On Single Dad Laughing’s Facebook Page, I posted a simple question. “What is something you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would? The answers that came in have had me rolling on the floor ever since. Here are a few of them for your uninhibited laughing pleasure.


  • We don’t stick things in people’s butts, honey.
  • Your arms are definitely long enough to wipe your own bottom.
  • When we poo in the toilet it stays there! We don’t fish it out to show daddy!
  • You cannot have anymore of my broccoli until you finish your french fries!
  • We do not chew gum found on the underside of tables!
  • Why on earth would you pee on your brother?
  • Emma, do NOT feed your boogers to your sister.
  • We do not put peeps in the microwave, put toothpicks in them, watch them joust, and eat the one that doesn’t blow up.
  • We do not put mommy’s lipstick in our bellybutton.
  • We do NOT put our naked butts on the dining room table.
  • No, zebras do not have boobs!
  • Yes, that man does have a penis. All men do. But we don’t talk about it in public. Yes…he does too…. now really, shhhhh….
  • Don’t suck my toe!
  • No more broccoli until you eat the rest of your dinner!
  • Alex, stop peeing on your sister!
  • Stop licking the shopping cart.
  • No! Don’t put the kitty in the potty!
  • Don’t kick Grandma!
  • Try not to get poop all over your hands.
  • If you got it off of the bottom of your shoe, it’s not a num-num!
  • Typing a swear on Facebook is the same as saying it!
  • Honey, please don’t lick the tv.
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!