Monthly Archives: June 2011

You said WHAT to your kid? #4

Since Noah and I are away on vacation, thought I'd post another edition of You said WHAT to your kid? On SDL's Facebook page awhile back, I posted a simple question. "What is something you've found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would?" The answers that came in (and have come in since) have had me rolling on the floor ever since. Here are a few of them for your uninhibited laughing pleasure, all as innocent as the moments that made them.I brought you into this world, I can take you out! Honey, don't put your crayons in the peanut butter. Spit out that dog food! We don't paint with our noses! Is it really necessary for you to bring your ice cream in the bathroom with you while you poop? Stop putting the cat in the shower! Son: Mom, soda just came out my nose! Me: Was it Coke or Sprite? Son: Sprite! Me: Here's a napkin. You'll be fine. Coke...

Fashionably stupid

What I want to know is, who came up with the term "fashionably late?"I guarantee it wasn't somebody like me, and from what I've noticed, those somebodies like me in this world are becoming fewer and further in-between.I'm a social guy. I like to host social gatherings. I like having hang-outs at my house, parties, whatever. The problem is, when I tell others the party starts at seven, few people ever show up until eight or nine. Some don't show up until ten or later. The last time I hosted a party at my house, I listed the starting time at seven. Eight rolled around. Nobody. Nine rolled around. Nobody. What the heck? I started cleaning up, assuming I was just a loser. More than ten people had told me they were coming, but nobody showed.The food got cold. The punch lost its fizz. I eventually started cleaning up, wondering when exactly I had developed leprosy.Then, at 9:15 the doorbell...

Inside Voices Outside & Outside Voices Inside

Are the terms "outside voices" and "inside voices" universal and timeless, or are they terms that we have begun using only in the most recent generations? I honestly can't remember if my parents used those terms or not, but I hear them used all the time nowadays, including by yours truly.Noah certainly has no trouble bringing his outside voice inside and keeping it there. He gets right in my face and starts "talking" at the top of his lungs, telling me about some fantastic tower he's just built, something funny the Bulldog just did, or what kind of snack he'd like. When it's at its worst, and as if by some magical curse, I usually stare at him blankly, smiling without replying. This of course frustrates him a tad and he wants to know if I heard him. "It's so weird," I tell him. "I try hard to hear what you're saying, but I can't hear outside voices when they're...

The Great Weigh-In Debate

Many of you, I'm sure, will remember my struggle with the scale as well as my determination to move past the need and want to constantly weigh myself. I made a vow to toss my scale out in my post Step Away From the Scale.  I then confessed that I lacked the bravery to toss it out in my later post That Damned Scale. I haven't weighed myself since then.But I still know how much I weigh. In fact, I could probably guess it within five pounds, and I still think about it constantly.It's been five months since that last post, and I have gained weight. If I had to guess, I've probably put on about 35 pounds, mostly because I haven't been dutiful in my exercising routines and I've continued eating like a broke bachelor.About a year and a half ago, I started two Biggest Loser competitions on Facebook. It was by far the most fun I've had exercising...

This is Beautiful You

Finally, my favorite post of the week! Every Sunday I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Facebook wall, and I post them here. I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everybody else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the followers here at SDL. More than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each can be.Anyway, thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It's my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you.Which photos made you the happiest today?If you'd like to send in photos to be considered for Sunday's "This is beautiful you" and other future blog posts, please post them on the Facebook wall (we need lots more!). Sorry, emailed photos will not be considered. Only upload photos...

The beautiful woman, the smelly man, and the woman with the scowl.

The second plane ride to England. It had "awesome potential" written all over it. Being that Noah and I barely made our connecting flight, I got a real good glimpse of the other passengers as I passed every single one of them on our way back to our seats.And I'll tell you this much. Either God was looking out for me or he was laughing at me.The plane seemed overly packed with beautiful women. It seemed that every row I came to had at least one beautiful woman sitting in it, and there weren't a lot of wedding rings to be seen. I was quite pleased when I reached my seat and sitting across the aisle from me was a gorgeous woman, also with no ring accenting her left hand.I got Noah situated, stored our carry-ons, and sat down. I shot a quick glance over at this gal and smiled. She smiled back. The seat next to her (and...

The worst pain you’ve ever experienced

Do you remember my post My Pain Can Beat Up Your Pain? In it, I talked about how incredibly fun kidney stones are (which I tend to get often), as well as discussed when we might ask ourselves if there is a point with pain when it is no longer a contest of who's been through the worst of it. In other words, "hurts like hell" to me is just as bad as "hurts like hell" to you.Well, the responses that came in after that post, and my own troublesome curiosity, pushed me to ask a simple question a few weeks back. In 20 words or less, what is the most physically painful thing you have ever experienced? I received more responses to that (more than 1,100) than any other thing I've posted on Facebook, which to me means one thing. People love talking about physical pain. We hold the physically painful things we've been through above our heads like trophies....

England or Bust – Day One

Well, we're officially off. On Tuesday morning, Noah and I left for Merry Old England to visit my brother and his family for three weeks.We've been counting down the days for months now. The thought of getting on an airplane has been overwhelmingly exciting for Noah. After all, he hasn't been on an airplane since he was a "baby," and knowing that he'd be flying "way up in the sky" is no less than an awesome way to spend his day dreams of late.We got to the airport and immediately unloaded our two giant suitcases to the SkyCap fellas. No use hauling those things around when I already had a four-year old, his backpack, my 50 lb backpack, my iPod case/travel planner, a stroller, and a heavy-duty camera tripod. As I sat looking at our loot, I couldn't help but wonder if we'd overdone it a bit. Oh well, too late to care now!We went straight to security which...

Dan Pearce is the new Chuck Norris

Ever have one of those days where you just need to feel better about yourself? That's me. Today. So I got to thinking. Who is the toughest guy on earth who never has days like this and who is always the awesomest ever. Well, Chuck Norris of course.So, in an attempt at making myself feel awesome, I am going to insert my name into a bunch of awesome Chuck Norris one-liners. Hopefully it'll make me feel as incredible as the great Chuck Norris, even if just for today. If you haven't heard the Chuck Norris jokes that people are always making, I'm not sure this will be as funny to you. Either way, enjoy.Dan Pearce is the new Chuck Norris.Dan Pearce's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Dan Pearce counted to infinity. Twice. Dan Pearce does not go hunting because the word hunting infers failure. Dan Pearce goes killing. If you can see Dan Pearce, he can see you....

Just say you’re not interested!

Warning: today is a Single Dad Ranting post, and I have a serious question to pose. Why don't people just say they're not interested in something instead of completely ignoring you?A couple months ago, I texted a girl and asked her on a date (this is the one I mentioned turned me down flat). Before that text, we had been sending texts back and forth pretty flirtatiously, but the second I asked her out, it just stopped. Dead... air... I sent her a couple more humorous texts here and there, still nothing.It was almost 24 hours later that she finally wrote back and said she didn't see us ever moving beyond friendship. Ok... just say that to begin with instead of making me stew for a day! Of course, she did reply, which was nice. Sometimes people (dating, or other areas of life) just ignore things completely and indefinitely. I don't understand why.A couple months ago, I was working...

Things You Should Never Say to Someone Who’s Single

En EspañolWell, once again I asked you for some awesome material for a blog post, and you delivered! The question I put on the Facebook Wall for today's post was, "What are the things people say to single people that are rude or ignorant?" A lot of awesome answers came through. Enjoy (along with my own and some of your slightly snarky retorts).So, why are you single? Ummm, maybe because I don't shower and I hate puppies. Just have fun with it! Thank you. You've just solved all my problems. I was purposefully NOT having fun with it. Have you tried online dating? Match.com didn't work so I guess my next move is Craigslist. It just wasn't meant to be. Thank you. I've been hoping to find somebody who knows the complete plans of the universe. So tell me, all knowing, who IS meant to be? It will happen when you least expect it. How can I expect it less than never? There are plenty of fish in the sea. Thank you...

This is Beautiful You

Finally, my favorite post of the week! Every Sunday I take some of the photos that you have uploaded to the Facebook wall, and I post them here. I love This is Beautiful You because it gives me (and everybody else) an incredible glimpse of who we all are. It puts a face on the awesome people coming here. It gives us a beautiful idea of the uniqueness and diversity of the followers here at SDL. More than anything, it shows all of us just how beautiful we each can be.Anyway, thank you for sharing a small part of yourselves. It's my honor to put the spotlight on you today. This is beautiful you.Noah with his cousins and grandpa (on his mom's side)Which photos made you the happiest today?If you'd like to send in photos to be considered for Sunday's "This is beautiful you" and other future blog posts, please post them on the Facebook wall (we need lots more!). Sorry,...

Followers

You know, I really hate the term "followers" when it has to do with blogging. I always have, though I find myself using the term a lot because, well, that's the term in the blog world. How many followers do you have? How do you find more followers? How do most people follow you?To me, it feels way too nonsecular or political. It sounds too impersonal. It sound very preachy. I don't know. I'd just prefer a different term.Like, anything starting with the word "bloggy." Bloggy friends, bloggy compadres, bloggy brothas and bloggy sistas, bloggy sidekicks, bloggy buddies.Or pally pals. Yeah. I have sixty thousand pally pals on Facebook. That sounds a lot better. At least to me.But followers? Come on. I'm not standing in front of a church congregation here. I'm not giving some "elect me because I'm awesome" speech.I'm just an everyday guy, having conversations with everyday awesome people.So, what's a better term than followers? Let's think...

Marley & Me

A little while back I was at the gym, and I cranked up Marley & Me on my iPod while I attempted to elliptical my fat butt off. I'd never seen the movie, and had always just assumed that it was a movie for kids. A friend had alluded to a different reality and suggested I watch it, so I downloaded it and loaded 'er up. Just to warn you, today's post may spoil the movie if you haven't seen it yet.Despite my best efforts not to, by the end of the movie I was crying like a little girl (which certainly didn't help my efforts not to look like a complete idiot). Not because Marley died, but because it made me come to a very important realization that has seemed to slip away somewhat since the girls split.The movie did a fantastic job of showing how life happens, and how it happens in a hurry. Grogan (played by Owen Wilson)...

Parents, Have Better Moments

The further I get into parenting, the more I realize that parenthood is just like anything else. If you are only happy when you're perfect at it, you're never going to be happy.Parenting is tough. Every kid on earth is going to hand his or her own unique set of challenges to her caretakers. No matter how good parents are, there are going to be days when they want to pull their hair out, stay in bed, or take a permanent vacation.And as convinced as I have become of that, I have also become convinced that one other universal truth exists. In parenthood, the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. Or perhaps a better way to put it would be, the good parents find it easier and easier while the poor parents find it to be increasingly difficult. I'll touch on that more in a sec.Ever since writing You just broke your child, I have received a steady...

The Great Manpris Debate

I am fully aware that today's post comes at great risk. I am also aware that it comes at a possibly serious price. The risk... my readers no longer thinking I'm the most macho and manliest man around. The possible price... my man card. And I am willing to give up both for my belief in...Manpris.Why? Because I also know what could come from a post like this. Change. Acceptance. Parades in my honor.What are manpris? The obvious answer is "the awesomest things on earth." The perhaps slightly less obvious answer would be "capri pants for men."That's me. I took that photo of myself this morning just before coming down to write this post. I'm not as ripped as I usually like to be, but I wanted you to get the flavor.Okay, I lied. I don't have manpris that are that nice.Okay, fine. I lied again. That's not me at all. Sheesh. Now that we've gotten that out of the way......

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