Things You Should Never Say to Someone Who’s Single

Think I've heard all the platitudes, but here's one of my all-time favorites: "You have to love yourself before anyone can love you."

What, so not loving yourself makes you less deserving of love? I would think that true love is based on who a person is, not on superficial things such as whether or not one loves oneself- in fact, this philosophy only seems to attract only selfish, superficial people What if you grew up unloved, and because of that don't know how to love yourself, and would just like someone to love you enough to show you how? It's not wrong or unnatural to want someone to love you because you can't love yourself. And it's not impossible to find someone this way; I've seen it happen, and it seems to build the most honest, deepest relationships-and that's what I want, a deep relationship, not a superficial one. Psh...selfish world we live in.....

Someone told me today that I needed to be prepared for it to never happen.... meet someone that is. Like that one never entered my mind at all. Thanks for the heads up!

LMAO... how sad is it when it's your own parents saying these things to you??? lol... I got the "you should do online dating" from them... fabulous. Thanks ma.

My favorite is "I'm sorry."

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haha! these are too funny... i'm 18 years old, i've never been in a relationship. my family is filled with strong willed women who always tell me "you don't need a man" and how glad they are that i'm single. however, i constantly wonder what it would be like. my little sister's friend(14) said to me one time, "you know, you're really pretty, i'm surprised you don't have a boyfriend." wasn't quite sure how to respond, i was definitely flattered though.

but i can't help but wonder why

i always thought that i intimidate guys, i'm 6' tall, was always bigger than the boys, but now things seem to be changing and i'm being chased more

not for a relationship or anything serious like that though

hmm

You know, I was never unhappy being single. And I certainly don't understand why anyone would feel the need to comment AT ALL about someone else being single. Are they all so meek and pathetic that they don't feel like a whole person without someone attached to their hip? I'm in a relationship now and I still don't feel like I need my SO in order to be validated as a person.@abarham Why do you need to comment on them being single? If you know they're single, you're probably also aware of whether they like being single or not. So unless you are trying to hook them up with a specific person, why is it relevant to any conversation?Like, people are people. If you're single, cool. If you're not, cool. To your friends, the only difference should be whether or not that means them hanging out with your SO. I was roomies with a couple for a while, and one of them admitted that they only wanted me as a roommate because I wasn't single at the time. They said single people don't "get it". What?Just because you lucked out and found the person you want to be with right now, doesn't make you an expert on dating. Nobody is an expert, let's face it. So cut the crap.

The funny thing is that I originally read “What are the things people say to single people that are rude or ignorant?” as meaning the single people are rude or ignorant. Ha ha.

So what do you say?

Freshly separated and divorce should be final soon. This is the story of my life. I have the sweetest little girl and my favorite is "you are so great and your little girl is amazing; you'll have no problem" Oh thanks for the compliment then why wouldn't you date me??

I'm not single anymore, but I feel ya!!

Almost all of those comments have been stated to me. My response is usually a look of bewilderment that renders the person more uncomfortable than me. In my last job, though, the majority of the "married people" clique went further than stating anything. They wouldn't invite single people to their get-togethers. Fortunately, I got out of there.

Your blog posts, by the way, are incredibly addicting. I think I've been on your site for two hours. I need to clean the house and do other things. Thanks for your opinions. (I'll be back in ten minutes.)

My new personal favorite thing I hear...(said from one of my many, MANY divorced friends) "you just don't know how hard it is to be single and newly divorced." Correct, I don't. But YOU don't know how HARD IT IS TO HAVE BEEN SINGLE FOR 40YEARS!

my best retort to "Why are you single?" is "If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be standing here trying to get into your pants." It is amazing how it works, and once, I even got lucky!

It's going to be hard to find a man who wants an instant family.
It's going to be hard to find your contact lenses after I punch you in the face.

Actually made me spit my apple juice all over my keyboard. Hilarious :D

Thank you, that is just what I needed to hear! Hilarious!

We are born single, and even the most apparently rock-solid relationship can end in a blink of an eye. Don't get too comfortable just because you're "happily" married. "Unhappily" can happen right before your eyes before you even realize it is happening, and can linger for years before it dissolves into "newly single" and then you need therapy to deal with what the years of unhappiness and rejection have done to you. I didn't ask to be in this situation, but for God's sake do *not* feel ashamed of my marital status or lack thereof, and I won't feel ashamed for yours, when your wife gets drunk and hits on me whenever she gets the chance, or when your husband racks up credit card debt on porn sites. 'K?

Yes, to the "temporary single mom" comments. I'm a single dad with whom my kids live about 80% of their time, and my married sister makes comments like that - her husband works night shifts as well as day shifts, full time to make ends meet while she works at a minimum wage retail job so she can "be there" for her kids. She likens her life to that of a single parent. Ummm... excuse me... you're not paying spousal support to a dead beat when it should instead be going to your kids' education plans or hell, a retirement plan (wouldn't *that* be nice!), you have the luxury of "being there" for your kids, you have someone who is co-paying your mortgage, car loans, house expenses, groceries, etc. and your husband is home all weekend every weekend so you *never* have to arrange child care so that you can "pursue your career" in retail sales.

I love this post so very much. Being newly single, I hear a lot of this stuff, and the comments sound just as absurd one at a time as they do all compiled in a list...

I had a great comment said to me the other day at a bbq. I was talking with this woman who has a son the same age as me (but he is married with 2 kids), and she went " Ohh you are too young to have a house." Which was interpeted as "You are too single to buy a house."
Yes, I really didnt plan on buying my first place at 25 and single. Thank you for pointing that I did it on my own.

@Jenn, I had a friend tell me that I "intimadate" men because by the age of 25 I got my education, served a mission for my church in korea, have a career, and bought a house." Thanks, because I thought that I did those things people would find me more interesting person to be around.
So at 28 and single, I am learning to be happy with it, and enjoy my time finally instead of worrying about it like i did when i was younger.

From my best friend on her wedding day: "I can't wait for you to find your perfect man so you can be as happy as I am!"

I almost hit her. Maybe my frustration stems from my miserable singleness...

I suppose this is rather silly, but when I read the one where all the men are taken, gay or still attached to their mother's breast, I got a bizarre visual:

A middle- to older-aged woman walking down the street, a 25 years younger grown man attached to her breast. She's saying "Bobby, it's time to let go & grow up! Really! Let GO! Now! Bob-beeeee.......

I got so many of those when I was a single mom (did that gig for 14 years). And my own sister was one of the insensitive ones with the being a single mom when her hubby didn't help out comments. But the one that got me was a woman in the church who was a stay at home mom in a big beautiful house, bemoaning the 3 days her husband would be gone on business. And the church, I believe, rallied to take meals to her!!! Um...hello?

i always get the 'you have such a pretty face, maybe if you lost some weight...'
yes, i do need to lose weight to be healthy, but maybe if people weren't so shallow they'd realize that 'fat bottom girls make the rockin world go round!'

I am a single woman in my VERY early20's & was recently at a wedding ceremony when an elderly lady in front of me learned forward & whispered rather loudly "your next!" A little bugged by her comment I ignored her. But a few days later I sat behind that same elderly lady at a funeral before the funeral started I leaned forward & whispered loudly "you're next!" I would say we were pretty much even in the rude comment department! It was quite funny if i do say so myself!

I'd like to use these at the next family reunion. Or maybe I'll just skip it and go shoe shopping instead.
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How about: You're too choosy. (Yeah, I chose not to marry a loser, unlike you!)

My (single 40-year old) friend told me that her head is going to explode next time something shows sympathy that she's not married yet.
But seriously, I have many married friends who now (I'm 41) tells me they wish they could have my freedom.
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I love my Grandma, but when ever I talk about dating/marriage/ being single. Her only reply is "Don't worry, it'll happen." Hmm

I love all the little comments under the main comments! They are cracking me up! "When can I kick you in the face???" I will be laughing all day.

I also think that women who are married w/kids who have to be 'temporary' single moms have it a bit tougher than those of us who do it 100% of the time. My girls and I have a routine in place and know what to expect from each other. The moms who have support, but then have to go without support for a week, a month or even a year (God bless military moms!) have to completely switch up life and routine to deal with things.
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I think one of my absolute favourites was being told that the reason I was single was because I had standards. This was usually combined with the whole "you're too independent" and "your intelligence probably intimidates guys." So the message I was getting was that I needed to stop being me and start being a needy, clingy woman with limited intelligence and have absolutely no expectations or preferences in regards the opposite sex and who I might want to be intimate with... ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-ght.

Turns out that what i really needed to do was stop spending time with guys in my age bracket (the good old 30-somethings) and start hanging with the Gen Ys (the 20-somethings) - cos now I'm keeping company with a guy who likes me just the way I am, who makes me laugh. It's a nice change of pace, but it doesn't mean i felt being single was some sort of curse. I sure as hell didn't see this development coming, it's just a really nice surprise.

My favorite one that my grandma gives me is: "Don't you want to give your mother grandchildren?" I'm not married and neither are my two older sisters. And yet *I'm* the one who is supposed to put my education on hold to get married and have babies. I look forward to that at some point in time, but right now I'm focusing on my studies, thank you very much. I just ignore it now. :)

I can sooo relate to so many of those because I am a single mother of 2 kids. I'm completely on my own. No one picks the kids up for the weekend or even the evening to give me break. However I try not to be so sensitive to people making comments about single people. And I actually agree that being single can be so much easier than being married. Grass is always greener on the other side I guess.

Hahahaha. I don't have kids (so I only get about half of those from other) but this...just made my life better.
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LOL, my favorite, is the married mom to single mom comment! I have heard that so many times from my married friends (my thought "oh poor you" mixed with a bit of sarcasm). I have been a single mom for 12 years now, my newest favorite: "I don't know how you do it, you need help, you have way too much on your plate".

I love my life, no matter how much I have on my plate, it is fulfilling and I don't mind being single, because I won't settle.

I just got a new one today "You need to be a bit of a B. Giuys like it. So just kind of blow him off a little. Your to nice that is why you have problems with guys. " Really? Is that what it was? I have several ex boyfriends that I am fairly certain will confirm when I want to be a B I can turn into one pretty fast with no shame or hesitation. Just because I chose to be nice to people and treat them the way I want to be treated for until otherwise provoked doesn't mean I can't be one and be good at it. It just means I won't be one unless the situation calls for it. Ask those who know me well.

I just always hated the assumption that because I was single, I must be miserable. I never assume that about my single friends.

I love the remarks afterwards. I heard quite a few of thing about my being single while I was. The 'you're being too picky' one really stuck with me, but in a good way. It made me sit and really figure out what I wanted. It took years after that to find that person, but had I not had that experience I would have never considered dating the person I am now. Being single can be fun, I guess, but I deem it well worth my wait for what I found. I needed to be more picky not less, ironic huh? The only advice I have ever given a single person (it was after being asked specifically for some) was "Smile. It make people wonder what your up to!"

three facts: 1) i am single, 2) i teach preschool, and 3) i wear a garnet ring on my right hand ring finger which does in fact mean something personal, but would take too long to explain and is way above the heads of 4 and 5 year olds.

that said.

school just let out for us and i had the same conversation 10 times in the last month of school with one little girl. she'd come up to me and say, "are you married?" "no." "but you wear a ring." "yes, but when you get married you wear the ring on the OTHER hand." "oh. but mrs. dettner is married." "well, yes, that's true." "so why aren't YOU married?"

there is a whole book's worth of answers to that. but you can't really explain that to a 5 year old.

hahaha. bwaa hahahaha. this is toooo funny! and so true! And when i read some of them I cringed... because I'm pretty sure I've said some of those to my precious single friends. gahh!!!!
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oh my goodness these are hilarious! i love the one about the married moms and single moms!
to all the single women out there - its 2011 man heaven!
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