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Well, once again I asked you for some awesome material for a blog post, and you delivered! The question I put on the Facebook Wall for today’s post was, “What are the things people say to single people that are rude or ignorant?” A lot of awesome answers came through. Enjoy (along with my own and some of your slightly snarky retorts).
- So, why are you single?
Ummm, maybe because I don’t shower and I hate puppies. - Just have fun with it!
Thank you. You’ve just solved all my problems. I was purposefully NOT having fun with it. - Have you tried online dating?
Match.com didn’t work so I guess my next move is Craigslist. - It just wasn’t meant to be.
Thank you. I’ve been hoping to find somebody who knows the complete plans of the universe. So tell me, all knowing, who IS meant to be? - It will happen when you least expect it.
How can I expect it less than never? - There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Thank you for rubbing my nose in my inability to get any of them. - You’re just too picky.
So, you’re saying I should settle? - Are you kidding? I wish I was single and in your shoes.
Poor baby. - You’re so attractive! What seems to be the problem?
How do I answer this without making you or me look like a jerk? - Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.
Oooooh. That must be it. I think what you’re really saying is that I’m not easy enough. - He just hasn’t found you yet.
Oh, well, then I guess I’ll stop looking and wait for him to come to me! - When are you going to get married?
When are you going to let me kick you in the teeth? - There are so many great guys/girls out there.
So, are you saying that I’m not one of them since they’re so readily abundant and I’m still alone? - You have such a pretty face, I bet if you lost weight you could find a man!
And I bet if you gained weight you’d be mistaken for a Manatee. - I’m sorry.
For what? Making me feel like a piece of crap? - You’ll be complete some day.
Yes, because I’m so incomplete now. Thank you. - You’ll always be single until you fix yourself up.
Meaning… I have to be someone other than me?
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LOL, that was so funny and made me remember this one time, when I was 18 years old my Granny came to me and said 'Oh dear, you are so pretty, and bright. Everything you want, you make it happen. And you are so smart and capable. It's going to be so hard for you to find a man!'
You don't have to capitalize manatee.
-marine biologist from FL
P.S. Dig your writing.
I'm only 21 and most of my friends from high school are either married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. They usually always tell me, "Don't worry, Corarae, the perfect guy will sweep you off your feet soon." I've hardly had any boyfriends, I don't think being single for however much longer is going to kill me. Also, I wasn't looking for a pick-me-up. I'm only 21 for Pete's sake, I have other things to be worrying about right now, not when am I going to find the perfect man to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm a single mom of four. I've had people look at me and say, "All girls? Bet Dad is a lucky guy!" or "Are you trying for a boy?" or "My, don't you have your hands full!"...and then my youngest has red hair - it doesn't matter that I have brown hair and that my oldest is a blonde (like blonde blonde, not a "light brown"), my second has brown hair and my third has natural high and low lights (we all wish we had her hair, at least that is what passers-by used to tell me before the redhead was born)...but the "baby" (now six) is asked, "where'd you get your red hair from? Daddy?" (whom she hasn't seen, except in pictures, since she was 4 months old)...which is true, Daddy gave her his red hair, but so did my mother, my aunt and my grandmother - red is from both sides. (Interestingly, no one ever comments on hair color when the "baby" isn't with us...?)
My sister suggests different sites I could try to "land a guy". But, like you, I'm taking a break. I'm going to focus on my business and my girls...and if a relationship happens, it does...if not, I'm too busy to cry about it right now :)
Jenn
Do you really hate puppies?!?!
As I single mom who lives in family housing at the U I get this a lot. While out at the playground with my three year old people will look at my daughter and say, "tell your mother to get going on another child. You don't want a huge gap in between you and the next one." WHAT the CRAP? First off. I am already a single mom with one child. I don't need to add another one to the mix and secondly, what the hell does my three year old have to do with and when I have another child? NOTHING! So shut your mouth.
Dan, it has been reveling to read about your straggle over school years..I was bullied, I was ignore a lot, I was "nobody for a lot of people at some point. Now I agree Change doesn't happen when people with voices don't use them. Now days, Kids also Cyber bullying, everyone has a cell phone...for that I have found the solution, PLEASE check it out, it is free: www.truthlocker.com Kids can take control by saving every text, photo, Facebook and tweeter onto a secure web page, and if trouble push them over the edge, they can PRINT and show the proof. Matt's Law requires evidence, here it is. Please, help us, help.
Thank you and congratulations.
[email protected]
Nuria
My neighbor told me that I am too "capable" and men find that intimidating. Uh....I'm hardly Hilary Clinton. I have a job, pay my bills, and look after my house and yard. I guess I would have a better chance if I was a mess.
Oh...now I'm absolutely CRYING from laughter at your responses....
Those responses are on my *must* remember list....I know people usually "mean" well (and by people, I mean family), when they say these things, but dude, their jaws are going to drop when I spit some of these responses back at them!
Thanks for making my day!
This is crazy hilarious!! Love it!!
Usually I never let those type of comments bother me, but there was one....OMG...I have NEVER wanted to punch someone in the face as much as I did this day...and the worst part...it was a BRIDE. Grr....so here's the story.
When I go to weddings...I always always always find a way to disappear for the bouquet toss. Well, I went to one with my parents for a friend of theirs (Who by the way....got married when she was 37, I still got time on her) so I could find no way to disappear, because my lovely mom decided she wanted to see me catch a bouquet....I was so annoyed...anyways...I went up there...and of course I did NOT try to catch the bouquet, BUT one of the roses flew off the bouquet and landed right in my hands. I laughed when that happened. Cause I didn't even move, it just landed right in my hand. So.....later when we were hugging the bride and groom the bride sees the single flower that I had and she says THIS: "Well, that means you have a LITTLE hope left!" I did not say a word, but I DID turn around without hugging her or wishing her luck and walked right out and I haven't spoken to her since. I'm not sure she got the message I was trying to send, but I KNOW my mom and dad did....mostly cause I said so later.
@kekah1689 OMG how did you not punch that heifer in her face? That was so rude of her!
Three reasons: 1 is because my mom and dad were right there, and I would never do anything like that in front of them because my actions would cause their reputations to be scarred and they live in one of those type of towns, and 2, it was her wedding day, and I (Super capitalization on that I) am not mean or rude on such occasions and 3, I really really really like my hands and would later be mad at myself for damaging my hands on someone who so obviously was not worth it. Besides, I STILL got time on her. I hope to invite her to my wedding here in a couple years and say something to her about something. I got some time, I'll work on it. :D I'm so not good at comebacks LOL
I love (read: HATE and want to kick them in the crotch) when people say or imply that I'm single because "there must be something wrong with me."
Are you kidding me? Have you looked outside lately, because there are A LOT of really messed up/strange/freaky people who are in relationships. Guess what? Being a weird/strange/loud/good/great/hot person is not related to relationship status AT ALL.
These all made me laugh. A couple of years back my grandmother said to me, "Aren't you worried you're 25 and not even in a serious relationship? Aren't you worried all the good ones are going to be taken?" What I wanted to say was, "Would I have gotten the best one if I would have married him at 16?" Instead, I said, "I think it's different in the city, Grandma."
I have heard so many of these comments from people. My usual response is, "I'd rather be single and sometimes feel lonely, than be in a relationship and be miserable. Because if I'm only in a relationship to avoid being alone, it can't be healthy!" That usually stops them from continuing the conversation. I've also experienced the married mom in crisis over being alone temporarily. I loved it when I was called by my mother because "we need to go over and help her. She is so overwhelmed she's crying. . ." Ummm, what? At the time I was seriously ill and a single parent, and had been for a long time. Nobody was offering to come over and "help" me out. I couldn't believe it!
My favorite is the line, "She's never been in a relationship. I wonder what's wrong with her", as if all single women are damaged property. Thanks a lot! I feel so much better now.
Think I've heard all the platitudes, but here's one of my all-time favorites: "You have to love yourself before anyone can love you."
What, so not loving yourself makes you less deserving of love? I would think that true love is based on who a person is, not on superficial things such as whether or not one loves oneself- in fact, this philosophy only seems to attract only selfish, superficial people What if you grew up unloved, and because of that don't know how to love yourself, and would just like someone to love you enough to show you how? It's not wrong or unnatural to want someone to love you because you can't love yourself. And it's not impossible to find someone this way; I've seen it happen, and it seems to build the most honest, deepest relationships-and that's what I want, a deep relationship, not a superficial one. Psh...selfish world we live in.....
@ElectricBabyBloo The thing I hate the most about that phrase is that sometimes people automatically assume that since you're single, you don't love yourself. I love myself and am happy being single and I've heard that line, as if it was just assumed that I'm searching for a mate and as if since I haven't found him, I must not deem myself love-worthy. What?
@ElectricBabyBloo If you can't love yourself, then you become dependent on the person you're in a relationship to feel validated, which is dangerous for both parties. If you break up--and most likely it will be the other person initiating it because it is too much pressure for most people--they will be left with guilt and you'll be left with a huge gaping hole. It doesn't make you less deserving of love at all, but it's likelier that the relationship won't be as healthy as it could be. Yes, it's a selfish world we live in, but not for the reason you gave.
To Rimo: I do agree that it's important to love yourself and better yourself, but it should be for yourself...not for anyone else. If you love yourself only to get someone else to love you, then you're not being true to yourself and you'll only attract an emotionally shallow person who ultimately won't want to be here for you through both the good times and bad. If two people really love each other, they will always stick by each other and be there each other come what may.....I can't see the logic in wanting to be with someone who won't allow you to be yourself or who won't want to be there for you if you're going through an emotionally difficult time. Apparently according to your reasoning, if you were never fortunate enough to grow up loved, and therefore can't learn how to love yourself, you will always be alone.
What you're saying is probably true in some cases, but I don't think everyone who wants someone to show them how to love themselves necessarily wants dependence on that person...in fact, if that person sees this as burdensome or "pressure" then no one should want to be with someone like that anyway. I think most people are better off with someone who is empathetic and understanding rather than someone they have to act fake around in order to attract; if two people really love each other they'd want to be there for each other no matter how wounded they are, in fact they could even grow and heal together and form the deepest bond this way...I don't know if you fully understood or even really read what I'm tried to express, but I think we generally live in a judgmental, superficial society that is not conditioned to care about how others are truly doing. The folks I see getting married usually come out of relatively good childhoods and families, have strong support networks, etc., whereas people who grew up abused, or have no families or others who care about them don't seem to find love quite as easily. I think I'd like to find a guy who is perhaps missing a leg or is in a wheelchair as result of war or prolonged childhood abuse, he's probably the only type of guy who would truly understand me.
Someone told me today that I needed to be prepared for it to never happen.... meet someone that is. Like that one never entered my mind at all. Thanks for the heads up!
LMAO... how sad is it when it's your own parents saying these things to you??? lol... I got the "you should do online dating" from them... fabulous. Thanks ma.
@bplatephoto I'm curious - about how old were you guys when you started getting these comments? I'm 23, and moved away from home about 5 months ago. Last month I went home to visit and attended my cousin's graduation party. Every conversation I had with my relatives (outside my immediate family, who generally steer clear of those obnoxious comments, thankfully) pretty much began with asking me if I'd met someone special yet. It got frustrating after awhile.
@Tiffani @bplatephoto Tell them you've become a zoophile. I guarantee that'll stop conversations. (Note, I am kidding).
@bplatephoto My parents used to ask me it I had tried online dating lately. Then I brought home a girl completely wrong for me. Now my parents discourage me from trying online dating.....
@bplatephoto Yeah, my parents stopped saying everything once I finally lost my temper with them. Yes it was immature, but it got amazing results.
My favorite is "I'm sorry."
Latest blog post: the fresh standard • Needs or Wants?
haha! these are too funny... i'm 18 years old, i've never been in a relationship. my family is filled with strong willed women who always tell me "you don't need a man" and how glad they are that i'm single. however, i constantly wonder what it would be like. my little sister's friend(14) said to me one time, "you know, you're really pretty, i'm surprised you don't have a boyfriend." wasn't quite sure how to respond, i was definitely flattered though.
but i can't help but wonder why
i always thought that i intimidate guys, i'm 6' tall, was always bigger than the boys, but now things seem to be changing and i'm being chased more
not for a relationship or anything serious like that though
hmm
You know, I was never unhappy being single. And I certainly don't understand why anyone would feel the need to comment AT ALL about someone else being single. Are they all so meek and pathetic that they don't feel like a whole person without someone attached to their hip? I'm in a relationship now and I still don't feel like I need my SO in order to be validated as a person.@abarham Why do you need to comment on them being single? If you know they're single, you're probably also aware of whether they like being single or not. So unless you are trying to hook them up with a specific person, why is it relevant to any conversation?Like, people are people. If you're single, cool. If you're not, cool. To your friends, the only difference should be whether or not that means them hanging out with your SO. I was roomies with a couple for a while, and one of them admitted that they only wanted me as a roommate because I wasn't single at the time. They said single people don't "get it". What?Just because you lucked out and found the person you want to be with right now, doesn't make you an expert on dating. Nobody is an expert, let's face it. So cut the crap.
The funny thing is that I originally read “What are the things people say to single people that are rude or ignorant?” as meaning the single people are rude or ignorant. Ha ha.
So what do you say?
I mean, what are you supposed to say? That won't have your single friend want to punch you in the face?
@abarham Why do you need to comment on them being single? If you know they're single, you're probably also aware of whether they like being single or not. So unless you are trying to hook them up with a specific person, why is it relevant to any conversation?Generally unless someone asks for advice on dating, they don't want it.Surely you are friends with people for who THEY are, and not based on them being in a relationship?
@AmySmith1 @BlairMcCulley @abarham it's ok to be honest and say "i don't know what to say... what do you need from me right now?" i've had those friends... the ones who whine and whine. usually made me really mad when I WAS single. some guy would come crying to me "why aren't there any good single girls out there for me??" i'm thinking "are you saying i'm NOT good enough for you?" but when i was single, the biggest thing was feeling singled out. like i was weird or something. and feeling bad for wanting someone. it's ok to want and it's ok to not want. i didn't meet my husband until i was in my late 20's and (in my circle) that was kinda late in life. so now i'm honest with my single friends: YES being with him is AMAZING. people who tell you being single is better are lying or in bad relationships. but being with him is also REALLY HARD. it's worth the wait but it totally sucks. and if you want to complain to me... i'll listen. my single friends usually appreciate that i don't lie but i leave the door open to them to complain or not complain.
@BlairMcCulley@abarham What about the ones that are are always whining that they're single or that there aren't any guys/girls out there who just don't UNDERSTAND THEM??? You know, when you want to be encouraging but let them know that maybe they're looking at it a little skewed?
Freshly separated and divorce should be final soon. This is the story of my life. I have the sweetest little girl and my favorite is "you are so great and your little girl is amazing; you'll have no problem" Oh thanks for the compliment then why wouldn't you date me??
I'm not single anymore, but I feel ya!!
@MichelleHaines I honestly didn't get that much flack for it, but I'm only 23 and I've been with my SO for 4 years now. I consider it somewhat of a fluke. I don't consider myself an expert on dating and I NEVER give advice or really even talk to my friends about dating unless they bring it up and ask for advice.
Honestly, the only person who got on my case about it was my older sister, and she mostly just thought I was a hermit or something and wanted me to "go out and experience young adult life" which meant go get drunk and hook up with people. Which really wasn't my scene.
@BlairMcCulley tell your sister "I'm a young adult, and this is my life. I'm experiencing it. Go away."
Almost all of those comments have been stated to me. My response is usually a look of bewilderment that renders the person more uncomfortable than me. In my last job, though, the majority of the "married people" clique went further than stating anything. They wouldn't invite single people to their get-togethers. Fortunately, I got out of there.
Your blog posts, by the way, are incredibly addicting. I think I've been on your site for two hours. I need to clean the house and do other things. Thanks for your opinions. (I'll be back in ten minutes.)
My new personal favorite thing I hear...(said from one of my many, MANY divorced friends) "you just don't know how hard it is to be single and newly divorced." Correct, I don't. But YOU don't know how HARD IT IS TO HAVE BEEN SINGLE FOR 40YEARS!
Correction...not said from one of my many divorced friends. Said from many of my many divorced friends.
my best retort to "Why are you single?" is "If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be standing here trying to get into your pants." It is amazing how it works, and once, I even got lucky!
@CJwa ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! THAT WORKED????
It's going to be hard to find a man who wants an instant family.
It's going to be hard to find your contact lenses after I punch you in the face.
Actually made me spit my apple juice all over my keyboard. Hilarious :D
Thank you, that is just what I needed to hear! Hilarious!
We are born single, and even the most apparently rock-solid relationship can end in a blink of an eye. Don't get too comfortable just because you're "happily" married. "Unhappily" can happen right before your eyes before you even realize it is happening, and can linger for years before it dissolves into "newly single" and then you need therapy to deal with what the years of unhappiness and rejection have done to you. I didn't ask to be in this situation, but for God's sake do *not* feel ashamed of my marital status or lack thereof, and I won't feel ashamed for yours, when your wife gets drunk and hits on me whenever she gets the chance, or when your husband racks up credit card debt on porn sites. 'K?
Yes, to the "temporary single mom" comments. I'm a single dad with whom my kids live about 80% of their time, and my married sister makes comments like that - her husband works night shifts as well as day shifts, full time to make ends meet while she works at a minimum wage retail job so she can "be there" for her kids. She likens her life to that of a single parent. Ummm... excuse me... you're not paying spousal support to a dead beat when it should instead be going to your kids' education plans or hell, a retirement plan (wouldn't *that* be nice!), you have the luxury of "being there" for your kids, you have someone who is co-paying your mortgage, car loans, house expenses, groceries, etc. and your husband is home all weekend every weekend so you *never* have to arrange child care so that you can "pursue your career" in retail sales.
I love this post so very much. Being newly single, I hear a lot of this stuff, and the comments sound just as absurd one at a time as they do all compiled in a list...