Are the terms “outside voices” and “inside voices” universal and timeless, or are they terms that we have begun using only in the most recent generations? I honestly can’t remember if my parents used those terms or not, but I hear them used all the time nowadays, including by yours truly.
Noah certainly has no trouble bringing his outside voice inside and keeping it there. He gets right in my face and starts “talking” at the top of his lungs, telling me about some fantastic tower he’s just built, something funny the Bulldog just did, or what kind of snack he’d like.
When it’s at its worst, and as if by some magical curse, I usually stare at him blankly, smiling without replying. This of course frustrates him a tad and he wants to know if I heard him. “It’s so weird,” I tell him. “I try hard to hear what you’re saying, but I can’t hear outside voices when they’re inside.” This is usually followed by a laugh and a repeat of whatever he said at a new decibel level that my ears can handle.
I do hear the same statements slip out that I remember my own parents saying from time to time. “I’m right here!” or “you don’t need to yell everything!” It makes me laugh thinking back to when I was a kid and how much I must have yelled things to my folks. I’m pretty sure it’s a universal kid thing.
As Noah ages, the need to mention the use of inside voices had diminished, but its still very much present. As is my need to tell him to use his outside voice outside while we’re out in the yard or riding our bikes. For some reason, the opposite phenomenon is true when we’re outdoors. Maybe it’s the heat, maybe it’s the peacefulness of the mountain neighborhood in which we live, maybe it’s the overwhelming bigness of the world around him, but Noah rarely talks loudly enough for me to hear him while we’re outside.
“Can you talk louder?” I constantly ask him. “When we’re outside, I can’t hear what you’re saying unless you say it loud!” This is usually said when I’m across the yard or when I’m ten feet behind him on my own bike while his feet move a thousand pedals an hour on his little trike. I tell him “if there was ever a time to use your outside voice, this is it! This is your big chance!”
My favorite is when I’m mowing the lawn and I see him standing on the back patio, saying something to me. He inevitably gets frustrated that I can’t hear him while the lawnmower is going, so I turn it off and ask him what he needs. Chocolate milk. His sand toys. Can he let the Bulldog out of his kennel. I try to explain to him that when the lawn mower is going, I can’t hear him until it’s turned off again. “Why not?” he usually asks. I tell him it’s too loud. Last time I said it, he replied, “but I can hear what I’m saying, Daddy!”
Part of me will be sad when he’s old enough that the concept of sound and how loud he needs to make himself makes more sense to him. While it’s not always easy or less than ear-grating for him to use inside voices outside or outside voices inside, it constantly makes me laugh. And I’m going to miss that one day.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. What are your experiences with kids and their outside/inside voices? Do you remember your parents using those phrases? What do you find yourself saying when your kids get a little too loud or talk a little too quietly?
This post was originally written for the Land O’Moms blog for whom I’m a blogging ambassador.
Nobody ever said that to me growing up. As far as I can remember, those terms came to be used more in the 90s than prior to that decade. I never used either of those phrases with my kids (I have 4) but I have used other methods to help them speak in an appropriate volume. One of my favorites when they came in yelling news: I'd begin mouthing words to them, they'd get a little quieter. Then I'd begin to whisper to them; the more their voices got to the right volume inside, the louder I'd get until we both were talking at a regular "inside" decibel. Outside wasn't really wasn't an issue. With 4 kids, they'd pass the message along until it got to the person they were talking to. The biggest concern was whether or not the original message was the same as the delivered message (think the telephone game). My youngest is now 10 and our biggest communications issues is who's going to tell the news. There are many ways a parent can be creative in helping our kids learn ways to communicate with us, but regardless of how they do it, the most important thing to keep in mind is leaving open those avenues so they can and will talk to us. About anything too, without fear of ridicule or judgment! It's not easy, especially some of the "harder" conversations, but I love it that they come to me for information instead of me trying to force open a door I slammed shut years ago. And Dan, you're right about enjoying every stage and phase of the relationship; they grow up so fast that before you know it, they are trying out their wings and flying on their own.
That's great =) Your posts always remind me of what I have to look forward to with my little one, but also how quickly these young years (and all the years) go. Bittersweet, but lovely.
This is the 'common' teacher term...lol...I started using it 20 years ago as a preschool teacher and continue using it with elem kiddos...and ...yes...I have used it with my own as well, only sometimes we have to use our outside voices inside because 'Grandpa' doesn't wear his ears like he is suppose to...lol
I remember hearing my parents telling me to "stop yelling! I'm right here!" but never heard the "inside voices" an "outside voices" until I was in elementary school. Now, I've noticed as I've grown older, that my mom and my best friend have enormously loud voices in confined spaces--especially the car. I try to answer quietly to get the pitch level down, but it's amazing how oblivious they are to the volume of their own voices!
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How sweet. love little kids.
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WHAT!!?!?!?!?!??! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!11!!!! WHAT WERE U SAY!NG!?!??!?1?!?!?!?!?!!!one11!??!?
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I don't remember my parents saying outside/inside voices to me as a kid, but I use it so often someone must have said it.
I do remember my parents saying it's time for the "golden rule" when it got to noisy, which meant that we had to be quiet until they told us we could talk. I tried it with my kids the other day, and even my kids admitted they found the silence refreshing.
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My son has just started doing the whole always yelling thing. My fiancee and I tell him that we can't hear him inside when he's yelling. It's too loud and it hurts our ears too much! And we have the same issue with him. When we're out in public, outside playing - anywhere that it's loud really, he becomes a quiet, timid mouse and I can't hear anything he says. Very cute.
I never said "indoor voice" until I taught kindergarten. I have to say, I don't ever say it to my own kids. I either tell them that I can't hear them because xyz or I can hear them just fine, because I'm right here. Kindergartners and preschoolers are great at switching their indoor/outdoor voices. :)
I was wondering if you were referring to those type of voices. But no, you're talking my life. Unfortunately, mine only has outside voices. Inside voices only lasts a few seconds. But in South Africa, that's OK. In some of our cultural groups, you have to speak very loudly when you converse so others can hear you're not gossiping. ;-)
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Everyone in our family was loud; as children if we tried to tell a secret which of course was impossible- and everyone in the room heard it because we were all big mouths, my grandmother would just laugh...she called it an "Irish Whisper"
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Made me giggle. My teenager reminds me to use my inside voice...especially when she's in trouble.
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Hehehe. My nuzzin Lizzie (that's niece+cousin, she's my cousin's kid) used to have this thing where if you couldn't hear her and asked her to speak up, she'd speak quieter and turn her head away, and get softer and softer. Lately she's transitioned from that to this thing where, when confronted, silence is the best policy.
I was watching all four kids (7, Lizzie is 5, Benson is 3, and a 1-year-old) and the kids were playing downstairs when I heard the sound of Benson getting hit by somebody else. You parents all know that rapid sequence of sounds. Anyway, Lizzie came up shortly afterwards, and I asked her what happened. She stared at me like a deer in the headlights, like O.O
Me: It sounds like somebody got hurt, did somebody get hurt?
Lizzie: *stare*
Me: Did Benson get hurt?
Lizzie: *shuffle**stare*
Me: It sounded like somebody hit him. Did somebody hit Benson?
Lizzie: *stare*
Me: (asking the inevitable and obvious) Lizzie, did you hit Benson?
Lizzie: *eyes getting VERY wide* HOW DID YOU KNOW?
That's right, kid, I'm a wizard. ;)
I don't have kids, but I taught my mom's dog, Mika, to "speak" on command, then I taught her "inside voice," which she now default to 99.5% of the time I ask her to speak. She even knows "too loud" and "too soft." And hand signals.
... This dog has set the bar very high for my own dog (who looks at me like I've grown a second head when I ask him to speak), and any kids I may have in the future. :p
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I'm the same age as you and I always remember my parents saying "Inside voice!" to me. I find myself saying it constantly to my 4 y/o son. However, I never have a problem with my son being too quiet to hear.
This topic makes me think of the skit with Will Farrell about voice immodulation...and I think that's totally what kids his age go through at this stage of life. I'm going to try to tell my son what you said about not being able to hear him inside when he uses his outside voice and see what his reaction is going to be. The thought of it just makes me LMAO.
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"It's so weird," I tell him. "I try hard to hear what you're saying, but I can't hear outside voices when they're inside."
AWESOME Dan! =) I love this!
One thing I can't stand is kids screaming! When I was a new mother, someone invited me to a play McDonald's. My baby was too small to be irritating but the rest of the kids weren't. There was so much SCREAMING! I simply could not take it. I decided right then and there that my kids would not be screamers. I had two boys first so that wasn't hard. But when that little girl came along, controlling the screaming was so much harder. I think I've been successful and all my kids are pretty quiet. But their friends...now that's a different story!
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LOL!!!! I hear you! I'm glad that my daughter isn't a screamer. She actually gets upset at McDonald's if other kids are screaming or yelling too much. We've left a couple of times because she wasn't enjoying herself there due to the noise level of the other kids.
Soon he will have it down, and then when the hormones start kicking in, the indoor voice seems to disappear. This happened when our oldest ds started 6th grade. He will be a freshman this year, and anytime he has been around his peer group, he comes home talking to us like he's at an 80's rock concert. We always have to tell him, "We are right here, don't yell at me!" Eating dinner around the table he acts like we are sitting in a football stadium, and all the fans are shouting! lol We hope his indoor voice returns soon, but about that time, the youngest might be plagued with the Outdoor Voice Syndrome.
LOL! Your post gave me a flash back of when my daughter was in middle school. The only time she and her friends were quiet was when they were talking about boys!
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I have a hard time hearing my daughter if she's not facing me. Actually, that's true of everyone - I think I have a slight hearing problem. She will start to say something and turn away from me, so I'm constantly having to tell her, 'You need to look at me so I can hear you'. And, like your lawnmower problem, my daughter always tries to tell me things while the vacuum is on. She doesn't understand that when it's on, I can't hear anything else ...... well, I can hear her making noise, but I have no clue what she's saying.
I've found that I have different terms, though. I'll ask her not to be so loud in the apartment or car, but she can be as loud as she wants outside. When we go to the library, I tell her to use her 'library voice' - and sometimes when we're somewhere else that we need to be really quiet, I'll tell her that we need to use 'library voices' there too. Being loud outside has sometimes caused problems though - like the day that a rude & possibly mentally deranged lady was at the park. Victoria said (very loudly) as we were leaving "There's the crazy lady we saw!" ..... I had to tell her it's not polite to say things like that (as I was trying not to laugh).
Once upon a time, I babysat a little girl who didn't have an outside voice. I got her to talk in an audible decibel by having shouting contests with her.. :P she'd say something and I'd say, "Louder!".. and she's laugh and copy me, saying "louder" a little louder than she'd spoken before.. and I'd laugh, and say "louder"..
Good times!
Haha.
My little boy (Jonah) can't really talk yet - he just babbles & throws an "ohhhh" in there every couple of seconds. When his dad (Matt) gets home from work & we start talking about how our day went, Jonah has to yell everything on his mind at us. If we stop to listen to him & let him finish his story, he stops "talking" ...& when we start talking again, he starts "talking" again.But it's not with an inside voice.He has to yell it to us.He doesn't do that when it's just me & him watching movies or playing with his toys, it's just when me & Matt are trying to talk to each other. LOL.
LOL! My 18 month old does the same thing! I found myself (accidentally) yelling to finish my thought, though our house is a pretty quiet one. I think it's the discovery of language that gets them all excited that they're "participating" too.
For some reason, my daughter will ask for things in the softest whisper imaginable. Not during worship, not in the library, not ever when she's supposed to. Only at home when the tv is on and mommy has just woken up from a nap, or when I'm driving and can't put my ear to her face. I ask and ask for her to speak loudly, but I don't think she understands that concept. I'd be thrilled at that, except that normally she speaks in this high pitched Minnie Mouse voice that everyone else thinks is adorable and I think is a form of torture after hours of listening to it. And its not even her normal pitch! I know, because if you ask her to use her normal voice, she lowers her pitch for a sentence or two.
When my boys were younger, I liked using Helen Hunt's line from As Good As it Gets: "Gettin' loud!" And you're right, Dan. You'll miss it.
Maybe he won't learn it all. I'm 28 and keep being told that I'm either a bit too loud on the phone when I get excited or sometimes when I'm talking I speak too fast and too low. Who knows, maybe Noah will be 18, still bounding in with excitement to tell you something a bit too loudly!
I'm the exact same way, I still talk too loudly when I'm excited, and I'm almost 30!
I think my child is broken because she only has two volumes: loud and super loud. I'm constantly telling her that I'm right in front of her and does she have to yell. She usually replies "I'M NOT YELLING! I'M TALKING", which drives me insane.
I am in my mid-fifties now, and I can tell you that when I was in grade school, the "outside voice" comment had not yet been invented. I believe that comment entered general use only in the last 25 years or so.
We're working on whispering with my 18-month-old son right now. He doesn't sue words yet, so it's just jabbering, but he CAN whisper-jabber when we tell him enough times. This is mainly for during church though, so he's not consistent with it yet by any means :-)
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LOL! So glad I'm not the only one. When in the car with the radio or the windows open.. he whispers. When inside reading books or you know.. napping - LOUDEST VOICE IN THE HOUSE just to tell me he has to go potty. His dad & I constantly feel like we're telling him to change his volume in one direction or another. I'm sure it is confusing to the little guy.. you say it'll make you sad when it goes away, I frankly will be glad when he can regulate himself a bit better :O)
So, when the baby is screaming as I change a diaper ~ and the older is in another room trying to tell me something... and I can't ANYTHING hear over the din directly in front of me... I have to use my outside voice to tell the kid in the other room that I can't hear him! I got tired of this perpetual shouting match, so now we have a new guide in the house. "If I can't see you, I can't hear you." So far, so good.
I like "If I can't see you, I can't hear you." Might have to steal that one!
From what my parents told me, I never knew the difference between the inside and outside voices. lol.
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We have the exact same issue. Sometimes Zoe talks so loud I want to rip my ears off. Then others she is so quiet that I get frustrated because I can't understand her. Silly kids. Thanks for helping me remember that it won't always be this way...and that I'll miss it someday.
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