Oh man. You know what we haven’t done in FAR too long? A “You said WHAT to your kid?” post. Am I right? Today I’m just in the mood to laugh my butt off, how about you?

Some time ago, on Single Dad Laughing’s Facebook Page, I posted a simple question. “What is something you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would? The answers that came in have had me rolling on the floor ever since. Here are a few of them for your uninhibited laughing pleasure. All just as innocent as the moments that made them.

Today’s list comes 100% from the comments left on previous “You said WHAT to your kid?” posts.

  • Stop licking your brothers butt.
  • I don’t care if the cup fits in the toilet- you may not drink the water!
  • No honey! we don’t play with skulls.
  • I don’t care if you don’t like it, I’m getting that booger out of there!
  • Just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to touch it ALL THE TIME.
  • Get your fork out of your underpants!
  • No, I will not kiss your butt better.
  • Noooooo! Don’t pee on that cheesecake!
  • How did you hurt your vagina and elbow at the same time?
  • Peeing on the slide does not make it a water slide!
  • That is not mud, that’s dog poop, please go and wash your hands.
  • The baby doesn’t like it when you put the pillow on her face!
  • No, the snowman cannot come inside and sit on the couch.
  • Get out of the dryer.
  • Yes, that is pretty… wait, is that my lipstick you colored it with?
  • Did you poop behind the curtain?!
  • Eat your ice cream and then you can have more ketchup!
  • Chainsaws are for trees only, not brothers!
  • We don’t put candy in our butt.
  • Stop chewing on that Tampax!
  • Please stop licking the tub.
  • I told you before. I can’t hear you when I’m going pee.
  • How did you get you leg stuck in the cat tree?
  • You can’t have any more cereal until you eat what’s on the floor.