You know, I love education.
I’m not talking about formal education. I’m talking about learning stuff. I never got a college degree, and frankly, I probably never will.
I like to educate myself. I like to buy books or find websites or online videos that teach me something I need to know now. I like filling my head with things that will push me, my parenting abilities, my professional life, my relationships, or anything else in the right direction. People who get to know me think I’m multi-talented, or even a jack of all trades. I don’t think so. I just spend a lot of time studying and practicing anything and everything that interests me until I become good at them. It’s what I do. I like to know things. I like to know how to do things. It’s not more complicated than that.
But, sometimes I think that what you don’t know just might help you. I know that has been the case for me in the past. Many times.
Take, for example, this blog. I didn’t know it was “impossible” for it to grow as fast as it did. I had never been “educated” about blogs, their development, or their potential. I didn’t know that Daddy blogs were hard to grow at all. I didn’t know that nearly a quarter million visitors in a single day (which is what I was getting at the peak) was unbelievable. So, when it started happening, I didn’t pull in the reins, and I didn’t do anything but push it further faster.
Until, that was, I got “educated.” When the peak of this blog’s growth was going on, there was no shortage of people who felt it their duty to let me know that what was going on wasn’t really possible or doable. I let their voices sink in, and I immediately stopped doing some of the things I had been doing. I stopped believing some of the things I had been believing. And I started knowing that I couldn’t expect it to go on like that, and that I couldn’t keep the momentum going. That “knowledge” put the brakes on, and traffic immediately dropped.
Looking back, I wish I would have foreseen that those voices were coming so that I could properly avoid them. It reminds me of the time when I went back to school to work on a degree in art. At that point I was making a pretty phenomenal income drawing people’s animals, as well as selling prints of my own things.
Then, I went to school and I signed up for my first art class. I sat through the first day and listened as the teacher taught me how to “draw.” You see, I taught myself how to draw, and with a lot of practice I was pretty damn good at it.
I tried to listen to his tips and techniques, but I found that they slowed me down, and actually made drawing more difficult. A few days into class, the teacher stopped by my desk and decided to tell me I was doing it all wrong. I tried to explain to him my own method that was working for me. He replied with harsh criticism.
I dropped out of school that afternoon.
Why? Simple… I had a way that was working, and was working well. To stay in school for art would be to ruin what I’d built for myself. It would hurt me, far more than it would help me. It didn’t take me long to figure that out.
So, why didn’t I have the brass to keep the negative voices of the blogosphere out of my head? I don’t know. I just wish I would have given them all the same polite hand gesture and kept doing what I was doing, drawing what I was now drawing.
There have been plenty of other times when not knowing has helped me far more than it’s hurt me. What are some times when not knowing has helped you?
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
Really great article with very interesting information. You might want to follow up to this topic!?! 2012
I really liked the article, and the very cool blog
just remember: no one told the bubmblebee that it was impossible to fly by every scientific calculation. and yet they do, and quite well i might add.
i've had more people tel me i couldn't do something, that it was impossible, but when they look again, i've already completed my task. beliefs and faith in yourself can make a great number of "impossible" things possible.
That is exactly why I'm not an art major. The colors are wrong, they aren't balanced... That has stuck with me since high school. And I'm not an artist.
I have three Bachelor's degrees, and while I appreciate all of them, they have only increased my desire to push myself to learn more. I totally agree with your approach--some things don't require a degree or a class in order to do well. I'm glad you stuck to your guns--more people need to stop wasting their money on degrees when they could be doing what they love to do naturally and be much happier for it.
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This post was timely... which I could probably say at any time. I'm sure there have been tons of things I didn't know I couldn't do, which made it possible for me to do them.
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I understand that everyone is an individual. So to say that college is for everyone is false. And some of us are more hands on learners. I choose to show my kids the world.
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I've always wanted to take a photography class, but this is the very reason why I'm scared to. I'm scared I'll lose my eye and lose my passion. And the same with writing. I had a teacher tell me to major in English once, but I just laughed at her and moved on. I'm glad I didn't listen, either, because I don't need a degree to write.
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I once had to fix my car. I had to replace my heater core myself. My dad said he didn't break it so he wasn't going to fix it. (I had gotten in an accident because I was going too fast...) he gave me the service manual and went inside to read the paper. I got to working. Several hours later, he came out to help and I already had the dash torn apart and the steering column disassembled. He was shocked and told me most of the aircraft mechanics he worked with wouldn't even tackle that job on a foreign car. Had I known beforehand, I probably would have given up, but I didn't have a clue, so just started plugging away at it.
It's amazing how powerful the mind is. As the cliche saying goes: "Whether you believe you can or believe you can't...you're right"
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I think love is one of those things that we would be much better not knowing how it works out. All the movies we see either put our expectations far too high for any mortal alive to live up to or make us think there is no possible way to make it work out. It is hard to turn off the imagination of that knight in shining armor or any of the Romantic Comedies where things work out far to perfect. I wish more people would just allow themselves to love and be loved in return. For me luckly I remembered life is not a movie and I am happier and more in love than any leading lady could ever hope to be.
I can totally relate to your learning style, Dan - I decided to quit college after getting my Assoc. degree instead of continuing on and pursuing my Bachelor's because I had so much stuff that I wanted to read and learn, that I had to put aside for my boring coursework while I was in school. I knew that if there was anything I wanted to know, I was perfectly capable of finding a way to learn it on my own. My decision to homeschool my kids is sort of an offshoot of that idea - I want them to have the freedom to follow their interests and passions too, and I think they will actually learn much more that way than what they'd learn in a regular classroom.
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I really want to post but every time I try to write something in a comment, I erase it. I don't have the words today. :(
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I didn't know that my son had been labeled as a "comfort baby" that they had no hope of him living... and neither did he! He took his first breath on his own and protested birth. He was 3 MONTHS early, 1lb 4oz and 12" long. He is now 14 months and 14 lbs! He acts like any other 11 month old (which is what he should be).
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This is all so true. I started my own 'Ace of Cakes' type cake business via research from Google, and many other random side projects. If you don't know how to do something, there is NO reason why you can't figure it out. I can even repair my own vehicles :)
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Wonderful post! You remind me of my husband. He is very much a self taught person and enjoys learning things on his own. I try to be more like that but have trouble learning things without bouncing them off of someone else.
Thanks for the good read.
Crystal
My recent post A Garbage Mans Least Favorite Day
Wow, you are an awesome artist Dan. Good for you for not listening and continuing to do things your way. I actually do this a lot in my life! :)
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On any note, we are all our own teachers in almost any subject there is to know. It's just, "getting over the Mountain," for our own selves to believe it and to achieve it. ;)
Sometimes I wish I didn't know that half of all marriages end in divorce and that currently, half of america's population is unmarried (it was 78% 20 years ago)... It almost makes me feel like my marriage is doomed to fail no matter what I do. I'll continue to avoid other negative statistics that make life feel doomed.
Also - I'm glad I didn't know anything about parenting. I guess I did.. but I blocked out the inflow of constant advice. I dove in and taught myself. Not afraid to ask for help or do research when needed, but completely determined not to let a book tell me how to be a parent or tell me how my son is supposed to be a child.
My hubby and his business partner didn't know it was impossible to start a structural engineering firm in this economic climate and still be in business (and growing) a year later.
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Some lessons are better learned late than never!
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I didn’t know it was rare for a single parent of two little kids to work fulltime, go to school fulltime, and still have an abundance of patience and fun times with my children. I also didn’t know that it was nearly unheard of for those two kids who were raised by a single parent to grow into such intelligent, hard working, well adjusted, fun loving, caring teenagers who ACTUALLY get along with each other and spend time together outside of the home (he’s 17, she’s 15).
My Mom did the same thing. While raising my little sister and I (my sister being 9 years younger), she worked fulltime and sold Avon and managed to get her master's in special education and is now a teacher for at risk students with learning and behavioral disabilities. It takes a strong parent to raise such wonderful adults like my sis and I! Without such a great example I don't know that I would have had the strength to be the Mom I am to my 7yo son. The idea of doing it alone was devastating at first. But I am doing the best I can to be the absolute best Mom I can be. And I'm proud to say that he is a really fantastic, well balanced young man.
I kinda wish you had stayed in that class. Maybe the teacher was a jackass (probably, if he gnawed your face off for doing things differently), but you might also have learned something helpful in week two. I've been in school for 5 years (finally figured out what I can do that will actually earn me a living!) and one thing I've noticed is universal about college classes: they never cover the exact same material for 16 weeks. You might have found a different technique or medium halfway through the class that *really* blew your whistle, or made for a really cool picture or story. I feel a little sad that you let that whackadoodle chase you out of something that could have been fun. I'm really glad you have the spine to stand up for yourself. It makes me feel so joyful when you tell idiots where to stick it. I just think that even classes taught by jerks with broomsticks up their recta can be worth the time. Besides, I would have smiled, done it his way for a few weeks, learned *everything* he had to teach, and then promptly discarded any parts of it that didn't work for me.
I'm more of a science nerd, and technique in a lab is pretty standard. That doesn't mean we take what *they* want us to take from our coursework. Am I going to care in 5 years what C. botulinum looks like? NO, but I need to know it now, so I smile and learn it. :P
School isn't for everyone. For example, I was pushed into going to school by my mom and grandma. I dropped out for various reasons. Tried school again a few years later. Then again....then again...and now I'm really in debt. I learn best by doing. by experiencing. And I can see that I learn much like Dan. I look it up when I have the interest in it and work on it, the move on tot he next skill that that suits my fancy.
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I liked your comment purely on the fact that you said 'whackadoodle'...:D
There's lots but most recently- I started a blog (that I think is doing well) and a publishing company so I can publish my own few projects. Anytime someone attempts to tell me I can't -I put my finger to my lips to signl them to STFU and then say, "no worries- I will not forget you helped me stay determined when I make it big". What can anyone say to that?
This post is perfect for me this week- thanks so much for reinspiring me to saty on my crazy path.
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I loved this post!! I consider myself a pretty intelligent person, but I made the decision to drop out of college when I got engaged at 19, and married and pregnant shortly thereafter. Family became my priority, and a lot of people just couldn't understand how I could, or would, "throw my life away." But I refuse to stop learning! I know more about a number of things than a lot of "educated" people do. I actually had to explain to my own midwife and nurses what a particular technique was - they had never even heard of it! Life experiences, finding my own "methods," and always striving to understand the things that pique my interest/I am passionate about, has made me, I believe, just as intelligent and industrious as anyone else. (And perhaps, in some cases, moreso.) Thank you for validating that being a "self-made" individual is just as good as being formally trained, and that for anyone with a yearning for knowledge, the sky is the limit! :)
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You sound a lot like me, Dan.
I had many of the same issues, especially when it came to art. I was doing fine until a teacher told me how to draw. I felt so inadequate that I've hardly drawn since, and it's been 4 years.
But when I went to learn something, over a 3 month course, that I had NO prior knowledge of (pet grooming), I did amazingly well, and barring my body trying to break down on me, I've done great since.
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Chuck Norris couldn't have said it better... and that's saying a lot. ;-)
I didn't know that being firm with my children, especially in public settings, would make them resent me. I'm glad I didn't know, because it actually helped me smile when I hear the people who "knew" it say that they don't understand why my oldest son (5) is so outgoing, personality-filled, yet well-behaved.
You are what I call a "natural learner" I know a few people and kids who are like that...I am one of them...I hate to say that life keeps me from doing that more, just simply learning about things that interest me. (Seems even sad to read those words). I have to get on a soap box here...I think many times our schools (public and private) take that from kids. I know kids need structure and organization and grades to motivate them...but I see how "education" sometimes kills learning. I hope and pray that in my classes ( I teach art) that I don't kill that desire to learn and grow and self motivate to find out new information...instead I hope I cultivate that natural desire to learn which may be more natural for some than it is for others. :-)
There is a great story about Ian Anderson, the Flute player from Jethro Tull (showing my age) and how he was on a plane sitting next to a man with a flute case and some fingering scales showing proper placement of the fingers on the flute in order to make the correct notes.
Ian was self taught and for the firsttime realized he was doing it all wrong. He was creating th enotes and playing his instrument in a unique way that goes against all formal teachings. He struggled for a while to try to do it correctly but found his way worked better for him. He continues to play that way still.
There is more than one way to skin a cat. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently.
Best of luck
Jack
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In my line of work we refer to it as a limiting belief.
It's amazing how many well-meaning family members, friends and experts will tell you what you can't do and why you can't do it and why you won't succeed.
Sometimes we can tune them out and continue on because our faith in what we are doing is so strong they cannot sway us. Then there are times when their words trigger our fears, insecurities and doubts, suddenly magnifying them in a way that stops us in our tracks.
Self-esteem, self-confidence and faith in our own abilities and yes, a bit of courage too is needed to step out of the box and dare to be who you are and do what you are passionate about in a way that brings you joy. :o )
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"Then there are times when their words trigger our fears, insecurities and doubts, suddenly magnifying them in a way that stops us in our tracks."...wow- this is awesome! Thank you!
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I too am consumed with learning everything and anything that interests me!! I advise as well to learn to filter what you let influence you. I'm not one to preach, because I am as guilty as the next. But every single time that doubt creeps in it is because of those NO voices. If the no is all you hear, you forget that you really do have wings, and become content to sit in a cage that others make for you.
It takes courage, and deciding every single day - you aren't going to take it, damn the consequences and damn the naysayers. Secretly you might still doubt, but fake it till you make it applies. I get a little stronger every day. I learn a little more how to keep pleasing others, and pleasing myself separated. You have it, or you wouldn't have written this post Dan. Keep having faith in yourself.
(TBC.....)
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The way to do that is try to see yourself through the eyes of your son. Noah thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. Our children look up to us and see not our faults - but our truth souls. The positive light that shines is what captures them and if we can learn anything from them it is that beautiful open truth they possess!!
Stay strong Dan :) you are well loved and blessed!!
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You need to a filter. I've learned long ago to listen to people and take from it what works for me. Not everything is right for every one. I learn, I grow, I become a better person if I have little bits of information from any places. Do what feels right for you!
Why do we do this? Why do we minimize our lives in order to make them fit into a box? I call it "smallifying". A few years ago I made a pledge to myself not to smallify my life. Whenever I hear those voices telling me to compress my desires, pull in the reins, that's when I know it's time to let them go. Thanks for the reminder!
Well said! I also like what Tina said "It's not impossible, just challenging." I'm up for a good challenge, bring it on life! BRING IT ON!
like th cartoon character running off the cliff. He is fine until the road runner points out that he is defying gravity.
Perfect analogy!
Crystal
My recent post A Garbage Mans Least Favorite Day
Perfectly illustrated! Thanks for that "ah ha", giggle and happy flashback all at once :)
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Like this one! :)
I didn't know I couldn't do it because nobody told me. We had I conversation just yesterday on this very topic. It's amazing what we get done or become great at because we have no clue. Ignorance can indeed produce bliss!
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I'm married to a high school music teacher, well soon to be ex-music teacher as he is leaving the field. Anyways he became a music teacher because he loves music and he loves teaching teenagers how to play music...he loves seeing them learn to read sheet music and then translate it into something they can play....or create with. Over the past three years I've watched that joy of teaching just be sucked out of him as the economy tanked and teachers began to get blamed for everything from bad parenting to global warming. He refuses to "standardize" music and he refuses to pass kids who should fail...so he is leaving the teaching field for now. (I'm hoping he still volunteers as I'd hate to see him totally loose that passion for teaching) He is tired of politics and chasing jobs as the arts get cut out of California schools due to bad budgeting...he is going back into auto part sales...what he did before he got his degree...and what paid more money sadly.
I knew before he entered the classroom what he would face and I knew it would suck the joy out of his passion for music...I wish I'd not known and had not seen this coming...its been painful to watch someone I love and respect get beaten up so badly for just wanting to share music with some disadvantaged teens in poor and rural schools. I'm not sure what he wishes he knew or did not know but I know he wishes this world were a kinder place for teens now after what he's seen.
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I am in this huge, I dunno what else I am supposed to be now that I am grown up, phase. I feel stuck, but need additional income so I am thinking...well I'll just get work, not so easy. I get hired and then they don't pan out for me. There is no security in them. (
I tried schooling and I hated it. I am still paying off my loan for a total of 9 months worth or education that I don't even remember. I still have no clue what I want to be or what path I am supposed to go down. I am a new divorcee and I'm completely lost in my life's path. But, one thing I do know, I am happy. I have a good job, for now, and I am starting to realize even more that not knowing is more fun! Who knows what kind of adventures lay ahead... could be some pretty exciting stuff!
Keep your head up.. Not everyone is supposed to have a plan. :)
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I didn't know it was impossible for a Stay at Home Mom of 4 kids to mention a business idea in passing, have someone offer to fund my business, then open my store a short 4 months later.
I didn't know it was totally unheard of for that business to triple in size less than a year later.
I just didn't know. Good thing I still don't know what I'm doing. It seems to be working pretty well.
Congratulations!
That's one of the many reasons we Unschool-my kids never have to listen to the slowing down voices of school. They follow their passions and interests from the start, throughout their childhood, and into adulthood.
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