I played out the scenarios of what would happen if I simply vanished without a trace. I questioned whether my existence on this earth was beneficial to anyone. I questioned whether being in my son’s life, and dragging him through the brokenness that I was, was right at all.
But following closely behind every dark and dangerous thought that I felt that day, there was also the very poignant reality that I loved my son, and that his welfare was more important to me than anything and anyone. There was the simple truth that he was hurting as much or more than I was. There was some trickle of a belief that getting through this together would leave us both stronger than we ever had been.
And so, in a moment when impending defeat seemed inevitable, and the thought of retreat seemed so appealing, I made the decision to keep marching forward. Whether I felt that it was true or not, I told myself that nobody could replace me as a father to my son. I forced myself to see the reality of Noah’s future, both with and without me in the picture. I forced myself to see the damage that would be done if I didn’t decide some very important things right then. I forced myself to rise above my own heartbreak, and think only of the tender spirit that in that moment needed me more than anyone.
And as I began forcing my thoughts to be healthier, as if by magic, it suddenly became easy for me to make the right decisions. It became so obvious that to take the simple way out was to take the coward’s way out. I felt selfish and repulsive for letting my thoughts get away from me the way they had. I was Noah’s dad, and it was time for me to be a warrior, not a martyr.
The day after the girls left, I scooped up my son, suddenly empowered by the reality of both what I could be for him and what I could give him. Something triggered within my mind, and the reality of my own strength and purpose became very clear.
I had five minutes before his mom arrived to pick him up for the evening. I sat him on my lap and pressed his head against me. “I love you,” was all I could say. He didn’t pull away, he didn’t say anything. He hugged me as tightly as I was hugging him, and I began to cry. I can still see my tears slowly disappearing into his hair. I can still feel the overpowering love that I felt more for my son in that moment than perhaps ever before.
Once I’d had a good cry, I pulled my son to where we could look each other face to face, and I made him several promises. I promised him that I wasn’t going anywhere, and that I was his Daddy no matter what. I promised that I was going to be the best dad in the world. I promised that I would always be there for him. I promised him that I wouldn’t forget my priorities. I promised him I would always be strong. I promised him I would always be honest. I promised him love. I promised him my devotion as his parent.
He sat quietly as I talked, never interrupting me as if he knew I was saying things that I needed to hear myself say. I’m sure he didn’t understand the majority of it, but he understood the underlying message. Dad loved him, and dad wouldn’t leave.
We embraced again, and remained entwined with one another until his mother arrived. “Are you all right?” she asked when I answered the door.
I looked at her and felt honest relief when I answered “yes.” She took Noah and left me alone with nothing but my thoughts and time as companionship. I quickly grabbed the black spiral bound notebook, which I kept next to my computer and sat down at the kitchen table. I dug for the ballpoint pen that I always kept in my front pocket; I opened the notebook to the first blank page, and across the top I wrote the following words.
“My Real Dad Rules”
I then began a list of parenting rules that I knew I needed to follow if I was going to be a good dad for my son. I began thinking of everything I’d ever learned in any parenting book I’d read and in every parenting course I’d sat through. I thought about the many things I’d learned from our family counselor. I also pondered on many of the lessons I’d learned in my own experience as a parent. The list that evolved was simple, but it was extensive. As I read it, I realized there were areas in which I had been lacking, and I realized there were areas in which I was strong. As simple as the exercise was, it was what I needed at that moment as a reminder of just how important my role as a father was.
It was from that list that I wrote the table of contents for this book.
The term “real dad” had personal significance to me. Noah came to us through the adoption process, and it had always irked me when anybody would ask me about his “real dad” while referring to his birth father, as if being an adoptive parent made me less of a real dad to my son than a biological dad is to his child.
Since the day Noah’s birth mom placed him with us, I’ve contemplated what the definition of a “real dad” actually is, and long before writing my list, I had decided on my own definition of the term. A real dad was the dad who is there in his child’s life, doing everything he could to be the best dad possible. Any dad who did otherwise, biological or not, was not a real dad at all.
So, as I wrote my list of rules, I had my own definition of what a real dad was in my mind. I was determined to be that real dad to Noah. I was resolute in my dedication to doing things the right way. I was absolute in the direction I wanted to head.
It is true that I was still very much hurting and still very much broken. The pain I was going through would take some time to put behind me, but I knew that in those moments, I could let the pain creep over and affect my ability to be a real dad, or I could separate the two completely. I could focus on surviving one side of life at the same time that I could focus on my incredible strength in another.
No, I wouldn’t run. I couldn’t run. To me, being a father means that you always do what gives your kid the best chance at a good life, and running would not do that. It means you suck it up and fix yourself so that you don’t mess your kid up in your haste to do something unwise and reactionary. It also means you show that you have strength, even when you know you’re currently depleted of it. So, I didn’t run. Instead, I took a very honest look at who I was as a father, a look at other fathers that I admired, and a look at fathers I didn’t. I pulled from all of the knowledge of parenting that I had, and I made a commitment right then to never let single fatherhood develop into bad fatherhood.
And, to help keep myself in check, I started a blog, which I called Single Dad Laughing.
Why I called it that, I don’t really know. I was single. I was a dad. But I sure as hell wasn’t laughing.
I suppose I started it to remind myself, every single day, that I was a good dad. I started it to remind myself that failing in a marriage (or anything else) had nothing to do with failing as a father. I started it because my love for parenting, and my passion for the responsibility fathers have, was not only strong, but in my debut moments as a single dad, that love and passion found a way to increase in spite of the sudden change to my marital status.
I never really expected anything to come of the blog. I don’t know that I wanted anything to come of it. And to be honest, I didn’t really care. I was just going to write and if people wanted to read it, all the better. The first two months saw a few people finding it, a few people reading it, and a few people even liking it, almost all of whom were parents . As my readership grew, so did my love for those parents who were beginning to lean on me as a source of encouragement and support.
I began tackling tough and taboo subjects in my daily blog posts. I began calling on parents to step up their game. I began looking at the subsurface pain I felt and saw in society . I began being honest about things that few people know how to be honest about. I also began calling men and fathers onto the front lines. Within a few weeks, thousands of visitors turned into tens of thousands. A few weeks after that, I was seeing single days with hits in the hundreds of thousands.
Every day I could do nothing but shake my head in disbelief. Enthusiasm for my ideas and writing was expressed by my readers again and again. The onslaught of feedback testified to me of an enormous and very real need in our society. It was a need for honesty, empathy, and insight into parenting, and specifically fatherhood. It was a need for directness about the state of fatherhood, the rules of fatherhood, the values of fatherhood, and the responsibilities of fatherhood.
The responses I’ve received since starting the blog have pointed to two very real societal truths for me. First, while there are many good, real dads out there, many dads are failing to be real dads. Many dads are coming up short. Many dads aren’t real dads at all. Many men loathe themselves for it. Women everywhere are hurting, crying, and angry. Children are broken and lost in so many ways. There is no doubt that we are in a crisis.
But the other truth is a beautiful one. Many of those dads want to be good dads. They do not want to fail. They do not want to come up short. They are tired of missing the mark. They want their kids to grow up with a fighting chance. Many of them just don’t know how to go about it, or where to start.
And so, I began writing this book; a guide for everyday dads from an everyday dad. I began writing a book that sincerely and simply lays out a proven game plan for any dad who desires to be a real dad. I have added my own perspective on fatherhood, and shared my sentimental thoughts on what being a father means to me. This book celebrates the tradition, history, and importance of fatherhood. It delves into the whys of parenting as much as the hows. It explains in simple yet profound ways what fathers everywhere must be for their children.
I am not a doctor. I am not a parenting specialist or a professional in family dynamics. I don’t have any fancy initials after my name, and I don’t have a list of credentials on which to back my writing. This book isn’t full of studies and charts. It doesn’t attempt to prove the actions parents should take by using numbers and data.
These are just my rules, written to help myself always be a real dad, and written to help other dads be real dads too.
I’ve tried to write this book as one that can be enjoyed cover to cover as much as it can simply be pulled from the shelf from time to time to get that quick boost of motivation or encouragement that every parent sometimes needs. I’ve tried to write it in such a way that it doesn’t matter where you start in the book, or in which order you read the chapters. One of the greatest gifts that real parents have is knowing and feeling where they need to be hit with motivation hardest in order to be the best parents possible. My hope is that this book can offer that to any parent, dads and moms alike.
As you read, you will likely take note that I usually speak of a man’s child and not his children. I very much hesitate to ever make the discussion plural, even though a great percentage of fathers have more than one child. I do this because I believe that real dads understand and embrace the individual identities of each of their children. They understand that the same methods of parenting cannot always be applied to every child, and that the needs of each of their children are specific and separate from the needs of their siblings. Real dads keep the rules for each of their children individually, and while they can often combine their efforts with some or all of their children, they make sure that each child gets everything that a real dad does or has to offer. In other words, a real dad focuses on his child as much as he focuses on his children.
You may also notice that I do not discuss in this book very many of the problems that existed between my own father and me. I have instead, for the most part, focused on what good things I learned from him and the many ways in which he was an incredible and a real father. I don’t think he is or was perfect . My dad was a man who made mountains of mistakes just like any parent, and he’s also a man that gave it his all and was incredibly persistent in improving himself as a father and as a human being. For that, I will always be grateful. For that, I will always look up to him. For that, I will always label him as the real dad that he worked so hard to be.
Finally, I want to thank you for reading this book and sharing it with others. I want to thank you for taking a chance on me, an emotional puddle of a man who truly loves and enjoys all of the steps, secrets, and satisfactions that accompany fatherhood; a man who simply wishes to share that love, enjoyment, and passion with each of you. More than anything, I want to thank you for being a real parent. I think we can both agree that your child is worth it. I know mine is.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. Today’s post is the Prologue chapter in a free read-along of my new book The Real Dad Rules (which will go on through February of next year). While I wrote this book to everyday dads (from an everyday dad), I believe that its beautiful and empowering message can be applied to and appreciated by mothers and fathers alike.
Don’t wait to read the rest of this incredible, life-altering book! Get your own copy today (Amazon, Kindle, Hardcover, or visit the official Real Dad Rules webpage for signed copies or bulk discounts). Get it for yourself. Get it for your kids. Give it as a gift. Just get it, and get in on the conversation!
And, if you believe in the message of The Real Dad Rules, and if you love what you’ve read so far, please do Noah and me two huge favors! First, please share this page with your friends and family. Second, please take a second and leave a five-star review on Amazon.
Finally found out what was messing up my bank card and I have ordered three copies...one for me, two to gift...can't wait to read it!
Thank you so much for your willingness to share your book with us online, Dan. It's greatly appreciated! I've been desperate to read it, but financially cannot afford to splurge just a little for it. Your words bring me to tears, some happy, some sad. I'm not a dad, but I'm a mom...and much of what you say really hits close to home. I cannot wait until I have a little extra cash to buy your book, I think that my husband(and myself) could learn a lot from you.
You are awesome, and amazing, and so many other things.
I absolutely agree with everything Kathryn said ^^^.
No more reading mushy posts during my free time at work!! It's hard to explain why I have been near tears for the past 20 minutes! Awesome post Dan! I fully plan to buy two copies for my dad and step dad for father's day.
Well written Dan! You are a great writer and of course, a great dad. Thanks for sharing!
My husband is a terrific father, but not such a great husband. They do not go hand in hand, some people I truly believe are better apart than they ever were together. That being said, I also fully believe that if you are married and failing as a spouse it directly effects your children and how they will treat their spouse/significant others down the road.
So there are two realities there. The one of the separated parents, and the one of the together parents. Your posts always leave me thinking. And that is a good thing, whether the responses you get are good or bad, you know you've hit a chord in someone somewhere.
"Offend the mind to reveal the heart"... and this comment was a bit of mental thought vomit...
you are so inspiring and i admire you so much. i placed an order through amazon. one for my husband (and me) and one for my dad. thanks so much for doing this. there are real dads out there but not enough.
Thanks as always for your honesty. I particularly like the fact that you state impressively the definition of a "real" dad. I've been asked sometimes where my kids "real" mom is, and I always say I am the real mom. I AM, IMHO. I am the mom who didn't abandon and abuse them. I am the mom who took them out of their orphanages and made us a family. I am far from perfect but I am real. The parents who slog through the hard thankless day-to-day work of raising a child and try to do it with love and humor ARE the real parents. One day when Noah is grown he will understand that. He will remember that even if his second mommy left, YOU stayed and YOU were the one constant in his life.
My recent post My Ideal Dinner Party
I will be ordering this for myself on kindle but would also like to get a copy for my ex. I think it could really help him but do you think he will take it the wrong way and be offended?
Send it to him as a gift directly in the mail and have it say that it's from one of his friends. LOL. Make sure that he knows several people with the same name so that he just shrugs his shoulders and starts reading!
Give it to him from your kid, for Father's day. I don't think a "reasonable" parent would be offended, but there are a few super defensive dudes out there. You'd be the only one who knows him well enough to assess that.
If it helps, I'm going to give it to my hubby for Father's Day :)
My recent post Julia Rose
Thepoint is the importance of positive thinking, and as I've said in my previous comment, then " Thinking that we are better than others will motivate us to do better than anyone else. Thinking that we could not be better than other people will weaken our spirit to do better than others"
Hope Dan Pearce always successful, both as a Good Single Dad and as a Great Blogger.
LOL.
Dan, I read this and I just felt so incredibly proud of you.
Awesome! keep it coming! I'm so proud for you!!
Dan, thanks for being so willing to share the lessons you've learned with the rest of us. I hope your book is a huge success!
My recent post Sick
Thank you for writing your blog, thank you for writing your book and thank you for being a real dad to your son!
I was already planning on buying a copy of this but now I am going to buy two copies one for me and one for my brother, whose wife is expecting in July. You have this amazing way with words and I can't wait to read the rest of it.
Much love and wishes for success.
My dad was married to my step mom, and she did a bunch of horrible things and ended up abandoning their son and him over time. At this point, they don't even know if she is alive, or if she's overdosed on drugs in some crackhouse. But you would never have any idea of all of that by looking at them. He's going to love this book. I know it already.
My recent post New Blogging Contest!!
Dan, I've written a solo post on my blog just for you and this book. I've finally figured out how you'll earn the name, Single Dad Laughing....when all those crazy book publishers see your NY Times Bestseller happen and they all turned it down!
Best of luck my friend!
My recent post I’ve Lost All Hope With The Traditional Publishing World
Dan, I love the introduction. It gives your readers a look at who you are and how you got here, making them want to read more. I'll be getting a copy myself.
As for me, I've never been through a divorce, but I've struggled on and off with depression. There are days when I'm in a deep, dark pit and I just want to escape. Sometimes, at my very worst (which has only happened once or twice), I let myself think about what would have happened if I'd died after my youngest was born. (I ended up very sick with infection in the ICU for a week.) I have even wondered if my kids would be better off. But the answer is always, "No."
Then I pick myself up and dust myself off and put on a smile when I go pick those kids up from school. And I thank God, or the universe, for letting me be here for them.
We all need a reminder to step up our game, Dan. Thanks for writing this, and reminding all of us to do so.
My recent post Do I Know You?
Dan this has moved me to tears. My brother right now is where you were that July. We have spent many many hours in hospital and around kitchen tables on suicide watch. He has four children, three of which spend their scheduled visitation weekends living at our house where my brother comes to visit if he feels able. We spend hours encouraging his parental envolvement hoping that it is the ray of hope that will pull him through. I'm not sure how I was ever routed to SDL so many months ago, I sure have enjoyed many a good read and your sharp sense of humor. Suddenly the why of how I got here is very clear...you have the story that may be the thing. If you ever question why you were compelled to pursue this book again, know that beyond yourself, others may benefit too.
With heartfelt gratitude from myself, my own family, 3 little boys and a father who might just be inspired to be the Dad they need him to be.
My recent post Once I Ruled the World
Noah is one lucky boy to have YOU, Dan, as his dad! I love and respect your humor, failures, accomplishments, and mostly the love and admiration you have for your son. You are a a rare and special man, and I can appreciate your blogs, and now your book, as I am a single mom laughing! You inspire and I am thankful to be your fan, and to spread the word about SDL, and your book!! luv ya, ~Cheri
P.S. Based on the prologue, I've posted a review on Amazon. Anyone else who enjoys the book is encouraged to do so as well!
Dan, I took a risk and bought the book "on spec" yesterday. I'm on a very tight budget, but your blog has never failed to make me think, smile, cry and reflect. So I figured the book was probably a good bet. Based on the prologue, I made a good decision.
I plan to read it, and then to save it to give my sons when they are grown and ready to become fathers. It will help them understand their father and his failings, and to decide what kinds of fathers they want to be. Thank you for the gift you've given - the gift of this book and the gift of yourself.
As I sneakily tried to read this at my desk at work, my eyes welled. Your candidness about your relationships... and what you allowed to come out of them is remarkable. I was a teenaged mother, a serial relationship saboteur after my son's bio father decided to step out of the picture when I was 3 months pregnant. I moved us 3 states away from my own father (who was happy to help) for a relationship that turned pretty sour pretty quick. The kicker, the guy wanted me, but did not want to be a step-dad. Can't have one without the other. I came back to CA, and later met my husband who is amazing. We have another son together and have been together nearly 10 years now. The very point of leaving the brokenness of self and finding the strength for your child's sake, to pull yourself out of that hole and build yourself up as a person for their sake.. that really hits home for me. We all carry baggage, regardless of where it comes from. I never ever expected to be parent, it wasn't part of my plan. But my son saved me. He kept me out of the military, he made me buck up and finish school and reminded me that being true to myself was one of the best examples I could give him, and his brother, and the healthiest way I could have a real relationship with other adults.
Looks pretty interesting. I'm honestly a little overwhelmed by the number of chapters, but I think you can make it work. I guess I'll just have to wait and see!
My recent post If You Love Me- You Will
Well done, Dan! Must feel great to finally start this, to have the contents planned out in your head. My first instinct was to post this to my boys father, but then I realised that he probably thought he was a good dad. He probably thinks that the reason he doesn't see his children is all my fault. My point is that even when we think we are doing well or not so well by our childre, it is still only our opinion. The proof, as they say, is in the pudding, or in this case in the adults that our children will become.
My recent post Sad and disconnected
Dan, As always, I'm so touched by your writing. In this particular piece, I can so much see my own husband. He has always been an amazing father - not perfect of course, but amazing anyway. He also does this intense soul-searching that you seem to have a beautiful gift of expressing. I think actually many dads work very hard to do this and continue to better themselves. I really think we women need to give them more credit than we do.
Just wanted to say I so appreciate your words and thank you for being a marvelous example of what men really are capable of being. Fathers are an amazing gift to our children, flaws and all.
Best of luck with your new book! I'll be picking up a copy, as you have already sucked me in with the prologue! :)
-Rachel
I have had many of these emotions before. Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I am a mom. Kids have an amazing effect on people.
I can't wait to read the rest. Keep up the good work Dan, the "real dad"! ;)
My recent post Take 2 and 3!
I'm not married to my son's father, but I do have a solid relationship with him. Marriage is a piece of paper with two names and two witnesses; the relationship is what matters! Thank you for writing your book. I bought a copy for my boyfriend for Father's Day (good timing on that one ^_^) and I hope he takes to heart what you have to say. Keep writing :)
I have to disagree that failing in marriage, or any other area of life doesn't affect you as a parent.
Our successes and failures are intertwined in every area of life. Who I am as a Mother is directly related to how my marriage is. The same with my social, work, financial successes and failures. Surely you've seen or known of people who fail professionally because of personal problems.
Don't fool yourself.
I am a more successful parent, now that I'm past the drama that was my marriage. :-) While I feel that it's a massive failure that I'm not providing a 2-parent home to my children, and now they are dealing with a broken home, it is SO much improved now. It is kind of a sad day to compare the unfortunate truth in that. You are correct, in that it will impact you in SOME way, but the key to being an awesome parent is deciding how you will allow it to impact you. You will either suffer (and your children) or grow massively, and be a better parent.
He did not say that a failed marriage does not affect you as a parent. He said a failed marriage does not mean you have failed as a parent. Two, totally, different things.
and does failing once or twice mean the rest of your life is doomed to failure? Every other part of your life is hopeless because you've messed up? I don't think so. I know people that have failed at marriage who are still great people, great friends, great parents. Not everything works... doesn't mean you can't use that failure to build strength for other battles.
We all fall while we're learning to walk.
Don't fool yourself either.
He didn't say failing in marriage doesn't affect you as a parent. He said it doesn't guarantee your failure as a parent. His entire prologue was about how strongly it was affecting his parenting, and what he did to make sure that it never let him feel justified in being a bad dad.
But he said it best: "I could focus on surviving one side of life at the same time that I could focus on my incredible strength in another."
I love what you write. Too many Dads out there need a good dose of your advice. But some "real dads" have no choice as to whether they get to be a part of their child's life. Here in the UK, over 100,000 children each year are stripped of any entitlement to see their Dads through the family courts. The Dads in those cases are in court because they are fighting to maintain their status as a "real Dad", because a divorce between parents shouldn't mean a divorce for the child. These Dads are sacrificing themselves to keep fighting for their child: the reality of a court case is that your health, money, energy, spare time, social lives, friendships, job prospects go down the toilet. Dads who are apart from their children, and still fighting to show those children that they are loved; that they are remembered; that they are missed - you are real Dads too, because a real Dad is a Dad who gives of himself for his child, without hope or expectation of reward.
My recent post Something for the box
My husband experiences this same thing with his kids here in the U.S. (my stepsons) He's an amazing father, but his ex has been trying to prevent his involvement with his kids for the last 12 years. It's so sad. She can't see what a fantastic father their children have. The crazy thing is she is a pretty messed up parent, so the idea that their father isn't "good enough" is pretty backwards. And I know single moms who'd kill to have their child's father pay attention and care as much as he does. So sad that he has to constantly fight for that. Just wanted to say, you're not alone. And keep fighting the good fight to remain an involved parent. [HUG]
Love it. I've been through 2 divorces now plus the death of my second ex-husband - you nailed the emotions perfectly.
I think I might have to get my own copy.....
My recent post Mad at McDonalds
Profoundly heartrending and touching.
Dam you Dan you made me cry! I too have been left standing in the drive way watching the car drive away with a baby on my hip and a little girl holding my hand. You captured the feeling and mood exactly. The only thing different was when I looked down at my beautiful little girl I was prepared to see sadness in her eyes but what i saw broke my heart in to a million peaces, fear. She had never look so scared and her lips trembled as she asked, "Whats going to happen to us?" At that very moment I knew I would never let her down again. I was going to be the best mother I could be. With tears running down my face I made a promise to her. I was never going to leave her and we would be just fine. As the word left my mouth I believed it two. My little Girl is now 15 and i kept my promises I made that day. Dan what you write helps and inspire others and you can't do any better than that! bravo
I think your work adn your writing is amazing and as a single mom, with a 7 year old who desperately wants a real dad. I see many of your works as a guide to me in trying to make sure my son gets what he needs and how to best protect him and make sure that in the future he will be happy. His biological father walked away when I was pregnant and hasn't looked back. And when my son was 1 I thought I'd found the perfect father/husband. As I'm packing to leave and waiting for my divorce to be final, what I've read here really hits home for me. That my first priority is as a mom. That I will go on to do the best and be my best just for my son. I love that not only does your writing seem to speak directly to me that you are so real when you write it. Thanks and keep up all the writing, I enjoy reading it.
LoveLoveLove!!!
Dan,
I appreciate so much of what you say. i remember the day when my ex left. There was some conversation about him not loving me and regretting our son being born. I remember the wallowing you describe, and I too, sat my son down and had the "mommy is never leaving" conversation with him. He was 15 months old and I'm sure didn't understand a word I was saying. But over the last 10 years, I've had that conversation with him time and time again whenever his bio-dad let him down. I commend you on your term 'real dad.' My husband may not share DNA with my oldest child, but he is Dad. He's the one who was there for potty training, and riding a two wheeler, he's the one who's teaching the now 11 year old to throw a curve ball. The way you speak about Noah reminds me a lot of how my husband feels about our children. There's a certain wonderment that goes both ways. I cannot wait to get my copy of your book, you really have a gift.
My recent post Some Realizations
Dan this is powerful. Of course, I already read it and the first half of your book since I downloaded it last night on my Kindle. You've had me hooked from page one. Thank you, there is no doubt that my children's lives will be greatly made better by what you have written in this book. Can't wait to finish.
this is precious. it's real. it's undone. And it's beautiful. and it is true. LOVE. oh my goodness you have a gift of writing... and a gift of LOVE.
My recent post Cancer- Corvettes- Chinese Food and what I think about Heaven
Excellent beginning to what is sure to be an excellent book. Congratulations on being published, Dan! You're an inspiration as a father, author, blogger and entrepreneur.
My recent post Tuesdays SOTD
I love it. I'm planning on getting a copy in a couple weeks, but until then, I'm excited to see the beginnings of it here. Thank you, Dan.
My recent post A Tale of Two Cities Ch 11
You have an amazing insight on parenting and life, Dan! I love it! Between your blog(s) and your prologue I'm hooked....I honestly do not know how this book was passed up! Well, I suppose it speaks volumes about the state of America doesn't it?! I especially related to the paragraph about each child being an individual and needing their own "rules"; that is so true. I have two children, with completely opposite personalities and behaviors, which need to be thought of, talked to, loved and diciplined in different ways. It's a huge challenge, and one we are up for as parents for the best interest of our kids...even when the people/parents around us laugh and condescend to us about how we are raising them. Good parents do what they have to, even if they mess up and even if it's not "the norm" of the people/parents around them.
My recent post Lovely Sunday And The Beauty Around Us
This book is going to be a Grand Slam... I am sure of it!
I am so excited for you!
I really admire you as a fellow parent, and I really pray that more men, who claim the title "daddy" learn something from you.
I don't know if you have time to read... But as a single parent to another... A blogger to another.... Here's what I've been up to:
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Wonderful. Just WONDERFUL. I love your writing. I'm a single mom. My husband was abusive and committed suicide, and I've raised my children from an early age until they are now 17/17/22. I've tried to be the best Mom I can be. I sure wish they had a Real Dad. But I try. I will probably buy several copies of this book...as soon as I have the money! Priorities, you know...thanks for your great blog.