On Single Dad Laughing’s Facebook Page, I posted a simple question. “What is something you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would? The answers that came in have had me rolling on the floor ever since. Here are a few of them for your uninhibited laughing pleasure.

kid-hug-mommy

  • We don’t stick things in people’s butts, honey.
  • Your arms are definitely long enough to wipe your own bottom.
  • When we poo in the toilet it stays there! We don’t fish it out to show daddy!
  • You cannot have anymore of my broccoli until you finish your french fries!
  • We do not chew gum found on the underside of tables!
  • Why on earth would you pee on your brother?
  • Emma, do NOT feed your boogers to your sister.
  • We do not put peeps in the microwave, put toothpicks in them, watch them joust, and eat the one that doesn’t blow up.
  • We do not put mommy’s lipstick in our bellybutton.
  • We do NOT put our naked butts on the dining room table.
  • No, zebras do not have boobs!
  • Yes, that man does have a penis. All men do. But we don’t talk about it in public. Yes…he does too…. now really, shhhhh….
  • Don’t suck my toe!
  • No more broccoli until you eat the rest of your dinner!
  • Alex, stop peeing on your sister!
  • Stop licking the shopping cart.
  • No! Don’t put the kitty in the potty!
  • Don’t kick Grandma!
  • Try not to get poop all over your hands.
  • If you got it off of the bottom of your shoe, it’s not a num-num!
  • Typing a swear on Facebook is the same as saying it!
  • Honey, please don’t lick the tv.