• At least you don’t have any responsibilities.
    At least you don’t have any tact.
  • You’re not getting any younger!
    And you’re not getting anything in my will. 
  • Oh, you’re the unmarried one.
    Oh, you’re the one with a ridiculously large forehead. 
  • From married moms: oh, it sucks that I am going to be a single mom for the next three days while my husband is out of town.
    From single moms: Oh, I’m sorry. You have to go three days without help while somebody goes somewhere to make some money for you. If you need anything, let me know.
  • Your kids will give you all the love you need.
    Yes, because who needs a partner to hug, kiss, and have awesome sex with. Certainly not me.
  • Are you gay?
    If I told you I was, would you get off my back?
  • You’re too skinny.
    You’re too fat. Let’s hug and pretend we don’t despise each other. 
  • Good luck, all the good ones are either taken, gay, or still attached to their mothers’ breasts.
    First of all, that doesn’t make any sense. Second of all, huh?
  • It must be so nice to be single.
    It must be so nice to be stupid.
  • You know, your biological clock is ticking.
    Thank you for the reminder. So is yours, which means a drop kick to your face won’t heal as quickly.
  • Maybe if you didn’t look like a mom.
    That’s right… I’m trying to trick people into liking me and then I’ll spring my parental status on them at the last possible moment.
  • Come on over…you won’t be a third wheel!
    Well, I wasn’t going to feel that way before, but now…
  • You’re smart and independent and already have kids, you don’t need a man anyway.
    I can see your reasoning. So are you saying that you are dumb and dependent? Cause that’s all I hear.
  • Beggars can’t be choosers.
    So, I’m officially at beggar status. Please sir… can you spare a girlfriend for a guy down on his luck?
  • It’s going to be hard to find a man who wants an instant family.
    It’s going to be hard to find your contact lenses after I punch you in the face.
  • Your self confidence scares guys off.
    I think you’re onto something. I’ll start acting like a pushover doormat. That’ll bring me the right kind of guy.
  • Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

    PS. Today’s post is all in good fun. Which ones did I miss?