On SDL’s Facebook page, I posted a simple question. “What is something you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would? The answers that came in have had me rolling on the floor ever since. Here are a few of them for your uninhibited laughing pleasure.

father-son

  • You cannot ride your sister!
  • Please stop playing with mommy’s bottom.
  • We don’t pee on animals or people.
  • Please stop dancing like a stripper!
  • Stop brushing your hair with the toilet brush.
  • We don’t dance while we’re eating pickles.
  • Cat’s have whiskers for a reason. Please don’t cut them off.
  • It’s wrong to give mommy a wedge.
  • Put that squirrel down! Where did you get that?!
  • Honey, we don’t choke our cousin.
  • Keep it up and you won’t get to read tonight!
  • Yes, we have to wear pants while guests are over.
  • We do not put our private parts on the kitty!
  • Don’t pick your nose with your toes.
  • If you eat your booger again, it’s going to be all you get for snack!
  • Why are you chewing on the dog?
  • You’re pushing my buttons and you have NO IDEA where my off switch is!
  • Toilets are not for licking.
  • If you don’t put your gloves on and your hands freeze and fall off, I am not helping you pick them up!
  • Toilets aren’t the best things to kiss, honey!
  • Stop waving that piece of dog poop around.
  • Stop feeding the dog your boogers.
  • Pee-pees don’t need shoes.
  • Why are you inside the filing cabinet?
  • Don’t blow your nose in your banana peel.
  • Stop standing on your brother’s head!
  • Get your finger out of the cat’s butt!
  • Well if you wouldn’t have shoved macaroni up your nose we wouldn’t be in this situation.
  • Get that bacon out of your butt!
  • Who smeared poop on the ceiling?
  • don’t throw cheerios down the heat register.
  • If you crack your skull i’m not buying you a new one!
  • Please stop rubbing your weewee on the remote.
  • Stop trying to find your sisters penis. She isn’t hiding it from you- she doesn’t have one.
  • Get your head out of your books and come play the Wii with the family!
  • What do you mean you heard funny noises coming from our bedroom last night?
  • You really need to stop eating your toenails.
  • Not even Superman could save you from this mess.
  • You really turned the dryer on with your sister inside?
  • The only way to get rid of the poop between your teeth is to go brush. And floss. And throw away the toothbrush.
  • It’s not okay for the dog to do that to people’s legs. And it’s not okay for you to do it either.
  • Stop buttering your brother!

If you didn’t get a chance to answer, comment below and tell us what you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would! I may just use it in a future installment! If you missed it, be sure to read the other You Said WHAT to Your Kid? posts. They’re all pretty awesome.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. Which were your favorites today?

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!