It seems that just about everybody has their own personal theories and philosophies about anything and everything. Some of them are serious. Some of them hilarious. I love sitting around with my own friends talking about anything worth debating. The other night I sat with my friend Dave in a pizza joint debating whether or not it was possible to make smell digital. The girls we were with were not impressed with our topic, to say the least.

So, I once again went to the Facebook wall, and asked you all to share your own personal theories about anything and everything. It was a lot of fun going through your responses. So here it is. The world, explained… by you.
  • If you don’t sleep when the baby sleeps, she’ll sleep for hours and hours. When you TRY to sleep when the baby sleeps, she’ll sleep for 10 minutes.
  • The true measure of a man’s heart is in how he treats cats.
  • Shampoo companies want us to hate washing our hair. If J&J can have no tears, why do adults have to suffer? It must be a conspiracy.
  • Any wine in a blue bottle will be delicious.
  • All children are born with the gene that makes them stand directly between their parents and the TV.
  • The later you put the kids to bed, the earlier they wake up the next day.
  • Having kids makes you understand your own parents a little better.
  • Parents who don’t follow rules such as parking in no parking zones etc. typically have children that don’t follow rules.
  • A sex life is like tape. The more people you “adhere” yourself to, the harder it is to emotionally adhere to the next person. You lose some of what helps you be sticky (bond) and you carry little bits of everyone you’ve adhered to along the way.
  • If you turn the door nob and say “lock” before you leave the house, you’ll always remember that you locked it and never wonder.
  • When a follow-up phone call about a job starts with “I just want you to know that…”, it’s NOT going to end well.
  • You can carry a random seemingly useless item in your purse for years. But the day after you finally take it OUT, you will find it’s the one thing you need for something!
  • Children have so much energy because they siphon it off of their parents.
  • Once you become a mother, you will never go to the bathroom by yourself again.
  • No matter how smart you think you are, how much education you have under your belt…have children and you’ll realize just how dumb you really are and that you will never stop learning.
  • Always treat nice guys with kindness and respect…it may be the only way they STAY nice guys.
  • If you give a Mouse a cookie, you’ve got yourself a pet.
  • Never argue with an idiot. He’ll just pull you down to his level and beat you with experience!
  • You can’t appreciate how awesome your parents are until you’re old enough to understand how awful the world can be.
  • Glitter is like energy…it cannot be destroyed, only transferred.
  • The crankiness of my children is directly proportionate to the amount of work I need to do.
  • Cleaning your house while your children are awake is like brushing your teeth in the middle of eating an Oreo.
  • Men tell you everything you need to know about them on the first date; women just don’t “hear” them.
  • You shouldn’t settle for second best in life, in love, or in ice cream.
  • You won’t truly be happy until you stop taking advice from everyone else and start trusting your own instincts.
  • Men only mature until they’re 12, then they just get bigger.
  • The entire Charlie Sheen fiasco is a smokescreen created by the government in tandem with the oil companies to distract us from rising gas prices!
  • Getting poo on your hand is NOT the end of the world, getting it in your mouth is.
  • Nothing in life is so bad that sitting on mom’s lap can’t fix.
  • It’s never a good idea to leave a 3-year-old, a cat, and a bottle of sunscreen in the same room unattended.
Haha. Some of these were so funny! It ended up being a little different than I thought it would, but still awesome!

So, what’s your personal theory or philosophy about anything and everything? Some time I’ll tell you my theory that the brain doesn’t actually store data/memories. It’ll trip you out. Or put you to sleep.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing